I’ve got nuthin’ today. There, I said it.
This dry spell of RPattz/Twilighty goodness is killing me. Seriously, it’s drier than a dead hooker’s vagina up in these parts. Every day I go online and try to find something, anything that will give me just a little taste of RPattz hotness. I feel like an alcoholic at an AA meeting, people.
What happened to the days where we discussed Edward Cullen love custard at length? Are those gone forever? I can barely even conjure up the derisive (but loving) attitude I held for Bella all those months ago. Now… it’s just meh. I could carry on about how stupid Summit is for making us wait FOREVER for Breaking Dawn Part One (aka Let The Suckage Begin), among other things but… I just can’t.
Wait, I just felt a little ripple of something. Not sure if it's gas or an all-consuming rage about the suck-potential of Breaking Dawn.
Speaking of Breaking Dawn... What the fuck, Bill Condom? Show us a little love and a whole lot of RPattz, please. You've got that film set locked down tighter than a nun's thighs. We just want a little glimpse, dude. You know - just the tip. Latchkey Wife will totally gargle your nuts if you give us a little sumpthin', okay?
I WANT A NEW PHOTOSHOOT OF RPATTZ AND I WANT IT RIGHTTHEFUCKNOW!!!!! (queue arm flailing and foot stomping)
Fuck. Now that Twilight isn’t on my mind 24/7, I’m feeling a little lost. It’s like there is a gaping hole in my chest that not even fan fiction can fully fill and that just sucks.
Somebody call the whambulance. Quick.
Anyway, because apparently my “funny” has also gone on hiatus, I’m not sure what to write about. At first, I was going to write about how I get some kind of sick delight out of silently farting in meetings at work, because everyone is supposed to be polite and they just wrinkle their noses and blather on even though I KNOW they want to accuse each other of laying a stink bomb. Is it rude? Yeah. But if it makes the meeting a little more interesting, I’m down for it. What? You can’t tell me I’m not the only one who does it.
Except that I realized this is probably only funny to me and, thanks to this fucking drought of epic proportions, I'm scraping the bottom of the humor-barrel and doing things that I haven't done in almost two years - like clean or fold laundry. Instead of sneaking furtive glances of fuckhawt RPattz pictures at work, I now spend the time actually doing grown-up things and stuffing my tits back into my bra and glaring at my coworkers when they look at me funny because they probably think I’m just touching myself, even though I haven’t rubbed one out at work in years. But if it would bring RPattz back, I would. At my desk, even. I’ll take one for the team.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not over Twilight. In fact, right now I’m doing the virtual fetal position like Bella in New Moon. Because Twilight has left me, that cunt.
I can only sit and bide my time and hope it comes back to me.