Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Team Edward Vs. Team...Santa?

We got an email from a Twitarded reader earlier today posing an interesting question: who would you rather have slide down your chimney on December 25th - Edward or Santa?

Fine, fine - we'll give you "twinkly eyes" but what else you got???

Oh wait - I guess there's a lil' competition in the twinkle-eye department...

This is from Junie, who promised me she will sign up (and maybe even follow! we love followers!) so she can comment all proper-like (we love comments, too!) --

Team Edward vs. Team Santa: Seriously, Edward's a no-brainer - here are a few reasons why:

Santa never brought me that Snoopy Snow Cone machine I asked for in 1985. Edward brings his own icy treat!

I don't even have a fucking chimney. I have 3 windows in the bedroom I can leave open for Edward, but really my hubby can just let him in at the door as he heads out to do his last minute Christmas shopping.

I'm tired of sitting up until exhaustion takes me waiting for Santa to show when it is convenient for him. Edward would never treat me like a booty call, he would show up promptly at twilight, stay all night, and cook breakfast!

Thanks to Edward's diet, there's no need to waste time in the kitchen baking cookies all day. [Edward doesn't need to be bribed with cookies to do nice things!]

Edward doesn't need Rudolph to guide him...he'll just follow my scent, duh!

Robward really does have better whiskers!!!

Oh yeah we have a winnah in the Whiskers Smack-Down! Sorry, Santa...**

So what do you think?? Are you a traditionalist or are you hoping someone a little vampier sneaks into your house while you are sleeping and leaves you something under the Christmas tree this year??? Tell us what you think in the comments!

We also wanted to take a minute to let you all know that our blog-time may be a little sporadic over the next few days... I'm sure the time you'll be able to spend glued to your computer debating the merits of your fave YA saga and drooling over pictures of a hot twenty-three-year-old will also be a little curtailed... I would have posted a bunch of videos or something on the off chance that you will feign "stomach problems" and hole up in a far-off bathroom somewhere on Christmas day for as long as possible, but I've already got Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas" on auto-play in my head and I refuse to listen to it again any time soon (yes, I get it, and that's all I want for Christmas too, but shut the fuck up about it already, Mariah. Thx).

Oh - and if you haven't already heard, Episode #9 of the TwiGasm Podcast - The Twitarded Shore - is now available for your listening pleasure! It's jam-packed with holiday goodness and us! For the sake of full disclosure, Jenny Jerkface and I do not have voices that will bring you pleasure, but Moira does! Oh and JJ is horrified to realize that she really does have a Joisey accent. Sorry, sweetie.

Pic from Why Not? Twilight, RPattz and Me's 12 Days of Robmas Sexy Stare "Hurry Down My Chimney Tonight" edition - aka Day #6 - go check out the whole thing if you need a Rob Porn pic - and you know you do! Click to enlarge - and then tell me what part of that tux is sticking out of his fly...

P.S. Thanks to Stoney G. Pumpkin from TwiSoup for giving us Twitarded gals a Christmas-y make-over - we love our new header!


  1. Santa's welcome to come down my chimney, as long as he's leaving Edward and/or RPattz under my tree. But that's not too likely, since he never brought me the Cinderella and Prince Charming dolls I wanted when I was about seven...*sniffle* Or the Mr Frosty, which also made icy treats.

    So I think I'll just leave my window open and hope Edward decides to drop in with some icy treats of his own. Yum.

  2. Santa won't deliver like Edward can! So duh! Team Edward

  3. Edward has the total package! He's already icy and SPARKLY! He's fuckhawt and I bet if I sat on his lap, I'd get more than just my Christmas wish...

  4. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you really need to ask who I want sneaking into my home in the middle of the night? Ok those are both rhetorical questions, but really, that's all I need under my Christmas tree. ;)

    Happy Holidays to all you wonderful Twatwaffle 'tards!
    And a Very Robward New Year!


  5. Edward: hands down (or up and all over him, as the case would be)! Sorry Santa, no contest in my book! ;) And I too would LOVE a chance to sit on Edward's lap and tell him my christmas wishes...(insert low sexy mountain lioness growl here)

    Oh and my Christmas miracle happened last evening when Mr. Vermonster went to Blockbuster to rent a video and came home with 2 NM candy bars for yours truly, one Edward and one Jacob! Ho ho ho, is his icy heart melting toward Twilight?? :) I put the candy in the freezer and first one who opens them is DEAD.

    Merry Christmas to all my fellow Twitards! Love you gals!

  6. Can I skip Edward and just wish for scruffy RPattz and all his mammoth armpit hair glory? Pretty please with him on top...or me...doesn't really matter.

    Happy Holidays everyone! I will be off the internets most of the next couple of days too....but I will try and sneak into the bathroom with my iTouch here in there. See "iTouch" even sounds dirty to me these days.

    JJ and STY--sent you an e-mail but love, love, love the podcast! Jenny I love your Joisey accent...for real life. STY Mwah! I puffy heart you both. Merry Christmas you TwatWaffles!

  7. Hmmm....a big, fat, jolly elf who eats all of your cookies while you're asleep or a sexy, sparkly vampire with the stamina of a man who never needs to sleep, with the potential for a perpetual hard on and eats your "cookie"? I'll take the vampire!

    P.S. Loved the podcast. JJ & STY, you two are adorable and I found the entire interview to be really endearing. You are a constant source for entertainment and you inspired me to start my own blog. Thank you for giving us all your hilarious, honest and uncompromising take on Twilight through Twitarded. Merry Christmas!

    (I must have finally gotten into the spirit of Christmas because I'm never this nice. Don't worry, it won't last)

  8. Santa, don't make me choose. Because it will be him. It's always been him ;)

    @STY & JJ - I got the alert this morning on Twitter that the Twigasm podcast had gone live and was able to listen to it at work. I loved getting a behind-the-scenes look at the making of Twitarded, too.

    Thanks for all that you do for your Twitarded followers. Happy holidays!


    P.S.: JJ's laugh, snorts, and pronunciation of Norton were priceless!

  9. JJ & STY - Love you, loved the podcast, and love the xmas header. This can be like Google - you can have a custom header for every special occasion!

    Merry Christmas to all the Twitards everywhere.

  10. Robward is the gift that keeps on giving, so there's definitely no other option (sorry, Santa!). Can't wait to listen to the Twigasm broadcast cause I have no doubt that you two were absolutely awesome.

    Merry Christmast to all my fellow Twitards!!! Mwahhhh!

  11. Lisa won't be crass in her answer, so i shall speak for the both of us.

    Santa can't give us head. End of competition.

  12. Oh my. I just noticed your header. The red hats accentuate your eyes. LMAO! *I crack myself up*

    I don’t want fucking Santa. I can buy my own shit. Edward, ehh. I want Rob! Can Haz?

  13. Fuck Santa - not literally - eww.
    Fuck Edward - Ohhhhh Yes literally!! - Woot

    Says it all really!

  14. Robward can "slide down my chimney" anytime he wants. And up again. And down. RPT for eternity...

  15. Edward...
    sorry Santa, no contest. I still have not forgiven you for the go-go boots I did not get when I was 11, NOR the barbie make up vanity., NOR the leopard skin midi coat. I learned the hard way I was not going to get much satisfaction with you. Yes your cute in a seasonal sort of way, have have the sparkly eye thing down pat...but there is still no contest. The visual of your butt on the sheepskin rug is really revolting.

    ps. I hope you got this years list!!!

    Merry Christmas and holiday greetings ladies...

  16. TwilightobsessedMamaDecember 24, 2009 at 9:18 AM

    Definitely a no brainer - Edward would be the best Christmas present ever! Your comment about Santa not bringing you the Snoopy Snow Cone maker cracked me up, I never got one either! Merry Christmas and thanks for entertaining all us Twitards throughout the year!!

    PS: I think even my 3 year old has picked up on Mommy's obsession with Twilight. She has named her new baby brother who is due in May "Eddie" It cracked me up!

  17. Well aren't I the spidermonkey piggybacking on the Twitarded blog today! SNY & JJ--Really I'm flattered!

    I knew the comments from the dirty minds in this group would be good!

    @Banshee, if I knew Santa was leaving me RPattz under the tree I'd be tempted to stand naked in my living room adorned with nothing but sparkly tinsel and a few ornaments!

    Wishing you guys all great holidays!


  18. Duh. No-brainer! Santa, you were great during the kid years but have moved that to the just-do-me-Edward/Robward years. So go ahead and give the kids some toys, Santa. Edward can bring the only toy that interests me! And it isn't a toy that will ever break!!

    Merry Christmas, fellow twitards!!


  19. Too bad, I don't believe in Santa anymore. Oddly enough, I still believe in Edward. So, who I would I rather? Well, let's put it this way- I wasn't searching for santa this am when Mr. E left the house, I was in search of some jawporn. (btw thanks for the quick pics, less work I have to do)

  20. Another thought ...If you were a guy who would YOU want to be...santa or Rob...?

    Lets see... millions of horny women throwing themselves at you...or surrounded by elves in the north pole?

  21. Poor Santa. He really didn't stand a chance because I'd, um, clearly take Robward any day.

    I'm glad you lovlies liked the podcast!! We had a blast doing it and the ladies of Twigasm are fucking amazing.

    And I can't BELIEVE how strong my Jersey accent is... LOL!

  22. @JJ---I loved the podcast. Hearing your voice was so surreal, because I guess I give everyone voices when I read their words.

    ANYWAY, I hate listening to myself in home videos, because I sound like I'm auditioning for the NY accent is rediculous, especially on tape.(Yeah, it's the tape that makes it worse)

  23. dude, i'm listening to the podcast right at this moment and snorting (not drugs)!

    imagining rpattz being held captive in your basement wearing his pattinson panties is the most hilarious visual ever. EVER. and hot...? i am so wrong.

  24. Hmmm, now let's see, a jolly elf who eats cookies and runs, or the sparkley vampire who has the everlasting best frozen treat ever, and with him the party ain't over till you BOTH get your cookies? I think I'll take Mr. Glitter-Patz, thank yew!

  25. I say Junie is brilliant. And my goodness, she has an understanding husband who would open the door for RP on his way out!

  26. oooh! I dunno, Santa DID bring me Snoopy Snow Cone machine in 1985, but I would always prefer Edward over Santa!!
    Merry Christmas Bitches! <3

    wv: nesses (reminds me of Nessie)

  27. Sod tradition, I'm gonna hit that vamp! Wot I'd giv 2 hav Edward sliding down my anything!! Well I don't hav a chimney, but my window's always open - I'll even brave the skyscraper-sized spiders so he can get in easily! I agree, his eyes are super twinkly & oh boy those whiskers! They can giv my cheeks a rash any day (any of them!!) & I'll b havin woteva Robward's brought me in my bed, thank u!!

  28. Hmmm.... let me ponder this choice.... a big fat sweaty old dude vs. a fuckhawt sexy vampire.... Oh, I guess I'll take Edward if you must twist my arm.

  29. @Anonymous: Ditto, except that if I did that, he'd be begging Santa to take him back...

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  32. Someone needs to tell Junie that the Snoopy Snowcone maker that she wanted so badly is now sold at Urban Outfitters during the holidays. I saw it in their catalog last year. I had the exact same one when I was younger and almost crapped myself with glee when I saw it again. And I know how she feels. I always wanted a Teddy Ruxbin (or however that thing is spelled) but Santa didn't deliver. What a bastard. Robward would never hold out on me like that.

    For the record, it didn't work that well....but it was still good times. (thats what she said) :)

  33. I thought it was worth coming back here the day after Christmas of 2014 to share the fact that yesterday I finally received a Snoopy Snow Cone machine!

    *does Snoopy dance*

    It didn't come from the Urban Outfitters like Jamie said, but hubby found it for me. :)

    I still wish last night I was letting Robward use his Magic Key for entry! ;)

    Miss my online Twilight life (and Twitarded!) so much! I'll always have this post though, right? LOL!

  34. Can I just say how fucking awesome it was to get a blast from the past email alert from the land of Twitarded! Thanks, Junie, and congrats on finally getting that Snoopy Snow Cone machine.

    I, too, miss my online Twilight life and Twitarded. Good times. Hope life is treating you all well. Mwah!



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