See that red A? That's where I was. Middle of nowhere!
With no wi-fi and no TV and no open restaurants in the vicinity of the cabin (and by vicinity, I mean closer than 45 minutes away), we were forced to sustain ourselves at a local sandwich shop. We figured it was better than going hungry -- or trying to survive on candy bars, Pop Tarts and Miller Lite. Although I wasn't completely against that. While waiting for our sandwiches and boneless buffalo wings, I perused the local magazine stand. And much to my delight, hiding behind a Guns and Ammo, was this....
I scooped it up and skipped around the store like a mad woman, much to the dismay of Mr. Latchkey who nearly rolled his eyeballs right out of their sockets. Poor guy... he only wishes I got that excited over him. I figured I had enough time to look at the pretty pictures so I wouldn't need to spend the $5.99 -- besides, I didn't have any cash on me and asking the hubs for six bucks to buy a Twilight magazine is like asking Ronald McDonald for a Whopper. A giant no way Jose!
The pictures were pretty -- nothing I hadn't seen before. A little too many non-Rob photos. I really don't give a rats ass about the wolf pack. And then I saw it. Just a page before the end of the magazine. A headline I prayed I would never see in print.
"We Named Our Baby Renesmee"
You what the whaaaaat?
Let's just recap here for a minute. Is the woman in this picture Bella? No. Is the man in this picture Edward? Fuck, no. Then what the fuck were they thinking?? I'm going to guess that this woman's mother's name is NOT Renee and that the man's mother's name is no fucking way Esme. I know it's really a "to each his/her own" but for me, this question springs immediately to mind: Why on EARTH would you saddle your child with that abomination of a name?
What makes this even weirder is that it was the husband's idea to name the baby... he came up with the idea when he was reading Breaking Dawn right before his baby was due. And in case you can't read the actual article, the mother was even more excited when their daughter "turned out to be the spitting image of the bronze-haired part-vamp, part-human child." I call bullshit -- since you people don't look anything like these people.
There is no way you can make a baby that would look like what Edward gnawed out of Bella's uterus. Just not going to happen. But I'm sure your daughter will thank you when she's in school and is endlessly mocked for her name. Maybe... if she's lucky... the whole Twilight craze will be over by then and she'll just spend the rest of her life correcting the pronunciation and spelling of Ruh-NEZ-may.