Friday, March 25, 2011

Water for Elephants. Pretty Pictures for Us.

The latest Entertainment Weekly came out today. Since I don't watch television and I see about 2.3 movies per year, I've never subscribed to the magazine. Despite the fact that I am the worst. Twilight. blogger. ever, I happened to be anticipating this issue. A certain someone is on the cover looking quite dapper. I figured I could just pick it up at my neighborhood Target. Wrong! They don't carry it. Tar-jay let me down. I can't even process that. I need your help.

WHERE DO I GET THIS MAGAZINE?

This is me throwing the Twitard Bat Signal up. I need this magazine in my hot little hands immediately, if not sooner. Consider this a Twilight emergency. We are at Defcock 5 here. (See what I did there?)


I couldn't find a picture of a giant sparkly cock in the sky. This will just have to do.


If you don't understand why I am so desperate, please continue reading. The cover story is on Water for Elephants. There are some verah prettah pictures inside. For example...


OMG I NEED THIS FREAKING MAGAZINE!! (images jacked from Robsessed)


Robert Thomas Pattinson, stop looking at me like that before I lose my mind. And my panties.


I'm not sure which one is prettier. I've had a girl crush on Reese Witherspoon for years. She could poop in my cereal and I would still love her. Where can I get that dress? I bet if I could get a copy of the mothertrucking magazine I could find out.


I've only read snippets of the article. It's like a cruel tease.

''There's something about her. She's just this genuinely nice person. I don't know if she puts an effort into creating a nice aura, but her mood dissipates over the whole set. It was a completely different environment from when she wasn't there. All the kids and the animals were just drawn to her.'' —Pattinson talking about Witherspoon [No one will ever say this about me. Assholes.]


Holy crap! How did Jenny Jerkface get on the set? Oh wait, that's a different horse's ass. (You didn't seriously think I would pass on that joke, did you?)


Lions, tigers and leg hitches, oh my! This movie has everything! I want to see it nooooowwww!


Reese's costume is so phenomenal, I almost didn't notice The Precious standing next to her. Did I mention my girl crush? I would wear that costume everywhere.


Shut the front door, those heels are fabulous. I want to bust into Ringling Brothers and recreate this entire photo. (Bring your plaid suit, Rob.)
''That was the other thing about Water for Elephants. There was something about the posture of the '30s, something that I felt my body could fit into — it was quite languid, which I find easier. I think modern-day things generally, I don't understand. I can watch actors move and there's something, there's some kind of snappy thing to it and I don't... I'm not snappy. There is a lack of snappiness." —Robert Pattinson [I can think of something else your body could fit into. Sorry, I was channeling LatchkeyWife.]


I have no caption for this. Let's just sit and stare...


Do you see why I am in such dire need of this issue? Have any of you read it? Please share with the group. Then tell me where YOU BOUGHT THE DAMN THING!

49 comments:

  1. I just finished reading it! I actually have a subscription to EW. His stubble on the jawline is amazing in the pics! He is really funny and silly in the interview. Oh and when he talks about shooting Cosmopolis, he says he has to lose body fat because he's playing one of "those masters-of-the-universe types"!

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  2. I sped home today knowing it would be in my box. But when I arrived, my box was empty. Appears my Mr. Latchkey beat me to the box. I asked "did I get my EW?" he said "no." I was a giant sad panda.

    But then...I spotted something on the coffee table. My precious EW face down. Oh the horror! I scooped it up and clutched it to my breast lovingly. I softly stroked the cover and licked each page like they contained the last droplets of water in existence.

    I flipped carefully through the pages until I came upon the treasure that awaited me. I lazily read the article, desperate to make the words that dripped like honey from his luscious red lips last forever.

    And it wasn't until I read this post that realized I completely missed that panty exploding picture on the table of contents page. ::headdesk::

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  3. I have a subscription to EW mag. Once they started putting out all the Twi covers I didn't want to miss anything. I don't even see all these photos in my copy!. Try Barnes & Noble - that's where I got my collectors covers for New Moon.

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  4. Holy Hotness, Batman....(like what I did with that?)
    Just texted my neighbor..."you still get EW???"

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  5. THANK GOD for my work-wife that subscribes to EW. I have prepared her for the moment this magazine arrives at her door that she has to bring it to me at work the next day.

    For once, I think I'll be looking forward to going into work on Monday.

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  6. OMG:-) My thoughts exactly~ I just was saying why is it everytime a magazine comes out with Rob on it I cant find it anywhere. Same thing happened when vanity fair came out. I guess i gotta get my ass to barnes and noble tomorrow:-) btw just started reading this blog about about a month ago and love it. :-)

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  7. awww but we lubs yous too!!!!!

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  8. Hey - you can get a multi-year subscription to EW from Amazon for supercheap. That's why it was in my mailbox today - and I wasn't even expecting that cover! Nice way to start the weekend.

    Magazines generally get to subscribers before they go on the stands. Took me almost a week to get my hands on Vanity Fair.

    EW is sometimes hard to find - which is why I broke down and got the subscription.

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  9. I usually see EW issue on sale the week after I get it in the mail.

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  10. @Becky--Welcome! I hope we don't scare you off.

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  11. oh no let me tell ya this time last yr if somebody said anything about twilight i woulda been like yeah not interested. Then I saw eclipse when it came out w/ a cpl co-workers and got hooked now its just crazy ended up seeing it 6 times in theaters haha and we drive our co workers crazy with the twilight calender in the breakroom:-)

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  12. I haven't picked up a copy yet, but I'll be able to get it at my local grocery store.

    Gah! Those pics are gorgeous. Did you happen to notice that Rob stands in front of (Oscar winner)Reese in every single pic? He certainly is the main attraction! Yeah, they knew who would be buying up this weeks cover.

    Oh shit! I have to wipe the drool from my keyboard again.

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  13. i just bought 2 copies, at, ironically, TARGET. they didn't have it in the back where there rest of the magazines/books/dvd's are. it was at one of the checkstands near some enquirer shit. i was starting to get po'd because not all the checkstands had the EW rack.

    maybe i got luck since i got mine at target but i was ready to cut a bitch if it wasn't there.

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  14. I subscribe. ;) But when in need try Barnes and Noble or Borders.

    Oddly when the Vanity Fair came out I went to Walgreen's and Target to no avail.

    Guess where I found it?
    ..
    ....
    ......wait for it...

    7 Eleven. Of all places!!

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  15. I got my copy today at this little indy magazine/book store nearby. I'm trying really hard not to get any drool stains on it! Several pics posted here are outtakes cuz they're not in the mag. Thanks, TK!

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  16. I think based on her comment, LKW wants us to know she likes things being in her box.

    I just bought this issue tonight at some random local grocery store. If you need me to send one to you, let me know and I will for reals.

    Freaking Rob and Reese are hot as hell. She's definitely one of my major girl crushes. I don't think there's anything I dislike about her.

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  17. @caninecologne--I looked there too. I made my kid babysit the basket while I bullied my way into every checkstand. No luck.

    @igiveup--Did you notice the cover? You can barely read Reese's name. Poor Tai didn't even get her name on the cover & she's the biggest star of them all. (ba-dum-bump)

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  18. I subscribe to EW and once I missed the really good Vanity Fair from a few years back, I subscribed to that as well. Can't miss the pretty stuff

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  19. OMG....why were we all waiting for VF and Annie's Amish-hat-crocodile-hunter crap when this is sooooo much better....must get a copy NOW!! And then change my panties...

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  20. I'm with you TK, no one who really knows me would say all that wonderful shit about me. Maybe before I was married, back when I was a nice person...before hubs and all these damn kids weren't up in my grill all day..but I digress. I won't buy the magazine. I just copy the pretty photos into my photo file. Why? Because after a magazine sits around my house for a few weeks (2 days) it looks like road kill. I can't have Robert Pattinson's pretty face getting crumpled so that eventually you won't know where the elephant ends, and he begins. Seriously...it could end up looking like Jabba The Hut's ass. I'm pretty sure doing that to Robert's face may be against the law in several states, and I don't want to be arrested.

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  21. I feel your pain, TK. I live in a TINY town, like less than 1000 people tiny. I tricked the hubs into taking me to the nearest big town this morning (under the guise of buying groceries) so that I could get my hands on this magazine. It was NOWHERE!! Even Barnes and Noble didn't have it. F*ckers.

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  22. First of all TK...subscribe NOW! EW is my favorite. In fact, I initially read Twilight 4 years ago because EW recommended it. I love them, they love Twilight, they very clearly love The Precious....it is a beautiful thing.

    Reese looks amazing in these photos...truly amazing. And Rob, well, let's just say...jeeeeeeezus. That boy can make anything look sexy but that boy in a suit....even a plaid suit...I am a mess. Don't even get me started on the sexpenders. Damn he is a beautiful human. Sigh.

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  23. he looks so hot in those pics that i won't even whine about how not-edward-y his hair looks. much.

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  24. Hey TK, if it helps, I just got mine at Walgreen's. Do you have Walgreen's by you? I usually don't have luck there, but went for milk and came out with the Pretay!

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  25. nom nom nom... OME... he is sooo HOT...
    why do I have to live in germany? I really neeeeeed this EW...
    but thank u for posting these great and beautiful pics! What would I do without u.... :-)
    hugs & kisses from germany!

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  26. Addicted2TwilightMarch 26, 2011 at 6:54 PM

    Have you checked Rite Aid or any other drug store? That or the supermarket.

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  27. Ummmmm.....

    ::runs to the store::

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  28. I am sitting in the Philadelphia Airport approximately 30 feet from a newsstand. I just read this post. I am about to walk over and check for it!

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  29. I got mine in the mail the other day because you Twatwaffles made me think I had to subscribe to this shitrag when Eclipse was coming out. This means I get a weekly delivery of shit I care nothing about and once in a blue moon there is a SCORE of epic proportions like this issue.

    However I also saw it at our local Target the other day. Yours must be a complete fail, TK. However, because my husb is about to burn my entire RobStash, I am looking for some worthy Twi-Whore to bequeath all my shit to. If you want my magazines (yes, all of them), email me your mailing addy and I'll make you a giftpack. Consider it swag....

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  30. Duh, here's the email addy:

    vermonstermom@gmail.com

    And yes, I mean it! First one to email me gets it all. Ready, GO!!

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  31. I actually found one by accident at barnes and noble...someone had HIDDEN it between other mags.....jerks

    favorite part of the article? "nom nom nom"

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  32. Wow!!! This is what I thought we were going to get from Annie Leibowitz on Vanity Fair. That was a complete and total FAIL. Annie Liebowitz should have to give back whatever they paid her for that travesty. I have to wonder if she was jealous of such a beautiful man in some way and took extra pains to make him look awful (although his 'awful' his still hawt, hawt, hawt, sorry Annie!). I am so pissed about this Vanity Fair crap that I will never buy their mag again (I'm sure they're going to be devastated!) and maybe I'll go ahead and subscribe to EW instead!!! Well, gotta go now and find this magazine so I can hold it in my sweaty hands and rub it all over my body, possibly lick, OK probabaly lick the photos till they're mush!!!!!!!!!!! Guess I better buy at least 2 copies.

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  33. By getting up real close to the screen and squinting I see there's also an article about the Hunger Games movies so another reason I must have this mag NOW! Hunger Games has the potential to be an unforgettable cinema experience, too...or a big fail.

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  34. Barnes & Noble and Walmart were a fail, I bought mine at Target yesterday :)

    "Lions, tigers and leg hitches, oh my!" <-This! LMAO!

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  35. I tend to look at the pictures online unless I run across a magazine with a cover I can't resist. I think this will fall in the "can't resist" category the next time I'm in Walgreens!

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  36. OHMYFUCKINGGODTHOSEPICTURESARESOHOT!!!

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  37. I've SOOOO got to get my pervy little hands on an issue of this one. Talk about fucking HOT. GEEZE!

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  38. Good lawd...I need this EW!!! I can keep it at work with my Sexiest men of the year People & stare at it everytime I open my drawer. Does anyone know if yoy can get it at Walmart? Its open all night & I can go get it right-the-fuck-now!!!

    ps-is that a comment from @alltwiedup I see?!?

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  39. I subscribed to this magazine because it was too hard to find except for in Barnes & Noble. Amazon.com has good deals. Nerd post concluded.

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  40. I subscribe thank goodness and I have been keeping them all since Twilight started :)

    I think Reese is just gorgeous in these photos but I can't really think of when she isn't gorgeous. Rob looks amazing and I would say, for me, that the way he looks on this cover is my favorite look. He looks calm, healthy, happy, serene, and not like Edward or the model he sometimes tries to be. He looks most like I think Rob would look in real life and that makes me happy. I think he really enjoyed this film and is proud of it and it shows.

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  41. Wow!!! This is what I thought we were going to get from Annie Leibowitz on Vanity Fair. That was a complete and total FAIL. Annie Liebowitz should have to give back whatever they paid her for that travesty. I have to wonder if she was jealous of such a beautiful man in some way and took extra pains to make him look awful (although his 'awful' his still hawt, hawt, hawt, sorry Annie!). I am so pissed about this Vanity Fair crap that I will never buy their mag again (I'm sure they're going to be devastated!) and maybe I'll go ahead and subscribe to EW instead!!! Well, gotta go now and find this magazine so I can hold it in my sweaty hands and rub it all over my body, possibly lick, OK probabaly lick the photos till they're mush!!!!!!!!!!! Guess I better buy at least 2 copies.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I usually see EW issue on sale the week after I get it in the mail.

    ReplyDelete
  43. awww but we lubs yous too!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. OMG:-) My thoughts exactly~ I just was saying why is it everytime a magazine comes out with Rob on it I cant find it anywhere. Same thing happened when vanity fair came out. I guess i gotta get my ass to barnes and noble tomorrow:-) btw just started reading this blog about about a month ago and love it. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Holy Hotness, Batman....(like what I did with that?)
    Just texted my neighbor..."you still get EW???"

    ReplyDelete
  46. I sped home today knowing it would be in my box. But when I arrived, my box was empty. Appears my Mr. Latchkey beat me to the box. I asked "did I get my EW?" he said "no." I was a giant sad panda.

    But then...I spotted something on the coffee table. My precious EW face down. Oh the horror! I scooped it up and clutched it to my breast lovingly. I softly stroked the cover and licked each page like they contained the last droplets of water in existence.

    I flipped carefully through the pages until I came upon the treasure that awaited me. I lazily read the article, desperate to make the words that dripped like honey from his luscious red lips last forever.

    And it wasn't until I read this post that realized I completely missed that panty exploding picture on the table of contents page. ::headdesk::

    ReplyDelete
  47. I just finished reading it! I actually have a subscription to EW. His stubble on the jawline is amazing in the pics! He is really funny and silly in the interview. Oh and when he talks about shooting Cosmopolis, he says he has to lose body fat because he's playing one of "those masters-of-the-universe types"!

    ReplyDelete

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