Dudes, I'm so sorry you have to wait so long... how can I make it up to you? Want me to take off my seriously hot brown pants?
The only thing that will keep me from having a psychotic break between now and then is this...
Melissa Rosenberg has promised me sex and since you all have been a witness to my whore-ish ways in the past, you can bet your ass this makes me happier than a tornado in a trailer park.
In a recent article, Melissa promises Blood Sex & More! How can she NOT be my new b-fucking-ff!! We've all been pretty scared as to what the PG-13 rating was going to do to Breaking Dawn and well, this article hopefully sets that fucking record straight!
MR states on her Facebook page “Hi y’all! Not sure where some of you got the impression I intended to leave birth scene out of Breaking Dawn, but it’s inaccurate. Of course the birth scene will be in there! And the sex scenes! And the feathers! And the blood! Perhaps you misinterpreted what I said about not needing to see BUCKETS of blood in order to convey the terror of the birth scene. But rest easy all! xoxo Mel.”
Who the fuck says you can't have sex scenes in a PG-13 rated film. Wasn't Remember Me rated PG-13? Am I the only one who hasn't forgotten the fuck hawt sexy times RPattz had with that annoying blond that wasn't me? Ok, so there wasn't much skin but there was some thrusting and some moaning that made me all wiggly and grindy in my seat. And if I had been alone, I can't promise I wouldn't have shoved my hand down my pants.
Since you can't really see her face, I'm imagining that's my blond hair fucking him... and I am awesome.
I don't know about you, but I'll take Isle Esme a little sumthin' sumthin' like this... except with some pillow biting and feathers and some headboard busting. This could possibly be the saving grace of at least part 1 of Breaking Dawn. And part 2, well, if we can get some serious steamy cottage sex, I will almost be able to forgive the mutant fetus. Well, maybe not... there's just no forgiving that mistake. And here I thought the leg hitch was going to be the death of me. Nope... this will.
There have been a number of movies that have stretched the limit of the PG-13 rating with sex and nudity. So many that I don't want to bore you with the list - it's too long. I hate to bring up such a cliche movie on such a serious blog, but fucking Titanic*?? Not only to Jack and Rose get it on in the back seat of some stranger's car, but you see her boob! If boobage is allowed, we should soooo get some good sexy shit in Breaking Dawn. Maybe RPattz's naked ass? Pleeeeeeeease!
If Melissa doesn't pull through for us [in which case she better go into the witness protection program]... we'll always have Bel Ami to look forward to - even RPattz says we should get a good look at his crack. Hoping for some full frontal too... or am I? Maybe the mystery is how he keeps me interested. Yeah, right!
So what are your hopes for Breaking Dawn and the sex? Is Melissa going to come through for us and write in some steamy, panty-melting scenes? Will the feathers fly? Hey Missy! If you're reading this... I have a spot in my freezer with your name on it if you fuck this shit up. Just sayin...
*Again, sorry for that horrible Titanic reference - for some reason, it was the only stupid-ass movie that I could think of that had sex and nip.