Monday, August 24, 2009

Twilight In The Park: We Laughed, We SQUEEEed, We Had Humid Hair.

Ready?! Set?! SQUEEE!!!

Because Shakespeare in the Park is over-rated and we're obviously just not that cultured here at Twitarded, we practically fell all over ourselves making preparations when we heard that Twilight was going to be screened outdoors in NYC's Central Park. I don't think either one of us got a lick of work done, since we were too busy deciding how much booze an event like this required [answer: a LOT], what we were bringing (cameras, Mini-Edward, Twitarded buttons and sign...), and what we'd wear--which was "as little as legally permissible," since it's been disgustingly hot and humid this week on the East Coast. Also numerous options for dealing with humid hair, although in the end none of it was sufficient to battle the 99-110% humidity levels of the night. "Almost raining" and "fucking pouring buckets" were the two weather mainstays of the evening, if you're interested.

First off, it wasn't nearly as crowded as we expected, but again, the weather sucked. Did we mention the weather sucked? Yeah, well, the weather sucked.

Sunny AND raining = bad-hair-day perfect storm (so no pics of JJ and STY 'cause we're too vain).

Because our priorities are terribly skewed and liquor was not allowed, we opted to lurk outside and sip some wine while listening to the Twilight Soundtrack from the distance before entering the 'theater' space, so by the time we got there the seating options were limited. It was only when JJ and I discovered the beauty of juice bottles in which to decant our wine and whiskey that we make our way inside. Plus, we are weird and didn't want to sit in the middle so we plopped our asses down on a far corner. It turned out we were close to where they were handing out the free popcorn (Cheesy or Caramel-Oreo flavor!), which was swell.

There was a big pole in front of the screen obstructing part of the right side. Note: Edward appears on the right side of the screen a LOT. Seriously, that must be his good side and I think maybe it's in his contract or something...

Edward, is that your vampsicle sparkling for me???

In case you aren't following us on Twitter (and why aren't you following us on Twitter?!) - here's our blow-by-blow of the action. Er, up until the baseball scene, anyway, at which point I think we actually started paying attention to the movie. Or texting/tweeting got too challenging...

OME it's fracking POURING! supermassive whack-a-mole playing. never felt more twitarded than right NOW.

u can hear a pin drop. i love it!

girls next to us are eating awesome sandwiches but we snuck booze in... we win!

van smash scene still gives us chills SQUEE! & here comes carlisle!

The crowd seems very team jacob...

This movie will reach Rocky Horror level cult following & we'll throw mushroom ravioli at the screen...

we officially have the giggles and crowd went effing nuts w/ kissing scene. time for vamp b-ball!

Mini-Edward is sad that nobody came over to say "Hi!" to us...

We looked like drowned rats at the end of the night but we were so happy and smiley as we sauntered out of there that random dudes on the street were STILL offering to buy us drinks. Er, or maybe we looked so heinous that we had "easy mark" written all over us? Either way, we told said drink profferers to piss off because JJ and I are both paranoid bitches at heart and when someone says "Can I buy you ladies a drink?" we both immediately summon a mental picture of them waving roofies and duct tape at us. But that's just us.

After pausing to dry off a tad and refuel with the best and probably most expensive pizza and french fries that we've ever had in our lives at some swanky bar/restaurant right outside the park, we hopped a train back to our home turf and met up with Mr. Snarky & friends. We did an extremely entertaining but perhaps ill-advised mini bar-crawl for nightcaps and ended up dashing out of the rain and into a nightclub as some point. There was live music and salsa dancing - or dancing of some sort... Let's just say that people were movin' fast and they looked like they knew what they were doin'.

As always, good things must come to an end and it was time to gather our livers from the dance floor and head home...

I was gonna say (smugly, mind you) that Friday night was one of those nights where I woke up the next morning and did an inventory of everything we left the house with and was pleased to see that anything we didn't imbibe made it back safely (yes I know I am too old to be having nights like this - but it isn't often so it's okay, right? Right?!).

And then it hit me: where the heck did I leave Jenny Jerkface?! Because she did not come home with me... Against my better judgment, I let JJ tango off with our friend Ward (who happened to be wearing JJ's glasses on his head) into the streets of New Brumfis. Needless to say, when she didn't answer her phone Saturday morning afternoon, I grew a wee bit concerned.

Eventually, JJ came to life and called me back. And told me she lost her glasses. As in, the glasses she wears every single day. Um, you know, to see and stuff. The ones she is nearly blind without?

Now, I'm never one to say 'I told you so' but... I told her not to buy whiskey!

We eventually located the missing spectacles on the floor behind her front door, where they apparently had fallen out of her purse as she was rummaging for her house keys. Thankfully, we spotted them BEFORE we did a backtracking semi-walk-of-shame to see if we could find their crumpled remains on the sidewalk somewhere. Good times!!!

P.S. To the folks I practically threw some Twitarded buttons at and then, upon hearing that you've read our blog, turned to flee but only ended up slamming into JJ who was inexplicably standing an inch behind me (and for the first time in her life, all ninja-quiet), I'm sorry. We were both so giddy by the time the movie ended that we were shoving buttons into people's hands like they were magic beans or something. I can only assume, since you read our blog, that you are well aware of how socially inept both JJ and I really are. I'm glad we had the opportunity to show you that in real life.

P.P.S. Turns out one of our gang--Ward, to be precise--is a dancing MACHINE. Like for reals. I was drinky enough to get out on the dance floor (STY only dances when really really looped) and do my impression of Elaine from Seinfeld while he did a precision bump-and-grind in circles around me that would have put the Pussycat Dolls to shame.

I dance like THIS. On a good night.

It made me realize why it was Ward who sent out the "Do Your Best Jagger"/"Jagg-Off" YouTube clip last year in an email entitled "Oh it's ON." Because he would have totally won and he could probably do a better Mick Jagger than Mick Jagger. This is totally random and completely non-Twilight related (and the Long Post Police--aka JJ--are totally gonna smack my wrists - HARD), but when I re-watched this on Saturday while sipping Gatorade and pondering how much breakfast food it was going to take to make things right [answer: full fry-up], I nearly peed myself laughing and knew I had to share.


  1. Freakin' hubs is now looking at me like I have 3 heads asking me "Why are you smiling at the computer?" LOL

  2. So I looked at my face the other day and said, "holy shit!" Why you may ask? Well, it seems that in the past couple of months the laugh lines around my mouth and eyes have become craters. Thanks.

  3. Wish I could have been there but I don't live in NY. :(

    I loved the letter from your sister and of course had to go to after seeing her picture. Of course I had to make one of my own and put it up on facebook...all my twilight girlfriends love it and the men hate my husband. He isn't happy at all! Now he really thinks I am obsessed! Oh well hopefully he will get over it.

    Thanks for making me laugh.

  4. "This movie will reach Rocky Horror level cult following & we'll throw mushroom ravioli at the screen..."

    The thought had crossed my mind after you mentioned Twi in the Park.
    What would us Twitards throw?? -But, lawd help us all if it does reach that!

    That sounds like one hell of a Friday night! If you have to run inventory in the morning! :)

  5. *FACEPLAM* Duh! Mushroom Rav. Why the hell did that not register earlier!
    I did mean to ask, did people say the lines! o.O
    Is it Friday yet?

    VW-UNFIT-Track 10 is unfit to post!

  6. Bwaaahaha! That video is fucking hilarious! We should start our own game - Do you best Bella - you could get all twitchy and stuttery and shit!

    Hey, if I had been in NYC for the movie, I would have totally tracked you guys down. And despite the 110% humidity, I may even have been wearing my new "bella" jacket!! LOL! (Ok, maybe not...)

    WV: kinap - as in I would like to kinap Rob Pattinson and keep him in locked in my bedroom!

  7. So, did the weather suck? I laughed so hard when I got to the P.S. and your demonstration of being socially inept...hilarious! Of course, that's nothing new with you girls!

  8. ohmigosh....thank you for the laugh! it sounds like a fun night. wish i could have been there! and I too, LOVE the mushroom ravioli-Rocky Horror reference....hilarious. :)

  9. Oh my effing gawd!! I cannot even type straight I am laughing so freaking hard! That video is hilarious...and Latchkey Wife, your suggestion to do a Bella version is golden. I'm totally going to force my gals to do that.

    Apparently we had an outdoor Twilight screening in Cleveland during the spring...must have been right before I was "changed". Dammit.

    JJ & STY - you guys are awesome as always. And it will definitely reach Rocky Horror status. There are too many of us for it to go away ;) Then again, how will we do that when we have 4+ movies to pick from?? It'll be a 10 hour movie marathon!

  10. What the HELL?! That Jagg video had me horse laughing...and then the end came. Come one guys (who made the video...not you Twitards). You had me right up until electronards.

    Oh wine. Is there any blog comment you won't force me to leave? Or any comment you won't make nigh incoherent? *sigh* C'mere, you! You know I can't stay mad.

  11. Speaking of Twitarded buttons, got mine here in Seattle today!! Thanks ladies, going to wear it to Forks on Friday while we do the uber cheesy (but necessary) overnight in the Twi-themed room. Going the whole 9 and am bringing feathers so we can take extremely juvenile pictures (also necessary).

  12. @LW LOL! Do your best Bella!

    @JJ @STY, I arranged for Twilght to play on our outdoor movie screening on Halloween at my shopping center. My marketing team was like, guess who picked the movie? Everyone at our meeting looked at me. That's right bitches! And since I'm not 17 and can't dress up as Bella, I'm totally being a waitress from Merlotte's!

    Oh and I love the Jagg off. Why can't I have guy friends like that. You know that will bust some crazy shit out for me and make me laugh. :)

  13. Do your best Jagger…LMAO! My DH and I have a similar game of “Do your butt dance.” I do it the best, but no, I won’t show you. Not without lots of alcohol, anyway.
    I am ashamed…I’ve never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show. I’d love to, but the opportunity has never presented itself. I’d go to a Twilight in the park screening, too, if the chance was given. I won’t hold my breath…*sigh*

  14. @Honolulu Girl- You have just given me another reason to want to move back!!!!

    @STY- "supermassive-whack-a-mole" had me in tears from laughing so much. Thanks!

  15. @Kelekia Sending you some Aloha! I try my best to torture those around me with Twilight and True Blood.

  16. @Hololulu Girl- If I was still there I would help you as much as possible!

  17. "we officially have the giggles and crowd went effing nuts w/ kissing scene. time for vamp b-ball!"

    I wish I went just to witness that mania, though I can't say I would have been pleased to sit among all those Team Jacobers. It's so sad when my life is dictated by the guys were braver

  18. Fuck! i wish i coulda gone..... i woulda snuk in some Vodka in a few water bottles...... and brought my mini e and all sorts of other silly shit...... i wonder if they;ll do new moon next year? that'd be funny.......

  19. sounds like a wonderful time!! See all the neat things I miss out living in southern Mexico?? Ps yeah, the you all beat on that one!!

    Oddly enough I also made the Rocky Horror and Twilight connection AWHILE ago...the mushromm rav, throwing was a good twist..mine had blood. Someone mentioned not having seen Rocky before..GO!! So, did the people in the park recite the lines..OUT LOUD??

    Glad you found the glasses, its no fun being blind.
    The Jag off was great, human beings are so weird!!


  20. haha. oh yes I could see Twilight being Rocky Horror Cult Film! Mushroom Raviol LOLi. I used to go see Midnight Showings in the village.

    I loved that freakin' video. Must check out more by them! and..excuse me: "Caramel-Oreo popcorn". YUM YUM.though anything free to eat in Central park I might pass on. Ya Know.

    fun post and it was a hoot reading your tweets during all the action!

  21. Ahhh yes the "after a crazy night out morning inventory"! I had to perform one of those a couple weeks ago after the 100 monkeys show (sans Jacksper unfortunately, damn you Eclipse filming!!!)...turns out I lost my fave lip gloss and broke my camera! Mark of a good night??? uh...YES.

  22. Okay, completely off topic for this post but I wanted to say I loved your brief appearance on the Reelz channel Twilight special last night! My husband just didn't get it when I started yelling excitedly at the tv. :) And he also doesn't get why there's a weekly special...when will he EVER learn?!

  23. If I were in NYC last weekend I would have found you and your sign and it would have been beautiful and full of drunken goodness...oh well. Loved the tweets. Sounds like the Twilight viewing was only the beginning of whiskey filled it! Shot for shot baby.

    As for the jag off video--holy crap that was funny. Love the one when he is interrupted in the middle of sex--these guys kind of remind me of Kenny vs. Spenny.

    Love the idea of Rocky Horror status--I can totally see least I can secretly hope for it ;-)

  24. @Latchkey Wife - OMG, best idea EVER. I cannot WAIT to get STY in the middle of a party and whisper 'do your best Bella' and watch her twitch and stutter mid-conversation. It'll be fuckawesome for sure.

    @STY - It's on bitch. Do your best Bella.

    @Aggie - Were we good?! Did they mock us?! Because I can't find it online ANYWHERE!! LOL!

    It was indeed a fun night and if they do it for New Moon, I hope we run into you guys!

  25. @JJ - Ah, uh, ah, you-, you-, ah, you just ca-, can't say that stu- stuff to me. {{{blinks eyelids rapidly}}}

  26. No making fun...they just showed a few bloggers comments about certain parts of the trailer and they showed you two twice. :)

  27. Sigh, that sounded like fun. We rarely do fun outdoor stuff like that here in Ireland, because the weather's like that ALL THE TIME!!! Wait a minute, isn't that perfect vampire weather? Score!

    Hmmm, Rocky Horror-style screenings, eh? Hee hee, during the kiss scene we could throw sparkly vampsicles! Mmmm, sparkly vampsicles...
    Bigger than 6 3/4 inches of course.

  28. @Latchkey - HA HA HA!! I'm going to have so much fun with 'do your best Bella!'

    @Aggie - Gah! I' dying to see it but I don't think it's on the website yet. lol

  29. Your tweets were cracking me up that night! I totally agree with the Rocky Horror Cult status, going to have to stock up on mushroom ravioli.

    I wish I could have been there to for the drunken mayhem!

    Can't wait for the blog on STY doing her best bella....

  30. Ladies,

    I "TURNED" two of my neighbors today into Edward freaks...These women have not even seen Twilight!!! I feel like I am in the middle ages!!!

    So I grabbed the laptop, and showed them what they have been missing...I left them drooling and muttering in spanish..LOL!!

    Crepuscalo in spanish just does not cut sounds like a slowing advancing toenail fungus..


  31. If I weren't on the other coast, I would have definitely hunted you two down at the screening. Where you are, hilarity follows.

    There's so much we could do with Twilight a la Rocky Horror Show if we put our Twitarded minds to it... I'll bring the red vines. And who wants to try the apple/foot catch thing after they've had a few drinks?

  32. @Jaime is that true?! I just gave Crepuscalo to my housekeeper because she's always eyeing my stack of Twi-stuff on my nightstand when she comes once a week. I was hoping the translation was decent otherwise she won't get why it's so great!!

  33. Sparkle. I honestly have not read the spanish version...but if it follows suit to every other HBO and premium channe movie I have seen since living here....its a whole different story. I was bitching about the name Twilight vs Crepuscalo...emphasis on the PUS when you pronounce it is spanish.

    That was nice of you to lend her the book, I just lent my New moon in english to an unmotivated ESL student...Twilight is definitely a motivational tool in my class.


  34. Jaima- Hmm... I'll have to ask her when she finishes then. It'll be a shame if it doesn't capture well in a translation! I am always trying to get people to read Twilight even when their first language isn't English. I gave my mom the Chinese editions but she read BD in English, the Japanese ones to my hairdresser, and I'm wondering if they make a Greek version so I can give it to my friend's mom. You're right it's definitely a motivational tool!

  35. @Sparkle - Don't forget that Jaima is also teaching her ESL students the great swear words, too! *Twat Waffle*

  36. Twiweasel- Cultural exchange at it's finest!!!LOL

    Sparkle- The twilight bugs has surely bitten you if you are buying the flippíng thing in various languages!!! LOL


  37. Since I attended some of the original RHPS events I got thinking of a few activities for future Twicult viewings.
    • Whenever James appears on screen the audience must yell "Tear him apart and burn the pieces!"
    • Make monkey sounds during the 2 main monkey lines. (If you don't know what they are, burn your Twitard card now.)
    • Make fake fart sounds just before Edward covers his mouth in biology.
    • The concession stand needs to sell Dove bars in the shape of a vampsicle, with sprinkles of course.

    And by time this event becomes hugely popular, my daughter will be old enough to legally emancipate herself for making her go with me 200 times.

  38. Jagg off was great. I love the part when he's just about to jump into the pool.

    YES...DO YOUR BEST BELLA!!! Hey what is the bet?

    That would be great to do a "over 21" twilight in the park with adult drinks and food. hhhmmm...


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