Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Breaking Dawn Critique 1.0 [MAJOR Spoilers]

So many of you these past few days have been asking when we're going to do our critique of Breaking Dawn: Before the Spawn.

We've obviously spoiled you by posting within a relevant time frame. Duly noted.

That being said, ask and you shall receive. This critique is part one of...who the fuck knows. I imagine we all have a lot to say about this movie. Just think of this post as a sort of drive-by critique. I can assure you that both Snarkier Than You and Latchkey Wife have a much better ability to focus on something for more than two seconds, which is usually how long I can pay attention at any given moment.

Let's begin, shall we?

 Someone just explained to Judge Judy what imprinting was...

Breaking Dawn: Part 1 was amazing. Everything about it was fucking perfect and I was orgasming rainbows by the time STY and I left the theater. It was the most pristine cinematic masterpiece I've ever seen. Oscar-worthy, even.

Nah, I'm just fucking with ya. While overall I thought this was the best movie out of all of them (well, not including Twilight, which will always remain number one in my book, despite of and because of all it's campy spider-monkey hokey-ness) there were still a few things that were, shall we say, totally fucking cringe-worthy. Yet, there were golden moments, too.

Anyway. In no particular order, rhyme or reason...


First of all, the humans are a huge win for me in every movie. Billy Burke as Charlie melts my cold little heart every time and when he doesn't, he's making me laugh my ass off. The speech he did at the wedding had me rolling. He's a great actor and a perfect choice for Charlie.

Speaking of laughing, Anna Kendrick as Jessica is, as usual, hysterical. She has those snotty little teenage nuances down pat - the little snide laugh, the passive aggressive quips and comments. I almost died during the beginning of the wedding scene when she asked Angela if she thought Bella would be showing with that smug little look on her face. Priceless.


The whole wedding scene was...interesting. I liked how Bill Condon incorporated music from Twilight (I think it was Bella's lullaby or the Iron & Wine song - I forget) - that was a nice touch and it really tied all four movies together.

I know there was a whole hullaboo about Bella's wedding dress but...I wasn't entirely impressed. Someone else said something that completely summed it up for me (and for the life of me I can't remember who but if you're reading this please let me know so I can credit you!!). They said Bella's dress was like a mullet - party in the back and business in the front. I couldn't agree more.

Fuck the dress. Let's just stare at this guy.

The Denali sisters freaked me the fuck out. I didn't think they were pretty (in their defense, someone gave them contacts the color of dog piss and it was really unnerving) and the acting was stiff and flat.

THE HONEYMOON (aka "Let's NOT Really Get it On")

We all knew this was going to be a fade-to-black sex scene. Despite that, I'm sure many of you (like myself) were hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, they would give us a little more than a breaking headboard and a couple of thrusts.

Oh well.

 Annnd cut!! Shortest sex scene EVER.

Actually, I thought the whole montage for the honeymoon was really cute. Bella with her human moments, Edward being an emo baby about bruising Bella and then Bella trying to seduce him in any which way she can. Well done, guy who made this movie. Well done.

HOWEVER, the first time I watched this movie I thought I saw...something. Something that probably shouldn't have been in a PG-13 movie. It was only there for two seconds and at first I thought I was imagining it but when I saw BD the second time IT WAS STILL THERE. When Bella and Edward are making kissy-kissy in the bed, you totally catch a glimpse of KStew's nipple.

Considering the fact that Godzilla could be lumbering down the street behind me and I wouldn't even notice, I'm very impressed with myself for seeing it.


Speaking of KStew, her acting has improved quite a bit and it shows in BD. There is far less twitching and minimal bellowing and HOLY SHIT SHE SMILES. Like, more than once. Kristen Stewart is very, very beautiful and I was glad to see her shine a little in this movie.

On the other hand, I feel like Robert Pattinson fell a little...flat. For a good part of the beginning half, it just seemed like there was something missing from his acting. Or maybe he was always like that but I never noticed because Bella's facial tics and mini-seizures were always so distracting. I will say he amped it up and pulled through toward the end but it was definitely a little rough in the beginning.

Whatever. I'd still do him. 

Leah (Julia Jones) was another actress that I really enjoyed watching. I think she really brought the character of Leah to life and did wish that she had a little more on-screen time. Another "wolf" that I thought showed a decent amount of talent was Seth (BooBoo Stewart). He was very endearing and utterly adorable (I mean that in the most non-sexual, maternal way, Chris Hansen. Call your dogs off).

Before I forget I just wanted to say something quickly about Jasper. Really, it will only take one word - POSSIBLY. As in, you couldn't have possibly delivered that one line even more horribly than you did. I love the Rathbone, I really do. But he managed to kill that whole scene in one little word. 

THE WOLVES (oh fuck it, you know which scene I'm about to talk about)

The wolves were...kind of silly looking in BD. I swear they looked better in Eclipse and I'll leave this to one of my fellow writers to do a comparison because it's been three days since I actually saw the movie and my memory is starting to fade.

But more importantly, how high was EVERYONE involved in this movie when they filmed the "wolf-pack breakup" scene??? You know, the one where Sam turns into the goddamn anti-christ and/or Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction and then Jacob rebels and sounds like fucking Moses on the Mountain or something?

 Sam and Jake have a pack meeting. And it's not to discuss what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France..

It was mortifying to watch. I actually had to cover my eyes.


The Twilight Saga has been plagued with atrocious costumes, hideous-to-the-point-of-offensive wigs and makeup that sometimes look like a seven year old slapped some lipstick on Edward but BD: Part 1 wasn't by far the worst offender. Yes, Jasper still looked like he had a Shih Tzu balanced on his head but at least this time someone had groomed the poor dog before strapping it on. Rosalie actually looked really fabulous and Alice was (as usual) touch and go. Sometimes she looked beautiful, other times she looked like a psychotic fairy with plastic hair.

And Edward looked fuckable. Of course. The bouffant was kind of back, which was nice. 

Bad, Jasper's wig! Bad! Don't wipe your ass on the carpet!!

It was Carlisle who took the brunt of the ugly stick this time. Handsome, kind, Carlisle looked like a cross between Powder and George McFly (if you don't know who that is, just pretend). Whoever decided they should give Carlisle a limp, shaggy comb-over had clearly participated in the "wolf-pack breakup" the night before and was obviously wickedly hungover.

 Now just imagine the blond hair...

Personally, I could forgive all this for the sole reason that they did a spectacular job making Bella look all dying and then dead and stuff. Really. I thought the makeup/effects during the pregnancy was very realistic and relatively graphic. It was so good that I hardly noticed how bad any of the other Cullens looked once Bella got knocked up.

THE MOTHERFUCKING SPAWN IS IN THE HOUSE, YO (aka, little girls everywhere are swearing they will never get pregnant after watching this movie)

As I said before, the makeup/effects during the pregnancy was spot-on. The actual, break-backing, womb-tearing pregnancy was off the fucking hook. I honestly wondered how they were going to do it and I genuinely thought there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that they would be able to pull it off. Yet, they did. It was brutal and rough and everyone involved performed really well and it was a great scene**.

  Dear Renesmee, you ended up with your dumbass name because you fucked mommy up when she was pregnant. Love, Bella.

I just want to know what sound effect they used to simulate Edward ripping into Bella's womb. I had no idea that's what the sound of vampire teeth against, well, vampire embryonic sac would sound like.

Then again, I never actually thought about it.

Anyhoo, the spawn was birthed, Rosalie fell in love with her, Jacob fell in love with her WAY more than Rosalie did and Bella was left lying in a hospital dead, all dying and stuff. I'd go into the whole imprinting thing but... nah. I'll leave that for the others.

The end. Well, until next year, when we get to watch two hours of a non-fight with the Volturi.

Please let us know what YOU thought. And stay tuned for more critiques galore!!

** I reserve the right to completely change my mind about this scene when STY and I go to the movies again this weekend. Actually, that goes for the whole movie...


  1. Any move that provokes a positive reaction in me should consider itself a success. Most of the time I'm either indifferent or irritated to near violence (Dirty Dancing).

    Breaking Dawn made my eyes water. Not full out crying, but definitely damp. Thru almost the whole damn thing! I'm surprised by how much I love this movie and I'm kind of glad it had a couple of incredibly dumbass scenes. The connections to Twilight thru the music and flashback scenes awoke the sleeping Twitard in me.

    I missed you all.

    Now where's my vodka? *belch*

  2. move = movie

    (My word verification is "troal")

  3. Dear dude that directed this, For fuck's sake, please don't give Rathbone any lines. Ever.
    Cullenary Curser

    Speaking of not being able to stop laughing. The wolf scene had me and my friends in stitches. I actually thought I was going to pee myself at one point. It was like watching a bad Saturday morning cartoon - one where the wolves somehow all sounded like transformers crossed with thunder cats.

    Oh and was it just me, or did Edward not really sparkle this time? Like I didn't hear any tinkling. I'm not sure if I missed the skin of killer or not. Thoughts?

    v/w fun: morments? is that something SM has when she has a moral dilemma.

  4. Oh, and I kind of like Kristen now. GAH! I never thought I'd say that. She is maturing and isn't such an angsty little twat anymore. And, like you said, much improved in the acting department.

  5. Personal favorite moment(s) were Seth (BooBoo, what a name!) following Jacob around. I kept expecting him to say "I want to be a real boy/wolf" in a Pinocchio voice. Next time you go just think of that. Makes me giggle.

    The movie was pretty decent. Poor Carlisle's wig was terrible and I don't think Ashley Greene could act her way out of a local cable commercial. I still loved it and want to see it again, if only for the pleasure of viewing Rob.

  6. I was lucky enough to find a link to watch online. Somebody went to see it, recorded it and uploaded it. I just had to endure some smacking and crunching of snacks but hey, it was free. I've already watched it 5 times. I agree that Kristen's acting was way better. I've never been a big fan of KStew, and I know that may be Twihard blasphemy.

    The hair and makeup people should never be allowed to work again. They made good looking people look like shit, with the exception of Nikki. At least Kristen had real hair this time. That wig in Eclipse was awful. I wanted more naughty good stuff on the honeymoon. The movies always change too much and it pisses me off. I am hoping for the "R" rated director's cut in the dvd.

  7. I ad an issue that they were on a tropical island and not once did we see any sparkle?!?! Did Edward somehow find clouds to hide under when he was outside the entries two weeks?

    Wolf Seth saying "you mean, kill Bella" is the one line I will always laugh at. I just picture the wolf face and giggles ensue.

  8. Spot on!

    I begrudgingly admit that I am now a fan of Stewies. I thought she brought it hard, sometimes literally. Sadly, I thought Robward's hair & outfits were iffy but I wouldn't kick him out of my bed. The wolves were awful, my 10 yr old neice could have drawn them better & provided better voice overs.

    Overall, I'm impressed with what Bill C did with 900 pages of WTF moments. And I think we all have witnessed the fact that Stewie likes to do da bump with Rob on video.

  9. I just left my second viewing..That wolf shit gets funnier every time I see it! And little Ne'ne has her daddy's eyebrows that's for fucking sure.
    Bella's acting was much better- But for realz she needs to shut her mouth sometimes- Even in death her mouth was hanging open.
    I LOVED the honeymoon scenes, even the awkward bed breaking. I can totally relate to the skimpy tease shit Bella was pulling, "Oh no, I don't want sexy These lacy bras are super comfy."

    It was way better than I expected, so that's something.

  10. I love it and love your review! Oh and I totally agree with Cullenary Curser about the wolfpack scene. As soon as the movie was over I said it sounded like an 80's cartoon villain or the transformers. I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. The makeup for KStew was awesome!!!!! They totally gave her meth face and crack lips (I smoke rocks Joe Rogan!) I only got to see it once but I can't wait to go back again. I want to see that nip slip!!!!!

  11. Kinda obsessed with BD at the moment, which speaks volumes bc I thought the book was crap!!

    Fav moments included Rob/Eddie rolling over in his boxers, the incorp of random previous Twi movies through music and sound ( anyone notice Bella's blanket?? Two headed snake from Appaloosa...), and Edward calling Bella "baby" for like the first time when he was trying to save her!!! Also, def the montage of Bella's life with Edward and before! I think the female housekeeper is actually the 3rd wIfe from Eclipse! Can someone back me on that??

    Anywho, I loved the shit out of this movie and can't wait to watch it illegally online or go to the theater again!!

  12. Well I IMDB'd and I don't think it's the same chick, but damn they look the same!!

  13. OMG--I don't think I've ever laughed out loud so hard at anything in my entire life as your description of "The Wolves." During the scene I actually had to snap myself out of shock and try to rationalize why they did it like that...like that's just how dogs would truly talk if they could...makes so much sense...

    I agree with your review 99%, spot on! I thought Alice's hair looked better than Rosalie's, though. I thought the instrumental background music during the movie got a little over-dramatic bordering on cheesy at times. And although the hot sex scene was a little short, the part when Bella was remembering the next morning was probably the most romantic, heart-wrenching sex scene in the history of movies--pure LOVE. I teared up there because it really portrayed more than just sex. I actually teared up many times during this movie, which is a first during Twilight movies except once for a split second in NM.

  14. Someone please remind me about the Jasper/Jackson thing. Did he even have lines? I have seen the movie twice but don't remember him. Maybe it was so awful I have stripped it from my memory box.

    The music and the connections from the first movies reminded me why I fell in love with this series in the first place. Thanks Bill C.

  15. I haven't seen Jackson in many movies, but I saw that weird Airbending movie and he was terrible in that, too.

  16. THANK YOU!!!!!!! Jenny, I've been dying to hear your synopsis on this latest installment. All of my friends thought I was the biggest asshole for laughing at Carlisle's shitty hair, and again when I got the giggles for Edward's Chef Boyardee Beefaroni-esque bloodstain on his face after gnawing out the spawn. Seriously, why the fuck couldn't he just wipe his damn chin????

  17. As usual, I laughed and laughed at your review. Thank you! I mean, we have to take this shit w a grain of salt, and all that. Taking it too seriously, I dunno, just seems unbalanced to me. But I lurve it, don't get me wrong!

    I hope it's ok, but I thought I'd follow along w my comments--sorry to bore folks to tears.

    The Humans: gawd I love Charlie too. Billy Burke is just perfect as Charlie. He has great comedic timing and delivery. Funny too, bc he doesn't seem very Charlie-esque in RL. Jessica? I was not a fan in this movie. Sooo caddy and rude. Was she that bad in the book? But humorous? yes. I hope she was lit too.

    Wedding: I liked the dress, a lot. But I like vintagey things w is why I loved the front. The back was, okay. Let's put it this way: waaaayyyy better than I thought it could ever be from the description in the book.
    --Why the fuck were Carmen&Eleazar practically in the aisle? This has bugged and bugged me since the pics came out ages ago. Hoors wanted their mugs all up that shit.
    --Yeah, wtf was going on w the Deanli sisters? They looked awful and CROSSEYED!! JFC, they are supposed to make B feel bad, but she was right to basically laugh at them. ugh. Maybe they couldn't see and that was why they looked like and acted for shite?

    Honeymoon: Yup, NOT ENOUGH SEXIN gawddamnit! I loved, loved B's attempts at seduction in nighties & E's laughing (& rolling over, too cute, really).
    I'VE MISSED THE NIPPLE TWICE NOW, I'm on the lookout bitches!

    Wolves: Leah, meh. She has nice lips. The sawmill alpha breakup scene was atrocious. I laughed so hard both times I saw the movie. I'm pretty sure I was pissing off people around me. I mean, c'mon. The wolves looked like shit and they should not talk in wolf form. tres horribles!

    Hair/Wigs: Couldn't agree more. Jasper still looked gross, but yeah, Carlisle looked yucky

    Yup, I agree, B looked scary thin--great job there. But why for slack on others?
    K did a good job drinking that blood.
    "Jacob has an idea." wtf Rob, way to act there buddy. cringworthy

    Imprinting: not as bad as I thought it would be. I kinda liked it, actually. And the animatronic baby was not that creepy at all.

    I thought the movie seemed really rushed the first time that I saw it. Better the second time. However, I felt like the birth scene and death scene were too slow. That all happened very quickly in the book. I mean really, put the baby on the floor, B is dying, wtf? I liked that theLochNessMonster bit B, but they should've showed the mark. I thought E should've been more aggressive in plunging the venom into B's heart, and the rest of changing her. His biting of her lacked in special effects. Rob did a good job tho showing emotion after that. But I thought it was still confusing after that, was she changing or not--and I'd read the books! That didn't flow very well I didn't think. I missed the agonizing time E spends by her side during the change, and time he spent there w theLochNessMonster. I wanted to see him holding and taking to the baby, and waiting.

    Loved-loved-loved-loved the very ending. Just perfect to me, just how I would've ended it.

    my two cents, or um 22 cents.

    sorry so long, thanks as always ladieeees

  18. I loved the music too - the Iron and Wine song was perfect there, and when it cut to the band, I think they were playing "The Meadow". And VLOVESELVIS is so right - the only complaint I had about the instrumental soundtrack was the awful over-the-top music to scenes (and scripts...) that didn't require all of that build up. Like the horrid wolf scene - maybe that's why they were using those awful voices.

    I also agreed on the wedding dress - I liked the nightmare wedding getup better. And we saw the nip shot too! That was my hubby's favorite part of the movie! Speaking of the hubs - HE is the one that noticed that there was no sparkly Edward to be seen - mhmm, and he pretends he's not paying attention...

    Beyond the usual complaints about makeup and wigs - why don't they ever stop the scene and tell the actors when something is messed up??? Edwards shirt was folded over itself when he was whining about hurting her while doing the deed, and Bella's boob was getting squished in half by the seam of her blue nighty that was supposed to keep the shirt in place UNDER her boob. She doesn't have much to begin with, don't strap them down! (I also cracked up at the end when she was turning into pretty-vamp Bella, I think they were intending to show her ribs fixing themselves, but she looked like she got an instant boob job! That venom is some crazy good stuff!)

    @laphipps - When Edward called her baby, I lost my breath - that was the sweetest and most genuine line I have ever heard Edward say to her. It makes up for all that "best of my existence" crap! I think the boxer/rollover was yummy! I thought the housekeeper was the 3rd wife too. And the montage was AMAZEBALLS.

    I'll hop off my soapbox now...
    Again Twitarded, thanks for the indulgence!

  19. I can only recall the first line of Jasper's (the window/bachelor party), and that's it. From that line alone, I was happy, and figured he finally got to poop!
    As far as the "love" scene was concerned: DIS-APP-OINT-ED!! This may very well be because I was so pissed about the book, but I've honestly seen more action on a box of cereal. I'm not looking for porn, mind you, but this was downright shitty. That being said, I could't help but think of the two them now that they're "offical"...something tells me RPatz is something of a "bottom" in that case. I'll keep my eye out for KStew's nip, though.

    Her acting was, to my delight, very much improved and has rekindled my support for her.

    (I found this VERY entertaining!Hopefully y'all will too.)

    The wolf scene I forgave the first time, only because I was aesthetically overwhelmed. However, seeing it the second time made ME feel embarrassed. Surely, there could have been another way...

    The ending was probably the best ending ever, and from the second she opened her eyes--I was ready to buy a ticket to see it again...which I will...this weekend.
    That's all I have for now...
    much more viewing to be done.


  20. I'm having a Twi marathon coz I'm off for round 2 tomorrow. It's fun to pick the shit out of them.
    Basically I hated the book & expected to hate the movie but I didn't, I actually enjoyed it.
    I loved bloodthirsty red-eyed Vampward! I love Rob in period costume-yum.
    I loved the wedding, dress & the kiss was EPIC. They finally had a decent snog!
    Glad I'm not the only one who thought the Denali's were creepy. Congratulations again Scummit, making gorgeous people ugly yet again. Poor PFuckinelli, what else can I say that hasn't been said before.
    Did Jackson have non-acting classes from Eclipse to BD? I love me some Jacksper & he was good in E ("Major Jasper Whitlock ma'am" anyone?) & cringeworthy in BD (even without mentioning his wig).
    The biggest crack-up for me was my 14 year old: "Mum, why are they speaking like Transformers" & when her boobs jumped up during her transformation, "Oh so that's how you get boobs?" lol!
    Oh & thanks for the heads-up about another nipplegate. Remember the big debate over Robwards nipple in NM?
    W/V....backi....I'm going backi for more tomorrow. X
    The crack-up for me was

  21. Oh & lets face facts here, what we all really wanted to see was the XXX version of the honeymoon. True? Anything less is a disappointment but I think they did well with the constraints of pg13.
    The special effects/make-up for concentration camp Bella were great. The pacing of the spawns delivery was all wrong but it was very well done otherwise & the venom flowing through her CSI style was awsome.
    Don't know how that little bit of sentence got on the end of my previous comment *shrugs*. X

  22. Love reading this.

    You all know already what I thought, and I have been again since writing that review.

    The music stands out as being one of the highlights for me, and the biggest frustration I have (talking wolves aside) was that I felt Edward was WAY too casual when Bella was dying. I also felt that they didn't adequately show how much pain she was in, it all seemed really tame.

    Having just reread BD I felt that the whole transformation could have been turned up a notch or two in intensity.

  23. No doubt it was good and there was a lot to like about it! I laughed, cried, and drooled over Edward. The first time watching it I was actually in awe of what was kept in and seemed straight from the book.

    I liked the wedding dress in the dream sequence better than the actual dress.

    I snickered over the wolf scene and thought, 'did that just really happen?'

    Agree about Jessica Stanley!

    In the book I really didn't care much about Leah's character just because I was all about Edward and Bella, but Julia Jones' portrayal was so sincere that I found myself hoping SM writes a novella for Leah so we can find out what happens to her.

  24. My question when watching it was this: would anyone who hadn't read the books know what was happening, especially in the birth scene. It was NOT clear if she was alive or dead...Why oh why do they not get Twitards to review this shit before they release it?

    wv:Graying...I am NOT! curse YOU word verification!

  25. YAY for the spoiler filled review! So a few things to comment on since I've only seen BD once (BAD TWITARD *flick*). I absolutely LOVE Charlie. And I said this multiple times throughout the movie. LOVED the wedding, the music, the dress, the speeches (lol!), Jessica commenting on the cake, etc. The Denali clan was too gold; Goldish/metallic dresses, blond hair, gold eyes.. it was just too much and I think that's why they didn't look as breathtakingly beautiful as they were supposed to (plus, they're acting sucked ass).

    Loved the honeymoon. I'll be on the lookout for the nip slip during viewing #2.

    The wolf conversation was definitely cringe-worthy/awkward. I had a hard time understanding their transformer voices.

    LOVED when they were discussing names for the spawn... Loved the unpleasant face that Jake made when the spawn's name was mentioned lol.

    Prego Bella makeup was outstanding but I still think the makeup/hair team should be shot for all the shit they've done in ALL the movies to make people who are supposed to look inhumanly beautiful, look like absolute shit. ugh. Carlisle's hair was awful and Jasper's hair was bad but not as bad as NM.

    Finally, loved the ending. I can't freaking wait until Part 2 next year to see Kstew in all of her vampy glory. Also, I'm hoping the sex scenes in their cottage will be better than the honeymoon fade to black but I probably shouldn't hold my breath. All in all, BD1 FTW!

  26. Coming out of lurkville to comment... that's what these movies will to do you I suppose! (*waves enthusiastically*)

    My thoughts: I will have to agree that the only REAL cringeworthy scene for me was the wolves. (*facepalm)
    They have to have at least one of those to be a Twilight film, I guess. It was bad! I groan every time I think of it. There has to have been another way. No... just no.

    OK, I've seen it twice now. I missed Bella's nip but completely understandable for me as I was locked on to Sexward like a stripper on a pole. Wanted more but it was sweet and romantic. As it should have been for the "first times" IMO. Fluved the firty Bella!! YES! Reminds me of me.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again...they better let the shit fly in BD2. NO HOLDING BACK. I want wall sex, table sex, Bella taking charge...and there better be some frenching too. K, just so we're clear.

    @Rikki_DD: I was looking for the sparklepeen so much in the honeymoon I swore I saw his left shoulder sparkle. Could've been made up but...it was when he jumps into the waterfall with Bella on his back. I need another viewing but I swore. No twinkling though.

    Well, OF COURSE Bella looked perfectly and awesomely horrible. The makeup dept are experts at that!! We know this!! But Carlisle, oh you poor, poor guy. He needs a chisel and a good wash. Why was his hair yellow?? It's either a bad dye job or he is SOOO old that his hair is turning white/yellow. *barf*

    I actually really liked the dress. The dream sequence dress was pretty too but I thought it was too modern. I was apprehensive it would look TOO much like SM 'awesome fashion sense', so I was happily surprised!

    One last thing, I was more than OK how Edward acted in the death scene. I actually 'felt' the emotion which is new. If he was more frantic/emotional I think it may have been overacted. It was already so out of character for Edward that I got it. More aggression with the needle would have collapsed her organs, which in that case, no point in BD2.

    Overall - I loved i!! I can't believe I'm saying that since I'll never read BD ever again.

    I would have prefriv more sexhotness but high hopes for BD2!

  27. The more time that passes, the more cynical I become when it comes to analyzing film. But, I'm going to try and channel my advanced screening showing persona and remember that I fucking loved the movie. I cried when they played Flightless Bird during the wedding and I laughed at all the speeches. The first half of the film was definitely a mix of humor and cuteness overload. Especially, horny Edward and Bella begging him to have sex with her. I can only pray the DVD will have a few extra scenes...

    But I have to commend Condon on the second half of the film. For me, BD the novel was never my favorite. It just didn't have the magic that the first novel had and got very complicated and out of sorts. But I actually loved the way Condon portrayed a malnourished Bella. Even knowing the outcome, I did tear up when Edward thought she was dead. (Even though he got all Pulp Fiction on her, stabbing her with that big ass syringe!)The second half of the film is what stuck with me and really left an impression on me. When she opened her eyes, and they were red. CHILLS! I left completely satisfied.
    But, as always. I do agree with you on the wolf scene where Sam gives his speech. That felt like Lion King, and Sam could have been Mufasa. It was definitely a WTF moment, but I pretended I didn't just see what I just saw. That's how I deal with those moments! :) Anyways, it feels good to talk about it and I'm happy that everybody is starting to blog about their thoughts. Love hearing them!!

  28. Such a fucking blast reading all of the reviews here! Damn. We are insightful bitches!

    The wedding scene was great. Her dress was mullet-y, but she looked so fucking REAL. I was a sobbing bitch. Especially when Charlie got choked up. Our main man was hot, hot, hot...No denying it.

    The Denali girls were a golden shower dream come true. They were so fucking YELLOW. Yellow piss eyes, yellow hair, yellow fucking dresses....Ugh.

    I loved red-eyed Edward, I loved rolling in the sheets in self-induced restraint Edward, I loved Rio Edward, swinging Bella around and kissing her JUST BECAUSE. Fuck me running...

    The wolves weren't that bad looking...The whole split thing was all sorts of awful, and I thought I was having an aural seizure with all of the fuzzy voices and what the shit. But the imprinting?! I was floored. It was a baquillion times better than what I pictured from the book. I still wish Edward had tried to kill him just a little...No one likes a pedo-wolf.

    ....That's all for now. Oh, lots of people talking about Edward calling Bella "baby," I also fucking died. That is all.

  29. The wedding toast humor totally made the movie for me and for the hubs, who took me under threat of death. Tipsy Charlie rocked the house! I enjoyed the Jessica cattiness as well; it was spot-on for a bitchy high school chick.

    I was surprised how steamy the sexin' actually was and I missed the nipple shot, thank heavens. I was all about some naked Edward so the a rocket could have launched next to me and I wouldn't have known it.

    My fave moments were Edward and Bella in Rio- carefree and like newlyweds should be and sweet Dadward and Bella on the couch giggling at the baby or whatever the hell it is.

    Oh, and I also admit to some damp eyes. I can't discuss the wolves. It upsets me.

  30. I think it's funny that everyone is picking on the wolves. They looked so much more real in this movie than in the others. And I personally thought the scene where we hear them talking was great. I didn't cringe at all. I have a *really* high tolerance for cringe because of Twilight in general though...

  31. Best part for me was happy Edward. Cannot get enough of that.
    I wanted to hug Jacob when he was crying at the end.
    I loved the sex scenes, it was more than I was expecting for pg13.
    Dying Bella special effects were amazing!
    Going again this weekend.

  32. Is it bad I felt the intended bachelor party scene was worse than the Pride Rock or Mt Woof scene?? Emmett and Jasper look SPECIAL.

  33. I loved your review and damn, agreed with it too. Ater flying to the West Coast (3 hrs behind me)to tour Forks, and getting my seat at BD1 almost 5 hours before the mf'ing midnite movie started, I wasn't sure I would make it thru. But I did -- even cried when I saw Dr. Daddy's hair. So, KStew's nip? Why get naked for an unsex sex scene? Who made Steph a director anyway? Damn killjoy. Anyway, TwiTards, thanks for cleaning out all the Twi stores in Forks!

  34. Fabulous critiques, ladies. What more can I say, except, first, loved the too-short love scenes - very sweet, if not enuf. Caught the nip the second time I saw it. Loved the sitting-up-in-bed shot during Bella's flashback, loved the rollover when he gives in to her after her dream. The other scene I keep coming back to is emotional Edward at the end, seeming much more human than usual - calling her baby, saying "no no no no," giving her a last, loving lookover before going out to fight the wolves. Deep sigh. Seeing it again this weekend! xoxo

  35. Just came back from the theater and headed right this way. It was phenomenal. My mind was blown away. It's incredible how many things Bill Condon got right. I loved the whole 70s aesthetics to Rio, the acting, the special effects, and Edward... finally smiling, finally relaxed.
    Fucking brilliant. I haven't been this excited since I actually read the books. Honestly, can't wait for part 2.

    Oh, and my favourite line in the movie comes from Charlie: "Edward's still walking on water?"

  36. I am so lame I still haven't seen it. This weekend, I promise. Maybe tonight, after the turkey is gone. So I didn't read the post. But I'm sure it was good!

    FSE is wearing his cook's apron and helping in the kitchen today.

  37. Just got back from seeing it again.
    Caught the nip! (Of course, I'm 10 years behind now, since the recent post has RPatz mentioning the PG-13 criteria = half a nip.)
    The two things that have seriously bugged me, that I failed to mention before:
    #1-The horrendous fake crying courtesy of Sarah Clarke. Okay, so I get it that not every actor can cry on cue, but really? It's a movie. I know they have ways and means of creating tears, whether it be Visene or blowing air in your eyes. It just looks awful to not have her with a few serious tears...your daughter is getting married damnit!
    #2: That fucking ring! Still! Ahhhhhh! I still cannot stand to look at it. Drives me nuts.

  38. Seen it twice. Yes, love it. The wedding was the most beautiful thing, playing Flightless Bird and just the two of them was gorgeous. Taking off on the honeymoon, the howling, and the music just really set the tone. The island and house was just as I'd imagined. Now the midnight swim. Did anyone else think Edward looked like the back of a Ken doll standing in the water? Little disappointed with that. Was a very sweet scene when Bella joined him though. Honeymoon over, baby on the way. Yes great effects to make Kristen look so unwell. Wolf scene WTFFFF!? Optimus Prime, Lion King! Love it!! Looooved the ending of the flashback with Carter Burwell music. How about surprise at the end? Anyone miss that in the first viewing?

  39. I have SO much to say about this movie...prob why I haven't done a blog post about it yet. It was amazing. Im seeing it tonight w my mom so I'll report back later.

    I totes saw the nip slip after someone pointed it out on twitter. The anti-christ/thundercats part was the WORST! And Jaspers wig.... that's not a wig. It's his real hair.
    This movie F'ing ROCKS. That's all for now. :)

  40. Hilarious review. Loved it.

    KStew's acting was improved in this one- she seems to be adopting Stephenie Meyer's lesson that being pregnant makes you Strong and Decisive. Which reminds that I couldn't stop cringing at the whole baby/fetus showdown. Yikes.

    Taylor Lautner was doing much better too, dontcha think? At least in his human form.

    Read an interview with RPattz in which he says he basically didn't have to act much in this one since it's so easy to give fans what they want-- The Perfect Guy. And also, he reveals that dying/birthing Bella was Kristen's head on an emaciated body. !!

    Also, because I think you awesome h00rs will like this one, a hilarious spot-on review from comics alliance: http://www.comicsalliance.com/2011/11/23/twilight-breaking-dawn-review/


  41. Great review JJ and Wordydoodles that Comic Alliance review is HILARIOUS! I saw the movie last week and am going again next week. Overall I thought they did a pretty good job of a book that was awful. Its rated PG12 here so that effectively means I could bring my 7 year old son to it ...if I wanted to damage him. I totally saw KStew's nipple - couldn't believe it! Having watched the Rob interview I now know that quarter of a nipple is allowed in that classification so everyday is a school day. What did I think of it? I thought poor Carlisle (with an S Bianca) looked so so bad that the wardrobe and makeup people must really hate him. And what did they do to make Esme's forehead look elongated lengthways? Seriously it looked like it was 1.5 inches longer? The Denali's looked awful, Bella looked overtired and sick for her wedding, the dress was not very nice at all either. The instrumental music before the wedding was like something you'd have heard in a department store in the 80's. I liked it more once they left for the honeymoon and I thought that was done very well. I don't think RPatz was actually acting for most of that, anyone else get that impression? For a PG12 movie it was pretty explicit, I mean it wasn't porn but it was pretty obvious that multiple couplings were going on!! Jasper looked sick, Rosalie looked better than she usually does, like Leah and Seth. The conversation between the wolves was very badly done. I know they were messing with their voices to try and give the impression that it was their thoughts we're hearing but what it reminded me most of, was the voices my kids put on when they are playacting and pretending to be aliens from Ben10 or Transformers. I think a little more effort could've been made to make that better. Did somebody say Rob has confirmed the use of a body double for emaciated dying Bella - I thought that was the case for the bath scene definitely. The birth scene itself was very graphic, the acting and pacing were patchy in parts and I agree with the person who said that it wasn't clear enough that Bella was in agony. I too loved the instant boob job that the change apparently gives you - and the sparkly eye makeup :) It also struck me that the birth scene and aftermath was a bit like a teenage party gone wrong - the parents and older siblings are at the supermarket getting the groceries, things get out of hand when Bella has too much to drink, some rough types try to gatecrash but its all sorted out without anyone having to call the cops....phew. Sorry this is so long - I may think of other things when I watch it the second time. WV - outeri

  42. I am a lurker...but I figured I would comment today! woohoo!!

    Jenny -- great review and pretty spot on! I am glad to see that others were totally appalled by the wolf break-up scene as I was. The people i saw it with didnt quite feel my pain. I felt awkward through the whole scene and couldn't wait for it to be over! The next time i saw it, it was just funny! :) I also agree that they did a fantastic job on making KStew look all 'sick & dying'.

    I thought the wedding was perfect..mostly. Denali sisters could have looked better. Honeymoon scene...there was most definitely a nip slip that i missed the first time around and happened to catch the second time (the time i brought my daughter and mom to watch it..wasnt awkward at all). haha NO there was NOT enough sexy time but again, I thought it was never gonna stop while I was covering my daughters eyes. *shrugs*

    I like Bella/KStew much better and think she is gonna look absolutely beautiful as a vamp. One thing I didnt like about the birth scene was they didnt show enough of her "writhing in pain". Yeah they cut to it a few times, but the book was soo much more descriptive and I thought the movie should have had a little more of that. I mean who doesnt want to see more of Suffering Bella? jk...kinda

    Oh and I didnt see Edward sparkle ONCE! They were on a damn island for fucks sake! There should have been some sparkle..and as someone mentioned in a comment..some tinkling noises when he sparkles! lol

    Anyway..all in all I was impressed and will push this one up to the top although it cant go as high as Twilight (im with you on this JJ).

    Its terrible we have to wait an entire year for Part 2. :(

  43. First of all - HELLO to everyone who hasn't been here in awhile *cough*mmMoxie*cough* and to all the lurkers.

    Secondly, I did notice the non-sparkliness but it honestly took me like a day or two to realize it.

    Jaymes805 - I CANNOT believe that was Jackson's hair. The end.

    I think you guys have more than covered the bases. I've loved reading these comments!!!

  44. Just one little thing from me - I loved watching Bella/Kristen go from nervous and scared at the start of her wedding aisle walk to strong and confident as soon as she saw Edward/Rob. It just reminded me so much of my favorite Twilight Saga quote "I squared my shoulders and walked forward to meet my fate, with my destiny
    solidly at my side."


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