However, it quickly became apparent as she embarked on her recent trip to Portland that I was forgetting a crucial friend-by-association filter: the Twilight-O-Meter. Like many other factors people use to determine friend vs. enemy, where someone stands on this crucial subject cannot be under-emphasized.
Sadly, in light of the the following missive I received earlier today from a certain someone who is traveling with Ms. Jerkface, I'm going to say that JJ's west coast crew is not Twi-friendly. Not that I'm dismissing them flat-out, but for now they will be relegated to "potentially convertable" status, friend-worthiness TBD.
For your consideration:
Exibit A: A secretive email sent to the Twitarded email addy under cover of "AnonOME" -
Dear Snarkier Than You,
It's been two days since Jenny and I embarked on our little Pacific-Northwest excursion. I have to admit I was really excited to go - even though we weren't going to be near Forks, it was still close enough and I was hoping it would bring back some memories. We even had a lay-over in Seattle! Only a couple of hours, but long enough for Jenny to find that Women's room where Bella managed to elude Alice and Jasper. Oh, and she says Sea-Tac is not nearly as nice as it looked in the movie...
Anyway, don't tell Jenny but... she's kind of being an asshole.
It all started with the plane ride. I mean, I know she only got an hour and a half of sleep before she had to leave for the airport, but still, did she REALLY have to refuse to let me out of her bag? I mean, I really wanted to see the plane take off and enjoy the view, but that bitch grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'Fuck off mini-Edward, I'm cranky and need to sleep."
Whatevs. During out layover at SeaTac, I managed to escape for a brief photo-op while she was off getting a double-quadruple espresso...
Anyhoo, we reach Portland and her friend picks us up at the airport and everything seems like it's going to be okay after all. Forgive and forget, right?
But STY--her friend isn't a Twitard!?! In fact, SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE ME!!! WTF?! How could Jenny do this to me?! I mean, we were at a bar last night and SHE DIDN'T TAKE ONE FUCKING PICTURE. And you know how I like having my picture taken.
I know, I know, I shouldn't be complaining to you, since technically you got the shit end of the Jenny Jerkface stick, what with having to take care of that stinky ass critter of hers AND man the helm of Twitarded while that bitch is off having a blast but...
I really want to go home. Like now. I mean, no one likes me here. No one laughs at my jokes or reminds me how exquisite and Adonis-ish I am.
Oh. Shit. Gotta run- I think JJ is coming back!
Miss you. More than you'll ever know...
P.S. That picture she sent you that made it seem like all was right with the world and she was showing me a good time? A total sham!! She won't be bringing back these t-shirts because she had to slink off to the pre-teen section of the store to snap this pic on the sly! Don't let her fool you!