Peeps with peens, why the fuck do you follow us???
I mean, I get why the chicks like to hang out here. This is a pretty titty-friendly, estrogen-charged blogsite. Vaginas of all shapes, sizes, colors and usage are always welcome here. Where else can you go to discuss Twilight, porn, use phrases like whore-flaps and taint-stain and drool over pictures of RPattz? And let's not forget the poop jokes! Okay, okay, I'm sure there are lots of other places like that, but still.
JJ, I'm serious this time. NO more poop jokes!! Gahd, why are you always such a twat-stain? I mean it... if you say poop I'm hanging up... No, I'm... dammit!!
It first came to my attention that guys - actual real honest-to-goodness dudes - were following us when I was perusing our Facebook fan page and came across a couple of profiles. Huh. Intriguing.
Then I really got to thinking about it, and now I'm insanely curious. What is it about us that those of you who possess 'nards like?
My first inclination is that we have vaginas and you are interested in somehow getting into one of them but from your profiles it looks like most of you are married or attached in some way. Not that being in a relationship necessarily excludes some people from the occasional online dalliance, but this seems like a random place for that, really. So what gives? Are you here to support your wife/girlfriend? Spy on her? Are you trying to figure out why she gets a sparkle in her eye over... well, sparkly vampires?
Is that what it is? Are you guys actually like some kind of hubby-ninja-reconnaissance team, out to crack the code of Edward Cullen? Is this Project Vampy Sparkle?
Maybe I'm just reading into this too much. Maybe you're just a Unicorn and you love the saga as much as we do. I do know that some of you lovely ladies have brought your hubbies over to the sparkly-side, which I think is awesome. ML looks just looks frightened whenever I suggest it so if that's the case, then cool. Welcome! We hope you like it here and you're not horrified by our va-jay-jay talk. We don't mind a few dicks hanging around, trust me. And I mean that in the literal sense, not that you're actually a dick dick... oh, never mind. You know what I mean.
Eureka! I think I know. You are lurking because of the fanfiction, is that it? I mean, all of a sudden your lady-love is pouncing all over your tip like a porn star in heat and you can't figure it out. You know she spends a good deal of time with her Twilighty friends so you start to investigate. Maybe you've been lurking long enough to recognize that even you think Robert Pattinson is easy on the eyes, but you know that's just the tip of the iceberg: there has to be something more.
And then you stumble on the porn. I bet you didn't realize just how pervy women really are, did ya? Yeah, most of us keep that shit from you for some reason but that's for another post.
Perhaps you were just trying to figure out why the mother of your children has a sudden obsession with tattoos and keeps pestering you to get your dong pierced. Maybe you're confused by the fact that she keep calling her ladybits 'kitty'. Or maybe you're just trying to figure out why your lovey is talking about 'vanilla sex' and keeps upping the kink-ante in the bedroom.
So, is that it? Tell me, Unicorns/hubby-ninjas/whatever-you-are!! Is it the porn? Let's face it - there is enough Twilight fanfic for everyone out there - whether you're straight, gay, bi, whatever. And statistically, I think dudes think about sex sixty times a minute or something like that so I'm leaning toward the bumpin' uglies angle. Are you taking notes? Pointers? Do you read the smut as a couple and then recreate the scenes? Yes or no will suffice for that last question, by the way. No need for details. 'kay, thanks.
Tell me I cracked the case, Unicorns/hubby-ninjas/whatever-you-are!! Man, you guys are tough nuts to crack! Spill the beans, dammit!
Hello? Anyone there? Is this thing on?
Lllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadies, what do you think of our male lurkers? Did they accidentally sign up as fans/followers while on a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas-worthy bender? Are they somehow confused by the title of this blog and actually think we're an anti-Twilight blogsite? Or are they genuinely interested by Twilight? I gotta be honest here - I don't really believe it's that last one but I'm throwing it out there for shits and giggles - stranger things have happened!