Thursday, August 18, 2011

I'm a Jerk and KStew Moves to Graceland

I know I say this every time, but this is really the most random post ever. Partly because I am the poster girl for ADD, but also because I am curently baking thirty thousand (slight exaggeration) treats for the boy's class and would like to go to bed before sunrise. I'm afraid I will turn into a vampire if I get any less sleep than I already do.

Part One of this two-part ramblefest is related to this 'oh-mah-gawd-I-can-not-possibly-juggle-more' status of my life. Many of you will be relieved to know that I will not be forcing my presence upon you in Forks this year. I was really trying to go so I could annoy the shit out of you meet many of you Twatwaffles, but I just can't make it work. So, I will keep the home fires burning here at Twitarded while the rest of you are tromping through the rainforest and re-enacting New Moon scenes. Bring me back something cool. Like a pretty vampire.

Now we move onto Part Two where I distract you with shiny objects so no one yells at me for bailing.

Ooooh! Shiny!

In case you missed it, KStew is on the cover of the W Magazine September issue. I didn't even recognize her at first. No, it's not because I was surprised to see her looking pretty. It's because she looks exactly (and I mean EXACTLY) like Priscilla Presley. The resemblance is freaky. Now I have all kinds of images in my head where KStew is dressed like Priscilla and RPattz is wearing blue suede shoes. A game of Find My Hound Dog ensues. You know where I'm going with this.

Kristen


Not Kristen

Tell me I'm not the only one who sees the resemblance! It's uncanny. No, really. It can not be canned. Now I have to find this magazine and add it to my collection. (That doesn't sound creepy at all.) Here are some more photos from the shoot, mixed in with Priscilla Presley photographs. This will all go faster if you just humor me, people.

Kristen


Not Kristen and Not Bear

Kristen

Not Kristen and Not Rob

Kristen


Not Kristen


Kristen


ZOMG! KStew married The King! Sorry. False alarm.

Now is your chance to tell me I'm insane, if you haven't already. Fair warning: If anyone leaves a comment about how they are too young to know anything about Elvis Presley, I will find you and punch you in your prepubescent uterus. Then Latchkey Wife's old ass will put you in her freezer.

33 comments:

  1. how had I not made that connection before too? they both look so lovely and sexy, rawr!

    I don't honestly know how I would contain myself if I was her beau, I sure as hell wouldn't be going to lame-ass bs award shows. I'd be in the motherland w my little vixen chica.

    I've clearly lost my damn mind

    gosh, I just love Elvis and Priscilla, so comparing them to the darlings just makes me so happy: there is squee all over the damn place

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  2. I think Twi-Jen mentioned Lindsey Lohan but now that you mention it, I can say, yes, she does look like Priscilla in those pics.
    Quick, someone call Vanity Fair and have them do a photo shoot of KStew & Rob!

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  3. The eye make-up/paint is a match.
    The lips/mouth are a match.
    Hair color & length. Check.
    You sure did call it right. Good eye. Sure you aren't part les-bison?

    Now what's this noise about skipping Foooorks? What? You couldn't find any attractive waterproof hiking boots with a six-inch heel or something? It's true, there is no Macy's or Nordstrom's in Forks, but there is an entire store full of Twilight shit! You don't have that in Texas!

    You should send a Full Size TexasKatherine cardboard stand-up in your place.

    We will talk shit about you if you aren't there!

    Night-night.

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  4. She def resembles PP. When I first saw these pics though, I thought she looked like Elizabeth Taylor, when she was with Richard Burton. Very pretty, but too much globbed on makeup!

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  5. @m474--I love looking at old *ahem* pics of Elvis & Priscilla.

    @TheRugbyMom--Les-bison! Ha! I hope everyone gets that joke. Yes, please bring a FS TK.

    @Twi-Me?--She looks a LOT like Elizabeth Taylor too.

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  6. WOW. I knew once you said it that she looked JUST like Priscilla Presley, but JMFHF I didn't realize HOW strong the resemblance was! They should have gotten RPatts to dress up as The Sparkle King. Ok maybe not. Only half his head could pull off the hairdo anyway...

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  7. @The Rugbymom - You called it - we would have to totally give the Forks Motel a Four Seasons-worthy makeover to get TK there... We considered just kidnapping her but when we told her that she probably shouldn't wear stilettos in the Hoh, she teared up and we couldn't do it...

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  8. Wait, you aren't going to Forks TK? What am I supposed to do with this toy shark that I bought? I was planning on chasing you in Forks and knocking on your motel door saying "Candygram".

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  9. Will you really come all the way out here if I tell you I don't know anything about Elvis? Would you still come out here if I tell you everything I know about Elvis comes from Uncle Jessie on Full House? Kidding... my Momma raised me right with some damn good music!

    The resemblance is kinda freaky. I think K looks pretty, but that is so not her at all.

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  11. STY- "Half his head" LMFAO!!! Good one.

    TK- YES the resemblance is un-cannable ;) Seriously though, when I first saw it, I thougth she strongly resembled Lindsay Lohan...something about the mouth/lips and eyebrows..am I wrong?

    I can't yell at you for not going to Forks because, I'm not going either... I have a valid excuse though ;) They are going to miss you sweets.

    xo J

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  12. So I picked up this magazine to peruse the photos at the grocery store today - well, weight-lifted was more like it. I kid you not this think was like lifting a fat child, only more awkward. It's like a magazine on steroids.

    Then try, just TRY to find a friggin table of contents in this behemoth. I dare you. There are MULTIPLE tables of contents, scattered throughout a magazine of ads. Seriously, it's like 10% articles, 90% ads. And yet I STILL couldn't find anything that said "Kristen Stewart, blah, blah, blah, Pg. 1021." So I had to flip through the whole god damn thing, twice, eventually finding Kristen like a needle in a bad-ad haystack.

    Beautiful photos? Yes. Worth the effort? No f'in way. Fuck you "W".

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  13. It's true! and it's not just the heavy make-up and big hair in the shoot that makes her look like Priscilla. I've actually always thought Kristen looks like Lisa-Marie Presley when she was younger - the Stew-meister looks like LM without any make-up or props.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Although she does seriously look like Priscilla when the above photos are compared, she is not as stunningly beautiful, especially in everyday life, as Priscilla was at that time. I have always thought her looks and personality are Lisa Marie to a T. In fact, if they ever make an updated movie about Elvis and his story for the theaters, they HAVE to use her!! :-)

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  14. Pardon me if I stare but she has got the biggest hair. Isn't that how all you "ladies" wear yer hair in Texas?

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  15. YES! Definitely agree with you and see Priscilla in the KStew pictures!

    I was struck how Kristen and Rob seemed to be channeling some PP/Elvis in that footage of them in the car after the NYC WFE premiere when he kissed her.

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  16. How in the name of everything that is Twilight did PP get her hair that high?!?!?!?! Her use of hairspray may be the sole cause of the hole in the ozone...

    @STY your 'half his head' comment made me snort resulting in the water I was drinking spewing out of my mouth and onto my keyboard. I thank you.

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  17. It's almost creepy how alike they look. And I'm impressed they can get their hair that high. Are you sure they're not from Jersey??

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  18. Hmm. . . .I have always thought that KStew looks like Macauley Culkin's twin sister.

    M

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  19. JMFHF! It's the second coming! The resemblance is uncannable, fo sho. Good eye, TK. Dayum. Now I want to see the pics in person...Too bad book stores close faster than Rob's (and now Alex's) trailer door when he hears JJ coming to the set.


    So...I'm somewhere between "What the fuck, TK! Get your shit together and get on a plane!" and "Man. Real life is a fucking bitch. I hope everything works out." It's a toss up. Grab a coin.

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  20. No offense but I don't care what this post says after I read that you are not coming to Forks this year TK. I am very very sad to hear this. Is there anyway at all to help you get there?? I really really want to meet you and I just can't believe you are not going to be there. So sad.

    I guess I'll read the rest of the post now, I won't like it, but I will. harumph

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  21. When I first read you thought they looked alike, I thought, bullshit.

    Wow.

    They look so much alike in these photos, it is almost frightening.

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  22. AHEM! Look at my picture!

    She looks like Priscilla was also the first thing I thought when I saw these photos of Kristen! But, because of my "Elvis expertise," (or obsession as some might say) I know they really don't normally look that much alike (especially their noses). This photoshoot is pretty cool and KStew looks gorgeous. And don't worry, EVERYONE knows something about Elvis, even my teenage sisters love him! He transcends age...maybe that's not the right thing to say here.

    P.S. Photos of Elvis and Rob in the same damn post?!? KILL ME NOW, YUM!

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  23. Ok, well, n/m--for some reason it doesn't show my avatar photo on here like everyone else. But, just an FYI, it's Rob & Elvis photoshopped together. :D

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  24. @Rob's Bitch--Thanks for the tip. I won't bother hunting it down now.

    @VLovesElvis--I might have a slight obsession. *adjusts Elvis socks*

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  25. Hell yeah she does! Damn...when I first saw the photos I immediately thought Valley of The Dolls (Neely O'Hara!!!!!!!!) but Priscilla Presley is dead on. That next to last one I couldn't tell whether it was KStew or Priscilla

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  26. uhhhh - she does look like PP and I vaguely remember those days....I was 9 years old - bwahahahaha - my mom did love Elvis tho' - I remember she cried when she heard the King died.
    I was in the kitchen eating a PBJ sandwich....

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  27. Wow. Spot on. So funny reading all these posts & catching up from my vacation last week. I just said in a previous post comment that my mom thinks RPatz looks like young Elvis. :-)

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  28. So, Kristen is cheating on Rob with The King?

    That's what I got from this post. I know. I'm really perseptive. I'm special.

    I did think that KStew looked verrah 70's-lets-go-do-some-LSD-and-have-an-orgy-ish. So, in simpler terms, I thought she looked gorgeous, and like she was channeling Priscilla.

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  29. a) I am suuuuuper sad that you aren't going to Forks. TK, I [do] want you to come.
    b) I only know about Elvis and Priscilla because I watched some long special about them with my MIL. It was interesting and educational. What can I say, I was born in the 80s.
    c) That said, please don't punch my uterus. It's had enough already this year. Also, I will beat you. :D

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  30. Kristen and Rob could pull off Pris and Elvis easily. Wish they would make a movie together about Elvis and Pris.

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  31. She is beautiful, her expressions are just amazing, great post.

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