Ahhhhh, Eclipse! I hated it. Nah, just kidding. If you believe that, then I've got a nice bridge to sell you!
I. Fucking. Loved. This. Movie! I had a permanent grin on my face from the opening Summit logo to the closing credits. I'm not sure if it was the visions of Edward hitching my leg up around his waist swimming in my head, or the fact that I was sitting between Jenny Jerkface and Snarkier Than You for the first time evah, but I was a grinning fool.
There's so much good shit to talk about, where the hell do I start? I can't get into the stuff I disliked in the movie just yet... I'm not ready to go there. We're still in the honeymoon phase and I just need to talk about what made me happy and tingly!
First of all, David Slade, if you're reading this, you are a fucking genius and as a thank you, Jenny Jerkface has offered to give you a BJ. She told me herself. You can contact her at email@example.com to set up your date. I tried to get her to let you put it in her butt but she's drawing the line at sucking you off. Sorry. I hope this shows you how much we loved the movie. I hear she's good.
Ok, now on to the movie...
When Edward and Bella appeared on screen for the first time in the meadow, making out, I'm pretty sure our entire row audibly gasped. Or moaned. One of those. I nearly passed out. Eclipse Edward is fucking hawt! And I mean, he's the kind of holy-fuck-if-I-bumped-into-you-on-the-street-I'd-rip-your-clothes-off-and-instantly-fuck-you-silly HOT! Luckily I don't run into that kind of hot in my every day life because that shit will get me in trouble.
Now that we've covered the hotness, can he act? There were many scenes in the first two movies where I cringed at Rob's acting. There was zero cringing in Eclipse. He totally stepped up his game. And I'm not sure if that's a result of a director who wasn't happy with mediocrity or if RPattz is actually growing into one fine actor. I hope it's the latter. He just absolutely nailed Edward. I'd like to nail Edward too but that's a different post.
There was a perfect balance between angsty Edward and funny Edward and romantic Edward. I never felt like I wanted to smack him upside the head to snap him out of his broodiness. And let's not forget angry Edward... angry Edward makes me extremely tingly. Angry Edward makes me think of Fifty and all the dirty things he could do to me. How Bella doesn't start dry humping his leg during the post kiss fight scene between Jacob and Edward, I'll never know. I hope KStew at least gave him a little knob job action behind the scenes.
Let's just refresh our memories of Angry Edward and daydream...
I'm fairly certain there wasn't a Twitard out there that wasn't chomping at the bit for that leg hitch scene. I know I nearly bounced out of my seat when I sensed it was close. I think some folks were disappointed (I'm looking at you JJ), but I was not. Every time I see it, the heat disperses throughout my body and I feel a little dizzy. And I start trying to take my clothes off which really isn't appropriate in a public movie theater.
It's been a while since I last read Eclipse, and I can't remember exactly how the whole scene plays out, but for on screen purposes, I found the entire scene to be perfect. And that heartfelt and romantic proposal... I almost screamed out "YES!" in the crowded theater. Maybe I did. It's all a blur.
Oh, and let's not forget the tent scene. Of course Jenny Jerkface had to remind me of Jacob's baby nipples so between that and listening for the famous line about keeping your farts to yourself, I was in a fucking giggling fit for most of this part. I felt so bad for Edward. If Bella reeeeeeally loved him, she would have risked frost bite to be with him and not let that little mutt rub his stink all over her. And Edward in that blue shirt... uh, yum-MY!
Speaking of clothing... surely we've all tried desperately to forget the epic fail of a wardrobe for every character in New Moon. I have to admit, I was kinda scared for Eclipse. And Edward. Poor, poor Edward - he's supposed to be just 17. Why on earth did they feel the need to dress him as a 109 year old? Eclipse got it so right, I never really noticed the clothing. Which is a good thing. Except Edward's because I'm sick and notice everything about him. I guess that's what happens when you just stare at someone for every second they're on screen.
We knew this movie was going to be action-packed. This must have been how ladies bribed their significant others to go to the movies with them. I saw a lot of dudes. A few too many dudes really. My husband wouldn't be caught dead at this movie... but then again, he's an a-hole when it comes to vampires and werewolves so I don't even try. I'm a sucker for some good action and Eclipse didn't disappoint. I totally fucking loved how David Slade had Cullens punching the heads right off the newborn vamps. That was, like, total awesomeness! The wolves kicked ass too. I want one. Ya know, as a pet, not as a boyfriend. Team Edward 4-EVER!
So what did you love about Eclipse? What parts made you bounce in your seat and get all giggly and fan-girly squeee-y? How many times are you planning to fork over the cash to see it on the big screen? I'm shooting for a cool half dozen at least... Two down, four to go!