Wednesday, October 26, 2011

It's My Honeymoon and I'll Be Awkward If I Want To... (SPOILERS)

So, the other day I spied in my JJ account an email from Twired Jen. I have so many unread emails that I need to get to that I kind of cringe in shame a little every time I go in to check it but this one particular email just happened to catch my eye.

It read "FWD: Exclusive Hon" but only because my phone cut off the rest of the subject line and I got all excited because I thought Twired Jen was sending me some exclusive news on Honus Honus.

She wasn't.

Instead, she sent me something even better. I think. The JJ jury is still out on this one, actually.

What she forwarded to a bunch of us was a short clip of the Breaking Dawn "honeymoon" scene.

I have to admit that I kind of squealed a little when Edward picked Bella up and walked her over the threshold, because that's just romantic and shit and I'm pretty sure that there is no way ML would be able to do that unless I went on a serious diet and he started working out. Plus, our idea of romance is shouting into the other room "get me a drink, whore!!" So, yeah. He hates when I call him that.

 Not me and ML. Obviously.

Then I sort of creamed myself over the decor, even though it's really not my style but I thought it was perfect for the island house. Seriously, I could totally picture people having massive orgies in that living room, which is exactly what I do if I was going to be an eternal, youthful hottie with more money than I knew what to do with. Not sure about the glass walls though. That would be dangerous if people were drunk. Plus, the inevitable smudges would drive me mad.

Most of all, I just stared at Edward. It's been awhile since I've honestly thought about Edward and not RPattz. I mean, that line blurred so long ago that I just have a hard time separating the two.

 I'm sorry but Twilight Edward will always have a special place in my heart...

Edward is Hot, yo. With a capital H. As soon as I saw the bed in this little clip, I dredged up all those images of his beautiful, muscular back as he crumbled the bed into bits during the sex scene (I'm assuming they will keep that in, unless they want an army of enraged estrogen storming the doors of Summit Entertainment).

Holy. Shit. On. A. Stick.

But then something ruined it. At first I couldn't figure it out and I had to watch the clip about twenty more times before ML threatened to turn off the modem I figured out what it was.

Why the long face, Bella? C'mon, man, you just fucking got married to the hottest sparkly vampire ever and he's about to pile-drive your virginity into oblivion and you look like you had a bad slider at White Castle.

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??? Just... be happy, Bella. God dammit, he's going to BONE YOU. Pillows will be bitten and headboards crumbled and you've got a mother fucking sour puss on.


I want this movie to be good, really I do. But I have had less awkward conversations with strangers on an elevator than Bella did with her new husband. I'm really hoping the entire movie isn't going to be like that because I will definitely get kicked out of the theater on November 18th.

I'm scared, people. What do you think?


  1. I think shes a virgin and a little anxious..totally if she has this look on her face afterward..bitch has got a problem..yaknowwhatimsaying...but from the look of smugness on her face in the clips ive seen so know the one with the little feather floating around..looks to me like Edward impaled her in just the right way..or multiple ways hopefully..all night..over...over..and over again..JS...or just hoping..whatever.

  2. I get the virgin thing, but ugh, she needs to get a grip. I'm scared too......


    OMG, so much longer. OMG OMG OMG!

    That is all.

    xo J

  4. Anyone watching Twilight on FX tonight? Pregame is starting early at my house...

    Isn't that just like a man? There's this big awkward moment then Edward breaks the silence to ask if she's tired - "hey, there's a bed, let's jump in". Or when he tells her to not take too long in the bathroom - "you should have thought about shavin' it up before you got here..."
    I am a little afraid of the script for BD too. Oh well - I will be there squealing on opening night anyway.

    BTW - your comment about the inevitable smudges made me pee my pants a bit giggling. Then I went back and read it again and realized you were referring to the smudges on the windows and not the smudges from the orgies. Which made me giggle-pee again over my mistake.

  5. "Knock it off, Bella. For real." sums it all up for me, JJ. That bitch should have the mother of smiles on her face, even if she's a little scared as a virgin. For God's sake, it's EDWARD and you've practically raped him before, so woman up and go claim the motherfuckin' prize, Girlfriend.

    I will always have a warm place in both my heart and my vagina for Twilight Edward, too.

  6. I would have been undressing Edward in the car, pulling away from the house on the way to the airport. I didn't get Bella's sudden shyness bit in the book.

    All I know is that I'm bummed about the PG-13 rating. I was pulling for an R. I don't think they did it justice under the confines of PG-13.

  7. I can't see the video from my phone & my MacBook is damn near 10 feet away. I'm scared for this movie. I'd feel better if they hadn't based it on the book.

  8. The way I see it, as long as I get to see Edward getting some, I can go back to that happy place for the rest of the movie. Bella will be twitchy-fucking-Bella no matter what, and I'm actually kind of curious about how the world's most awkward vampire looks like.

    And, we get to witness vampire sex on part 2. Though I gotta say, whatever they decide to show on PG-13 ratings, it will never man up to my fantasies of Edward going at it all True Blood style.

    Oh well.

  9. LMAO @TexasKatherine! Really why couldn't they base the last movie on lolashoes fantastic fanfic?! No evil spawn just tons of great fucking sex! I don't pay attention to interior design much but I loved that glass front door! Oh and I am actually going to defend her apprehensive + vampire penis = excited but scared vagina. All I could think about was that scene in Mallrats when they discuss Superman fucking Lois Lane and his "super" load blowing her vagina to bits...maybe Bella was thinking the same thing. I'd like to think she was...


    I *almost* don't want to watch any more. In theory. Kinda. Not really.


  11. We should go ahead and prepare a list of phrases (insults) to scream out during the movie when they get certain scenes wrong. And you know they will.

    But whatever. It's Robward! On the big screen! That right there has got to be full if WIN!

    As far as the Stew is concerned . . . "I guess I'll just have to endure it!"

  12. As an actress, she's doing the whole 'less is more' thing. True in film, your facial expressions can't be too exaggerated like they would be on the stage, but come on KStew. Move you're FACE!

  13. So true, JJ, about Twilight Edward. As Rob moves on, that innocent Edward will be mine, uh..ours, forever.

    But in the extended honeymoon link (Belgian, it would seem) Jen sent Edward looks more beautiful than he was in either NM or Eclipse.

    Maybe only Twi Edward, spooky yet capable of joy, was truly exotic. Like that parking lot pic JJ posted.
    But with luck the BD Edward will be more like Myg's in Osa Bella. Not spooky but a turnout because he is wise and commanding.

  14. @Twerd86 "twitchy-fucking-Bella"....gigglesnort! Bella is the worst part of these movies for me, but that's a whole other story. I'm surprised they found as many expressions for her as they did!! As for Twilight Edward, yes, yes, yes!! Love him! Kinda getting excited to spend some time with him again in a dark theater....does that sound bad?

  15. JJ, I totally agree with you! It's always driven me nuts that Bella throws so many mixed signals at Edward and yet he's still 100% dedicated to her. I'm a little nervous about this movie, but I have faith that I will absolutely love it. My Edward/Rob line disappeared a long, long time ago too :)

  16. Feeling a lot better after seeing the extended scene. I thought it was pretty great... loved how they cut to the frantic tooth brushing and leg shaving! And I liked this Edward, from what I saw. I too will always have a soft spot for brooding, mysterious, sometimes playful Twilight Edward. But I hope that BD Edward at least manages to not get his ass kicked, like Edward has in every other movie (whereas he NEVER did in the book!). I'd love to see some wise and commanding Edward. Eclipse Edward was a little too moony for me.

  17. The honeymoon scene had me pissed off when I read the book. I wanted to scream at Bella to just get her ass out of the shower already and have at it, so I sort of can get past it in the movie if it hurries up and get to the headboard-breaking deliciousness. Seriously, if I had RPattz as my husband, his cherry would have been popped before we got on the damn airplane.

  18. I, too, am looking forward to a couple of hours with original Twilight Edward in a dark theater next Tuesday night!!!! Yummy.

    BD will suck in some ways and be great in some ways.....just like all the rest of the movies...I have made my peace with that. That said, get a grip Bella! For fuck's sake!

    P.S. Love the expressions chart.

  19. If I had Edward, I'd prolly end up looking like the fucking Joker from Batman. However, I do believe I almost saw a smile on Bella's face when Edward did that sex strut from his car in slo-mo and she kinda smirked..Oh wait how about when Alice gives her her Birthday present (can I use 2 hers??) Anywho, I can not wait for BD..I have seen so many trailers. but I am still going to need a shamwow panty protector and a box of tissues. Great post.

  20. Leave Bella alone, she probably has mad gas from the nerves. I don't doubt that she's stoked but she's probably waiting for him to go outside so she can take a massive dump from all the anxiety. :p

  21. @Jaymes805 mwwwahhhhaaa!! I think that scene is pretty faithful to the book. Having said that it was a scene that cracks me up everytime I read it - for God's sake Bella? Shaving your legs?? Supposing you cut yourself - he's a horny vampire? I loved the bit where Edward catches her looking at the bed and you can so see his thought processes as he rakes he eyes over the bed and then her...hee hee. Headboard/window sill smashing ahead.
    WV - comishme? That's rude!

  22. This movie better not suck. I've got plenty of freezer room for those responsible if it does.

    And I think I'd look a little scared too if I were Bella. Her vagina is about to take a beating like never before. I'll happily fill in for her....

  23. Although they haven't released (or "accidentally" released) nearly as much footage as we've seen in the past (and we didn't get to watch every scene of this being filmed like parts of New Moon lol), I think I feel my Twi-chastity belt calling my name... I won't go nuts, but I don't want to see the whole thing before the 18th - again. Consider it more of a revirginization than true chastity.

  24. Uuuugh! I WANT this movie, like NAO!

    I can't say any more than that...

    wv: turesize I mean, WTF?

  25. It was especially hard to see the twitchy Bella contrasted with that gorgeous setting and the oh-so-suave Edward sweeping her across the threshold and doing that husky voice testosteroney thing.

    Then I thought-- maybe they're trying to play up the twitch, make the awkward especially bad now so that when she gets turned, it's like some amazing phoenix changeover into a fucking badass who acts like she's never twitched, stammered or bitten her lip in her life.

    But yeah- I liked JolieBijoux's comment. Would've been much more satisfying to see her "woman up and claim her motherfucking prize."

  26. Ahhhh. Thank you so much for that tasty little morsel. Tried to view the link left by Twired Jen, but unfortunately, Summit already yanked it. Damn.

    Can. Not. Wait.

  27. Awwww . . . I couldn't pay attention to Bella's expression b/c I was to busy looking at Robward. I actually like the shorter hair (which I wasn't sure about) - makes him look more grown up and husbandly. "Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen." Oy. Confirms my belief that i need to go see this movie the first time without my family so I can sigh way without being teased unmercifully. Meanwhile, loved the set-up last Tuesday, seeing Twilight on the big screen FOR THE FIRST TIME. New Moon is next . . . this just never gets old! Thanks for sharing this clip!!!! xoxo

  28. Well this scene particularly must to be very interesting 'cause well this dude it's a vampire he's really strong.


Comments are our life now. Leave one!