Monday, July 26, 2010

Eclipse Fails? I Can't Hold Out Any Longer.

I saw Eclipse for the third time tonight. I feel like I'm waaaaaay behind the 8-ball compared to everyone else. The shitty part about movies coming out in the summertime is that there's just soooo much stuff going on, it's hard to find time to sneak away to the theater. Fuck, in the winter, what else is there to do?! So yesterday I blurted out to my husband that I was going to the movies with friends. And he asked to see what? And I said Eclipse. And he said but you already saw it twice. And I said what's your point? And the conversation ended.

Hey shorty! Come over here and stand on this box for a minute, 'mkay?

Jeezus fuck I love this movie but I can't hold my tongue any longer. I have to air my dirty laundry and if I don't do it now, I may spontaneously fucking combust. The number one, top of the heap, thing that bothers the shit out of me is vertically challenged Jacob. Now don't get me wrong, I love short people. I'm short. Jenny Jerkface is short. Shorties rock. But Jacob is NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SHORT!!! (And yes, I'm yelling now.)

Hey, shouldn't you maybe slouch a bit to make me look taller? Dude, come on. Help a brother out.

It's been a long time since I've read Eclipse so it's not totally fresh in my mind (maybe STY can help me out since she just read it) but isn't Jake supposed to be something like 6'8" in this book? [Note from STY: I remember reading this at the time and tsking but I don't recall the exact measurement, lol - I was too busy freaking over Bella's whining!] Isn't he supposed to be a fucking giant? I just picture someone with the stature of Daniel Cudmore - almost menacing looking. And what do we get? Someone that barely even grazes 6 feet.

Perhaps cast in the wrong role? Now this is tall people! Pay attention!

How hard would it have been to put the little guy up on a milk crate when he's standing next to someone? There's really only so far down Bella can slouch so she's looking at his chest - where she should be looking! Or maybe they should have fashioned a platform (to decrease the risk of falling off the milk crate) so he could be a little more active - like say in the Angry Edward shoving match. THAT'S when it bothered me most... Edward is NOT supposed to be looking down at Jacob! Although in all my Team Edward glory, I sorta liked the fact that Edward almost towered over the pup. Totally makes him look wicked tough.


Oh hello little puppy dog... aren't you little and cute.

Honestly this has bothered me from the beginning. As much as I think Taylor is right for the job, I really think the production crew could have done a better job at least feigning Jacob's height. Maybe they needed to hire someone who would have been listed as "Mr. Lautner's Heightener" - I don't care what you do - lifts? moon boots? blocks of wood strapped to his sneakers? Just something to make him at least appear to be way taller than everyone else.

Wolves in moon boots make me piss myself laughing.

I often wonder if I'm the only one that feels this way. I rarely hear anyone ever complain about it and yet, it's probably the one aspect of these films that I have the most difficult time with. It even bothers me more than spider-monkey-flying-Edward, and fuck me, I have to look away when that mo-fo is on the screen. And it's not that I don't think Taylor does a good job, because he does. Even though his teeth blind me. Which is probably a good thing so then I won't have to actually see how fucking short he is...

62 comments:

  1. DUUUUUUUUUUDE! I have been complaining about pee wee from the get go. It totally bugs me too. The entire wolf pack is too small if you ask me.

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  2. Totally agree. Sparkly Jul and I have discuss Teenwolf's height (or lack there of) on several occasions, it's just not right.

    And don't get me started on the teeth...

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  3. Couldn't they have pulled a Hagrid a la Harry Potter for Jacob? That's proof that you don't need fucking milk crates, blocks of wood, or moon boots. I blame summit.

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  4. I try to forget that the book describes as being almost 7' tall, but I absolutely agree that they could have paid more attention and had Jake stand on the uphill side of a slope, God knows the terrain is plenty hilly. In the commentary on New Moon, Chris Weitz even mentions that in the last scene where Jake confronts Edward and Bella that when he jumped off the log he actually looked like a leprechan! I just don't think they have really read the books enough to pick up and/or they just don't care about these "details". I love Taylor as Jake, but you're right and I agree that much more could have been done to de-emphasize the height difference.

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  5. totes agree girl! the thing is there aren't that many tall actors out there.
    i do like that rob is taller, gives him that edge when jacob is trying to snag his girl.
    if they had a taller actor it would have been more of a match up, imho.
    i never thought about using a step (love that first pic by the way) or moon boots for the movies, but then we would have all been disappointed seeing lautner in person.
    ur right though, i think he is suppose to be close to 7 feet and really intimidating!
    they cast taylor as jacob in twilight in a bit part probably not thinking there would be a new moon. i heard kstew had to fight to keep lautner on.

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  6. It doesn't bother me, there are so many other things that piss me off about the series to even think about his height. I'm more blinded by those craptastic wigs to care that the abs on the wolf pack are lacking except on Paul (Alex Meraz) and Jacob (I use to be jailbait Taylor Lautner) or the wolfs are a tad bit short. I got over it because his teeth are so white that it makes me envious. I dream about what his oral care routine is. I know if I ever met him that my first question would be, "Do you zoom or use some other teeth whitening product?"

    I mean the Cullens eyes are weird and their makeup and their craptastic clothes. Yeah, I can go on and on that his height is so far down the list it no longer matters.

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  7. I blame every person on that set. Including the actors. Couldn't have SOMEBODY said something?!

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  8. I was willing to forgive the height once thy lost the bad, bad long wig. It's so distracting that I had to re-watch the first half of NM because I kept staring at his Hairclub For Men-like hairline. Come on, SNL has better wigs for their 3 minute skits!
    I found New Moon Jacob hotter than Eclipse Jacob but think Edward is way better looking in Eclipse than NM.

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  9. Preach it sister - this has SO bothered me but I thought I was the only one (and lets be honest Taylor does make for nice eye candy when Rob's not on screen) but it is SO bothersome!

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  10. Because of Jacobs puney height, the rest of the damn wolf pack had to be toned down to not appear bigger. It turned into a horrific domino affect.
    If the right sized Jacob would have been used, then the rest of the wolf pack would have been better.

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  11. I agree as well. It's a shame some of the things that are wrong in the movies. Erm, contact lines anyone? @misstejota I agree Wigs=Blech. I also love Taylor as Jacob, I would love him even more if he was 6'7. He literally is supposed to tower over everyone. *shakes head* I think I could probably go on for days, but this is one of my rather large complaints.

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  12. I agree - this is one of my complaints, also. I don't see why they can't spring for a little LOTR-esque CGI-and-fancy-camera-angles to make him look bigger. Ridiculous.

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  13. Really, I am such a dumbass. I have picked over this movie for a month and never, never thought about the whole vertically challenged thing. WTF? I need to drink more (or less) or get things waxed or something to WAKE THE FUCK UP!
    I need some effin help here ladies. I feel like I'm losing my twilight-mojo here...
    Going to watch my bootleg Eclipse and try harder to notice more than Edward.

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  14. isn't anyone out there annoyed at alice's hieght change as well?? she's supposed to just graze 5 feet or something like that right?? or has this been talked about... i dunno but the alice i know and love is a tiny-dancer-pixie chick, damn it.

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  15. Yes, yes, yes! The lack of height of Jacob bothers the heck out of me too. But, I don't seem to have a problem with Alice's height - don't know why. My biggest peeve was with Edward's eyes not being black in New Moon when he was suppose to be suffering and starving himself. The eyes show so much emotion, especially in this saga, and that was lacking because they didn't bother to pay attention to that detail.

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  16. they should have had everyone else walking in a ditch like they do to make Tom Cruise look taller - lol!

    oh and i think that the work boots taycob wears every time he is not barefoot are, ah, "height enhancing." ask george costanza. : )

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  17. I can deal with the height difference, but it was Jacob's weird mustache stubble...it was so so so awkward! We're they trying to make him look older? It looked terrible! It actually distracted from the glow of his teeth.

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  18. I will be the first to admit to say, Where the hell is the rest of Jacob! I read that he's this huge 7'0 tall behemoth! And here we have squaty little 5'9 Taylor... Yeah it leave a platform or two to be desired, but all in all, I think it's a minor saga oops. I can't picture anyone else as Jake.

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  19. Don't feel behind on seeing Eclipse - I have only seen it once and don't think I will get back :(

    I like Taylor enough that I look past the fact that he isn't big enough to fit what the book describes. At least the CGI wolves are big but I don't know where they big size would come from if the humans aren't big. I guess I just let it go but I agree I wish he were huge like the book says.

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  20. Yep the pup is too short and they should have done a better job fixing that. Aaaaaand this is why they need us on set. For this kind of shit. Fuck an A. If I were there as official fan consultant there would be platforms, way better engagement rings, longer leg hitches, no crazy Daddy C accent, no wolfpack paunches, less chiclet teeth reveal, and so on and so on. I would make KStew look like she was actually enjoying kissing the hottest vamp/real life person in the world...it really must be more enjoyable than she makes it look. She makes it look like he just ate pickled garlic on ludefisk. For fuck's sake woman ENJOY and stop scowling! End rant.

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  21. @succubus The stubble was distracting for me as well.
    The height differential between book Jacob and movie Jacob wasn't an issue for me. I like Taylor better than the Jacob that was in my head while reading the saga. Even his glow-in-the-dark teeth don't bother me (I'm sorta jealous actually). What I find distracting is his over-annunciation of words.

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  22. I agree that Taylor is just way too short.... The Jacob in my mind was waaayyy hotter than Taylor, he still reminds me of a kid. When book Jacob is suppose to look 25 tall, huge... Taylor just doesn't do it for me.
    I agree that VitamenR should be onset advising!

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  23. Yeah he is! And yeah they should have done something! Like in NM when they made him stand on the log at the end that was good, well until he jumped down and looked really short.

    And he may have walked across the parking lot in Eclipse but no way was he ever going to pull off a sex strut like Edward in New Moon. I guess that's why they focused in on his biceps instead!

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  24. For the last time: Size. Does. Matter.

    Gotta agree w/Micki Martini: the annun-CEE-a-shun was annoying. Reminded me of my hairdresser.

    :: pregnant pause ::

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  25. Oh, there! Now you've done it, TongueTwied!! You went and mentioned the UNmentionable SEX STRUT.

    I need a shower. Immediately. I'm durty.

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  26. Taylor is great but yeah he's short and looks 12. Not 25ish and 7'. But the Moon Boots, I like it!
    Thank you for bring up Daniel Cudmore! He's my Replace-A-Jake! In my mind Daniel Cudmore will now be Jacob!

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  27. Book Jacob vs Movie Jacob height difference wasn't too big of a deal for me either. At least he worked out like a mo-fo and got rock hard bod. Somehow we are suppose to "imagine" him growing tall too. My biggest pet-peeve is inconsistency in ANY series, which is why "new Vicky" wasn't working for me...at all. Taylor was Jake from get go so it worked ok. Wouldn't we all flip-a-lid and storm Summit if they recast Jake in the middle of the series like Vicky?! *gasp!* Hum... but moon boots....hum...
    I do agree with @Micki Martini though... his over annunciation drives me batty!! (In truck bed of NM- GAH!)

    Jake who anyway? I'm focused on someone else much more intensely. YUM!

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  28. whoa...sex strut..i..uh..did neeed a...who? Wait, what was this post about?

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  29. @MOX -Hell yah, the Wolfpack is too small AND out of shape! I don't remember hearing about skinny & cut little wolves, or wolves with muffin tops!

    @LKW- The height thing didn't bother me as much as Bella's wig bothered me, but it still bugged. ;)

    xoxo J

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  30. Can I just champion a warm fuzzy moment here and point out how friggin lovely it is that a height challenge is LKWs 'major' complaint about Eclipse? We twitwats are so lucky to be thusly satisfied with the 3rd installment.

    But, for the record, Jacob's nose freaks me out. Don't care too much about the height either way.

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  31. I agree with DangrDafne - that doesn't really bother me that much. It would've been nice if he were taller, but I think Taylor is a perfect Jacob, so I wouldn't change him at all.

    Oh, and I've only seen Eclipse once as well (like DD).

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  32. 100%, the height thing has bugged me from the get go.....I remember watching twilight thinking, ok, so he can get bigger, but how in the hell is he going to get taller? wtf?
    but starting with new moon and continuing into eclipse, my #1 peeve are the FUCKING wigs and wardrobe......how how how is it that Kristen can blow shit out of the water perfect for premieres, photoshoots etc, but no one can seem to figure out how to dress the cullens? maybe get kstew's stylist you dumb fucks?!? how many times does smeyer talk about how stylish alice is.....A LOT, so you would think that wardrobe would be all over that shit.....ummm no! and the wigs, it just really has to be some joke, or prank or something, it is beyond horrible. Granted eclipse was slightly better than new moon, but still. They even manage to fuck up people without wig's hair to the point they look like they are wearing wigs, unreal.
    end rant

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  33. I'll pile on here... yes his height has bothered me from day one. I can only imagine that it would be difficult to hide, but if Tim Burton can make the Queen of Hearts head that big they could do something about Jake's height. I was especially distracted by it in Eclipse during his kissing scene with Bella in the mountains. I mean come ON. He could've at least stood on a log or something (there was one right there and Bella was standing on it... FAIL).

    There is someone elses height I'd like to mention that I think they did a better job of hiding. Jasper. I met JBone after a 100 Monkey's concert and he is TINY. I mean REALLY REALLY SMALL. I'm 5'4" and he's barely taller than me in heels so maybe 5'7"? When I saw Eclipse I was amazed how they made it not very noticeable.

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  34. Yeah...I'm with everyone (Especially you, LWK, ya know. Since you brought it up) on Jake being about a foot and a half too short. I swear to Edward, why couldn't they have just talked to fucking Robbie Coltrane about how they make him look mutha fucking HUGE in the Harry Potter series?! Or even Peter Jackson with making all those damn hobbits short?! There's gotta be a way to reverse that shit.

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  35. The height bugged me but not half as much as Bella's scar from James! They made that fucker HUGE in Eclipse!! It looks like someone bit her (which they did) but that scar could never have been explained by her falling down some stairs and out a window! There is NO WAY Charlie or anyone else wouldn't have noticed that for what it was. Charlie would have been all "WHAT.THE.FUCK.DID.THAT.YELLOW-EYED.BASTARD.DO.TO.YOU"??!!
    Mmmmmm...yellow eyes...sighs..oh yeah,I was ranting..I'm done now :)

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  36. Those freaky too-white teeth kill me. I literally can't pay attention to the movie when I see them. Dude - chill with the Comet a bit! I know it's a Hollywood thing - but damn man - the teeth are too freaking white!

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  37. Yeah the height challenged Taycob bothers me, but not as much as a few other things.

    @VitaminR70 - right on - why can't Bella look like she's enjoying Edward kissing her. Is she out of her freaking mind? She always looks like she's just tolerating him! Where is the girl who swoons whenever she looks at him? Why can't we see a little of that?!

    And then... the butt ugly engagement ring. Seriously. The description was so clear in the book, how could Scummit fuck that one up - AAAAND think no one would notice?!?!?!?!? Edward's mother would never have owned such a contraption back in the 1800s.

    So, Bella whining, ring, chiclet teeth, baaad Cullen wardrobe and wigs, then Taycob. But love Eclipse - can't get enough!

    Elle207

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  38. Yeah the height challenged Taycob bothers me, but not as much as a few other things.

    @VitaminR70 - right on - why can't Bella look like she's enjoying Edward kissing her. Is she out of her freaking mind? She always looks like she's just tolerating him! Where is the girl who swoons whenever she looks at him? Why can't we see a little of that?!

    And then... the butt ugly engagement ring. Seriously. The description was so clear in the book, how could Scummit fuck that one up - AAAAND think no one would notice?!?!?!?!? Edward's mother would never have owned such a contraption back in the 1800s.

    So, Bella whining, ring, chiclet teeth, baaad Cullen wardrobe and wigs, then Taycob. But love Eclipse - can't get enough!

    Elle207

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  39. people might hate on me... but i've got some sources confirming that he might be swinging the other way... you know, like hey hey HEYYYYY!

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  40. Rock_my_gypsy_soulJuly 27, 2010 at 8:14 AM

    There was a short guy named Jacob in the movie? Huh. Guess I was too busy oogling Rob to notice. What did make me grind my teeth were those overly dyed red, pubic hair-like mutton chops passing off Rob's sideburns. Fair warning to Hollywood make-up artists: I will cut the next bitch who comes between me and my jaw porn.

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  41. His shortness specially bothers me in the kissing scene with Bella. WTF???.
    They should name Allan Ball (true blood´s director) as a casting manager, to see if he can find some huge muscular dude as Alcide for Jacob.
    He´s suposed to look as The Rock!

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  42. it's official. I love you.

    thank you for this. Jacob being too short has bothered me since the teaser trailer! WTF? He's supposed to be 6'7" not 5'7"!!!

    Moon boots. Bahahahaha.

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  43. Little Jakey has always bothered me.

    LKW....What about the confetti snow? You know what real snow looks like. And, how us humans look when we're cold...red noses...pasty white. Where was Bella's jacket? If it was warm enough for her to not wear a jacket then there would have been melting snow puddles and mud everywhere. It looked so fake. As a Mainer I couldn't get past it.
    That snow scene sucked!

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  44. @Bryssy - I agree. The ultra uber white teeth make me crazy.

    @Micki Martini - Yes! The over- anunciation was so irritating!

    @Yoshi - I heard that we was playing for the other team too. Not sure how true it is but... I wouldn't necessarily be surprised.

    As for the whole height thing, I didn't really notice it until Latchkey pointed it out to me. Kinda like I never noticed how itty bitty his nipples were until someone else pointed them out to me and now every time I see Jacob without a shirt on (which is pretty much the whole fucking movie) all I can focus on are his teeeeeeny nipples. Or glowing teeth.

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  46. OMG, yes -- the fact that Bella was out in the snow without her jacket the next morning after the tent scene bugged the hell out of me, too! At least look a LITTLE chilly. Isn't that taught on, like, day three in Acting 101?
    Also, since we're ranting-- I've said it before: why can't we ever see Bella cry? KStew is a good actress but I've seen better tears on General Hospital... in NM when she's supposed to be in mourning: not one tear. Bugs the eff out of me!
    OK, done now...

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  47. still looking for my vampJuly 27, 2010 at 10:21 AM

    The height thing bothers me as well. And I also agree with @italhurts - his nose really bothers me, especially if they catch it at just a certain angle.

    They really needed to pull a Tom Cruise on this movie and give the boy a milk carton - especially during the angry Edward scene. That was when it bothered me the most.

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  48. First time I'm commenting...I love you all for the hours of twitarded hysteria that has filled many, many hours.

    I love Taylor as Jacob, but they definitely could have made him look taller. At least AS tall as Robward...seriously. His over-annunciation thing is Midwest to me.

    What really pissed me off was the wolf pack wearing underwear. WTF...we blow out our clothes every time we phase, but we have time to strap our Calvins to our legs? So stupid. OMG and right after Jacob gets his side smashed by the newborn, the WHOLE pack (and Jacob) phase back to human form. Which means they were all BUTT-ASS NAKED. Including Leah. Awkward, much??

    Love you ladies for helping me through my psychotic twi-addiction.

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  49. Ok, well, aside from the over-annunciating, um, IreallylikedTaylorinthisroleandhisheightdidntreallybothermemuchatall. *ducking and covering head for protection* And while I'm confessing my shameful sins - gawd help me I loved Jacob's long hair in NM. LOVED IT. Loved it... Yeah.

    However, I'm totally Team Rob IRL. Srsly.

    Alice is supposed to be a little 4 ft sumpin and Ashley's way too vertically long for the role but that didn't bother me either.

    What bothered me the most (and what someone already stated) was the rest of the wolf pack. I'm sure they're all great guys and they seemed very pack-ish and get along-y but they just weren't right for the parts - 'cept Alex. He was the only one who looked like a wolf ready to pounce. He had a great energy. The rest of 'em - not so much - in fact not at all. Total fail.

    If they wouldn't have required all the wolf dudes to be First Nation (or is it just called that in Canada?)I think they could have gotten a much better, kick-ass pack together.

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  50. U r so right...SM mentions Jacob's height in every friggin book! He is like still growing in Breaking Dawn for god's sake! And when you see him on screen KStew is almost looking down at him! And she is like 4 foot nothing! But I also agree that i wuv Sexward looking down at him. He is the "towering presence" and he gives Jake a good run for his money...yummmmmmmmmm

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  51. Ima gonna go with the fake snow and with lack-of-tears Bella. The latter really bugged me in NM and, while I'm glad she didn't blubber over Jake at the end of NM, SOME sort of emotion would've been appreciated. If I were human, say, and saw that Bree girl cruelly beheaded, you know, I might cry. But that's just me. Wait! I know! Bella is already on-board the vampire train and is ready to not cry at normal human-crying occasions!

    And don't get me started on wigs. And Bella's eyebrows. She is such a pretty girl.

    Somehow Taycob's height wasn't an issue! I was doing this manic thing where I was sky-high due to Robward and then uber-depressed due to all reasons above (esp the wigs). My mood swings were giving me whiplash.

    OMG, I feel soooo much better. Thanks! Mwah!

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  54. It's one of the less annoying things about the saga in my book, but it IS still annoying. What, they couldn't afford Tom Cruise's wedding photo shoe lifts? Or Alan-Ladd-in-Shane-style trenches for the others to walk in? Or, I dunno, since this is a FUCKING MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR MOVIE, maybe some cgi? Hmmm? Douchewads. I still think he's a decent Jake, despite his height and the fact that he talks through his oddly-shaped nose.

    @italhurts: The nose! It's so fucking weird! I can't see past it either. I think it's the main reason he really doesn't do it for me.

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  55. OMG this post was so good!! I actually met Taylor about a month ago and was really shocked by his height...I am quite tiny, about 5'2'', and when he was standing in front of me I was staring straight into his innocent brown eyes...(so the lack of height was my first impression of him). I had this overwhelming feeling of starting to laugh right there, plus he was waiting for me to give him something to sign (I was only there to see Kristen, but didn't want to hurt his feelings so I asked for a photo with him). I seriously had to fight back the urge to tell him "I'm 30, I'm too old to like you!" LOL. BTW Kristen was equally shockingly short, I keep reading that she is 5'6'', but she was about my size really, wearing sneakers...maybe just a tiny bit taller than me, hmmm.

    I love this site so much, it kind of makes me feel I have every right to be this old and still be obsessed with this "teenage" craziness (mmmh I was the only one over 20 among the fans waiting at the hotel during the Eclipse promo tour...felt so out of place!). So a huge THANK YOU!

    Erika

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  56. I don't get bothered by the things in this franchise that are unavoidable due to physical actor limitations (like height). And any casting agency would be hard pressed to find six or so guys who are a) well over 6' b) built c) at the very least LOOK Native American d) look to be about 25 years old and e) are at least half way decent actors. What DOES bother me are plastic meadows, selective power usage (Edward can read minds, why's he getting his ass kicked in every movie for any length of time?), and nearly everything regarding Bella's personality (she's whiney, but she's not a bitch).

    As much as I would LOVE for the franchise to be a perfect recall of the books, I know there are limitations, and I can accept that...but there are some things that can and SHOULD be done right. Though, I do prefer the movie version of Charlie...he's way funnier than in the books.

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  57. in the book Jacobs teeth are said to be very white! He has a round boyish face and a beautiful smile.
    Taylor is peerrrrfect for Jacob.

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  58. Rock_my_gypsy_soulApril 29, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    There was a short guy named Jacob in the movie? Huh. Guess I was too busy oogling Rob to notice. What did make me grind my teeth were those overly dyed red, pubic hair-like mutton chops passing off Rob's sideburns. Fair warning to Hollywood make-up artists: I will cut the next bitch who comes between me and my jaw porn.

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  59. Those freaky too-white teeth kill me. I literally can't pay attention to the movie when I see them. Dude - chill with the Comet a bit! I know it's a Hollywood thing - but damn man - the teeth are too freaking white!

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  60. Book Jacob vs Movie Jacob height difference wasn't too big of a deal for me either. At least he worked out like a mo-fo and got rock hard bod. Somehow we are suppose to "imagine" him growing tall too. My biggest pet-peeve is inconsistency in ANY series, which is why "new Vicky" wasn't working for me...at all. Taylor was Jake from get go so it worked ok. Wouldn't we all flip-a-lid and storm Summit if they recast Jake in the middle of the series like Vicky?! *gasp!* Hum... but moon boots....hum...
    I do agree with @Micki Martini though... his over annunciation drives me batty!! (In truck bed of NM- GAH!)

    Jake who anyway? I'm focused on someone else much more intensely. YUM!

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  61. I can deal with the height difference, but it was Jacob's weird mustache stubble...it was so so so awkward! We're they trying to make him look older? It looked terrible! It actually distracted from the glow of his teeth.

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  62. Yep the pup is too short and they should have done a better job fixing that. Aaaaaand this is why they need us on set. For this kind of shit. Fuck an A. If I were there as official fan consultant there would be platforms, way better engagement rings, longer leg hitches, no crazy Daddy C accent, no wolfpack paunches, less chiclet teeth reveal, and so on and so on. I would make KStew look like she was actually enjoying kissing the hottest vamp/real life person in the world...it really must be more enjoyable than she makes it look. She makes it look like he just ate pickled garlic on ludefisk. For fuck's sake woman ENJOY and stop scowling! End rant.

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