Happy Fourth of July weekend everybody! Hopefully I will be celebrating over at STY's house a little later and you all will be doing something fun and celebratory, and not too drunk to read Chapter 21, but then this probably is not bad reading if you're buzzed.
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Okay, I really REALLY need to get my kids out of the drawers and into the pool over at pop-pop's house for a bit so I need to wrap this up.
As we left it, Bella sort of "oops" drank and took some Klonopin. Edward came storming in and found her, gagging on her own vomit. Pretty fucking sad, if you ask me. He bit her, then I guess he changed his mind (he may tell us wtf he was thinking there) and nearly killed her. The Cullens busted in and broke it all up, and last I heard Edward may or may not have been dragged out to the woods by his brothers to get his ass kicked until he came back to his senses.
That pretty much catches us up. Here's the .pdf and I'll see you all in the funny papers, I mean the comments and oh, I really am looking forward to those on this chapter. Enjoy!
Through the woods we ran, Carlisle cradling me like a sleeping child. I must be really fucked up, I thought. Who could run this fast? In the dark? Why didn't we take the car?
I was very weak. Too weak to talk, to ask questions. I just knew we were in a hurry and from what I understood, we were in a hurry because I might be dying. Yet all I could think was God, please don't let me die before I see Edward. I have to tell him how sorry I am for all of this.
By the time we stopped I was even too weak to open my eyes, but I could tell Carlisle was bringing me into his home. The air was cool and still and smelled faintly like Edward. I could hear the low, concerned voices of Esme and Mercy.
"How bad is it?" Esme asked.
"I don't know yet. Mercy will have to take a look."
I was lowered onto a bed. I heard a zipper pulled open, the clink of instruments, and then Carlisle gently opened my left eye, then the right, shining a light into each in turn. Esme sat by my side, holding my hand like I was a dear friend or maybe even a child of her own.
"What can you see?" Carlisle asked Mercy.
"I'm not sure," Mercy said. "She's lost so much blood I honestly don't know how she's alive. Her organs should be shutting down."
"Do you see venom?"
"Very little," she said. "Traces in the muscles of her left shoulder and along her spine. She needs blood. Fast."
"Alice is on her way. Bella, can you speak?"
I could not. Esme squeezed my hand. "Please, Bella, hang in there," she said. "Where is Edward?"
"Emmett and Jasper are with him," Carlisle said.
Someone rushed into the room, and then I heard Alice nervously ask, "Am I too late?"
There was the sound of the bag and tubing being attached quickly to the IV pole. Then there was a pinch as the needle went into my arm and then almost imperceptible at first, a steady, gradual sense of relief spread through my body, like I was having a good long drink, as the blood began to flow.
"Well?" Alice asked.
"We wait and see," Carlisle said. "If she can't come around, if her organs start to fail, we'll have to decide what to do."
"We can't let her die," Alice said. "That would kill Edward."
"I know," Carlisle said and then gently stroked my hand.
"Please hold on, Bella," Alice said, placing her hand on my arm. "Hold on."
I want to hold on, I wanted to tell her. I want to hold on, but I don't know what to hold onto.
Sound had been the last of my senses to leave, and it was the first to return.
"She's waking up," Mercy said.
I opened my eyes and saw Edward's head, bent down next to me, his brow resting on his hands. He was still and silent as I watched him, my heart beating stronger just at the sight of him. Without regard for anyone else who might be present, I reached for him, put my hand into his hair and stroked his head lovingly. He turned to me and took my hand in his.
"You're awake," he said with a sad smile.
"Why is Emmett holding onto you like that?" I asked, noticing the grip Emmett had on Edward's shoulder. His shirt was torn up, the sleeve almost off from the shoulder and streaked with dirt. "What's wrong with your eyes?"
"Which do you want me to answer first?"
"Am I dreaming?"
"No," he said. "What do you remember?"
"We were under water," I said, thinking of the shower, but not wanting to mention it in present company. Then the physical memory of pain ripped through me and I flinched. I looked down at my arm and saw the IV.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Did you bite me?" I asked.
"Yes," he said. "You were dying. It was very selfish of me."
"Oh God, that's right," I said, remembering, horrified at my own behavior. "Edward, I swear to you I was not trying to kill myself. It was an accident. I'm so sorry you found me like that."
"Do you remember anything else?" he asked. "Do you remember what happened after I bit you?"
"You took the pain away," I said, remembering the euphoria, lighter than light. The orgasm. I looked awkwardly around the room at the concerned faces of his family, who were all gathered around us.
"Bella, I nearly killed you."
"Yes," he said. "If Carlisle and Emmett hadn't come when they did, you'd be dead."
I sat up in bed, but Carlisle came to my side and said, "Bella, you really should stay lying down right now. You've lost a lot of blood."
"I feel fine," I said. "What time is it?"
"It's midnight," Edward said.
I looked around at my surroundings. The room was a warm mix of light and dark wood and glass. There were books on shelves and an antique Danish modern armoire and desk. I turned back and looked at the concerned faces of the Cullens, considering my strange non-reaction to the news that Edward had almost killed me.
I had to admit it was hard to believe, but Edward was so upset I tried to consider this possibility seriously. Did he almost kill me? I carefully pieced together my memories, forced myself to recall what had really happened on the bathroom floor of my house. But it made no sense. I must have been having some drug-induced hallucination.
"Can you ever forgive me?" he asked.
"Forgive you? Edward, you saved my life. There's nothing to forgive."
"That isn't true," he said. "I very nearly murdered you. That's why Emmett is holding onto me—in case I lose control again."
"You won't hurt me," I said, and I meant it. I don't know why I believed that so strongly then, but it was something I knew like I knew my own name, like I knew that whatever the consequence, I loved him. "I know you won't."
"I don't want to hurt you," he said, rubbing his thumb along my the palm of my hand. "I'd much rather die first."
"So what happened?" I asked. "How did you almost kill me?"
"I had to bite you to inject you with my venom before your heart stopped," he said. "When I did, you were so horrified and in so much pain, I couldn't go through with it. I didn't want you to hate me for eternity." He paused and out of the corner of my eye I noticed Rosalie turn and look away. "I tried to suck out the venom, but once I started drinking your blood I couldn't stop myself."
"I don't understand any of that," I said. "It makes no sense."
"Bella, I'm a vampire."
Then I began to cry, hard. "I'm having a really bad day, so please don't mess with me right now."
He pulled away from Emmett and put his arms around me. I put my face into his shoulder and breathed in his scent again. I could have stayed in his arms the rest of my days, I thought. Don't let go of me. I don't care what the truth is. Just don't let go. "I know this seems impossible to believe," he said. "I didn't believe it at first either."
I looked at Carlisle, then at Esme. Their faces were completely straight. I looked around the room, waiting for someone to say something, anything, that would explain his statement as a metaphor, or as a delusion, or even as a twisted joke, but no one said anything at all. "You all believe he's a vampire?" I asked.
"Yes," Carlisle said. "We're all vampires here."
"Then why didn't you just let Edward kill me?"
“How could I let him kill you and destroy any chance he has for happiness for all of eternity?”
“I don’t understand.”
“We made a choice,” Carlisle said. “It was not an easy choice, but our family has chosen to live as peaceful creatures. We don’t prey on humans. It makes it easier to live with ourselves, and when you are immortal, you want to be able to live with yourself because you’ve got to do it forever.”
“Yes, Bella. We are immortal beings. It’s more burdensome than you might imagine.”
I checked each one of their faces, and I could read no deception in them. This idea that they were all vampires was insane. I understood that. But it also made sense, which told me I must be unravelling. All of the stress, the overindulgence in pills, my injury, my unnatural attraction for Edward, it must have caused something in my brain to snap. Because I was beginning to believe them.
I was probably dreaming again, just like the dream I had at Lake Crescent. If that had even been a dream. "Edward, do you remember the dream I had about you and the bear?"
"Yes, the Lake Crescent trip. I killed the Kermode bear. It wasn't a dream, though. I wish it was."
"And this isn't a dream either?"
"No," he said. "I swear to you."
I considered this for a moment. If I wasn't dreaming, then I was probably manic. And if I was manic, soon I'd stop being aware of my condition and I'd just embrace this whole fantasy once and for all, for however long it would last, until the next crash. Maybe that's just what I should do, I thought. Enjoy it while it lasts.
"I need this cast off," I said. "And I don't need this IV."
Carlisle looked over at Mercy. "What do you think?"
"Edward, move out of the way and let me look at her," she said. Edward pulled away from me and she scanned me from head to toe. "Her ankle is healed. Her blood levels look good."
"You can see all that just from looking at me?"
"It's my gift," she said. "I can see inside people's bodies. Right now your immune system is turbo-charged." Then she pulled a bandage from around my neck, apparently the place where Edward had bitten me. "And look, Carlisle. This wound is already healed like the bite happened a month ago. Bella, how do you feel?"
"Good," I said. "Really good."
"You look a little manic," she said, eyeing the top of my head. "I think his bite might have sparked something in your brain. You have to watch her, Edward. I don't know how high she might get."
"We've never seen quite this presentation before," Carlisle said, a little apologetically. "It's not typical for a human to lose that much blood and live, and we're not sure what effects the traces of Edward's venom might have, if any."
"Am I going to become a vampire?" I asked, still cognizant of how strange the question was.
"No," Mercy said. "You need more venom in your system than that to be changed into one of us."
"Come on, let's get you out of that cast," Edward said.
Carlisle removed the IV and I watched as the rest of the Cullens observed him, with keen interest, as he handled the bag of human blood. Then Edward told me to lay back on the bed, and he grabbed the top of my cast.
"Don't you need a saw for that?"
He just smiled and carefully pulled it apart, like it was made of paper.
"Go ahead and move it," he said. I wiggled my foot, turned it left and right and marveled at how strong and flexible it felt. "How does it feel?"
"Perfect," I said. "Better than ever."
"So are you going to turn her or not?" Rosalie asked.
"No," Edward said. "There's no need to now."
"It's your responsibility to turn her if you're going to keep her," Rosalie said. "You know the entire family is going to be implicated if this ends badly."
"It's not necessary right now," Carlisle said. "That's a discussion between Edward and Bella and it's none of our business."
"Into a vampire," Edward said.
"I thought she meant turn me in," I said. "I'm going to turn myself in in the morning."
"What are you talking about?" Edward said.
"I'm going to talk to Mr. Colter about my inappropriate contact with you," I said. "Then I'm going to check myself into a hospital or something before a judge gets involved, if that's possible."
"No," Edward said. "Definitely not. Why would you even consider doing that?"
"Derek has my phone," I said. "He's going to report me and I don't want him to beat me to it."
"Oh my God," Alice said. "Is that why I keep seeing a phone? I thought it was just static."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Alice has visions of the future," Edward said, as if he was explaining some incidental piece of information, like maybe she was double jointed in her thumbs. "She saw you passed out on the floor earlier this evening—that's why we all showed up at your house. Wait—is that what had you so upset tonight? Derek Banner?"
"Yes," I said. "But I was just trying to calm myself down. I swear I wasn't trying to kill myself."
"He's dead," Edward said, his eyes beginning to glow. "I'll kill him myself."
"No," I said. "Don't talk crazy. I don't want Derek to be killed."
"Edward," Carlisle said. "Control yourself or I'll have your brothers take you out back again."
"I'll get Bella's phone," Alice said. "Now that I know where it is. Jasp? Come with?"
"Do we need him here?" Emmett asked. "To keep Edward calm?"
"Jasper keeps you calm?" I asked.
"He keeps everybody calm," Alice said. "He's got good energy."
"I'll be fine," Edward said. "But be sure to teach Derek a lesson. Don't let him get away with tormenting Bella like that or else I really will deal with him myself. You have no idea how tempting that idea is."
"No problem," Alice said. "Rosalie, you want to come?"
"Sure," she said. "I need to blow off some steam."
"I'm in," Emmett said. "Sounds like a night."
"My God—what are you going to do? He already thinks you're all from the devil… whoa. Wait. You're not, right?"
"What do you think?" Edward asked.
"I don't believe in the devil," I said. "And you know what? If I'm wrong I really don't care."
"Maybe Jasper shouldn't go," Esme said. "I can't understand how she's taking all of this so well."
"It's the mania," I said. "It must be because there's no way I should feel this good. Yet every minute that goes by I feel better and better."
"Keep an eye on her, Edward," Mercy said. Edward look at her sharply, and then back at me, curious. Then he pulled me to my feet, and I noticed I was wearing an old halter dress of mine—not the outfit I had on when everything happened.
"Where did this come from?" I asked.
"I went back and got it for you while you were asleep," Alice said. "Your other outfit was wet, plus this one is so cute and you never wear it. I hope you don't mind."
"No," I said, a little bewildered, wondering who had actually changed my clothes for me.
"You'll need to borrow a sweater," she said. "The beach is cold this time of night."
"What?" I asked.
"Ignore her," Edward said. "She does that all the time. It can get annoying."
Alice made a face at him that made me laugh. I felt a strange surge of energy, a tingle at the base of my neck that made me giddy. Then I was hit with a calm feeling, and as I started to relax I looked over at Jasper, who gave me a friendly wink.
I was humbled by how the Cullens treated me like I was one of them, compassionate and invested in me as a person, yet at the same time they all claimed to be these fantastic, deadly creatures. Perhaps my mania was helping me assimilate this experience, I guessed, but part of me was profoundly disappointed that this reality might not be, well, real. I wanted to believe them. I wanted to believe in them. So I decided I would, for tonight, anyway. But there was one detail I had to sort out first.
"Edward, I just need to know one thing, okay?" I asked.
"Anything," Edward said. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"Are you saying you're not really seventeen?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"No," I said. "I need to know."
"Bella," Edward took me by the shoulders and looked me right in the eyes. "I'm a vampire. I haven't been seventeen since 1918."
I kissed him then, softly on the lips, felt them cool and reassuring against my own. He pulled me into him and kissed me deeply, and I began to cry with relief that I could finally just let myself have him. I didn't care if I was crazy—I needed to be with him. At least for tonight, before I went and turned myself in and checked myself into a psychiatric hospital. I saw Emmett from the corner of my eye make a motion to pull Edward back from me. "Please don't," I said, gripping Edward's back, my voice cracking.
"I'm all right," Edward said. "I'm not going to hurt her."
I turned and noticed the intensely emotional looks on the faces in the room. Alice, Mercy and Esme looked as though they might be crying, but there were no tears. Carlisle even looked choked up, and Emmett and Jasper looked like they were content, like some long chapter in a history text had finally come to a close and they were glad to be moving forward. Rosalie just looked away.
"Want to get out of here?" Edward whispered in my ear.
"You read my mind," I whispered back.
I didn't consider right then the dangerous implications of what had happened between us that night. All I knew was that tonight, I was with him and I had no fear.
We walked out to the garage and when I saw him approach a black sports car and I stopped dead. I definitely had to be dreaming. “Is that Aston Martin yours?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yeah,” he said.
“That’s a limited edition Vanquish,” I said. “That thing is sex on wheels.”
“I know,” he said. “You’ve seen one before?”
“Not in person,” I said. "How come you never drive this one?"
"It's my special occasion car," he said with a smile.
I stalked around the outside of the car, running my hand along the roof, the fender. It sat low to the ground and had more body than a pin up girl. It was the most beautiful car I’d ever seen. It suited him. I sank into the leather and ran my hand along the dash like I was feeling up a stripper. This car made me want.
“Where do you want to go?”
“I want to see the ocean,” I said.
"Good. I know just the place," he said. He hit the gas and turned south on Rte. 101.
“Where are we going?”
He turned up the stereo and I watched the tall dark trees flow by under the moonlight. They should have been a blur, deep shadows, but I could see every last leaf as we sped past.
I should have been afraid. I should have feared for my life with the way he was driving, and if not for my safety, then for my sanity with the heightened sensations I was experiencing. The euphoria of my blood letting had returned and I knew it signaled that something in my brain was very wrong. Broken. But the last thing I could call myself was afraid. In fact, I'd never felt more brave. And I'd never felt more determined. I looked over at Edward as he concentrated on the road that raced beneath us, his thoughts somewhere specific I couldn't guess.
“How long before we get there?" I asked.
"Why, are you in a hurry?" he asked, smiling.
"Yes," I said. My body felt hot and tense sitting next to him, knowing that I had him to myself for the night. I leaned over and nosed his neck. "Maybe you should pull over right here."
“Put your seatbelt on,” he said, but I didn’t. Instead I loosened the tie of my dress and pulled the fabric to either side a little, exposing the well of skin between breasts. He glanced down at me and shook his head, trying to suppress a smile and failing, which struck me as adorable. I leaned in and brushed my breasts along his arm and then ran my lips up his neck until I found his earlobe, taking it in between my teeth and biting down a little. He ran his hand along my thigh, under the skirt of my dress, making me breathe heavy.
“Careful," he warned.
I smiled as I slid my hand into his lap and felt his erection come alive and I got completely wet, just from touching him. "You'd better get us there soon," I said, only half joking. "Or I'm going to make a hot mess of your car."
He gave a small groan as I began to stroke him and then I lowered my head into his lap. He grabbed the back of my neck as if he might stop me, but then he ran his fingers through my hair, encouraging.
I unzipped him and felt him tense with anticipation. The car sped up and my heart began to pound. I reached into his pants and pulled out his cock, hard as stone, beautiful and perfect like the rest of him. I ran my fingers along the length of it and licked my lips, wetting them. Then I smiled right on the tip of his cock, my closed, dripping wet lips gently pressing their form to him. I slid them slowly down the shaft, kissing the entire length of him.
“Oh, Bella,” he said in a low voice. “You must have some kind of death wish.”
I traced my tongue around the tip of his cock and just tasted it, sweet and cold. He moaned again and wrapped his fingers gently around the back of my neck, threading them through my hair, stroking my head gently. I licked my lips again and then slid them tightly over him as I lowered my head down, down taking him deep into my throat, deeper than I even knew I could go. My body began to tense everywhere as I felt his cock filling my throat, his legs tense, the air rush out of his lungs, the car racing forward. I pulled back off of him slowly and was about to take him down again when he pulled me onto his lap, facing him, my skirt hiked well above my knees.
“We’re going to crash,” I said, but I didn’t care.
His mouth covered mine but he kept his eyes straight ahead on the road. I could feel his erection beneath me as I straddled him and began to grind.
“I’m not fucking you in this car,” he said. “You’re going to have to control yourself.”
“We’ll see about that,” I said.
“Not the first time,” he growled in my ear. “Maybe the second time.”
“Such a romantic,” I said, kissing his neck. He laughed and slowed the car down.
“We’re here,” he said.
He turned onto a long desolate lane and we rode along a break in the tree line. The moon hung low over a lagoon and beyond that I could hear the roar of the wide Pacific.
“Where are we?”
“My place,” he said. He pulled up to a small, modern bungalow made of glass and concrete with wood detailing, tucked into the woods and overlooking the sea. It was secluded, hidden in what was certainly national park land. I hung my head out the window to catch sight of the water and the sound of the breaking waves.
"I thought we were just at your house," I said.
"That's my family's house."
“I never want to leave,” I said.
“You haven’t been inside yet,” he said, smiling.
We got out of the car and he swept me up into his arms. It felt like only milliseconds, like I hadn't even had time to breathe, before we were through the front door and inside. He set me on my feet but I wouldn't let go of him because I was afraid if I did, he'd disappear again. So I held onto his head, my hands laced through his thick hair, and I started kissing his neck, just like the first time I'd ever kissed him back on Reckoner. But this time I allowed my lips to enjoy him, to savor the feel of his smooth, hard skin, to delight in the clean taste of him as my lips moved up towards that spot just below his ear. I would have lingered there longer, but I gasped as he lifted me again, hiking my dress high as he pinned me to the wall and pressed himself between my legs. I wrapped my legs around him as his lips found mine and his tongue delved deep in my mouth. I thought I might cum, right there, feeling him so hard between my legs.
"Edward I need you," I said, breathless. "Now. Like, right now."
"I know," he said, moving his lips along my jaw, up to my ear. "I need you, too." He reached up between my legs and tore my panties off and then put his hand back and just held it there, cool against the heat of me, dripping wet onto his fingers.
"You've got to hurry," I said, my breath ragged as I pulled at the buttons on his shirt, opening it, dragging it down off of his shoulders. "Please."
He kissed me again and then his fingers began to stroke me lightly and I was moaning, ready to just let go all over him already when he whispered, "Take your dress off."
He put me down and stepped back from me. I met his eyes, feeling suddenly shy as he watched me pull the dress over my head and drop it to the floor. Then I stepped towards him, but he pushed me back against the wall, keeping me at arms length. "I want to look at you," he said. "I've waited a long, long time for this moment. I don't want to rush it."
His eyes took in every inch of my naked skin and I could feel it reacting to his gaze. Over his shoulder I saw a perfect full moon through enormous windows that looked out onto the water. His skin reflected that light, made him shine in some ethereal way that made him even more stunning, if that was possible. Like he was made of moonlight himself.
"You're so beautiful," he said. "Are you even real?"
I could feel my body sizzle like a circuit beginning to overload. My nipples ached, my thighs tensed as he just stood there and watched me. "Edward," I said and stepped towards him again. He pushed me back to the wall and held me there with his hand against the base of my neck, his fingers smoothing over the new scar created by his own teeth.
"Look," he said. "This can get really dangerous so we've got to do things my way."
"I don't care if it's dangerous," I said. "I can't wait any longer."
Then he came over and lifted my chin and kissed me softly, sweetly, tentatively. “This isn’t like anything you’re used to, okay? If I lose control, it’s going to hurt.”
“I don’t care,” I said, getting frustrated. "You can hurt me as long as you fuck me."
He let out a long breath. “You cannot say things like that—especially not right now. You have no idea what words like that can do to me.”
“Okay,” I said. "It's just—you don't understand what I'm feeling right now. It's too much." I choked up with tears as he started to kiss me again, then he kissed my neck and ran his hands slowly over my body, across my shoulders, down over my breasts, his fingers lingering on my nipples, and then wandering down my sides and around to my back, his thumbs resting on my hips like they were taking their time, getting to know me in this new way.
As he was touching me I felt was as though the dull gray curtain of this world had been lifted and a multitude of vibrant colors, smells, sounds, tastes were deluging my brain. Every little sound felt amplified. There was no light in the room save the moon but it was still too bright. My head was exploding from the sounds of the water lapping and animals creeping in the woods and the moon humming out in space over us and Edward’s slow, painfully exaggerated movement over me. I could hear the absence of his breathing. I could smell him, a scent burned into me, imprinting an unholy longing deep within, rich and subtle and inhuman, as was the taste of his mouth on mine. He was too fucking slow.
“You’ve got to hurry,” I begged him. “You don’t understand. Please.”
“Look at me, Bella,” he said.
I opened my eyes and looked into his, which had lost some of the glowing edge but were still a deep red.
“You’ve got to be still right now.”
“No,” I cried, pulling myself to him. He pushed me back.
“Don’t do this to me,” I said.
“If you don’t stop, I’m taking you home right now.”
I glared at him, hurt and frustrated, but then took a few deep breaths and felt myself begin to get control over the adrenaline rush as I exhaled. My breathing became my sole focus, the center of my concentration until he moved again.
“Good,” he said and kissed me again. “Don’t move." I kept my body as still as I could but the tension building in me was alarming. “Don’t move until I tell you,” he said, dragging his lips down to my neck.
Then he moved his mouth over to my breast, his tongue making circles around my nipple. He took my nipple into his mouth and placed it between his teeth, teasing it with the tip of his tongue. I moaned as he slid his hand down, down over my belly, and then down between my legs, slipping his fingers into the wetness he found there. I was going to cum.
“Don’t,” he said. “Not yet.”
He got on his knees and kissed me on my belly, an act that made it impossible to breathe without whimpering as his fingers softly stroked me below. I gripped his shoulders trying to keep myself upright. “I just want to take some of the edge off,” he said, and then hooked my leg over his shoulder and moved his mouth lower, and then, there, his tongue tracing me, his fingers plying my need with increasing pressure. I cried out and he held me against the wall, his hands gripping my hips as his tongue moved to the point of my erect clit, wrapping it in sweet caresses over and over. Then he moved his tongue lower and thrust it into me, tasting the brunt of my climax. I moaned loudly as I released that tension over his tongue, and he held himself to me until I was spent before him.
I collapsed over him, cradling his head, holding him to me, shaking until he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
“It isn't enough,” I said, looking up at him.
"I know," he said. “Let’s go for a walk."
He pulled me to my feet, wrapped a blanket around me and then carried me out the door and down a rocky path, to the beach.
“Are you warm enough?” he asked, setting me down on the sand.
“Yeah, actually.” I spread the blanket down and then stood naked before him. “Strange, right? It’s not like it’s real warm out tonight.”
“You’re full of surprises,” he said, eyeing me in the moonlight. “Come here.”
He pulled me close and kissed me. Heat surged through my body as his lips worked over mine. I ran my hands down over his hard, naked chest. He moved his hands lightly up my sides and then down over my ass as he pressed himself to me. Then he paused and looked wordlessly into my eyes, and I saw a familiar hesitation.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Come on then,” I said, kissing him lightly, again and again, slipping my tongue in between his parted lips, inviting him. I tugged at the button on his pants and he took them off and then he was finally naked in front of me. Now it was my turn to look.
The light reflected off of his skin, but not far, like it hovered just to stay near him, a shimmering halo, the lines of his body still sharp and defined. I ran my hand along the gentle slope of the muscles of his shoulders, over his chest, and then lower, over his hard abdomen and finally getting hold of that beautiful cock of his, my hands delighting in the smoothness of his flawless, hard skin, cold as it soothed the intense heat coming off of me.
Then he pulled me to the ground and held me in his arms as we sat looking out at the water. A grouping of tall stones towered out of the sea like a rock fortress. Fog clung to it, eerie and dense reflecting the light of the moon, drifting like stage smoke.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said. "I can't imagine what's going through your mind after everything that's happened tonight."
“I’m thinking you still haven’t fucked me.”
He smiled and then he kissed me sweetly and touched his forehead to mine. He traced the curve of my breasts with his fingertips, then rolled a nipple gently between his fingers as I began to breath faster.
"Now, please?" I asked. "Why are you waiting?"
"I just want to be careful," he said. "I don't ever want to hurt you again."
"You're not going to hurt me," I said. Then I climbed onto him and straddled his cock, not putting it inside of me but sliding myself over him, getting the shaft wet. He moaned as I kissed him and then he grabbed my hips and held me.
"Okay, look," he said. I’m going to stay very still because if I start to move, I might really hurt you.”
We'd see about that, I thought, but I didn't argue. I nodded and looked into his eyes which were intensely focused with his self control. I put the tip of his cock to me and then slowly, slowly slid myself onto it. He closed his eyes and groaned with me as I felt him fill me. I held myself there on him, unable to speak, move, think, or breathe, just shuddering as he held me. I had to check to see if my heart continued to beat, if the world continued to spin. Edward is inside of me, I thought. Oh my God, Edward is inside of me, finally.
“God,” he said. “This was a bad idea.”
I smiled at him. "It's going to be okay," I said and then I kissed him, tried to help him relax a little. I pulled back and then thrust myself against him and true to his word, he stayed still like marble, his face pained with his restraint.
“Move,” I said.
“No,” he said. “It isn’t safe. You’re going to have to take it like this or not at all.”
“Fuck safe,” I said, sliding myself forward on him again, feeling him stiff and unmoving. “I don't want safe. Please?”
“Don’t beg,” he said.
“Then move like you want me.”
“You’re playing with a loaded gun.”
“Shoot me, then.” He pulled me off of him and something about the absence of him, the agonizing absence of his cock from my core, turned me rabid. I lost all control of myself and raged at him. "No!" I cried, grabbing fistfulls of his hair, my teeth gnashing at his neck. He looked worried as he restrained me.
“Calm down,” he said. "You're manic."
“Fuck. You.” I cried. "You call yourself a fucking vampire?"
And there, I’d found the limit of Edward’s patience.
“Fine,” he seethed into my ear. Then he pushed me down on my hands and knees and bent over me. “Don’t say you weren’t warned.”
I felt his hard cock brushing me and felt myself light up and drip with excitement. My breathing quickened and I trembled as I waited nervously for him to enter. He paused, sizing me up from behind and I began to shake as I felt his hands on my ass and then he teased me with the tip. I tried to slam myself back onto him but he caught my hips and then rolled me onto my back.
“You don’t learn, do you?”
His mouth came crushing down onto mine, his eyes black as he drove into me like a sledgehammer, a movement that obliterated my thirst for him with a satisfaction I’d never imagined possible. It felt so fucking good I wanted to die right there, disintegrate into the sand and be washed out to sea. I wanted to live on in the hereafter as the eternal memory of that fuck.
“Thank you thank you thank you,” I moaned over and over into his ear, scraping my fingers along his back, feeling my consciousness go soft, the dreamlike quality of the moment intensified as he fucked me harder and harder, right there under the stars. I felt a twinge of guilt as he tore at the ground with his hands, gnashed his teeth together to keep himself from tearing into me. I now understood what he meant by the danger. He was pounding into me, a relentless tide of motion that worked my body into a tender, yielding essence. If his hands and mouth had been on me then, I probably would have been ripped to pieces. I started to lose control and called out, “Edward, I’m… ”
He covered my mouth with his hand. “Shut the fuck up and don’t cum until I say or I won’t be able to stop myself. Do you understand?”
It was the first time I believed Edward might truly be a vampire, that fantasy could be a reality. And I wanted him not in spite of the demon he fought so hard to contain, but because of it.
I tried to pull myself back from the edge of my orgasm but it was too late. My thighs began to flex, all of the muscles in my torso, my arms began to tense as I clenched my entire being around his cock, ready to rocket to my release. He started to moan, an unearthly roar and then he commanded it.
I came all over him as he released himself inside of me, filling me. The thrum of my pulsing body pulled that fiery lava deep, surprisingly hot and thick as it filled every crevice, every channel of me and I shuddered violently as I let go. I felt his mouth on my neck, his tongue snaking around the place he’d bitten me earlier.
“Do it,” I whispered. “Do it.”
I felt his teeth on my skin and prepared myself for that final layer of ecstasy but he didn’t take me there. Instead he just kissed my skin tenderly, a gesture of memory only.
The force of his orgasm ebbed and he became gentle and slow inside of me as I continued to pulse under him. He looked into my eyes for a long moment and then kissed me softly—a remarkable contrast to the rough handling of our lovemaking. I held onto him. I never wanted to let go.
“I love you,” I said, my voice breaking with the intensity of my emotion. I closed my eyes as his mouth covered mine in another kiss.
“I love you too,” he said.
“What now?” I asked him. “What are we going to do?”
“Marry me,” he said.