Stuff that made me wish I'd won the $333 million dollar mega-millions jackpot so that I could accessorize with nothing but Twilight gear:
I love this. I had one of these in my hot little mitts a few weeks back when I was at a flea market with my mom, but when she fixed a puzzled gaze at me and asked what I wanted it for, I chickened out and moved on (c'mon, Mamma Snarky - READ THE BOOK ALREADY! then I can tell you about my all-consuming passion and this blog. So please, read it, ok???).
I'm not Team Jacob (obvs) and I've still a little skeeved out about the whole imprinting thing, but if things were different, I'd wear this in a hot 108-degree heartbeat.
I love lip balm. And that's a HUGE understatement. Like some of my bloggy friends (I'm lookin' at you, Latchkey Wife!), I NEED lip balm. A friend introduce me to Carmex a loooong time ago and while I've branched out as far as brands go, I've been an addict ever since. I am fussy over my balms, but what could be better than a mash-up of my Twilight obsession and my lip balm obsession? Nothing, that's what.
Mr. Snarky might get jealous if I wear one half of this and JJ wears the other, but he would never wear it (because he's not a smitten teenager) and although JJ and I really want the "Lion/Lamb" thing, neither one of us has really come to terms with the fact that she's the sick masochistic lion and I'm the stupid lamb. But we've taken multiple "What character are YOU?!" Twilgiht tests, and it is what it is...
I don't have kids and neither does JJ, but if either one of us were to get knocked up, we'd have to come clean and credit Twilight and Twiporn.
There are tons of Etsy merchants (ok, at least two) who are offering to Cullenize you. If I ever managed to get a picture of myself that wasn't icky where my eyes weren't droopy and I didn't have five chins and a weird smile, I might consider it. Until then, I'll stick with Robward's Cullenization.
Noteworthy stuff that I might not order even if I had $333 million dollars:
You've probably seen this around recently. It's fucking frightening. JJ is going away next week and I would consider hanging this up in her house while she's away but I am afraid that the shock upon seeing it might kill her. And that would make me sad.
This is "Alice's Wand"- as in "magic wand" - and it comes in Bella flavor, too. I know that there is some Harry Potter/Twilight crossover, but I think this is pushing it.
And saving the best for last...
This is the "La Push" veil. It frightens me on many levels. I think I had one of these doll-heads when I was a kid and while I may have done some fucked up stuff to it, I never did anything this freaky to it. Or tried to sell it.
This is "Esme's veil" - those are real flowers that have been dried. Badly. And please note the jagged edge of the veil fabric. I am sure that the person who made this had good intentions and meant well, but it still gives me chills for some reason. And not the good kind.
And that's it for this episode of "Adventures in TwiMerch!" - hope you enjoyed it! It's getting late and I am going to go watch THAT long Robward video a few more times before I hit the sack in an effort to channel some VERY good dreams! And just to warn you, JJ's ML is back from his month-long cross-country band tour and I am practically dead to her for the time being because I didn't go away for a month and I don't have a penis, so be prepared for an overdose of Snarky posts this week (sorry - I will try to raise the bar a tad from here on out, but there was much sangria consumed at my neighorhood block party earlier today).