Dear Alex Meraz:
Before I saw this video you were just some dude I'd never heard of who is going to play Paul in New Moon [don't take offense to this - I am absolutely oblivious to most everyone in general].
After watching this fifteen-second clip of your angry, testosterone-filled, jowl quivering, wall punching and shirt tearing, I came to a realization.
I want to do you. Bump uglies. Sexy time. Ride your pole. You know, you can plow my field, whatever - you get it. Let's play cavemen together. You can totally drag me to your cave and do really terrible sexy things to me. I'm cool with that. Seriously.
But now you've got my attention.
For the sake of full disclosure, I don't want to hump you as much as RPattz and, given the choice, I'm taking the vampsicle over, well, wolfy wang? Huh. That sounds absolutely distasteful now, doesn't it [and I mean wolfy wang, not the fact that I want to horizontal tango with half - okay most - of the male Twilight cast]?
Anyhoo, feel free to rip off your clothes any time. Hell, you can even rip off mine but give me a heads up so I can make sure to wear something slutty from Target and not, say, Anthropologie. Yeah, I know - the whole 'planning' kinda ruins it. But don't worry - I can make up for that.
Hugs and tits,
Sidenote - while googling images for this post I came across information that I am 100% sure all of you reading this already know, including a picture of his very pregnant wife. I swear, if I had a cock it would have shriveled up and declared defeat at that image. I almost feel guilty even posting this.
Nope, that wasn't guilt. Just gas...