Monday, July 12, 2010

Melissa Rosenberg Is My New BFF... Seriously.

Now that Eclipse is here I get giddy just thinking about how I can drop everything at a moments notice and escape from ass-sucking real life to sit in a dark theater for two hours ogling the preh-tay. Fuuuuuck, life doesn't really get much better. Does it? And I know we're going to have a veeeeeeery long time to talk about and obsess about what Breaking Dawn will be like, because like some cruel medieval torturers, Summit has decided to make us wait 18 fucking months to see it.

Dudes, I'm so sorry you have to wait so long... how can I make it up to you? Want me to take off my seriously hot brown pants?

The only thing that will keep me from having a psychotic break between now and then is this...

Melissa Rosenberg has promised me sex and since you all have been a witness to my whore-ish ways in the past, you can bet your ass this makes me happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

In a recent article, Melissa promises Blood Sex & More! How can she NOT be my new b-fucking-ff!! We've all been pretty scared as to what the PG-13 rating was going to do to Breaking Dawn and well, this article hopefully sets that fucking record straight!

I'll promise you sex... and more.

MR states on her Facebook page “Hi y’all! Not sure where some of you got the impression I intended to leave birth scene out of Breaking Dawn, but it’s inaccurate. Of course the birth scene will be in there! And the sex scenes! And the feathers! And the blood! Perhaps you misinterpreted what I said about not needing to see BUCKETS of blood in order to convey the terror of the birth scene. But rest easy all! xoxo Mel.”

Who the fuck says you can't have sex scenes in a PG-13 rated film. Wasn't Remember Me rated PG-13? Am I the only one who hasn't forgotten the fuck hawt sexy times RPattz had with that annoying blond that wasn't me? Ok, so there wasn't much skin but there was some thrusting and some moaning that made me all wiggly and grindy in my seat. And if I had been alone, I can't promise I wouldn't have shoved my hand down my pants.


Since you can't really see her face, I'm imagining that's my blond hair fucking him... and I am awesome.

I don't know about you, but I'll take Isle Esme a little sumthin' sumthin' like this... except with some pillow biting and feathers and some headboard busting. This could possibly be the saving grace of at least part 1 of Breaking Dawn. And part 2, well, if we can get some serious steamy cottage sex, I will almost be able to forgive the mutant fetus. Well, maybe not... there's just no forgiving that mistake. And here I thought the leg hitch was going to be the death of me. Nope... this will.

There have been a number of movies that have stretched the limit of the PG-13 rating with sex and nudity. So many that I don't want to bore you with the list - it's too long. I hate to bring up such a cliche movie on such a serious blog, but fucking Titanic*?? Not only to Jack and Rose get it on in the back seat of some stranger's car, but you see her boob! If boobage is allowed, we should soooo get some good sexy shit in Breaking Dawn. Maybe RPattz's naked ass? Pleeeeeeeease!

If Melissa doesn't pull through for us [in which case she better go into the witness protection program]... we'll always have Bel Ami to look forward to - even RPattz says we should get a good look at his crack. Hoping for some full frontal too... or am I? Maybe the mystery is how he keeps me interested. Yeah, right!



So what are your hopes for Breaking Dawn and the sex? Is Melissa going to come through for us and write in some steamy, panty-melting scenes? Will the feathers fly? Hey Missy! If you're reading this... I have a spot in my freezer with your name on it if you fuck this shit up. Just sayin...

*Again, sorry for that horrible Titanic reference - for some reason, it was the only stupid-ass movie that I could think of that had sex and nip.

38 comments:

  1. I have ONE request for Breaking Dawn. I just want an Edward O face. That's all, I'm not asking for much!

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  2. OMG, totally agree! I haven't posted in a while, but this for sure is a subject I need to discuss. We kind of got off seeing Edward kiss Bella in Twilight. There were groans with the kissing in New Moon. And HOLY SHIT the leg hitch scene in Eclipse. We need some kind of release by the time BD Part 1 rolls around!!! I don't smoke cigarettes, but I WANT TO SMOKE ONE after a sex scene in BD!!! And, yes, Melissa will have a lynch mob if she doesn't deliver

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  3. Dooood, the hand on the steamy car window was hot!! Feathers and broken headboards can only be better!! I know all us h00rs will keep our fingers crossed!

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  4. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. You may want to still hate her later! She could just be saying all that to avoid being hassled for, oh, 18 months or so! Or maybe forever. Am I a debbie downer? Sorry.

    While the leg hitch is abs f**ktastic, to me, that first kiss in Twilight had the absolute best chemistry and the highest hotness level. I may need to see Eclipse a twelve more times to be sure, though.

    And good chriminies, those pants ARE hot!

    Trying to remember a pg-13 hot story. Didn't Cedric and Hermione get it on in GoF? No? Just my fanfic-inspired imagination? Ahh, crap. Titanic it is, then. Crap.

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  5. Any sex scene is better than the BD fade to black... I can hardly wait.

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  6. I really hope they push the PG-13 envelope.. I dont think Titanic is a bad reference.. I love Leo DiCaprio. I was only 12 *gasp* when Titanic came out, I saw it at the theater and seeing one boob and some steamy hot (although I was really grossed out at the time) car sex did not scar me for life. Twilight can do it.. or really Edward and Bella can do it.

    One thing I dont really want a glimpse of Edwards ass... I will wait for Bel Ami and stare at Rob's ass or dear lord full frontal gah *thud* fell off my chair, where was I oh yeah, I dont think a chalky white ass would be hot.. although come to think of it I'd be down for an Edward ass shot if I could be the one applying the makeup ;)

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  7. Oh Latchkey wife how I love your posts!!! And share your love of one Mr. Pattinson!! I am sooo hoping Mel delivers!! And thank u so much for posting that Remember Me scene! Yummy!! Keep it up girl, you rock!!

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  8. Dammit, @LKW! Don't get my hopes up about this 'cause if they don't put in some rockin' sex scenes, blocking as much of KStoopid as possible so I can "insert self" into Robward's loving embrace whenever I want with his strong arms and amazingly expert hands and, wait, where was I? Oh yeah, I'm going to be really effin' disappointed!!! TOTES!!

    I have a feeling we will be disappointed. Why? SM = producer. I don't think she's going to allow the scenes to go exactly as our Twitarded minds and cooches expect/want/need them to go.

    I can't stand 18 months of hoping for that and neither can my lady bits so I'm going to be all "BD is gonna be totally lame" for a while and see how that goes.

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  9. Gawd, I can't go there right now. It's too far away. *whimpers*

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  10. OMFG! I sort of didn't want BD to be made into a movie because the book was just all kinds of wrong!

    But now, MR and LKW have given me a reason to live. I'm going to pray really hard every night "God, please let me live to see it!"

    It's going to take so long to get these movies released, all of the teen girls who love the stories will be old enough for an R rating! Besides - I'm betting there are plenty of 12-year-olds who are more knowledgeable about sex than I was before I started reading fanfics!

    OK. I'll look at anything Rob wants to show us. So far, I haven't seen any part of his beautiful face or body that turns me off! I get all squishy looking at any square inch of any of the stuff on my smutty hard drive! But pull-eze! Let's limit the K-Stewpid close-ups! I don't need to see that!

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  11. @Cat - "Edward O-face" - lmfao!!

    Oh man this day suuuucked even by monday standards and i needed that lol-moment.

    : )

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  12. s much as I could happily watch a very hot and heavy sex scene with Rob in it, I kinda hope they make it a bit like the leg-hitch & Remember me sex scenes...all slightly blurry and REEEALLY close up. Hands on skin, lips trailing down stomachs, bits of light filtering through between the two bodies etc...phew is it hot in here??? KStew you lucky lucky bitch...

    I think if they did a full on fade to black they'd have an ahhhmeeehh oh new born viscious Twitards coming after them... lol

    that 2nd pic of Rob (on the hammock) makes my lady bitts tingle... im so in lurve with that new hair cut

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  14. That bitch had BETTER give us some haw sexytime! This post brightened my day soooooooo much!!

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  15. Funny, but just today my friend mentioned something about having to look at Rob's pancaked white ass in Breaking Dawn - in an attempt to gross me out.

    I was like "Yeah, exactly. Something to look forward to."

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  16. OK - bring on the sexing! Um, sorry, I am still high from my illicit afternoon, sneaking out of work (sort of) and seeing ECLIPSE FOR THE FIRST TIME! Well, now I know what all the fuss was about! Wow. D'you think my boss will miss me if I sneak out tomorrow?

    Just finished watching TNT's new show, Rosselli (?) and some other chick (Kate from NCIS), and Holy Hell, who popped up as the FBI guy? Yep, Charlie got a promotion! If you missed it, get the DVR rolling and watch our own BB on the small screen. No singing, but still, pretty damn hot.

    Re: Titanic, watched a few minutes of the watery epic the other day, the Jack and Rose scene fleeing from the authorities while they race through the ship. In those period clothes, they reminded me of our least favorite NM scene.

    Why does EVERYTHING remind me of Twilight? Oh, yeah, obsession.

    You all keep me laughing.

    xx

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  17. i seriously have good feeling abt the BD sexytimes , she has said in other interviews there will be multiple sex scenes so miss Meyer may be producer of the last films But Rob and KRISTEN(not Kstoopid like some jealous cougars here disgustingly call her like they are immature 5 year olds ) insane chemistry will overpower those scenes,no producer will control that, they will be steammmmy ala Ryan and Rachel (Notebook) and Brad and Angelina in the Summit classic Mr. and Mrs Smith , No doubt abt it

    also here hoping for the lingerie ripping scene that scene will be panty burning steamy oh yes !!

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  18. "And if I had been alone, I can't promise I wouldn't have shoved my hand down my pants."

    -Classic.

    That sex scene between RPattz and the whatsherfuck'n name blonde is a major panty dropper. STEAM-MAY! I tried to picture this scene between Edward and Bella (aka Rob and Kris) and I wasn't sure I could see it.

    Hear me out...

    In Twilight, I felt the bedroom kissing scene was so fuckhawt (I literally watched it on repeat more times than I care to admit here.) For a reminder of how fuckhawt it was, please watch this gem. (You can thank me later) http://bit.ly/amqERB

    BUUUT, I'm starting to get annoyed with these little hesitant baby kisses. I'm not sure if it's KStew's or RPattz' fault, but I'm ready for some tongue. I started to wonder if A) Kris is just young and embarrassed to kiss hardcore on screen or if B) Robsten is hesistant to really let loose in fear that everyone is watching like total voyuers wondering if this is what it's like in real life (The answer is yes here, obvy).

    But then I watched a snippet of Adventureland where KStew is making out with Ryan Reynolds and then I'm all, no, this girl has it in her! She needs to let go and jam her tongue down Edward's throat and her hand down his pants in BD.

    So anyway, my tangent is done. What was the question again? What am I looking forward to most in BD? Oh, anything with the Vultouri in it. Kidding.

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  19. stilllookingformyvampJuly 13, 2010 at 12:18 AM

    I would love nothing more than to see a fucking porno of Breaking Dawn. I just don't think it is going to happen. You gotta remember that their "target audience" is the tweens, even if there are millions of cougars ready to claw and tear their way to RPatz. I think we will get a "little" bit of what we want, but nothing like we realllllyyyy want.

    I can't wait for Bel Ami. Ass crack? Oh yeah. Him fucking his way through high society? Movie ticket? Check. Popcorn? Check. Shamwow lodged in my panties to prevent the embarrassment of slipping off my seat and on to the floor? Check.

    I am SO there. Breaking Dawn? Not holding my breath for the good stuff despite Melissa's best intentions. But all the same, wish they would hurry up and get it out in theaters.

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  20. I'm really Really REALLY hoping that MR's carrot-on-a-fishing-pole Blood, Sex, & Feathers delivers. In fact, I'm hoping so hard, I'm about to contact her publicist slash harass her social networking sites with lolashoes' work with ALE/LYLS fuckawesomeness just in case she needs some inspiration. Cuz damn it, ms. shoes set the bar mutha fucking HIGH with her shit. Not that others haven't...


    ...I still want to know how the fuck they're gonna get a 3 day old baby to gracefully put her hand on Rosalie's fucking neck. *gag*

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  21. All I can say is the Stew better step that shit up in BD or else I will pretend she's not even there. I don't like her that much anyway so I might just forget she's there. She holds back way too much with him. Idk what happened between Twilight and NM but there's a break down there somewhere that continues even in Eclipse and this is why I'm absolutely against whatever real life hook up bullshit they've got going on cuz it fucks with my movies! We as fans have dumped waaaay too much money into this franchise to have it suck.

    And they showed naked ass in the Time Traveler's Wife a few times and it's PG-13 so they can make it happen in BD too. As for Bel Ami, as long as there some gratuitous ass shots I think I could live with the mystery of the full frontal since it's a period piece that most likely would mean some serious bush and I don't think I need to see that LOL

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  22. RRoPboundwithWaltzwardandTaycobJuly 13, 2010 at 3:33 AM

    Well, I don't care what I see because I just found out that they're gonna start filming BD in right here...in my town!!! SQUEEEE MOTHERFUCKING SQUEEEEE!!!! I'm SO going set stalking and bringing somebody home in my trunk!!! I wish you Twitarded gals would make a trip here, to Baton Rouge...plenty of places to get drunk and New Orleans is just an hour away!!!


    wv:gwandown...If you h00rs come down here, during BD filming...'nuff said!!!

    *~*Shauni*~*

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  23. LKW, how timely. I was reading BD last night and the fucking-fade-to-mother-fucking-black bit comes along and slaps me in the arse. Ricockulous!!!

    There better be some feather-biting, headboard-destroying good times on Isle Esme, or there's gonna be TROUBLE.

    Rant over.

    Now, back to the series 2 premiere of Nurse Jackie - Jeebus PFach, I loves me some Dr Coop action. His hair is so much more socially acceptable than Caaahh-lisle's.

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  24. Hmmmmmmm I wonder if "deleted scenes" have to be PG-13 ?

    Just sayin'.......if the movie doesn't live up to our expectations then they could give us what we fantasize about all day long by adding several deleted scenes on the DVD that we must obtain the secret password to open (stupid kid protection blah blah blah). :D

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  25. OMG I just IMDB'd The Notebook and THAT shizz was PG-13! Who the eff knew? Good, good sexytimes there. Wayy hotter than Titanic. OK, now I have a mental goal. Let's push that envelope, Mel and Steph! For reals. Really. No, I'm being serious. KThxandBye.

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  26. I agree with Cat, the Edward O face is a MUST. What we all want is Edward to unleash on Bella with all his teenage hormones and angst that have been under wraps for 109 years, with hot, unrelenting, experienced-non-teenage-like, NC17 or better sex scences. I am with you 100% here but it's not gonna happen. Honestly, I really REALLY want to be excited, but I am not getting my hopes up. I fear that a little face-to-face, under the sheets grinding from a distance and the dreaded fade to black is what will happen, with Bella awakening to feathers and a broken head board and FINALLY a smile on her face(maybe). OR.....What's worse and bordering on nighmarish- I fear that since they are on a sunny tropical island maybe they may add so much sparkles to intentionally obscure and distort the images. GAH!

    Maybe an exceptional sound track (and I don't mean music) where Edward gets all loud and shit would redeem them. Who wouldn't love a lot of heavy breathing, moaning and erotic talking during this?(sure we would have to leave out certain words and all, but that is so not like Edward anyway. That dirty mouth Edward lives in my fave ffs not in Twilight.) A great sound track would be AWESOME, and NOT ONCE do I want to hear "are you okay?" either. All right, all right, maybe once because she is a virgin and he loves her and all. But only once.

    Although I must give a whole hearted THANK YOU to LKW for hooking us up with the RM sex scene...very nice.

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  27. Yeah, I want some steamy action, and really, they need to fucking bring it. SM may be... uh... religiously inhibited, but Hollywood isn't baby, and they know what we want! Ok... Given.

    But, here's what I want: I want to see Edward cut the baby out of her with his teeth, and I want RPattz's pretty face besmeared with blood. That scene is so incredibly batshit insane. Seriously, they better not short-change us on the crazy.

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  28. It's really bad how much fanfiction has ruined me! I want everything to be X rated and that includes these damn movies....

    And that Remember Me video just kills me. I want to watch it on a loop. Man I wish I could FaceinHole a video. That would be the best!!

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  29. @LKW--There is your cash cow....Video Face-In-The-Hole!!!!! Yummy!

    Please, please, please, with RPattz on top, underneath, and from behind...please make the sexy times steamy in BD!!!!! I mean it really is the only redeeming thing in BD is Isle Esme and the cottage IMHO. I really need KStew to get that pained pouty look off her face too. I want her to be confident and horny dammit. She always looks slightly disgusted.

    I am imagining the silhouette of their naked forms in the water....yummy! Modesty patches be gone!..WEll, they will be in my mind. Please make a director's cut that has all the footage that get cut for us horndogs...puhlease.

    OK, I will stop my whinging now. I am getting a little too worked up and that is just not allowable at work...hahaha!

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  30. @Cat- Doooooode!!!!! That's what I want too! Edwards O face. It would be all snarly and teeth grinding. I always wondered how Edward didn't kill Bella when he busted through her hymen? Blood was a definite here. I wonder if they did that part in the water, attracting sharks and whatnot?

    I'm just hoping they do the entire honeymoon scene with lot's of Bella getting her sexy on and Edward finally releasing his vamp seed like the horny teenage boy he is. I don't want Stephenie or Melissa putting the breaks on because it may be too risque for the crowd of Justin Beiber fans. Fuck them! Bring on the glitter lube and lots of Edward moaning.

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  31. @ franki- hahahahahahaha OMG your whole first paragraph made me fall off the chair. That was hilarious!
    I am hoping for some action but I don't really have high hopes "/
    the leg hitch scene wasn't what I expected (still better than nothing though!) and
    @ Courtney- SM will probably frown on making out -___-

    Anyway, this post made me crack up so badddd thank you LKW! :)

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  32. Someone send MR a copy of Let your Light Shine by Lolashoes...STAT!

    Oh, and I'll believe it when I see it.

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  33. I seriuosly want Rob saying there will be a lot of his crack followed by his fuckhawt giggle/laugh as the ringtone on my cell phone!

    Totally agree with Penelope that the Twilight first kiss scene was totally hot. It still gets me when I watch it, as does the birthday kiss groan in New Moon. Factor in Remember me and The Notebook being PG-13, and there is hope for Isle Esme yet.

    Lisa

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  34. The part of Breaking Dawn that has me concerned is Ms. Meyer. She is the one that said the first kiss scene that was shot in the first film was too steamy.

    Depending on how much power she holds over her story, she may want to push the story at the tweens.

    As it stands right now I have to remind myself not to get upset when watching Eclipse, because I am expecting smut from all the fanfiction I read!

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  35. While part of me wants to be really excited about the potential for fuckhawt BD lovin' the other part of me knows that I could be setting myself up for disappointment. I am just not sure how far they will push the envelope, especially with Stephenie co-producing. We can only hope for the best. And by the best I mean some naked Robward in the ocean, skin slapping, feather flying, moaning, groaning, headboard busting fucking!!! (I agree...Edward's O face is a must!) I just want it to be hot! So please Mel, Steph, & Summitt don't fuck this up! We need some friction...um...I mean action!

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  36. I agree with Cat, the Edward O face is a MUST. What we all want is Edward to unleash on Bella with all his teenage hormones and angst that have been under wraps for 109 years, with hot, unrelenting, experienced-non-teenage-like, NC17 or better sex scences. I am with you 100% here but it's not gonna happen. Honestly, I really REALLY want to be excited, but I am not getting my hopes up. I fear that a little face-to-face, under the sheets grinding from a distance and the dreaded fade to black is what will happen, with Bella awakening to feathers and a broken head board and FINALLY a smile on her face(maybe). OR.....What's worse and bordering on nighmarish- I fear that since they are on a sunny tropical island maybe they may add so much sparkles to intentionally obscure and distort the images. GAH!

    Maybe an exceptional sound track (and I don't mean music) where Edward gets all loud and shit would redeem them. Who wouldn't love a lot of heavy breathing, moaning and erotic talking during this?(sure we would have to leave out certain words and all, but that is so not like Edward anyway. That dirty mouth Edward lives in my fave ffs not in Twilight.) A great sound track would be AWESOME, and NOT ONCE do I want to hear "are you okay?" either. All right, all right, maybe once because she is a virgin and he loves her and all. But only once.

    Although I must give a whole hearted THANK YOU to LKW for hooking us up with the RM sex scene...very nice.

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  37. Yeah, I want some steamy action, and really, they need to fucking bring it. SM may be... uh... religiously inhibited, but Hollywood isn't baby, and they know what we want! Ok... Given.

    But, here's what I want: I want to see Edward cut the baby out of her with his teeth, and I want RPattz's pretty face besmeared with blood. That scene is so incredibly batshit insane. Seriously, they better not short-change us on the crazy.

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  38. Oh Latchkey wife how I love your posts!!! And share your love of one Mr. Pattinson!! I am sooo hoping Mel delivers!! And thank u so much for posting that Remember Me scene! Yummy!! Keep it up girl, you rock!!

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