So, it's Sunday again and I'm doing everything I possibly can to avoid thinking about the fact that tomorrow is Monday and I have to report back to my cubicle prison for the next five soul-sucking days.
Of course, there is nothing better than the internet for major distractions and I figured I would share a few of my recent favorites with you:
1) Slingshot Zombiehammer - I want this. I NEED this. My daily commuter battle with the Great Unwashed would be SO much better if I had this. And it's never too early to prepare for the zombie apocalypse...
2) A friend sent this link to Snarkier Than You and I a few days ago and I'm still laughing my ass off. Writer Lizzie Stark asks the burning question - what if Twilight was written by famous authors?
In the opening scene, Edward dashes Bella’s head against a rock and rapes her corpse. Then he and Jacob take off on an unexplained rampage through the West.
Be sure to check out her site and then come back here and leave your own in our comments!
Here's what I came up with:
William S. Burroughs
Bella and Edward are heroin addicts living in a slummy apartment building in New York City. The entire book revolves around them trying to get their next hit while dodging authorities and other criminals.
3) So many of you tweeted or emailed this next link to me so there was no way I couldn't blog about it because, seriously, what the fuck?
This reminds of a gift a boyfriend had given me many years ago. It was a book called The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress, which was pretty much a couple of hundred pages extolling the virtues of swallowing semen the old-fashioned way - straight from the penis. I'm sorry, but if I'm going to be smearing cum all over my face, it's going to be because there is a camera in my face and someone is paying me a lot of money to do porn, not because I think it'll maintain my youthful appearance.
Anyway, back to the recipes. I can't stress this enough - take a gander at the preview link on the page and just bask in the amazingness of gems like "Creamy Cum Crepes" or "Man Made Oysters".
I don't know if I'll ever be able to order a protein smoothie again, that's all I'm saying.
Happy Sunday to you all and if you have any jizz-based recipes please share them in the comments.
Actually, don't. I don't want to know.
Here it is...your moment of Robert Pattinson
5 hours ago