It's just that Bella is sooooo depressed in the films and--with the exception of New Moon, when Edward dumps her ass--it's really not all that necessary. Yes, there is ahhhhmay of vampires who want to kill you and drink your blood in Eclipse but... it's not the end of the world. After all, you're Bella fucking Swan and you have your own ahhhhhmay of vampires AND werewolves willing to die for you. Nut up, twat monkey.
And you have a sexy sparkly vampire who wants to love you forever and ever and ever.
It's just that he won't fuck you. Huh. Now that I think about it, I guess I'd be all depressed and moody, too.
I just don't get it. I mean, Edward has admitted to killing people and he seems to have no qualms about ripping bad vampires heads' off but he won't stick his icy King Dingalong in Bella's muffin. What's the big deal, Edward? It's not like Bella is asking you to stick it in her pooper, paint a map of Hawaii on her back and then do a jig naked in front of Charlie! Lighten up!
For real, Edward -- stop being such a pussy about this whole "soul" thing and just do it, already!! I mean, Bella totally wants you to put out and you're acting like such a fucking baby about it.
I really wish I was tickling Bella's love bean instead of the ivories but I can't. I JUST CAN'T!!! I'm so emo I want to punch myself.
What, are you afraid you're going to end up being some kind of two-pump-chump? You're a vampire who has been waiting to get laid for over one hundred years!! Of course you're gonna jump the gun the first few times around. Frankly, it's probably better that way because I'm assuming you don't jerk your own chain and a hundred and nine years is a long time to store the baby batter up so if you shoot a load inside of Bella that would probably do some fucked up damage.
Oh wait, it does. Never mind.
Yeah, yeah, I know Edward eventually butters Bella's muffin in Breaking Dawn but I bet they could have cut out at least two hours of Bella and Edward brooding and/or acting depressed in some manner if they just let them fuck, already.
Then again, if Edward didn't treat Bella's, ahem, virtue, like it was a fucking Da Vinci hanging on the wall in the Louvre, then we probably wouldn't have ended up with all the wonderful, lusty, lemony fanfiction that we have.
Mmmm, fan fiction. Maybe the brooding was worth it after all.