Let me cut right to the chase - Sundays depress the ever living fuck out of me. I mean, today is the day before next week starts, which means I have to go back to my soul-murdering, life-sucking job tomorrow. And yes, I'd like a little cheese and crackers with my whine, thanks.
Anyway, ML is gone for the whole day and won't be back until late tonight so I figured I would brighten this Suckday by rocking out with the FSE's, working on Chapter 10 of 15 Step, and catching up on Twi-bloggy world.
This has not happened.
Somewhere along the line I got the bright idea that I'd be a mature, responsible person and actually do some shit around the house and run errands, despite the fact that a) it's pouring rain out and I don't drive and b) I'm laaaaaaaazy.
Still, I made the attempt. I decided to get my clothes ready for tomorrow so I'm not screaming at ML to hurry the fuck up because-oh-my-god-I'm-gonna-miss-the-fucking-train-I-CAN'T-MISS-THE-TRAIN!! while I'm still half naked trying to find something to wear that isn't wrinkled or missing buttons.
Turns out I probably shouldn't have had the bacon and hash browns for breakfast this morning because 90% of my closet is too tight. So, I cried for a little while and then I wandered downstairs for a bowl of pasta with butter and cheese.
After dicking around doing a whole lot of nothing and possibly reading TFLN and playing Farmville, I finally dragged myself up and got ready to battle the miserable, cold, wet weather. I donned my new winter puffy coat (aka, The Sleeping Bag) but decided it was too much hassle to put on my 14 hole Docs so I put on the Mary Janes instead. I was only half-way down the stairs when I decided to pull a Bella and slipped, almost cracking my head open as I screamed, "HOLY MOTHER FUCKING ICY FUCKING STEPS" loudly and in front of my across-the-street neighbors young children. I'm pretty sure by the end of the year ALL my neighbors will hate us and hope we die.
Anyway. I ran my stupid errands and may or may not have growled at someone in the Rite Aid because they had to do a price check on my fucking bottle of wine and the guy behind me was doing that martyred sighing thing that I do when other people are getting price checked but I'm a hypocrite and got mad anyway. Asshole.
When I finally got home, ditched the disgusting wet sock and dried off, I figured everything would be okay and I could curl up on the couch and watch movies but nooooooo. I get home just in time to watch Gizmo the Ferretface nudge his litter box to the wayside and then shit right where it had been before he moved it. Asshole.
Deep breath. I needed something that would make me laugh, and STAT. I considered watching Rifftrax again but didn't want to wear it out and then I remembered this and... ohhhh yeah, that's just what Dr. Carlisle Cullen ordered.
This was sent to us by one of our awesome readers, Sara, and I was crying when I saw it. Basically, it's Breaking Dawn [SPOILERS AHEAD] but done in a nativity style.
Bella: Man, that was a tough delivery. Thanks for the injection btw.
Edward: You scared me, my dear!
Jacob: Hey, I want Nessie back! Yikes Bella, you smell like shit.
Bella: Likewise, stupid dog. And stay the hell away from my daughter.
Edward's guardian angel: Jeez, it really did work, I was totally right creating that clumsy Bella for Edward. Man, I'm good! Hey, Gabe? You owe me 10 bucks.
Jacob: You got any food here? I'm starving. Gotta eat a lot to keep this great body goin'...
Rosalie: Here, doggy! Enjoy the meal.
Jacob: Do you know what you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever! Hahaha!
Want more? Go here to see the rest!! Trust me, you won't regret it!
Day of Delirium #350 - Two Heart Cells Beating
2 weeks ago