I believe the locusts are coming next.
Anyway, I don't know if it's because of hormones, or my over-inflated ego or what but...
Red Riding Hood is going to suck.
First of all, who the hell wants to watch a movie about some dumbass chick who wanders off a trail to pick some flowers and is so fucking stupid that she doesn't realize a wolf is impersonating her Grandmother. Or something like that. Hey, it's been awhile since I last read it, okay?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's going to suck because Catherine the Cougar is the director or anything, I'm saying the movie will blow chunks because the premise of the film is dumb. It's like someone took Twilight and Sleepy Hollow, put them in a blender, took a shit on them, and then taped it back together.
See what I mean? The entire premise is the same old village-haunted-by-murderous-mythical-thingy. There's even a primitive dancing scene in both trailers. I guess people did a lot of primitive dancing back in the day, especially when their fellow villagers were being picked off one by one in terribly gruesome ways.
Because, you know, if there was a raging homicidal legend lurking around my town, I'd totally be doing the Roger Rabbit.
Okay, now that we've gotten the similarities between Sleepy Hollow and Red Riding Hood out of the way, let's focus on what seems so... Twilight-y about this flick.
- Forbidden love
- Possibly supernatural love interest who is dangerous
- A love triangle/fight/whatever the fuck you call it.
- A wolf
- Billy Burke
- The Volturi
There, I rest my case. If the big bad wolf sparkles in the sunlight or the heroine has a wicked twitch, I'm going to be super pissed. Just sayin'.
Naturally, the fact that I think this movie will be terrible isn't going to stop me from watching it [note from STY: yup, I totally want to see Red Twilight Hood, too!]. After all, if I had refused to watch a movie based on the assumption that it was going to be an abomination, well, I suppose I wouldn't be writing for this blog. Because it wouldn't exist.