Tuesday, October 11, 2011

It's the Little Things I Find Hysterical. Also, the Stupid Things.

So, the original title of tonight's post was going to be "OH MAH GAHD, WORK SUCKS SO ASSFUCKINGLY HARD ALL I WANT TO DO IS DRINK EXCESSIVELY AND NINJA-PUNCH STRANGERS IN THE BACK OF THEIR HEADS. MOTHER FUCKER." but I figured that would be a little much.

In case you couldn't tell, work is making me a little crazy these days. It doesn't bode well when your boss tells you to clear your Saturdays so you can go into work. I'm still hoping she's lying about that but we're on day two of two months of this shit and yeah... it ain't pretty. I'd rather someone poke me in the eye with an unwashed penis than attend the ninety million meetings I've been scheduled for.

Anyway, because I can't fuck off at work, I feel compelled to fuck off when I get home. It's days like this that turn my brain to mush (well, it was already mush but I can't think of another word) and all I want to do is vegetate to some manner of brain porn.

I'm sure you all can relate.

Besides the obvious**, my other way to wind down after a long day is to watch funny YouTube videos and I have some go-to ones that I figured I'd share, in case your day destroyed little pieces of your soul as well.

And because there is nothing like lowering the bar on the content of your blog to the point it is buried in gutter beneath a pile of trash. Really funny, irreverent trash.

Naturally, whiling away the evening watching stupid videos (I should point out that I have the attention span of gnat so most of the videos are reeeeeally short) and laughing my asshole off would not be complete if at least ONE of those videos did not reference the Twilight saga. And by "reference" I mean "make fun of".

This next one you might want to put your headphones on - it's South Park (sort of). And if you watch it past .57 your ears might explode from whatever gahd-awful music they put at the end.

If you've ever spent a decent amount of time with me, you're bound to hear me blurt out "porkchop sandwiches!!" or "body massage?" from time to time. This is because I apparently have the sense of humor of a stoned twelve year old boy and nearly pissed myself laughing the first hundred or so times watching the next two videos.

Oh fuck it, they still make me laugh. And snort. PORKCHOP SANDWICHES, OH FUCK!

Moving right along... Even though we rarely discuss politics on this blog, this is a video that the right and the left would think is hysterical. Everyone should find this funny.

At least once a day I yell at ML, "McCain, focus! You have an election to run." In fact, I'm pretty sure we've had entire conversations that were compiled of quotes from all the ridiculous videos we watch over and over and over again.

There is a serious lesson in all this, of course. I hope that you, too, can now fill your Facebook threads with absurd, nonsensical quotes from gems like the G.I. Joe PSA's and see who responds back with another quote. I guarantee you may be surprised.

More importantly, what do you do when your brain is so fried you can barely think? I'm starting to run out of shit to watch.

**Twilight, masturbating, drinking... same difference.


  1. well, I did come across this little gem yesterday. And it was PERFECT for Forkspimp "Grammar Police" Twitard.


  2. Oh man, WHY did I find that damn porkchop sandwiches video so f'n funny?!? *tears*

  3. Hi y'all...I'm new here. Been lurking for a little while, and I just love this blog.

    I sometimes just sit and mindlessly watch YouTube videos myself. I like the crazy animal ones, and this is one of my favs...



    That is my most favorite video of all time. Ever. *high five* I knew there was a reason I loved you so much. ;)

  5. I run like Gump ( I totally just sang this to the "Moves Like Jagger") while listening to the most vile gansta rap I can download.

    I had a shit day today for making a joke about a manikin. Seriously. So this student walks into the lab I'm teaching and jumps a foot into the air when she catches the manikin sitting in the wheelchair next to the door. I asked if it was because he was black (he totally is) and then she stumbled and fumbled with white guilt while I peed my pants a little trying not to laugh. It's still funny. Fuck today and mandated sensitivity training!

  6. I'm sorry, but EVERYONE needs to watch the link Toey supplied. JMFHF, lmfao much?! Jesus, I'm sure Pimpy had a coronary....And I just peed.

    Besides masturbating, I can't think of much I'd rather do than watch GI Joe PSAs. Hiiiiiilarious.

    Oh, or I think about life's most complicated questions. Like: If someone wanted to commit suicide via running car in a garage, but only owned a hybrid...how long would it take? Would it work at all?

  7. Why I come here JJ...this is where I come. :P

  8. I drink a glass, or two...oh who the fuck am I kidding...I down a bottle of Jameson.

  9. Thank you thank you thank you for the laugh.
    LOVED the South Park one. Fuck fuck fuckety fuck!!!

  10. "I'd rather someone poke me in the eye with an unwashed penis..."

    Dying... be back later.

  11. Omg I had to post again because the w/v is Hella.

    Still dying...be back later.

  12. @Toey - FUCKING HYSTERICAL. Vampire Diarise slayed me.

    @VLovesElvis - it never gets old, I swear. This afternoon I was getting coffee at the pantry and one of my coworkers walked by so I called out "Pork chop sandwiches!!" at him. Two seconds later this random voice from the other side of the wall says, "Oh shit! We're all gonna die! Get the fuck out!!" I was rolling on the floor.

    @Trinity - Thanks for the link! I'll check it out.

    And on that note, considering the fact that I just got home about 20 minutes ago... I need a drink. BRB.

  13. JJ - I find YOU hysterical! I love that you light up my life with your wit. <3


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