You know, go to my happy
Well, that's how I've been feeling lately. Work is kind of sucky and super stressful and wah wah wah, so all I want to do when it's time for bed is just, well, sleep. Escape.
My brain, on the other hand, has a different idea. It's decided that the best way to handle my stress is to jerk me awake every fucking forty five minutes or so all night long. Every goddamn night for the past week. Then, the second my alarm goes off, my brain is all, "oh, I'm hitting the sack, I'm totally fucking beat, see you around midnight" and checks out and I spend the rest of the day slurping massive amounts of caffeine and almost forgetting to pull down my panties when I have to pee.
My brain is such a fucking dickhead.
While I can't remember (thankfully, I'm sure) all the reasons I bolted awake, here is more or less how my night went last night. Or maybe it was the night before. Things are a little muddled. I am almost always in bed before midnight in the desperate attempt that I might get more than hour of uninterrupted sleep...
And that's when my brain starts up.
12:34 am - Psssst, Jenny, are you awake? Hello? HELLLLOOOOOO??? Hey, I was just wondering if you were awake... Oh! There you are! Just wanted to say hi!! You can try to go back to sleep now.
1:20 am - Hey, Jenny, did you ever send that report to Joe Blow this morning? You know, that one that was super duper important and you're probably going to get fired if you didn't send it? Let's think about whether or not you sent it for the next ten minutes, okay? And if you didn't... YOU'RE TOTALLY FUCKED FOR LIFE.
2:01 am - Jenny, did you lock the doors before you went to bed? Because if you didn't, then some crazy Freddy Krueger mass murderer is going to break into your house and kill you and skin you and that would really suck. Maybe you should go downstairs and check. Sure hope no one is down there waiting for you.
2:30 am - HOLY FUCKING SHIT, FREDDY KRUEGER IS HIDING IN THE BATHTUB. DO NOT GO IN THERE OR HE WILL KILL YOU. PAINFULLY.
2: 40 am - Pssst, Jenny, I think you have to pee. Like, bad. You should totally go to the bathroom. I would pee as fast as you can because, you know, Freddy.
3:30 am -OH MAH GAHD, Just came up with the BEST storyline EVER. Okay, so here's the plot, but you need to get up and grab a pen first. Jenny? HEY!! This is going to make you famous, WAKE THE FUCK UP. Okay, good. Got a pen? Wait, what were we talking about again? I forget. Go back to sleep.
4:00 am - So, Jenny, I was thinking... What if the train explodes tomorrow while you're on it? Did you make out a will yet? Who will take your clothes? Do you think people would come to your funeral???
4:30 am - Holiday RoooAAAdddd, roooAAAAddd... Holiday ROOaaaDDDD, rrrOOOOaaaaDDDD... ... ... HOLIDAY RoooAAAddddddd, ROOOaaaaaaDDDDD...
5:00 am - WHAT IS THAT NOISE??? It's a goddamn abomination. Oh, it's ML snoring. Anyway, now that you're awake, you should just get up because this is the PERFECT time to be up. Right the fuck now. Get up. Stop laying there, Jenny!!! Get up!! No, fine?
5:45 am - DUDE IT'S SATURDAY!!!! YAY!!! You can sleep in, Jenny!! How fuckawesome is that!!!
6:00 am - Oops, that's your alarm. Just kidding about it being Saturday!! Get up and go to work, you poor bastard. I'll see you later on tonight. I'm totally wiped and need a nap.
Yeah, my brain is a fucking asshole.
What are some of things that your mind does to fuck with you when all you want is just to get some goddamn shut-eye???
Oh, and if you've never heard of the song that my brain was singing at 4:30 this morning, here it is. You're welcome. I'll fully expect hate email within the next 24 hours when it's stuck in your head.