I first became aware of the situation back when I was hunting for a bathing suit (which, for the record, after all that whining, I had NO time to wear on the trip I bought it for). I'd spend a few minutes here and there (possibly longer and often while on the clock at work but let's not get nit-picky) searching for the perfect tankini-top which would have magical rouching to camouflage my gut and the accompanying boy-shorts that would make my ass look like I had just waltzed out of the Bliss catalog's FitFlop pages
I found (and bought) what I was looking for - sort of - and thought that I could put the whole bathing suit shopping debacle behind me. But the interwebs had other ideas, clearly... From that point on, I noticed that every time I went to any website that had ads, all the bathing suits I'd browsed followed me...taunting me with their spandex and frills...
I figured there was nothing I could really do about it and assumed it would go away the next time I was searching for something to purchase. I comforted myself with the knowledge that sooner or later, it would go away. Boy, I can't wait for THAT to change to something else! I thought... Until it did. Because apparently the next thing I searched for that Google analytics chose to have follow me everywhere was...colon cleanse. Go me!
Actually I was wandering around on Regretsy over the weekend and came across this unfortunate scarf...
(which DOES bear a striking similarity to the scads of horrendous photos people take and post of their freakish mid-cleanse bowel movements) -
and then on an ill-conceived "maybe it's time to spring clean inside and out!" whim, I did a search for "Colonix." Probably not a good idea, had I thought about it... Because this colon cleanse now turns up on EVERY. WEBSITE. I visit. All the time. This is...bothersome. Say I am looking up something at work - yup, there's that Colonix ad! I can't escape it... Haiii, coworker sitting at my desk with me and looking at my monitors! Want to talk about your bowels? No??? Good - me neither!! I think I need to to a good long search for Twilight merchandise to rid myself of the this unwelcome stalker (let's face it: the only stalker I want is Edward). Or maybe it's time to search for something more benign. Perhaps I should limit my online shopping searches to original Twilight art? Found this gem at Regretsy as well (thank goodness we have Helen Killer to find stuff like this so we don't have to...) -
Bella Swan, about to deliver her half-vampire baby, travels to Sharpie Island and immediately grows a third breast. After forcing Edward to smell her T-shirt, she attempts to crush him with her massive thighs, but only succeeds in shrinking his feet.
* SPOILER ALERT *
P.S. That looks more like Ashley Greene than Bella - not even Alice! Ashley!