Monday, April 11, 2011

Forks 2010 PHOTOS... So Late We'll Just Consider it a 2011 Teaser

Once upon a time (and we're talking a really fucking long time ago), there was a group of fair maidens totally fuckawesome women who gathered together for a great journey. They came from all over the world--braving exorbitant airfare/gas prices, disgruntled husbands, and bosses who were real tight-fisted with vacation days--and traveled to the Great Land of the Brooding Hot Sparklepeen to pay respects and honor The Totally Cheesy Yet Addicting Love Story.

Laxplays is so excited to be in the Sparkly-land she's literally levitating...

For three days, there was lots of laughter and hugging. And possibly a lot of booze too. Treaty lines were crossed without a care and many a women-folk were patted down near The Cop Car by their gleeful newfound friends.

Mama Cougar clearly is very familiar with the "spread 'em" part of being frisked...

The couple on the right's amazeballs dance skills brought back memories. Of middle school.

It was an amazing journey. As it came to a close, all these wonderful women were promised by the organizers of this pilgrimage (we'll call them the Twitarded Trifecta, or Assholes) that shortly upon their return to their homeland of Jersey (and Maine) they would soon shower these ladies with great gifts of colorful memories, called photographs.

It's all Latchkey Wife's fault. Somehow.

But little did the Twitarded Trifecta know, three evil bitches were plotting to thwart their attempts. These assholes were known as Poor Time Management, Shitty Computer Skillz, and Work Is Sucking My Soul From My Body.

The Twitarded Trifecta feebly tried to combat the curse cast upon them, first by accidentally deleting 300 photos when uploading them to a photo-sharing website, then by going on vacation, and finally saying "fuck it, I'm having a drink. For the next six months."

Nothing worked, and it was a long, dark battle.

The TT (whatever, I'm sick of writing it) never truly gave up and eventually, after months of emergency office meetings and nights spent being insulted by doormen and getting free shots at the bar, they managed the beat back the Evil Three (see above a few paragraphs- I'm not re-writing that either).

The sun shone. Birds fucking chirped and shit.

Oh look! A bird!!

The Foooooorks 2010 photographs are finally up.

If you'd like to view them, you need to follow this path and type in the magical incantation - twatwaffle.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End. [Unless Shitty Computer Skillz strikes again, in which case this bitch (me) is going to throw her hands up and admit defeat.]

Okay, it's not really end. A few things:

1) There is a video coming. Eventually. Sooner than later.
2) The majority of the pictures on the shared album were taking by Gus-Gus and Paul. Thanks again, dudes, for all you hard work.
3) We tried to make sure that everyone in these pictures had the blue sticky thingy on them. If for some reason, your lovely mug shows up and you DO NOT want it to, please email me at and let me know. Please provide me with a description of the picture as well.

UPDATE - Because I'm flakier than a fucking croissant I forgot to add - I believe you all can add pics to the album. However, if Shitty Computer Skillz has fucked me again (which is a possibility) please leave links to YOUR albums if you so desire in the comments.


  1. Yay! I can't wait to see them. Better late than never! I am totally with you on work sucking your soul. My company is probably going to demand my first born, also. At least you guys are still posting. My blog cries itself to sleep from abandonment issues. Can't wait for September!

  2. These pics are RAD! Some of you ladies have some sweet dance moves ;) I wasn't able to go last year but I'm going this year and seeing how much fun everyone had makes me want to go NOW! Can't wait!!!!


    I am beyond excited to see this fuckery in all it's glory captured within the pixels of GusGus's camera.

    And just for the record, that wasn't the first time @tatoomickey felt me up against a cop car. It's sort of a "thing" we have now, between us. Hopefully, we can find an NYC squad car and do it again this weekend. :-)



  4. This post is worth the wait. Love how you describe both the trip & why the picture took so long.

    Now if only I can find a way to talk Mr TM into letting me go to FOORRKKSS 2011. It will take a freakin miracle.

  5. Boobs, hugs, booze, more boobs, more love. LOVE THESE PICS!
    They are gorgeous (great job Gus and Paul!)
    And thank you again for taking Mini-Cat in paper form with you all.

  6. Its great to see the pics of your trip, well worth the wait.

    Makes me excited for the September trip!!

  7. A summary of the comments of me going through the pics:

    "Wow - I looked loaded in that one. And that one. And that one. That one too" [pause] "Yep, hungover there" [pause] "Oh look! There I am giving the finger." [pause] "And there too! Jeebus did I not have another pose?"

    Anywho, these were awesome and amazing and made me miss the insanity that was Forks. I'm glad to see that Gusgus caught that for all to see. Kinda makes me want to look at air fares.

  8. My hubby passed as I was looking at my levitating self, he commented "Just being your usual arsey self then?".....*sighs*, he knows me too well.

    Poop covered death indeed.


  9. ooooooh! Who's SUV was my New Moonshine, robundie, and fork art on?

  10. Loved looking at the pics! Now I miss my favorite H00rs! Can't wait for Fooooooooorks 2011!

  11. Laughed my ass off, cried, almost peed, cried some more, and mother fucking SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!d like a bitch.


    Helldamn I miss you guys.

  12. Such great pics, you guys :) oh the memories... sadly, I am not in a single one *sigh* I need to go back! xxx

  13. Can't convey how jealous I am that I didn't attend. WTF was I thinking? Instead I was visiting relatives & friends- need to get my priorities straight. Loved the photos ;)

  14. Holy crap that was a lot of pics! Great though. So many things to say...

    1. Who is the naked person cutout that may or may not be covered in body paint?

    2. The scenery looks so much like parts of New Zealand. Forks reunion downunder in 2012, anyone?

    3. I can't wait to go there myself! I'll be there a month before you all, but promise to leave gifts at the Forks Motel xx

    W/V - crustic. I bet you were all feeling a little crustic the morning after the night before!


    I'm sorry, that was the only semi coherent thought I could muster. The pictures! And so pretty! And look! BAHAHAHAH!

    WV: phootu - ha!

  16. I'll admit it: watching that slideshow made me positively GIDDY!

    um, can someone explain the little naked, tattooed-looking character (paper, possibly on a stick) that's in there?? because i missed that. somehow. and i'm sure there's a good story in there...

  17. For those of you asking about the naked tattooed person, that is Tatty Vag. She has many adventures on Facebook. I believe Forkspimp and Derrydown have something to do with that. LOL!

  18. OOOOooooo!! I can't wait until I actually get home tonight to my laptop! I totally have pics to add to this! LOL!

    So excited for FOOOOORKS 2011!!!

  19. I loved these! That trip was so freaking epic and I can't wait to do it again! Love, love, love them.

    Is it September 30th yet?

  20. Fuckfantabulous pics. I'm a bit teary eyed looking at these pics. Can't wait for part 2.

  21. Wow! You guys look like you had so much fun.. and naughtiness.. and FUN! And it looks so beautiful, that part of the world may have just made it to my Bucket List.

  22. I have come to tell you guys the sordid tale of Tatty Vag :)

    Once upon a time, Hypoallergenic Vagina used to be a regular commenter here in Twitardia. A while ago, a bunch of us started to play on fb, trading funny pictures back and forth, etc. When Hypo Vag was protesting that she could not come to Forks, Toefunny and I took it upon ourselves to harrass *COUGH* I MEAN ENCOURAGE her to come.

    Once, she sent us a picture of a distinctly grumpy looking old lady with a big pink bag and a straw hat, shuffling down the street, suggesting that it was her in Forks. :) Somehow, this photo was combined with the photo of ANOTHER old lady: a lady at a tattoo convention, or something, NAKED. It is perhaps a lesson in gravity that when you have room for an underboob tat, or one beneath your FUPA, it may be time to stop.

    In any case, these two photos were combined into the unholy hybrid that is... Tatty Vag! Toefunny is responsible for this abomination, and photoshops Tatty Vag and her boyfriend Rob into many, many hilarious/embarrassing situations for us all to enjoy. I think the album is public, and you can view it here!!/album.php?id=100001126406135&aid=14882

    When we found out that Hypo Vag was definitely not coming to Forks, Toey had a stroke of genius and made a Flat Vag - a little cut out of Tatty Vag to take with us! We dragged her all around Forks and took photos of her in front of pretty much everything, ignoring the confused and then disgusted stares we garnered. :) It was worth it to show Hypo Vag how she came around Forks with us anyway!

    And so ends the tale of Tatty Vag. I'm sorry for the confusion, all, and I'm also sorry for scarring your retinas with her.... classy physique. Check out the fb album, you won't be disappointed! :)

  23. Finally got a chance to go through all of the pictures. I wish I could do it all over again knowing what I know now. Damn it I need to win the lottery so I can quit my job and do all the traveling I want to do, including getting back to Forks.


  24. HEY NOW...Tatty Mama is not an "abomination".... she's just special.
    And I have to say i find it beyond hysterical that she made it into the Big Fooooorks Album. Way to go Tatty!!

  25. If anyone wants to see more is a video compilation. Keep your eye bleach handy and don't say I didn't warn you!

  26. Ah, the memories. I'm so glad that the defiling of the Mini E I won was captured on film. Precious moments like that should never be forgotten! I can't wait to go back - is it time yet??

  27. *snorks up a lung*


    Hypo still love Twitarded long time.


    veriword (swear to god!): mings

  28. For those of you asking about the naked tattooed person, that is Tatty Vag. She has many adventures on Facebook. I believe Forkspimp and Derrydown have something to do with that. LOL!


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