It's because I find myself watching stuff I would never, ever watch otherwise. Like Vampire Diaries.
Last week at some point I was bored and had gas so I didn't want to go bed just yet, because I'm terrified I'm going to shit the sheets if I go to sleep gassy and it'll be like that scene from Trainspotting but minus the unintelligible accents and heroin.
This scene was a better deterrent of trying heroin than D.A.R.E. Traumatized.
So I started watching The Colony*** on Netflix.
Basically, it's some kind of reality show/social experiment/awesome mindfuck that places a bunch of people in a post-apocalyptic kind of scenario and then sees what happens when they essentially deprive them of everything they need to survive. And I mean everything.
This was not included in the experiment. The only water they got was from the L.A. River.
Frankly, I was expecting cannibalism and torture because I have zero faith in humanity but these people surprisingly got their shit together and did amazing survival stuff. Like, make a car engine that runs on wood gas. Then again, it was a cast full of real-life engineers, scientists, machinists and people that build... things. And they probably didn't spend their pre-armageddon days drinking themselves into a stupor and obsessively surfing Imgur like one or two writers on this blog do.
I'm pretty sure my porn-writing skill isn't going to help too much when Earth is swirling down the Apocalyptic toilet. Unless I count using all my stories to light fires with, then yes, I can contribute. Finally, those stories are worth something!
Twenty-five years of writing stories just came in real handy. I knew I had a reason for printing them out.
Anyway, the first season was highly entertaining and I was super impressed by what the Colonists achieved, even if I secretly hoped a few of them would meet an untimely demise because holyshit were they annoying.
The show also helped me pull together a list of things I would need to finally fill up the "Shit-Just-Hit-The-Fan" container that ML and I have in the basement. Right now, it only has some batteries (unless ML took them) and some flashlights (unless ML took those too). I think we have one of those silver blanket thingies too but I'm not sure. It might just be a wad of old tin foil. Regardless, thanks to The Colony, I have a few more items I plan to add:
1) Charcoal tablets or some kind of water purification thing. Apparently having water is super duper important for survival. Unfortunately, that doesn't go the same for wine or whiskey.
2) A can opener and some cans and/or freeze dried food. I guess I'm going to have get over my aversion to, well, pretty much all food that has a gross texture in order to survive. I can handle that. I think. ML, on the other hand, is going to have to get over eating things with faces because I'm pretty sure a vegetarian diet is not conducive to trying to survive a global catastrophe.
3) Fire. Preferably a flame thrower, to ward off any motherfuckers who try to steal whatever I've stolen from the people who didn't survive.
4) A machinist and/or contractor. I'm now taking applications for new friends who are capable of building escape vehicles out of toilet seats, wires and scraps of metals.
If it gets me the fuck out of Dodge, I don't care what it's made from.
5) An extra pair of socks and sturdy shoes. Because walking around with strips of abandoned tires strapped to your feet looks fucking stupid.
6) A scientist or engineer. ML is a scientist but he specializes in ground water and stuff so hopefully we'll be okay on the water front (see what I did there?) but we'll probably need some other super smart dudes and dudettes who can build communication devices and possibly make electricity from our poops or something.
7) The date and time in which shit is going to down. SUPER IMPORTANT. I'm a procrastinator so I always wait until the last minute to get stuff done. Since I clearly need to start stocking up on rations and maybe learning how to run really fast, it would be awesome if I had some kind of timeline to get all this done. I'm sure we'll all be fine in 2012, though. I have a good feeling about this one.
So, if you're a scientist, builder, survival expert, etc., please send me your deets and we'll hash out an Armageddon plan. I'll bring the wine. And cigarettes. And pretty much anything else that's bad for me because let's face it - it's puppies and rainbows compared to nuclear fallout.
If anyone else has some suggestions for my "TSJHTF" container, let me know!! I'll be thanking you in between shooting zombies for it later.