This will always be one of my most favorite pictures of my Emo Cullen.
Aside from the obvious (um, that vampires aren't real), when it really boils down to it and I finally tear my eyes away from pictures of all the fuck-hot actors who play vampires these days, I actually DON'T want a vampire boyfriend.
And it's not because deep down inside he would actually want to kill me. I'm pretty sure my very human boyfriend entertains murderous thoughts about me from time to time. Probably more often than not.
It's the fact that it would totally ruin my whole "vampire boyfriend" fantasy. Some things are meant to remain firmly in the land of make believe and the stereotypical vampire boyfriend is one of them. I'm pretty sure "having a dream job" is also in this fantasy-land but whatever.
Decisions, decisions... nah, I'll take both.
Also, I just know I would end up picking the biggest loser in all eternity to spend, well, eternity with. I'd probably fall in love and let him change me and then wham! I'll suddenly realize I'm stuck with some vampy freeloader who drinks all my friends and kills the neighborhood pets for shits and giggles. My life will be an eternity of butt-hurt and running from the authorities.
Who I would actually end up with if vampires were real. Fuck my life.
It also doesn't help that all my vampire-boyfriend fantasies revolve around characters that are in their twenties (or even younger). Who the fuck wants to date someone who will forever be in their twenties? Now that I've been doing this "thirties" thing for a few years, I can honestly say the twenties can suck my asshole. Yes, they were fun but more in a I-can't-believe-I-made-it-without-dying-or-spending-time-in-prison kind of way. I did things that I will never, ever share with anyone, in case my mother or someone from the FBI is reading this blog. But to live like that-- with just one other person, no less-- for the rest of eternity? No way.
Even writing this post is tainting my fantasy of Damon Salvatore sweeping me off my feet and into his bed with his roguish vampire good looks and sarcastic attitude. And those eyes. Goddam, those eyes.
Really, the only thing worse would be dating a teenaged vampire...