Essentially, one person asks the other person "What if...?" and gives some kind of scenario. "What if I paid you a million dollars to give you a Jelly Donut (trust me, you don't really want to know)? Or "What would you do if I woke you up by punching you in the nuts while dumping a glass of ice water on you at the exact same time?" (Answer: break my "no beating women" rule)
My god does that sound like a stupid fucking game, but I'll play anyway. "What if there was a gigantic birdcage about to devour your face? What would you do? See? See how stupid this game is... sweet Jesus on a pogo stick -- what the fuck is that?!?!
You know, normal everyday conversations between loved ones.
Usually we play this little game while we're stuck in the car and ML is endeavoring to distract me as he hurtles his deathtrap-mobile at excessive speeds around tight corners. Sometimes the "What If" is funny, sometimes (okay, mostly) it's totally outlandish and occasionally, the "What If" is actually quite serious.
Not too long ago, ML's parents and sister were coming for a visit. Now, they know I like Twilight, but they have absolutely no idea just how much I like it. And I'm pretty sure they would be a little more than alarmed if they ever found out I have about 800 pictures of Robert Pattinson and only about five of ML and I on the computer.
And you can bet your fucking titties they don't know about the blog.
We plan to keep it that way.
ML: You know you're going to have to take your Twi gear down when my folks come. And hide those Full Size Edwards. Preferably in the garbage can.
ME: Yeah, yeah. Hey, what if they knew about the blog? [Let the gaaaaames begin]
ML: They'd be horrified and you'd probably scar my mother for life.
Me: What if I did this for a living? Like, instead of that soul-sucking job that makes me want to kick cute old ladies and puppies that I currently have, I wrote blogs for money?
ML: I'd tell them you write... entertainment. And pray like hell they never ask for your blog name.
Technically, the whole entertainment thing wouldn't be a lie. I mean, poop jokes are SO entertaining. And so is porn. What can I say? I find humor in random, off-color shit.
Needless to say, I totally forgot to hide the Twi-gear and I most certainly did not relocate the FSE's. It wasn't until ML's five year old niece was staring at them with a mildly frightened look on her face that I remembered I was supposed to. In my defense, the FSE Brigade is such a normal part of my landscape at this point that I seriously don't even notice them - they're like hot triplets lurking in the corner.
Surprisingly, ML's family took my two-dimensional friends in stride and asked polite questions about them briefly before the subject was dropped and we carried on with doing family shit.
Then again, there is a good possibility that ML's family was totally unfazed. I mean, ML is a little... er, "interesting" himself and not exactly the most suave when it comes to life stuff. Like, the second time (the first time was so fucking absurd I'm not even going there) I told him I loved him he was all, "thanks." As in literally, I said "I love you," and that was all he said back--"thanks."
And then he asked me for a beer.
Shit, even I was perplexed. At that point, we'd kinda been together for awhile and well... ML is just fucking baffling. But he's been this way since he was a kid so I'm assuming his parents are familiar with "holy shit are you fucking weird".
So, yeah, maybe they didn't care. But they'll never know about the blog, anyway. Just in case.
Admit it - you know you and your bff or S/O or whoever do similar shit like this. It's okay. You can tell us. We don't judge. Much.