Monday, June 13, 2011

If Rob Tweeted...

Snarkier Than You here--and we have a special treat for you! This past Friday night, I was over on Twitter, horking my cocktail out my nose every two seconds while reading the tweets Amcas from Why Not Rob Pattinson? was letting loose upon the world. Ang/Amcas has been a friend of Twitarded since the veeeery early days and I asked her if she'd consider doing a lil' guest post for us. Despite our reputation as the tramps of the Twidom, she agreed! Even better, she apparently doesn't have my procrastination issues, because by last night BAM! she was done. Enjoy!

Earlier this week many a fan went all beserky and twitter-high when Kellan Lutz's Facebook page said this:

[In case you can't read the above Tweet from Kellan, it says: "I got news for you and I'm sure all of you will like it. Probably we will all welcome my twilight co-mate Robert on Twitter soon. Can't say anything else for now, but you will notice that all the other profiles of him will be/are suspended."]

Well...that made many a fangirl shiver in her shorts imagining if it could be true! Rob tweeting? Rob Pattinson? Robert Thomas Douglas Pattinson? That one? Uh, well...

Sadly, this Facebook page was debunked by Kellan's brother and confirmed to be false.

There will be no random, uncensored, and quite possibly nonsensical tweets by Mr. P.

BUT, imagine if he did tweet...

Food. Beer. Pals. Work.
He'd be just like us!

Follow @ifROBtweeted on the twittah to see what else Rob would say to his followers about life, love, literature,


  1. I need to follow this twitta account STAT!

    Also um... His name is Robert Thomas Douglas Pattinson? How did I not know all of this?! And why is my spell check saying 'Pattinson' isn't a word. Oh but sure, RPattz is!

    Anyway, so I've dated a Robert, I've dated a Thomas, I've dated a Douglas, I've.... been intimate with a Pat(Patrick but close enough) It's almost like I've slept with Rob. If I combine all of their good skills, looks, and bedroom tricks then maybe it's like... nope. Still not even close to the precious.

  2. Who the hell says co-mate? These tweets had me LOLing. I too miss Horatio Sanz on SNL! Oh, to see old episodes with him and Jimmy Fallon trying to make each other laugh.

  3. Douglas? You really are a tried and true fangirl.

    *clicks follow* more fun on twitter for me. bring it.

    If Rob got a twitter account I don't think I would sleep, all.

  4. Rob totally has a secret twitter but he only follows kstew, his dog, and me.

  5. I don't know. Twitter is fun, bit it's such a big time suck. I think Rob works too much to indulge.

    But, what do I know. Maybe he spends most of his "working" hours standing around waiting on directors & camera men. Maybe he could hang out on The Twitter!

    Like @RobzSinger said, Some of us would never sleep again!

    Thanks for the post @Amcas. And thanks for the lovely pictures you share on Twitter!

  6. still looking for my vampJune 14, 2011 at 1:25 AM

    Oh, shit. That is hysterical!!

    Thanks for the laugh before I hit the hay. Now I can dream of Rob saying things to me like squishy, lips, Veeelveeetah, Funions and Heineken.

    Should make for some interesting dreams, no??? :)

  7. I am pretty certain if Rob gets a Twitter account, that Twitter might just break the internets.

  8. I would not doubt the trueness of that first 'tweet' want to bet Rob has actually tried to microwave something un-microwavable? I know I have... damn you to hell tin foil I forgot was in the wrapping!

  9. I'm fucking dying over here. The "I can't find the sad face icon" totally cracked me up - I can imagine a pouting RPattz, searching hopelessly before giving up and grabbing a Heineken to drink while he's microwaving his Funions.

    You are brilliant, my dear.

  10. Too funny!! I wonder if he would use funions in the same capacity as those French's fried onions?? Hmmmmm...

    I too cracked at the sad face icon comment. Twifans crack me up! You are all so unique & wonderful!

  11. Velveeta! I love it!

  12. Oh holy hell! Rob tweeting would cause sooo many problems beside bringing the internet to a screeching halt! Oh those tweets were too funny!

  13. Ah ma gawd! These just fucking killed me. Rob would definitely kill the twitter! Imagine all the @s!

    Clorox. MTV jacket. My bad. Bwaaaaaahaha!

  14. YES! Another reason to be grateful for the Twitterverse!!

    A most excellent post! And I totally guffawed at the Clorox mention :)


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