Sunday, August 21, 2011

I Want Twilight Amnesia.

It all started in the Toys R Us. I went for the usual reasons — to pick up a birthday gift and give the stink eye to the moms with rude children. I noticed the Eclipse merchandise on an end cap with the bright red clearance stickers when I walked in. Where did the time go? I swear the New Moon merchandise was JUST on clearance like five minutes ago. I didn't pick anything up because I really don't have a use for a Jacob bookmark or a broken wolf and fake diamond heart bracelet.

I picked up the gift I needed and went on the Goldilocks-esque hunt for a gift bag that wasn't too big or too small. If I were more prepared, I would actually allow time to WRAP a gift instead of shoving it into a gift bag in the parking lot three minutes before the party starts. Unfortunately, I will never learn and I will be damned to a life of forcing over-sized boxes into too-small bags because I refuse to pay the additional sixty-eight cents to purchase a larger gift bag.

It was while I was losing the battle with the bag and the gift, that I noticed I was covered in glitter. Covered. I fought the bag and the bag won. It was in that moment that I went from "You motherfucking piece of shit bag" to laughing hysterically. I almost turned to the little girl standing next to me and said, "This is the skin of a killer, Bella." I managed to stop myself before I was forced to have a very awkward exchange with the authorities.



I started running lines from the meadow scene in my head and thoroughly entertaining myself. I was also repeating the mantra of "Don't touch your face. Don't touch your face. Don't touch your face." in my head, but my face was "like diamonds" by the time I made it to the car. I have no idea what's wrong with me.

I'm going to be sad when I see the Breaking Dawn: After the Spawn merchandise on clearance. I really want Twilight amnesia so I can experience everything all over again. Do you remember the first time you read about Edward and Bella trading the microscope slides and their hands touched? {Swoon!} Remember the first time you read about Edward spinning Bella's lemonade cap? Or when Edward showed Bella his room? I want to do that all over again. It was like I was courting these characters and everything was all shiny (literally) and new. Now it feels like we're an old married couple and I just want Renesmee to either move out or chip in for groceries. I want Edward to take out the trash without me having to ask him eleventy billion times and to not think it's ok to belch in front of me. I want Bella to get a job and learn to clean up a spill when it happens and not wait for me to step in it. But I digress...

I miss the newness of the characters and I want the honeymoon period back. (I'd also like some more details on the actual honeymoon, but that's a whole other issue.) I don't understand how I can forget EVERYTHING else all the time, but I can't seem to forget why the Cullens don't come to First Beach.

Take a walk down memory lane with me and let's pretend we're Twilight virgins like Edward.

I still swoon when he walks into the cafeteria.


Remember when you couldn't identify anaphase because it had been more than six months since you were in high school biology?


Whoops! This was from the Twilight first draft.


Oh, crazy homicidal Edward, you were so hawt.


I never thought I'd be so googly-eyed over two people staring at each other. {sigh}


Remember when Edward wanted to "try something" and you screamed "Pick meeeeee!" in the theater? Maybe that was just me.


Remember when Angela was all "Oh. My. God." and we were all "Oh. Mah. Gawd." and it felt like were were back in high school again. Except we were much cooler versions of our younger selves. Or maybe that was just me again.


Don't pretend your breath didn't hitch here.


Does anyone else want to start all over and take the plunge again? Who's with me on renewing our Twi vows?

53 comments:

  1. Ah, I'm ready to take the plunge again!

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  2. *sigh* I should definitely reread all the books before BD 1 comes out! I laughed and nodded and nearly cried at this post. lol

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  3. I AM I AM I AM!!!!

    i want to go back to there.

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  5. SO. FUCKING. MUCH.

    Nothing....and I mean nothing that happens in New Moon or Eclipse has ever made my heart race like that first kiss.

    I'm holding out for headboard destruction, so we'll see. But damn...the words "don't move" in any context now make my spine melt.

    MC

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  6. OMG!

    My "word verification" for the previous comment was:

    dvdfart

    I SHIT YOU NOT.

    MC

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  7. So ready to go back-(that's how old I am :P ) Breathe still hitches and all the other gawdly reactions one can muster up- ;) *sparkly smile*

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  8. I'm there. Smeone smarter than me, get working on the pill that will return our Twilight virginity!

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  9. I'm always asked what I'm going to do when it's all over. I can't think about it. I turn all Bella stutter, blinkity blink blink if I have to think about this ending.

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  10. I can't believe it's going to be over. Can't believe it at all. Now I feel like I should break out in song but I can't stop laughing at the photos in this post. It's been a crazy 6 years. <--- I read the books when they first came out. I barely remember them now so looks like it's time for a re-read! Maybe before BD

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  11. I'm only a 1-yr old Twitard...it's still amazing and breath taking to me sinc e I've only watched the movies 40 or so times each; I haven't read anything but twi for a year now - just one after the other after the other - does this ever end? What has happened to me? I'm not the obsessive type, and until my neighbor gave me her copy of Twilight (I said, "I don't do vampires"...yeah, right!!) I've never felt soooo, I dunno, (fyi, fave phrase uttered by the Prettay, with hand thrust into his hair in despair that he doesn't have a better answer to the question he's just been asked) and now??? what??? REALLY!??! happened to me???? Help! (or, actually, not, coz I can stop anytime i want? Right?)

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  12. Oh, yes, yes, yes!!!

    I want to experience "the first time" for all things Twilight! Forget the fanfiction sex, the merchandise, the TV talk shows...I want it all fresh and new.

    Must pull out the books again. ;-)

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  13. Twilight was on UK television the other night. I had forgotten how many cute moments there were in it (and how much I loved Edward's hair). Usually I have a wee cringe when any of the films are mentioned and ATM I'm having a more hate than love relationship with the idea of going to watch Devils Spawn. Yet I HAVE to watch it to see the headboard scene.

    As for the books? I've been meaning to get back to them for the past 2 years but...

    eli

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  14. Oh my god!!! Twilight was on tv in the uk the other night, and it literally was like the first time i'd seen it. I knew what was coming but my god you couldnt of gotten me away from that screen for a million pounds! I actually cried I enjoyed it so much!

    Tk you think so much like, or I like you, whatever, its amazing!!

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  15. I've read the books 10 times each. I have to read them in order, followed by Midnight Sun.

    Showtime has had all three movies in the spotlight for the summer and every time one is on, I have to watch it [otherwise, no TV for me].

    But if I could get my Twilight virginity back, I'd do it all again! Just listening to the musical score [while I'm at work] makes me grin every time I hear the music for the slow-motion Edward strut!

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  16. @Carly--It's a good thing you're in the UK or we'd take over the world.

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  17. I know it's slightly off topic, but I was wondering this afternoon, what the rest of the movies would have been like with CH at the helm. Sure she stuffed up a few things but overall she nailed the emotion perfectly. Like @Mama Cougar said, nothing in NM or E has ever made my heart race like that first kiss. Yes, my breath hitches at that last kiss, always. Replaying Pianoward at least twice is also mandatory. X

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  18. Every time I read the books, I wished for short-term memory loss so I could read them like they were new! I was kinda hoping for a 50 First Dates-type relationship with this series... it never happened. Oh well... I think I need to watch Twilight again soon. *sigh*

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  19. Gah! Am crazy jealous of anyone reading TS for the first time. Favorite book moment- end of NM was at work on a quiet shift and had to excuse myself to my office as I could not restrain myself from squealing each time Edward touched her. If only...

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  20. There's just something about Twilight. Period. Whether it was the cheaply made "indy" film, or the anonymity of the stars in it. Nothing compares to the first time of seeing the movie or starting the series.

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  21. I can't. This is why I love you people. You get it. I FLOVE ALL OF YOU.

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  22. I wish I could go back and do it all again. Sigh.

    On another note, you all should watch the movies with my 11 year old son. He's got names and bizarre comments for all of the characters. Jacob is now known as "watering can" at our house. I wish I could explain but I truly have no idea what the weird kid is thinking.

    Besides that, I want swoony Edward and first kisses again. That kiss still makes me squirmy.

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  23. Less than 24 hours ago I was in the Forks Motel, looking out at the near constant cover of clouds and rain, and thinking back in time.

    I am about to read Twilight again. Just because I can. Somehow now that I've been to Forks I think it'll be different picturing the actual town.

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  24. I think the very first Twilight movie will always be my VERY FAVORITE. There is just something about it. Maybe seeing everything in my head all laid out into a movie? I always get a little breathy & butterflies in my stomach when Edward first walks into the cafeteria. *SIIIIIIIGH* THe other movies are good too.

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  25. My husband still groans when I rewatch a Twilight movie.

    Him: -enters with a happy skip in his step- "what are you-" -groans- "come on!"

    He is very anti-Edward. I found my doll hanging on the ceiling fan. This was after I sent Edward doll pictures via text message to him.

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  26. Yes, yes, yes! I'd love to do it again for the first time! Amers425, I'm with ya! Love to watch Edward's cafeteria entrance and the kiss. *Siiiigh*

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  27. Wait? Where am I? Do I know you? What is all this talk about sparkly vampires? Ahhhh the good old days. I am glad I can still get the rush of emotions when I see the original Twilight movie or I see quotes from the books.

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  28. Losing Twilight virginity is like getting older, and yet it was exciting because it was like being young again. So ironic, so not f-ing fair.

    Things do change, tho, so can be discovered or rediscovered. I never liked New Moon and now I am touched by the parts with her and Jacob, esp that scene in the rain.

    @StackedLikeSookie:
    If you didn't see it, note LKY's post at the beginning of Aug. "Dear Bill Condon" with all the Condon vids about Breaking dawn. He says that he has gone back to the look and feel etc (and music of CB) that Hardwicke created. And yes, that she really made it all possible, imho. The other movies look like all other movies, but she made a new, peculiar place.

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  29. Me, too!!! (What every one has already said!) I feel pathetic....

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  30. Yes, Yes, Yes, I want to go back and relive the wonder and tingly excitement. I agree with previous comments that CH captured the emotion but those special effects were gaaawd awful. NM and Eclipse handled the effects better but lost the goofy and giddy emotion that goes along with all that angst. I'm def going to have to read the books again.

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  31. I agree with everyone too. But all I do in my spare time is read the Twilight saga...just over and over. Once I'm done with Breaking Dawn, I just dive right back in to Twilight. Wow, I literally had no idea what I was getting myself into when I first started reading them. Now it's my alternate reality. You have no idea. I literally laugh and cry and everything else when I'm there. ...now I feel pathetic. I'm so far beyond obsessed. I would look for help, but I DONT WANT IT! :)

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  32. Twymen regeneration is under way!!!! I am in!

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  33. I so wish I could have that feeling I had the first time around. When Edward walks through those cafeteria doors... the brooding stares... all of it. I want it back!!

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  34. Twilight is the best. The end.

    x

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  35. I remember when every morning on the way to work I would blast Supermassive Black Hole at double volume. Best way ever to head to work.

    The best was reading the saga for the first 12 times & experiencing the Fresh in Love for the First Time feelings even tho I've been married longer than Bella has been alive. Holy Crap, I didn't realize until just now it had been THAT long!

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  36. As much as I think CH screwed things up, she did get the feelings right and I liked the overall look of Twilight. The last two movies were very...commercial.

    What I wouldn't give to go back, have that first time again. I miss bawling my eyes out when Edward leaves in NM. I miss falling in love with E&B falling in love. I'm still irritated by Jacob, so at least I still have that.

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  37. I feel like I'm back in high school again when my Goth friends and I would declare that the first Cure album was awesome and the newest one sucks. We all like "classic alternative" Twilight and Catherine Harwicke is like Siouxie Sioux or something...
    Any time I start feeling overly beholden to her for casting RPatz as Edward, I remind myself that she is also responsible for The Eyebrows of Doom Rosalie and Menudo Jacob and I feel like we're pretty much even...

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  38. I think if we spend enough time at the bar in FOOORRRKKKKSSS we'll be well on our way to amnesia.

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  39. Okay, first and foremost I am that mom with rude kids. Trust me when I say, inside the confines of our exhausted minds we mom's are plotting their demise when we get home. Trust.

    Okay, back on topic. I feel the same way about the books. Theres just something about Twilight. The uncertainty, the fear, the desperate need to be touched by Edwards cold hands when Bella does. And you're right. When Edward walks into the cafeteria I immediately begin to hyperventilate. Catherine understood Edwards style and look better than any other director. I get that Edward is 'humanizing' as the story goes on. But nothing will ever compare to Twilight Edward. Nothing.

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  40. I read this series last September (squeeelll, almost a year now) while teaching high school kids. They loved me because I was too engrossed in my kindle that I didn't teach for about a week.

    Or so.

    I remember driving down the rode reading my kindle - just complete craziness, I know. I like living on the edge. :)

    Nothing in life will ever compare to my complete infatuation with everything Twilight during that honeymoon phase last September.

    If I could bottle that delight, well, I wouldn't need so many batteries for my, um, flashlight.

    Great post as always @TK!

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  41. I'm srsl laughing so hard I have tears. Those pics are amazeballs. Especially the one with Edward looking all fuckhawt in his wayfarers...laughing..."but I eated her." <---yep, totally just snort laughed while I was typing that. I think there's some snot on my computer screen. Yep.

    I wanna go back!! Me me!! I get so jealous of people who have never read the books and read them and are all like swooning and shit. It kinda pisses me off that I'll never have my Twilight virginity back. So, yeah. To go back and experience the cafeteria walk for the first time again would be epic.

    *le sigh*

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  42. Ooooo how to we get twinesia? I am totes down for it! I had NO idea what Twilight was all about until my nieces tardtastic husband went on and on about how stupid it was. I had seen the commercials thats was it. So after dinner with said tard..I went home and watched in on VOD...repeatedly...for two days until the time was up. Then it was Sunday night and the book store was closed and I had to WAIT until the NEXT DAY!!!!! I bought all the books and did nothing but read for the next week. Then...it was like a drug. Like my own brand of heroin...can't get enough EVER!

    It would be awesome to go back and expericence the virginity of it all again...I could watch Edward spin his car around over and over..and the kiss...be very still...Agggggggggg...I can't wait for the headboards to start flying!

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  43. I was JUST thinking this the other day. There is n-o-t-h-i-n-g like that reading Twilight for the first time feeling. I wish that I had picked up the first one when it first came out, so that I would have been forced to wait for the others to be published, and therefore would have stretched out the whole butterflies and hitching breath thing instead of consuming the books so fast.

    Reading the books for the first time was an experience that I will never forget, and probably can never hope to repeat. I'm really, really hoping that lightning will strike SM's brain twice and that she'll produce another wonderful series (although even I can't hope for another Edward... I don't think that's possible). She's young. She has plenty of time to write more good stuff. *fingers crossed*

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  44. I would totally go into Twi-abstinence! I think that's what all whores say, but once you're gone, you're gone.

    But thanks for reminding me of how those scenes STILL affect me. It's a beautiful thing, that man walking into the cafeteria. Oh, the tingles...

    I think back to when I made fun of anyone who was over 15 reading the books, and I shake my head at that chick. She had no idea what she was about to embark on. It was totally worth it.

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  45. that last pic makes my heart skip a beat. I totally need to regrow my twimen

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  46. My coworkers all think I've completely gone around the bend because I made the mistake of reading this at work and am not snickering, snorting and laughing my add off. Oh, to go back to those first days. *sigh* Top it all off with the fact that I drove the entire way to work this morning behind a silver Volvo S60R with deeply tinted windows and a Washington plate and I'm totally in the Twilight zone today. ;-)

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  47. "Going Back" was what caused this Cougar to die the first time he walked in the Caf in the first place....

    the first time he said "I want to try something"...

    I wanted to "go back" and have those things happen to ME!!!

    Now I want to go back and remember the moment TC1 was born and crawled out of my psyche with all of you h00rs! Go Back so I can COME AGAIN!!!
    xoxoxo

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  48. Oh wow -- I am so in. Just the other day I was thinking how I missed the honeymoon phase (of Twilight, not from BD . . . I was never that into the honeymoon, I'm more of a cottage gal . . . but i digress). I miss Rob! I miss feeling like he was walking around with me like in the first 6 months after I discovered Twilight. Oh, the first movie. In so many ways it's been downhill since New Moon. i try to be upbeat. I need to figure out where my WFE DVD is (didn't I order that sumbitch like 3 mos. ago??). But there is nothing like that first blush of new love ... for Edward. Or Robward. Whatever. Nothing but love for you Rob -- and I miss ya!

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  49. P.S. @Kerri, I completely co-sign your first paragraph! it's a good thing I love them so much or . . . well you know.

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  50. bitch, don't touch the stereo. hahaha!

    yes, all the stars aligned for twilight. can't be reproduced. just can't. sorry, summit.

    i would relive it all again and immerse myself just as much, if not more, the second time around.

    robzsinger

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  51. i JUST finished breaking dawn [book] like a week ago. and i havent even seen the movie yet. i am VERY new to the world of twilight. i just watched the 1st movie. again, this is about time #15, and same with 2 & 3. and now, i am re-reading twilight for the 2nd time. im still in my honeymoon phase and worse? i didnt get the joys of waiting for another book, the next movie, or even of buying merchandise. my honeymoon phase blows. why of why didnt i hear of twilight till now?!?! *sob sob sob* i def wanna join you, but be glad u do not live in such a small town that u just now get twilight. im just PRAYING that we get breaking dawn in our 1 theatre. and that alco will give in and sell me some fucking vampire shit : (
    F.M.L. i digress... I'll join.. i'm picking up twilight now... best part of being over 25 and married? my hubby looks a bit like ed (his hair & skin is darker, he does however bite me, a lot, esp during, our honeymoon chapter.. sorry TMI) & acts a lot like him, so since i was an edward-less bella (only fatter) in hs, i now much enjoy pretending im in hs again with the hot vampire bf (hubby) hehe and my hubby is so sweet, he's actually a lil bit of a twi-tard with me. he loves the movies and doesnt complain when the kids and i launch a full scale re-enactment of eclispe w/ our twilight barbies (not the real ones.. I JUST got those one ebay, though the lady LIED about condition & bella is shirtless & shoe less, ah i digress, still better than the fugly doll we had in her place & have been jabocless...) anyway. where was i? barbies, right, the best look a likes we can find, furniture and we are playing twilight. haha. he also hasnt complained about the edward wig i got him (halloween clearance, $1.75 what?!!?) to wear at our 7 yr old (well about to be 7!!) son's TWILIGHT theme party.. (speaking of, if anyone has ideas... click my name & post it on my blog!) so im super jealous u all got a badass honeymoon i got whatever i could scrap off of ebay some 4 years after the 1st book came out cuz we are small town as fuck..
    : ( lol -red

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