Wednesday, July 8, 2009

MORE "100-ish Ways Twilight Has Changed My Life"!


When we finally published our soon-to-be-world-famous "100-ish Ways Twilight Has Changed My Life" post a week or so ago, we were overjoyed with the awesomeness that you guys had all created, but also lamented that we had received SO many Twi-tastic entries that not only were we physically incapable of culling the finalists beyond the 130 or so that were included in the final list, but we'd been forced to leave many, many worthy entries on the Twitarded cutting-room floor... It broke our hearts to do it; we finally understood how Edward must have felt when he left Bella in the woods, or when Catherine Hardwicke decided that the chinchilla wasn't going to end up in the final cut of the Twilight movie (thank you, deleted scenes).

But we know the cold hard truth about you, dear reader: you're trying to get your Twilight fix on the fly! In between tossing a pop-tart in the general direction of Junior's gullet! And making some token effort to reassure your S/O yet again that they have not been replaced [completely] by your Twilight/RPatts obsession! While choking down a scalding cup o' joe that makes your insides feel like they've reached wolf-level heat! And it's OK. We get it. We know that as good as it was, the "100 List" was a lot to read. But we hope you went through the whole thing anyway [and if you didn't, march your ass over to the original post - clicky right here to go to there! - but just make sure you come back, ok?]. And we also hope you are ready for more, because we've got some great ones for you!

MORE "100-ish Ways Twilight Changed My Life

Um, I play with dolls...

I have perfected the glare/growl I give my S/O when she talks shit about twilight/Robward.

Twilight has changed my life because my friends blog about it all the time now. [It is possible that JJ and STY know who submitted this one…Morgan, I’d call you a unicorn but you haven’t read Twilight so I can’t…]

I learned how a book of fiction can be used as a marital aide.

I can work Twilight (the book series, movies, characters, or actors) into any conversation at any time with two degrees of separation at the most.

I too have not read a non-vampire book since January.

It let me get to know (at least by their blogs) fantastic people like the girls that write Twitarded. [Yay!]

I have something new to talk about to friends, well because virtually ALL of my girlfriends have read this series. How often have you heard that happening with another series?

When the subject of Twilight comes up with me in attendance, I can't help but I turn into the likes of a quasi Jehovah's Witness peddling my vampire doctrine.

Instead of pictures or paintings, my living room is now decorated with Twilight posters.

My girlfriends at my volunteer job cut out pictures of Edward to paste around the place to keep me entertained.

My kids start conversations about Twilight to ‘engage’ me.

My sisters, who never read ‘fiction’ have changed their mind and want to borrow my books- but I don’t want to lend them out...

I own flannel now.

I have successfully brought friends and acquaintances ‘over to the Twilight side’ and feel proud somehow.

I'm now having the very real dilemma of making room for all the New Moon movie merch that will soon be mine. I've forbidden myself to buy anymore Twilight movie stuff, but it's getting really hard.

I take my mini Edward with me everywhere and never care about the looks I get when I get bored and start playing with him and photographing him in public.

I'm planning (no lie) on getting to the movies on November 19th at about 9AM to wait for the midnight showing of New Moon. It's going to be a fun day!

I have a cool job (life science - research), still.. :-) The best thing is, I can surf the internet whenever I wish, since Twilight hit me, this really became a problem... Uhmm, one could say, I still do "research," just the topic has changed a bit.

No thunderstorm (did I mention I live in Tornado Alley?) happens without me saying to anyone within earshot, "the Cullen's must be playing baseball, again."

I truly, truly believe I have found Robert's MySpace alias account.

My browser history has been transformed into an embarrassingly honest record of my Twilight obsession.

Guilty pleasure has now become synonymous with completely insane.

Since reading Twilight I have found out that I have a vitamin D deficiency. Do you know where you get vitamin D? That's right, the sun. Ergo, not enough sun for me. (Just like a vampire someone who does not leave the house much because they are reading Twilight. Again.)

My libido has been re-kindled like nobody's business.

The aforementioned said libido re-kindling has made my husband very, very happy over and over--so much so that he can't complain that I keep an Edward action figure on our kitchen counter and that I sometimes take Pocket Edward on photo documented family "field trips."

I have brainwashed my daughters into loving all things Twilight.

My children embarrass me while at the grocery store and they see RPattz on the tabloids and they start screaming, "Mama, it's Edward! It's Edward! It's Rob Pattinson!"

I risk getting fired every day by penning self-fulfilling Twi-fantasy scenarios back and forth with one of my BFFs while at work.

I have gone to Forks (not such a stretch I live in Washington) and actually purposefully ate at Bella Italia in Port Angeles with Pocket Edward in tow....though I did not order the mushroom ravioli--it was WAY overpriced.

I have strategically placed/left empty Twilight Sweetheart boxes around my house so that I can catch a glimpses of Edward/RPattz in each room.

I crave cigarettes again because a certain sexy actor makes it look so appealing and well, uh, sexy.

I have never before in my life defended nor purchased a movie that I thought was crap until now....and watched it over and over again (mostly only the good bits though).

I read fan-fic Twi-smut and get seriously, ahem, worked up over it.

Apparently, the night Twilight came out I was more excited than my mother had seen me since I was attending a New Kids concert when I was in the sixth grade.

My friends no longer feel sick of my lovey-dovey myspace. Instead they are sick of my Twilight-obsessed myspace.

I have never before known exactly how many days it is until a movie's opening night (it helps that it is my birthday weekend and the first one came out on my actual birthday).

Where else in this big wide world can I come and get a daily nasal flush from burning hot, black tea shooting out of my nose from laughter, at your hilarious blog? My sinuses thank you.

I definitely laugh a lot more and I am in my happy place a lot more.

I get a LOT less work done at work. Between checking blogs, checking e-mail, and writing fantasy story scenarios back and forth with one of my BFFs, I have become remarkably unproductive....ssshhh, don't tell my boss or the state of Washington.

*************************************************


Hope you enjoyed these - there's still more to come! Damn you guys are good...

39 comments:

  1. I own flannel now - LOL.... So do I

    ReplyDelete
  2. lol, just keeps gettin better.........

    id also like to add, that i have vampire like insomnia and it now has a good purpose..... trolling the internet for all things twilight at 4 in the morning for hours on end

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for putting all this together, it´s so great to read that !
    The *because-of-Twilight-I-work-much-less* thing is really an issue... but it´s good to read that i´m not alone with that. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG! The comment about smoking really hit home!

    I've thought more about smoking in the past two months than I have in the 5 years since I quit....this isn't good, Rob!

    I'm too old for peer pressure!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ I Punch Werewolves 4 Fun

    Thanks for giving me a name for my affliction. "Vampire like Insomnia" is so my issue. I'm right there with you on trolling the internet for all things twilight at 4 in the morning for hours on end, knowing full well I should go to sleep . . . . but needing just . . .a little more Twilight.

    click, click, click ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I jumped up and down when I found out that none other than Jenny Jerkface read my first blog (on the first day no less) and enjoyed my confessions. Prior to becoming TWITARDED I had never met, nor heard of Jenny Jerkface! I Love Twilight!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have a trip to Olympia, WA planned for tomorrow. I am SO tempted to skip hitting the Interstate and heading up 101.
    Yes, just so that I can do a drive-thru of Forks.
    I live less than 300 miles away, and had never heard of Forks. Now I want to go there...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm glad I'm not the only one with Mini-E keeping me company on the kitchen counter and having him accompany us on family outings, pics and all :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am growing my hair again. I cut it short earlier this year and was 'so over long hair' until I spotted Bella's.

    Glad to see I'm not the only one googling Twilight all day and neglecting my workload!

    Thanks for these!! I don't know what I would do without my daily Twitarded Fix!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Flannel - yup, got some of that! (Well... I do live in Maine so I think it's required!!) A few years ago when my husband and I were vacationing/getting hitched in Alaska, he buttoned his flannel shirt wrong and you can see it in all the pics we took that day. So now when I see RP button his shirt wrong, I think aw, just like my husband. Nope, my reality isn't blurred... at all!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks JJ & STY, these are great!

    I have some plaid knickers (don't ask, pressie from the maggot-in-law) does that count?

    I think my heart is finally back to its normal rhythm from all the wet RPattz photos of yesterday. That is until I got to work and opened up email and my crazy Twinut friends had sent me more.. 'Stone the bloody crows' here we go again.....Be still my heart.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. First time commenting so here goes nothing.....
    Hi my name is Katie and I'm totally TWITARDED!!! Whew, feels great to finally say that out loud...well u know what I mean. HA!
    First this blog is awesome! I happened across you gals when I was getting my daily fix at TCA, who is also awesome! You gals are ridiculously funny! I haven’t laughed this much in I don’t even know when, so thanks for that!!
    I have been perusing (did I seriously just saying perusing?? HA!) your achieves this week and have been LMAO at work. Now with that being said the gals at work don’t know just how Twitarded I really am. They know I’ve read the series and watched the movie but they don’t know how many times I’ve read and watched the movie! Hopefully one of these days I’ll be able to step out of my Twitarded closet but for now it’s locked nice and tight. (sigh)
    Secondly, thanks for turning me onto-in more ways than one-fanfic!! I sooo didn’t know what I was missing!! That stuff is the best and the bf is sooo not gonna know what hit him come-hehe-this weekend!:-)
    Keep up the awesome greatness!! You gals are the best in my book!
    BTW, I've gotten nothing done at work this week but hey there is always next week! (big smile on face)
    ~Katie

    ReplyDelete
  13. LMAO @ "When the subject of Twilight comes up with me in attendance, I can't help but I turn into the likes of a quasi Jehovah's Witness peddling my vampire doctrine."
    This is SO me. I love it! Not many of my IRL friends are as obsessed with Twilight as me, so it's nice to be able to connect with my Twitarded girls online! :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is my first post too, and I love this site. Im so twitarded and the boyfriend is always making fun of me. But like a good twitard, I dont care..lol. I dont own flannel, but as soon as I have some extra moneys, Im so getting a Pocket-E. Twilight has changed my life. I didnt know my younger sister(who is 21) could read. She read the entire series in like 2 weeks, with two kids around. Who knew, my kid sister can read...lol

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only who has vampire-like insomnia now that Twilight has taken over my life! I've been noticing for awhile now that my job and family were really cutting into my blog and the Twi-smut fan-fic reading time. Something had to give, so now I just don't sleep.

    On a sort of unrelated side note, does anyone know a safe site where I can download an unlocked/printable version of Midnight Sun? I don't want to blow up the server at work with a virus (cause you know they'll eventually figure out it was me!). Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  16. @IPW4F--I, too, should most definitely add nocturnal vampire hours to my list too. I equate my sleep deprivation since becoming twitarded akin to having a newborn nursing baby. You moms out there know what I am talking about.

    Perhap Twitardedness can be argued as a mental disibality and our workplaces will have to provide accomodation by supplying a streaming electronic ticker with all Twi updates from our favorits sites and blogs to improve workplace productivity. Oh, a girl can dream.

    ReplyDelete
  17. "I have never before in my life defended nor purchased a movie that I thought was crap until now....and watched it over and over again (mostly only the good bits though)." LMAO. got the 3-disc deluxe edition too!! *eternally ashamed*... can't fight the addcition!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Can I beg for new "15 Step"??

    If so, I beg for new "15 step"!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. OK, I have another confession... Every day at the gym I watch 20 minutes of Twilight on my Ipod while I ride the exercycle. I don't dare think about how many times I've seen it now between the theater, my Ipod, and the DVD.

    VitaminR, I love the idea of having a streaming electronic ticker with all Twi updates on our work computers! I'm not sure if that would help or hurt my work productivity, though. I guess it couldn't get any worse!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ok how 'bout these (and thank fuck for pseudonyms, alter-egos, and fact that I can unleash my "darkside" through blogging, commenting on blogs, and basically all-things-this-laptop)

    1) I have purchased, not 1, not 2, BUT 3 pieces of Twilight-the-Movie inspired/imitated jewelry and wear them on a regular basis. The ring is nondescript enough that no one has sussed it yet, but the prayer bracelets, those bad boys are nothing if not obvious.

    2) I have in my gym playlist 3 Paramore songs, 2 Muse songs, and 15 Steps because my sick, twisted mind has somehow convinced itself that if I run for 40 minutes to the music enjoyed by teenagers and those in their early 20s that I will in fact regain the BODY I once possessed in my teens and early 20s. My ass, however, has not gotten this memo.

    3) I am THIS CLOSE to starting to write fanfiction. I mean it, THIS CLOSE. I'm just waiting for that tiny shove over the edge for this. My unexplainable attraction to fictional characters started YEARS ago with a graphic novel (yeah, thanks a million, Mr. Gaiman) and has moved on quite rapidly, without pausing for logic, to a snarky potions master and a fucking sparkly emo vampire. Fuck my life.

    ReplyDelete
  21. @OCD Twilighters Anonymous - I'm like Big Brother of Twilight. I'm always watching. But not in a bad way, lol. ;)

    @VitaminR - my boss outed (okay, I outed myself) to a big wig at the company and she joked that I should contact HR because there must be some kind of rehab/therapy for my affliction.

    @Anon - I'm sorry to keep you waiting. 15 Step will be out this week, today or tomorrow. Promise [gulp]!!!

    @funnybecauseitstrue - my one 'ways that Twi changed me' was that I started working out again in case I run into RPattz in the city so don't feel too bad. And my ass hasn't gotten the memo yet either. Neither has my gut, for that record.

    Oh, and write it! You've got nothing to lose! :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Since it's Twitarded Anon meeting today, I will say that I'm SOOOOOOOO glad that I'm not the only older married with kids woman who has taken to attempting to make her body toner and to growing out her hair long "just in case," well, you know. (That Rob fella.)

    I'd like to add a twist to this list: How TWITARDED has changed my life.

    Before Twitarded I was the bumble girl at the beginning of the Blind Melon "No Rain" video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmVn6b7DdpA

    After finding Twitarded, I'm that same girl in the video, only 2:20 all the way to the end--giddy-line dancing fools, the all of us.
    :)

    (I've commented on too many of JJF and STY's blog that I will eventually have to create an account so that I'm no longer known as "anonymous.")

    ReplyDelete
  23. @ funnybecauseitstrue: This is hilarious!! You cracked me up !!! But it´s all so true...

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Kristen HopelesslyaddictedJuly 9, 2009 at 4:12 PM

    LOVED all these comments - they all are so true! The main ways Twilight has changed my life are re-sparking my sex drive that had been in hibernation in Antartica and my happy place has grown much more happy. I tend to linger there more than I should.

    ReplyDelete
  26. @ runs from realitiy, twilove1, & vitaminR:: yea since i brought twilight into my life the insomnia has increased..... i read the sage in like 5 days because i was only sleeping for 3 hours a day at most. hell even now im lucky to get anything over 4.... so my twi-somnia (FUCK YEAH great discription) has caused me edward like paleness and dark circles under my eyes as well as crankiness when i dont eat for long periods of time

    imma join the twi-non meeting in progress..... HI! i'm IPW4F ( known to the real world as ashley) and i am a Twi-tard. It's been 30 seconsds since i checkd a blog and i am going through RPattz withdrawl!

    ReplyDelete
  27. @JJ thanks for the encouragement. Its terrifying to think that people rely on me to write for a living when I'm thinking the entire work day about the technicalities of lady-time-of-month-ness and its implications of vampire interaction/lovin.

    @Mrs.V - thanks. Again, though, I feel enormous guilt that I own this laptop specifically to do great things professionally and all I can think is "You know? CS4 Mastersuite can do some AMAZING things with the stills from the upcoming film......" Well, enormous guilt may be a stretch. I'm sure I'll get over it.

    ReplyDelete
  28. There so many ways this has changed me

    i only read the seris over and over

    I read and write tiwfiction

    I seriously cant go a day with out staring at robert pattinson.

    I work in a dental lab and right in between my husband picture and my dog is a picture of robert pattinson { and every women in that job swoons over it}

    I wear flannel and raybans.

    and im totally in love with kings of leon!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Also I drilled holes through teeth they other day swooning over rob. But thaT PICTURE MOTIVES ME.

    ReplyDelete
  30. This is so funny - thanks STY and JJ for posting all of these.

    Mine - apart from a lot of the ones up there. I changed my cell phone ring tone to Claire de Lune. Yup. It's an awful version - but I did.

    ReplyDelete
  31. @Elaine-- the idea of your Claire de Lune ring tone makes me laugh (with you, not at you, I swear!)

    My addiction has also caused me to use my teenage daughter as my Twilight beard. This way I can buy Twilight stuff and watch the movie over and over because I'm doing it "for her." "We" just bought the Twilight board game to play this weekend and I'm going to kick her ass. (Um... did I actually just say that?)

    ReplyDelete
  32. tell me that someone among us has figured out RPattz MySpace alias and hasn't shared with the group?!?!?! Blasphemy.

    Of course, I've found two of the funniest blogs ever written: Twitarded and The Nomness. Huzzah!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm letting my hair grow out, too. Geez, I've been in denial about why until tonight.

    As I was saving a new RPattz pic to the phone today, I had to delete a picture to make space for it. I've been deleting pictures of my kids. So next time someone wants to see a recent picture of them I can say, "I don't have any, but have you seen this hot picture of Rob in the black t-shirt?" Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm currently studying for the bar and it's possible I'm using Twilight characters on my flashcards. Which is kind of embarrassing. But it's not my fault the characters lend themselves to memorizing property law. For example, a life estate pur autre vie is a life estate measured by the life of someone other than the grantee. So, a good example is "To Edward, for the life of Bella." Because you couldn't ever give Edward a life estate measured by his life, because he lives forever and this would violate the Rule against Perpetuities. (I'm using pre-Breaking Dawn character lifespans.)

    I think perhaps all twitards can appreciate the ridiculousness of this, but I like to think lawyer/law student twitards would appreciate the genius of this.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I know I am a bit late to this post. It all started when some of the girls I work with (mid-20's) left early to go see Twilight on the day it opened. A few days later I listened to their accounts of the movie/book and giggled at their team Edward t-shirts. I figured I would wait for the DVD because I have a pretty big screen (9 ft.-yeah, I'm spoiled). They offered to lend me their books. So, the DVD comes out and I have had a couple of martinis+stuff and thesnore (aka spouse) and I head down to watch it. Well, ahem. AAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh (Insert choirs and drooling Homer donut noise) YES. thesnore falls asleep which is good because I can replay stuff over and over and over to my hearts content... When I returned to work I mentioned how much I enjoyed the movie and was offered the books immediately.
    Finished them and moved on to Midnight Sun and the smutty fan fiction. I didn't realize just how bad it was until yesterday, while working on my facebook farm (shut up) and looking for someone to harvest my berries, a farmer named Edward Cullen popped into the marketplace and instead of calmly clicking on his name and beginning the stalking I typed in "SQUEEEEEEEEEE HOT VAMPIRE" out loud. Of course he disappeared and I spent oh about an hour checking all the hangouts for him and never finding him. So. Yes, I do need help. And Twitarded is the best tonic for what is ailing me. Love you girls.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Kristen HopelesslyaddictedApril 29, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    LOVED all these comments - they all are so true! The main ways Twilight has changed my life are re-sparking my sex drive that had been in hibernation in Antartica and my happy place has grown much more happy. I tend to linger there more than I should.

    ReplyDelete
  37. First time commenting so here goes nothing.....
    Hi my name is Katie and I'm totally TWITARDED!!! Whew, feels great to finally say that out loud...well u know what I mean. HA!
    First this blog is awesome! I happened across you gals when I was getting my daily fix at TCA, who is also awesome! You gals are ridiculously funny! I haven’t laughed this much in I don’t even know when, so thanks for that!!
    I have been perusing (did I seriously just saying perusing?? HA!) your achieves this week and have been LMAO at work. Now with that being said the gals at work don’t know just how Twitarded I really am. They know I’ve read the series and watched the movie but they don’t know how many times I’ve read and watched the movie! Hopefully one of these days I’ll be able to step out of my Twitarded closet but for now it’s locked nice and tight. (sigh)
    Secondly, thanks for turning me onto-in more ways than one-fanfic!! I sooo didn’t know what I was missing!! That stuff is the best and the bf is sooo not gonna know what hit him come-hehe-this weekend!:-)
    Keep up the awesome greatness!! You gals are the best in my book!
    BTW, I've gotten nothing done at work this week but hey there is always next week! (big smile on face)
    ~Katie

    ReplyDelete
  38. I jumped up and down when I found out that none other than Jenny Jerkface read my first blog (on the first day no less) and enjoyed my confessions. Prior to becoming TWITARDED I had never met, nor heard of Jenny Jerkface! I Love Twilight!

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!