Sunday, December 6, 2009

The RPattz Paparazzi Pictures You WANT to See...

Okay. So by now I'm sure that all of you have heard about and/or seen those fuck-awful pap pictures of poor Robert Pattinson trying to have a boy's night out. Honestly, we feel bad for the guy. But, being who we are, we feel compelled to address this situation in the only way we know how: by fucking making fun of it.

Speaking of the "paps", I find it humorous that the nickname for them is the same thing we ladies have to endure once a year. So, basically, the paparazzi are to RPattz what a freezing cold speculum and a set of stirrups are to us.

Anyhoo. You know us: we love us some Robert Pattinson. You can't commit to the time suck that is being a Twilight blogger without feeling the luuuurrrv. But, as everyone who has been paying attention for a little while knows, we poke fun at everything. No exceptions. When the shit hits the fan, the fan makes shitty jokes.

That being said, since we're just as shameless as the next person, when we heard that, er, RPattz [cough**OPattz**cough] was in town, we decided we were gonna beat those paps fuckers at their own game. Frankly, I think our stalk-y efforts yielded superior results! We're not gonna quit our lame day jobs, but if we did , those assholes better watch their backs.

Plus, we'd rather you check these out instead of those other fucking photos.

I mean, seriously, we hounded poor OPattz...

We snapped pics of him "takin' care of bizness"


Doin' his laundry...

Hangin' with some celebs...

Chillin' at home with his peeps...



We even got him headin' into his new "home base" where someone cough**KStew**cough may be waiting!




In the end, despite the fact that OPattz was more than a little pissed that we made him drop his shit, he was nice enough to show us some of his mad shiznit dancin' skillz.

We heart you, OPattz!!


104 comments:

  1. OMG OMG OMG!!!!! I'm in tears laughing!!! TEARS! Opattz FTMFW once again!

    xoxox ladies!

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  2. This is why I love this site...you guys are able to make fun of shit in the best way. I laughed so hard at OPattz dancing!!!

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  3. OMG!!! u made me laugh soooo hard!!! that was sooo good!!! n 2 thumbs up to the good sport who was "Rob"!!! LMAO!!!

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  4. Bravo! What a gift Rob has been hiding. I had no idea he was such a snappy dancer!!

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  5. You are Krazy Bitches and i fucking Lurve you! i was jizzing in my pants with OPatts Mad Skillz!

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  6. Holy fuck! There are no words! This made my shitty day x1000 times better :)

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  7. Haha this is amazing!!!! haha This is good I can't stop laughing!!! haha

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  8. So glad I did one last check before going to bed, that was perfect! It's the shit like this that makes me love you guys so much!

    Thank you OPattz as well, superb dance moves!!

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  9. HAAHAHAHHHAA i laughed soooooo hard!!!! this is awesome!

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  10. thanks for making me laugh. definitely needed it and i can always count on you bitches to deliver!

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  11. bwhaahaha! opattz is a damn fine dancer. im seriously jealous of his moves.

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  12. Bwahahaha! I have tears in my eyes from laughing and hubby thinks live totally lost it!
    OPatz Rocks!

    Verification Word: gaspachr

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  13. OPATTZ!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

    Effin Brill!!! Love the shoot, love the dancing, and right there with you, although I love love love me some Robert, I don't like that he doesn't get a life. I'll be patient and just drool over official photo shoots (and maybe one scruffy shot taken candidly every other month or so ...)

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  14. It's official...you ladies are nuts and we all love you for it!

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  15. OMFG, You guys made me pee a little! Fucking HILARIOUS! Classic!! Have I told you lately, I love you!!

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  16. i busted out laughing soooooo hard...i was just bitching about my day and I come to the website and see the video and pictures...and suddenly I have forgotten why I was bitching originally. thanks for that!!! so perfect

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  17. LMFAO!!! Thanks to you, there is now wine spewed all over my keyboard and monitor!!!!

    Somebody's SO must love them a whole big bunch!

    Now, I have to refill my glass.....

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  18. OMFG, this is HILARIOUS!! OPattz has some mad dance skillz - maybe he can give my DH some lessons? ;)

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  19. Fcuk me! OPattz is back! And he has a cute beer belly now! LMFAO!

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  20. I think i peed myself laughing so hard at this! Fookin paps! My roomie is looking at me like i have 5 heads (she refuses to beleive twilight exists at all)! Thanks for the laugh!

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  21. Who knew you had mad pap skillz too? What a resume of talent!! I love that you caught OPattz freak dancin with RPattz. Bravo Mr. O on another fine Twitardy performance.
    {applauding in my living room}

    Fkat

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  22. that was fracking hilarious!!! srsly my sides hurt from laughing so hard! and i love that song!

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  23. @To Twicat - you wouldn't happen to be in Toronto would you? I'm - er - seeking a local Twitard....

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  24. one word...two syllables...AWESOME!

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  25. oh god oh god oh god!!! You had me once again laughing so hard, someone came to check in on me ROFL!!!

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  26. Ha, too funny!!! And I love that he's looking at photos of himself on the toilet.

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  27. You guys are so funny.. and that Rob, he has got such a great "chest-stomach" a much better one than the real "Rob"... I'd hit that in a minute... heeheheheh

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  28. oh my fucking god!!! you've done it again! yaye!!!!!!!!!!

    i'm seriously pissing my pants right now! :D !!!

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  29. this is fucking hilarious! You made my morning! I even showed it MrV and this cracked him up!

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  30. Muaaahhahahhahaa... I lurve OPattz... and this is about how I imagine RPattz would dance, given the chance. Let's all pray that he never does, and esp that paps don't catch that one on film... <3

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  31. OMG...the perfection is in the fucking details...the beers, the pack of smokes...the ripped jeans...the hoodie..I loved it!!!!!

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  32. LMFAO at OPattz's moves. I had an brain aneurysm from laughing so hard. You guys are hilare and I'm sofaking in love with your snark!

    Puahahah! The 'pap' comparison seriously made me pee my pants.

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  33. OMG! Fantastic! I love OPattz, he definitely hbas a special place in my heart, like I said on Twitter, it was the last OPattz appearance post that I found you with.

    Got to go and look at this again now! xx

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  34. RRRROFFFFLLLL!

    is opattz single? 'cause i want me some o' that! seexxaayyy!

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  35. OMFG that was freakin' hysterical! I loved, loved, loved the clapping....apparently OPattz has some rhythm in his soul. I also loved the photo of him on the shitter but I think it might have been more convincing if his pants were down...next time? He could do it modestly.

    Thank you Opattz--we love and RESPECT you!

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  36. MAD PROPS to Mr. OPattz!!! He can dance and boogie like a madman! The music was IN him!

    And the pics were classic Twitarded! I love them! (I think you cured me of my grumpy Rob rant earlier.)

    You girls make me laugh every f'n day!!! STY & JJ are our leaders ladies. Let us learn from their snarky banter and gratuitous abuse of EVERYTHING! HELL YEAH!

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  37. OPattz is on his way to being my favorite Pattz. Thanks for a lovely start to my week! A week that will have me using my pap skillz more than usual- and not the kind with the camera unfortunately. :(

    Word verification: derslye... OPattz tried to sneak in with the Heineken on derslye, but it didn't work.

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  38. Y'all are just awesome. Thank you for starting my Monday off with tears of laughter (which Mr. O does NOT understand by the way.)

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  39. That was fucking priceless! That OPattz is such a good sport letting you torture him like that! Great laughs for a Monday morning.

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  40. Oh that was some good shit.

    OPattz seriously is the bomb diggity. So You Think OPatzz can dance? Fuckin' right he can.

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  41. That dancing was stupendous! Fucking awesome! Hat's off to mr Opattz re rocks!

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  42. The dancing OPatzz made me pee myself and shoot coffee out of my nose at the same time!!! ROFLMAO!! I didn't realize he had such mad skills on the dancefloor...

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  43. OPATZ- confidence is soooooooo sexy!! Thanks for the laughs.

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  44. O foshizzle...I had the worst weekend but you gals know how to make me laugh and feel better! Love your photo snappin' skillz and OPattz' dance moves...lol!

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  45. Yeah right. Like Rob does laundry.

    These are fake, I just know it!

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  46. Anybody have a brown bag handy? I think I might hyperventilate! That was wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  47. Amazing! What a great hubby you have!

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  48. Snort, chortle, gasp! That was so funny, love OPattz and his mad dance skills. He is da bomb!

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  49. That was brilliant! Does he take requests??? ;)
    xxx

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  50. I bow to the awesomeness that OPattz! The dancing skills were fabulous! You two bitches are my queens in this insane Twiobssession of mine and I proudly follow where you lead...thanks for a great post!

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  51. Can't stop laughing!! Those are some mad dance skillz fo sho!

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  52. Oh my God I cannot stop laughing! That is effing hysterical!

    Mad dancing skills FTW!

    LMFAO!

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  53. You just made my Monday a million times better. Ha!

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  54. Ok, the last photo of his shit on the ground, just made me fucking laugh out loud. Seriously, you guys are funny!!

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  55. I'm in tears watching that video. It was so awesome!

    Let's hope the paps realise how far they've gone now that the fans are refusing to use their pictures and go onto the sites XD

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  56. Thanks for making me laugh til I almost peed my pants. Love you guys

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  57. Oh fuck me sideways, who the hell is dancing; he's getting down with his bad self in the worst way. So fucking funny, just what I needed; you 2 are the best!!!

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  58. What a way to liven up Monday morning! These are awesome.Opattz is a god.
    And far more fun than watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" last night.

    verification word:
    dentonti: special paste served only in Volterra

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  59. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! AHAHAHHASHAHAS, I am dying right now. OPattz is my new fucking hero, right behind you two gals that is. Holy hell, this is hilarious. Monday just got a whole lot better.

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  60. This shit is so freaking funny!!
    The BEST fucking Pap pics Evah! lol

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  61. LMFAO. Oh my, that is seriously funny shit!

    How many beers did it take to get OPattz to dance?


    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

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  62. Sending you the bill for my new panties and the steam cleaning of my couch. OPatz's dancing made me laugh so hard I lost bladder control, and because I have not eaten my Activa today, I also shat myself heartily.

    MC

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  63. Another thing that cracks me up is that you have not 1, but 2 full size Edwards. That is freaking hilarious! Gotta get me one.

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  64. Okay, the photos are hilarious enough, but the video! I chocked on my mint laughing! Seriously brilliant shit to whoever it was doing the dancing. There ain't enough candy in the world to bribe my hubby to pull a thing like that, and he's got a serious sweet tooth that one.

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  65. OMGosh the tears are just streaming down my face at that!!!

    Just yesterday I was singing to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi song with only RPattz in mind!! "make the boy mine" ;)Junie

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  66. Great video, OPattz! Um, those are some interesting moves!

    Great post, you two! LMFAO!! Has he forgiven you over the dropped Heinies yet?

    v/w: reardsil - not even letting my nastly little brain near that one.

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  67. OK, I wasn't going to confess this... but I have a full-sized Edward now too. Two of my co-workers (who are sworn to secrecy upon threat of a long & painful death), "encouraged" me when I said I should put Edward on the back of my office door (I could always say he came in the window..?).

    I work in a fairly conservative CPA firm and everyone would think I'm completely insane if they knew. My husband must also never know, cause even though he's been extremely tolerant about my twi-obsession, this may be where he draws the line. I'd much rather keep the line undefined :)

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  68. Tee hee!! We LOVE OPattz here at Twitarded. We've been dying to do another photo shoot with him so naturally we jumped at this.

    OPattz is a good sport and a good friend.

    I'm so glad we could brighten up some of your days! Mondays blow chunks.

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  69. omg that was funny! What a great way to end my otherwise crappy Monday

    And why WHY WTF is my verification word COMEA???
    Seriously - who comes up with these??

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  70. Thanks for sharing the pics we DO want to see! OPATTZ has some hot moves! ;-) Also, loved Mini-E with the towel on his head, post-highlights. Thanks for the laughs!!

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  71. @MamaCouger - you owe me a pair of glasses - I laughed so hard at your comment I did a face dive into the couch;)

    JJ/STY - someone has a VERY loving S/O. Thank you - I literally laughed outloud, to which my S/O immediately asked, "You're reading Twitarded, aren't you?"

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  72. Thank you! After the day I have had - actually the past couple of weeks - I needed that laugh. Wow that was hilarious.

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  73. Thank you! That was hilarious!

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  74. @twi-swearstoofuckingmuch

    Why yes! I am in Toronto, as a matter of fact!

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  75. oh my goood!!! hahahaha that's was hilariouss!!! thank you thank youuu!!

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  76. Sweet Jebus, that was funny. Every time he clapped I started a new round of hysterics. I love you bitches. And OPattz.

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  77. @TO Twicat - Squee!! A twitard near by! I'm just down the QEW in Hamilton! YAY! *shuffles feet* so..er...let me know if you want to catch New Moon sometime... :P

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  78. OPattz, I love him so!!!! I'm glad to see he gave us some holiday cheer with the Xmas tree in the background!

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  79. I don't think these photos or the movie are real.

    This site is RIP OFF!!!

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  80. That was funny! I needed a laugh today, thanks!

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  81. You are by far the funniest people I know... kind of... even though you don't know me... and I live across the globe... you HAVE sent me mail... ok, enough freaky stalking, your video was fucking hilarious.

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  82. @Twi_swearstoofuckingmuch...

    I replied to your photo comment on the Twitarded FB page!

    At least I think it was you!

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  83. @ TO Twicat - not that I'm not excited to have found you but for a second there I thought I had found another local twitard.

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  84. ok, I'm a little slow (it comes with age) and just noticed the "Show me your Boobs" hat, Wild Turkey, handcuffs and condoms. too funny!

    I did notice the ruffly bloomers coming out of the dryer. are those yours JJ?

    LOVE LOVE the parliament of owls on the shelf above the toilet.

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  85. new moon movie of twilight saga charmed me much ! its great watching twilight new moon !!

    http://www.twilightnewmoon.info

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  86. o my god o my god o my god! I love OPatzz SO much! Almost as much as RPatzz. Can we please please pretty please with robert pattinson on top get more Opatzz? I have a fever, and the prescription is more OPatzz!!!

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  87. ok its official i need twi-depends. forget the twi-panties. you guys make me pee myself more than i care to admit. so i challenge you - please make the twi-depends for us all. thanks. and i really hope some alcohol was involved in this.

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  88. Hmmmmm, wonder if I can get my hubby to wear that mask to bed???

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  89. OMFG I LAUGHED SO HARD I NEARLY PASSED OUT!!! Those pics & captions are a class act & as 4 the video ... OMFG I'm still in hysterics! I watched it twice in a row - bad move: I think I heard a rib snap! Luv all u do girls & MAJOR big ones 2 the man behind the mask! x

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  90. You guys are so damn funny. I wont to be unanonymous but so far it's too much work.

    W

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  91. I don't think these photos or the movie are real.

    This site is RIP OFF!!!

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  92. Oh my God I cannot stop laughing! That is effing hysterical!

    Mad dancing skills FTW!

    LMFAO!

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  93. You guys are so funny.. and that Rob, he has got such a great "chest-stomach" a much better one than the real "Rob"... I'd hit that in a minute... heeheheheh

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  94. one word...two syllables...AWESOME!

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  95. It's official...you ladies are nuts and we all love you for it!

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  96. OMFG, You guys made me pee a little! Fucking HILARIOUS! Classic!! Have I told you lately, I love you!!

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  97. Ha, too funny!!! And I love that he's looking at photos of himself on the toilet.

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