Since Snarkier Than You and I have managed for the most part to bumble our way through bloggy world, we've decided to expand our list of things we do half-assed and ordered a video camera to add a little... 'motion' to Twitarded.
Unfortunately our timing sucks (as usual - what a shocker!) and we had to borrow a friend's camera last week to take with us on our little whiskey-fueled adventure into Central Park. I figured this would be a piece of cake. I mean, the video camera has one button. One! How hard can this shizz be? You just pushy the button and wham! we can record all our tom-fuckery for the world to see (and by "world" I really mean Twiworld and can only hope that no one at our respective offices ever sees this shit).
It quickly became apparent that it takes more than pressing 'On' and holding up our new-fangled device to make a good movie.
Down-side: We clearly don't have mad movie making skillz. Up-side: We cracked each other up anytime the camera was rolling (or whatever it is that cameras actually do these days).
As I watched the footage from our Twilight in the Park adventure, I realized that STY and I have vastly different movie making chops. STY, for example, takes the Speedy Fucking Gonazlez approach and her footage whips you around into an acid flashback frenzy until you find yourself lying on the floor trying to figure out which way is up.
Oh, and she kept videoing my tits. Pervy, she is (And I just channeled my inner Yoda, I did).
My approach is a more like a slow, erratic, palsied jaunt. I either need to lay off the caffeine or get a tripod because my footage bobbed, weaved, heaved, and trembled until I was about to barf into my Lean Cuisine during the re-watch. I actually had to close my eyes and count to ten to stop myself from hurling.
Combined, we're like the Blair Witch Project but without all the sobbing, begging, and snot shots. Fine, fine - there might be some sobbing and begging, but it's more like us laughing hysterically and begging to turn that effing camera off, already!
That being said, we did manage to get a few clips that we think you'll find amusing. Of course, since I'm clearly incapable of keeping my yap shut for more than a half second, this footage includes, ahem, our "commentary." And a lot of giggling [Note from STY: you giggle, I snort. I admit it]. I'm not sure how the people sitting around us didn't kick our asses. It probably had something to do with the fact that while the crowd (which was substantially larger than it appears in the footage we shot) was very respectful, there was a lot of whispering, tittering, and occasional outbursts of clapping and "Whoots!"
Or maybe it was the Twitarded sign, the lingering scent of whiskey and STY's stink eye, cuz' that bitch can give some amazing dirty looks.
First of all, the only reason this picture is reasonably stable was because I was resting the cameras on my knees. Unfortunately, I was also wearing a dress which meant, if the girls in front of us decided to turn around [and it was dark out but it wasn't pitch black], they would most definitely would have gotten an eyeful of the Jerkface va-jay-jay. Hey, we risk everything to bring you this shit, ya' know?
See above for reason why footage was relatively stable.
Not sure if we mentioned this but there was a big ass sign that proclaimed 'no booze, no cameras, no video cameras' at the entrance of the theater, which is why I mention people tackling me or something. In general STY and I view 'rules' more as 'suggestions' we should maybe take into consideration and draw our own conclusions, rather than hard, fast laws. Thus, the booze and film clips.
As we've said before, we had a blast last week and the only thing that would have made it better would have been if you all were there!
Then again, not so sure I could afford the bail...
Here it is...your moment of Robert Pattinson
6 hours ago