So, the original title of tonight's post was going to be "OH MAH GAHD, WORK SUCKS SO ASSFUCKINGLY HARD ALL I WANT TO DO IS DRINK EXCESSIVELY AND NINJA-PUNCH STRANGERS IN THE BACK OF THEIR HEADS. MOTHER FUCKER." but I figured that would be a little much.
In case you couldn't tell, work is making me a little crazy these days. It doesn't bode well when your boss tells you to clear your Saturdays so you can go into work. I'm still hoping she's lying about that but we're on day two of two months of this shit and yeah... it ain't pretty. I'd rather someone poke me in the eye with an unwashed penis than attend the ninety million meetings I've been scheduled for.
Anyway, because I can't fuck off at work, I feel compelled to fuck off when I get home. It's days like this that turn my brain to mush (well, it was already mush but I can't think of another word) and all I want to do is vegetate to some manner of brain porn.
I'm sure you all can relate.
Besides the obvious**, my other way to wind down after a long day is to watch funny YouTube videos and I have some go-to ones that I figured I'd share, in case your day destroyed little pieces of your soul as well.
And because there is nothing like lowering the bar on the content of your blog to the point it is buried in gutter beneath a pile of trash. Really funny, irreverent trash.
Naturally, whiling away the evening watching stupid videos (I should point out that I have the attention span of gnat so most of the videos are reeeeeally short) and laughing my asshole off would not be complete if at least ONE of those videos did not reference the Twilight saga. And by "reference" I mean "make fun of".
This next one you might want to put your headphones on - it's South Park (sort of). And if you watch it past .57 your ears might explode from whatever gahd-awful music they put at the end.
If you've ever spent a decent amount of time with me, you're bound to hear me blurt out "porkchop sandwiches!!" or "body massage?" from time to time. This is because I apparently have the sense of humor of a stoned twelve year old boy and nearly pissed myself laughing the first hundred or so times watching the next two videos.
Oh fuck it, they still make me laugh. And snort. PORKCHOP SANDWICHES, OH FUCK!
Moving right along... Even though we rarely discuss politics on this blog, this is a video that the right and the left would think is hysterical. Everyone should find this funny.
At least once a day I yell at ML, "McCain, focus! You have an election to run." In fact, I'm pretty sure we've had entire conversations that were compiled of quotes from all the ridiculous videos we watch over and over and over again.
There is a serious lesson in all this, of course. I hope that you, too, can now fill your Facebook threads with absurd, nonsensical quotes from gems like the G.I. Joe PSA's and see who responds back with another quote. I guarantee you may be surprised.
More importantly, what do you do when your brain is so fried you can barely think? I'm starting to run out of shit to watch.
**Twilight, masturbating, drinking... same difference.
Here it is...your moment of Robert Pattinson
2 hours ago