The movie was fuck-awesome and even though I was beyond stoked to finally get to see it, I was even more excited to finally meet Latchkey Wife. I even installed a new bolt lock on the bedroom door so she couldn't murder me while I slept. Hey, I like to be proactive, ya know? Plus, I didn't want her trying to wake me up early and if she had decided to come into my room at some ungodly hour I probably would have brained her to death with the gigantic Maglite I keep by my bedside.
All last weekend I slaved away cleaning my house so Latchkey Wife wouldn't have any idea what fucking slobs ML and I are. I mean, the place was so clean when I left for work Monday morning that I swear I almost expected Donna Reed to come out of the kitchen in her pearls. My kitchen was sparklier than Edward fucking Cullen, dudes.
Yeah. It didn't stay that way. While I was at work, Snarkier Than You and Latchkey Wife stopped leg-hitching and squealing long enough to swing by my house to drop off some celebratory BBQ-ing stuff and discovered that ML's band had taken over and apparently vomited their instruments all over every inch of my house.
"Oh, hey, STY and LKW let me just open the front door and 'WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING HAMSTER FUCKER?!"
STY even called to warn me so I wouldn't be too murderous -- it was THAT bad.
Seriously, this shit was e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. Deep breaths, deep breaths...
Luckily LKW was a good sport about having to step carefully around guitars, amps and keyboards, which was nothing compared to the multitudes of sweaty dudes that were lurking and she didn't totally look like she wanted to run for the hills, though I suspect it definitely crossed her mind.
Anyhoo, in the end all was good because we had far more important things to worry about than tripping over drum sets and possibly paralyzing ourselves.
We had a movie to plan for.
The ride into the city was pretty uneventful and STY, Myg, LKW and I met up with Lorabell, TJ Barber and a few others to suck down a bunch of adult beverages before we headed off to the theater to line up.
The line stretched around the block and even though most people had some kind of Twilight themed gear on, I still heard a bunch of passer bys wondering what the fuck we were waiting for. Um, seriously? You see a bunch of tweens, cougahs and even the curious male all decked out in "Runs with Wolves" or, I don't know, "TEAM FUCKING EDWARD" t-shirts and you're clueless? Are you from another planet? Did the "Twilight Mom" t-shirts really stump you that much that you had to ask some chick with red contacts and a "New Moon" tank top what the fuck we were waiting for?
It didn't help that it was four gazillion degrees out and, despite the fact that I was wearing a light weight sundress, I still had a serious case of swamp ass and both Myg and LKW were a little worried their deodorant wasn't tough enough to do the job.
I Googled "swamp ass." Don't ever do this. Seriously. Consider this me taking one for the team...
We were all determined not to let the heat and questionable body odor ruin the experience for us, however, and we still had a good time shuffling around in line. We even met some of our readers and other folks who had heard of us and no one punched us in the face or called LKW a whore so it was all good.
I have to admit that it was a little touch and go when we finally got inside the theater, mainly because it was packed and, quite possibly, over booked. For a minute I thought I was going to have to start pummeling other twi-fans with my camera for a seat but everyone settled down quickly enough and the folks in charge started the raffles and prizes.
I didn't win shit. Fuckers.
We received the usual threats of dismemberment or life in prison if we didn't turn off our cell phones, cameras and video recorders and I complied, since I'm fond of my limbs and didn't want to end up being anyone's bitch at the local penitentiary.
The crowd was pretty awesome and there were definitely moments of tittering and giggling (mostly from our row, oddly enough) and quite a few sighs and whimpers floated around every time Edward (and to a lesser extent, Jacob) was on screen. Which was often.
Oh, and during a pivotal romantic scene between Edward and Bella, LKW said, somewhat loudly, "I want your cawk". Because she's classy like that. [Note from LKW: Wha? I only speak the truth!]
Bad, LKW, yelling in a theater. I'm very disappointed in you. You must be punished...
All in all, it was a really amazing experience and we were all still pretty excited and chatty by the time we were leaving the parking garage by the train station to head home.
Except that we couldn't get out of the garage. The machine apparently had a disagreement with our parking ticket and the stupid gate thingy wouldn't open so Myg had to call the parking authority, which was like calling a bunch of baboons out to help us and there was lots of paperwork that needed to be filled out for some reason and I think Myg said something along the lines of "it'll be a cold day in hell before I do that" when the parking lady told her she had to mail her payment.
Our view for approximately twenty minutes until the Minions of the Parking Garage showed up to free us.
And then she snarled like a vampire, like that scene in Twilight where Edward rescues Bella from the Port Angeles dirtbags.
It was awesome.