Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Year In Twilihuhuhuhuhhhhhuhu...

RPatts sheared his Sampson-strength tresses and other shit happened and um it didn't matter because...

OK so we were gonna do one of them there "2009 Year End Round-Up" dealies where we discuss all of the awesome, fun, crazy, aggravating, exciting, scandalous and otherwise noteworthy things that have happened in the Twidom in the last year. But then while we were putting the post together and looking for photos, something happened...

This happened.
[insert drooly Homer Simpson donut noise here]

Suddenly it was ten o' clock at night going into a long booze-fueled weekend, wine had been consumed, spirits were high, posting was a total "GO!" and we found this picture and Jenny Jerkface and I sat there on my couch staring at it and went completely catatonic for a few minutes.

And any idea of a semi-dignified post went right out the vagina door.

Several moist moments later, JJ and I shook ourselves from our of reverie, wiped the drool from our chins and decided that we wanted to share the panty-combusting-fest with you, whether you wanted it or not (we know you want it - let's not kid). So we said "Fuck that year-end round-up shit! We'll do it next week and be horrendously late like always! Let's just post this picture so that everyone else can stare at it and go catatonic for three minutes or so!" (seriously we should coin a new word for this state like "Rob-a-tonic" or something like that and get it into the medical books stat).

So there you have it - cheers! Don't forget to wipe up the drool when you are done because that shit is slippery when wet and crusty and gross once it dries on to stuff. [um, and sorry to my new RL friend followers but this is how we roll in these parts and if you're gonna lurk you might as well get used to it now. I told Mr. Snarky that he has my permission to write songs about mean, horrible, whoring women-folk so we're all good here.]

Oh, yeah. Once we got over our catatonia, we decided we needed a little more. I mean, needed needed. Like crack whores to the pipe, we immediately started discussing the other pictures that we love to, um, study.

What? Did you say something? I can't hear over the sound of JJ's vag purring... Niiiice kitty.

P.S. [from JJ] STY put something in here that I said 'no fucking way, asshole' at and she got all stiff, glared at me and growled 'you can't snifle me!!' which apparently is a cross between 'stifle' and 'snarky', meaning I stifled her snarkiness. Whatever.

P.P.S. [from STY] JJ totally looked me straight in the eye and in the middle of a conversation called a mutual friend of ours "Edward" - no shit. And then she was trying to figure out why I was looking at her all bug-eyed and she replayed what she said in her head and was suitably aghast. We squeeeed!, did a leg-hitch, and called it a day. I'm not sure how much more Twitarded things can get in 2010 but apparently we still haven't hit bottom on this slippery slope. And here we thought 2009 was a wild ride! Stay tuned...


  1. FIRST



    I'd kick a puppy to get to do even ONE of the things those pix make me wanna do.

  2. New Year's Resolution #1: Get me summa that.

  3. A 2009 round up will take sometime and I agree this is good...for now.

    #2 pic says "YOU WANT ME TO BRING IT?!"
    #3 pics says "YES, I BROUGHT IT!"

    {{maybe using a DeNiro voice}}

    JJ & STY, you need to find a way to insert some sound midi's or something. Wait, that might be a bit dangerous--might blow up the speakers or the undies. LOL

  4. Best F*cking year of my life---so far. I can't imagine doing a Twitarded wrap up. Too much to take in!!

    His face. Dear lord, his face.

  5. My brain goes all don't .....Why.(..must remember to breathe.) is it possible that this lovely sex God exists? That the sound of his voice or gaze in his eyes can make me simultaneously melt and combust at the same time? That one man can have this effect on so many women? All I can do is to stop trying to figure it out and enjoy this ride. And to thank you girls for feeding my addiction.


  6. Can I order a Rob-a-tonic please? Oh, wait....splashes water in face. Ahhhhhh, I will never tire of The Precious...never ever. Thank you for that pure viewing bliss.

    I think JJ's kitty needs a little catnip and a scratching post to go with her Rob-a-tonic.

    2009 will always be the year I let my Twitard fully out thanks to you all. I puffy heart you all. Happy Freakin' New Year...clink!


  7. You know, I just realized something. I love to make fun of the mumbling Stew just as much as the next Twi-whore, but for some reason, just now...I may have realized something. I'd be a mumbling idiot too if he was sitting on the edge of my bed and all I had on was a hospital gown with my snatch on the sheets. You know what...I take that back. I would pull myself together, rip that damn oxygen hose out of my eyelashes and do him right there in front of C.Hardwicke.

  8. @Poofleia not only would I kick a puppy....but I would french kiss Tiger Woods (you know I would be getting herpes for sure), lick a homeless man's balls, wax Lady Gaga's taint and give a hand job to Jon Gosselin, just to whore myself out for even a little bitty chance to do something naughty with the Robster. God...I'm sick....

  9. @tsharee - Gahhh! Brain bleach, stat!

  10. *stares at the Rob photo* Huh? What? Did someone say something? Huh? I.. I..

    What was I going to comment on? Sorry, that photo is deadly. An Egg just jumped from my cookie and ran towards the computer. It tried to impregnate itself. Anyway, can’t wait to see your wrap up!

  11. fuck me sideways. JJ&STY: i lick the ground we wish robward walked on...I too am confounded...AKA:Rob-a-tonic...uh, ya, HE fucking happened. This year has been a lesson in fucking lusty goodgawdwhatafukhawtastyspecimenheisandnowi'mfuckedbeyondbelief....
    i also have no dignity whatsoever.
    i haven't addressed my DH as Edward...yet. I will prolly slip up soon.
    I fucking lurve the motherfucking leg hitch ref! Bah! I squeee along with you, pink tacos!
    Merry New Year!

  12. When I looked at picture #2 I thought he was actually looking at me. I noticed him noticing me then I pointed to myself and mouthed the word "me?" Unfortunately he didn't mouth "yeah you" back to me like Jake Ryan did to Sam in 16 Candles. Back to reality. Mr. Moxie just took a dump down the hall and the stink slapped me out of my "Rob-a-tonic" stupor.

  13. Commenting from my usual view these days -- under Mrs. P -- and more often than not, HG, too :)

    @JJ & STY - While I haven't been at Twitarded an entire year, it feels like I've lived here forever. Can't imagine coping with my Robsanity without you two. Thanks for all the poops and giggles!

    @Mrs. P - Something tells me you'd be wearing your kick-ass boots under the hospital sheets, too.

    @HG - LMFAO!!!

  14. @mmMoxie: you nailed that 16 candles ref...that was fucking priceless!! ~sigh..wipes tears from laughing~
    @Poofleia: you have me fucking rolling...i will kick a puppy's motherfucking ass in order to get what I want...natch.
    and what i meant to post above was:goodgawdwhatafuckhawtastyspecimenheisandnowi'mfuckedbeyondbelief. FML...and him too please...<3

  15. fuckedbyondbelief, fuckedbeyondbelief, how hard is it to fucking say fuckedbeyonbelief??!! hard is it...oh neverfuckingmind! P.S. you grrlz are part of my RL...i'm just sayin'...

  16. @17foreverlisa RE: @Mrs. P...
    I had to look this up to be sure.

    It was from Paul Newman's movie Blaze...he plays a governer who screws around with this hooker...scene, Hooker says, "honey aren't you gonna take off your boots?" Paul says, "no--I need'em for traction" LMAO

  17. @rottymama - I would never have remembered that without you saying it, but I do now. Wasn't the gal in it a short redhead, thus the name of "Blaze"? I can see her face but can't come up with the name. Not it's going to bug me...brb...Lolita Davidovich - she played Blaze Starr. I feel better now :)

  18. OMFG...I fucking love ALL of you!! You bring humor to my boring life. I've been a long time follower but this is my first post. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to say anything intelligent and, gah!, I'm already rambling... My brain just turns to mush and my kitty starts doing a little dance when I see that fuck-hot specimen of a man…

    I am all alone in my twi-obsession, my husband makes fun of me when he sees anything Twi-related in my hands or on my compy. He doesn't know the extent of my obsession and I don't think he will ever understand. I am just grateful that I have found a place where I don’t have to hide.

    JJ & STY: Thanks for being my home away from home – you ladies amaze me every day!

    Happy New Year to all!

  19. Ummm I just finished reading the updates to CW&IA and MotU, popped some Benadrly and thought I would stop by before I hit the sheets. Add those pictures to the mix (Umm hello picture "this happened" where have you been all my life?! holy shit!) The amount of lustful thoughts running free in my poor over drugged brain right now...oooh hot dame.

    Cheers to a very Twitard new year!

  20. @Lisa & rottymama---I ABSOLUTELY would have a boot on the good leg, and a black cast on the one James broke. Both, though, would end up on Edward's shoulders before they could yell "cut".

  21. Ladies, you know I adore you something fierce. And you always seem to brighten my day. Thank you. =)

    Aw... will ya look at that? lil cutie doesn't try for false wit or style, she just gets all sappy. What do you say we go all the way? *nods head yes*

    I *heart* you both the way I want to lick the jaw porn. =)

    (side note: holy hell 1100?? Where the hell have I been?)

  22. I don't even know why I'm typing seeing as the pics and the comments above have rendered the chances of anything intellectual or witty coming out.

    I love all my fellow Twitards, I think I've laughed more and spent more time gagging for sex this year than since I can remember. I thank you for the laughs and RPattz & fanfic for the horniness (Oh, and so does Mr Stan).

    I usually love Christmas, this year I can't wait for it to be over so my usual Twi-routine can be resumed *sigh*.

  23. my god...he is so perfect...and hot..and so so hot...that chin...i want to lick it...and...
    *brain damage*

    girls, i frikin love you too!! specially cause you're constantly killing brain cells whenever you post a scruffyrob he is HAAAWT!. i don't know what i'd do in my officeday without looking at your web and snorting all my coffee

  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

  25. OH too much hotness for this early in the morning. Now I won't be able to concentrate on work.

    Printing that one out to go on "THE WALL OF HOT" at my work. It's so nice to work with all ladies.

  26. Oh Rob, you keep sending me pics of yourself, begging me with your pleading eyes...we've gone over this I'm married, happily. This crush you have on me has gone too far so try to work on getting over me in 2010.

    ouch...hubby just pinched me! where was I...oh yeah...

    @Hono girl...the egg comment! LMFA right Off this am!!!!

    @mmMoxie: my hubby bought me 16 Candles for Christmas..there was some comment he made that went "I noticed you had forgotten all your past crushes."

    well I did watch the movie and at some point thought, "my god RPattz would have been so hot in this role."

    Maybe hubby is right!

  27. A 2009 wrap up in true Twitarded style.
    You ladies may not realise it, but you certainly made my fucking year.
    Heres to many many more pantie combusting, drool worthy and down right fuckable photos.
    Keep up the fanfuckingtastic work!

  28. i just want to thank the gods above for finding this blog. how else could i feel normal about myself except to come here daily and read and laught myself to the depends drawer. cheers and have a great twi new year to all.

  29. Happy New Year everyone! I look forward to much more Twitardedness in 2010!

    Seriously, this blog has become a part of my daily and nightly routine! I'm a total Twitarded addict! Keep it coming and have a swig of whisky for me! xx

  30. This comment has been removed by the author.

  31. @Twifiltered brain: Jake Ryan is (was) pretty scrumdiliumptious! I loved him when I was a teen solely for the eye candy. But for me, RPattz not only is beautiful to look at but I think I love his mind and the stuff that comes out of his mouth even more! He's definitely the whole package!

  32. Wait....what? Seriously, I had to go back and read the post twice cause I totally skimmed it. I got a bit distracted. Rob with some stubble just makes me melt. Happy New Year guys :)

  33. Laughing and drooling, what a way to start the day!

  34. Oh, how remiss of me, I forgot to wish everyone a Happy New Year's! JJ and STY, you rock my twi-world! ;-)

  35. That pic was published in Rolling Stone, and I have a subscription. The minute I saw it I took it to work and had it laminated. It's been hanging on my wall there ever since. Of all the pics I've seen of RPattz, that is hands-down one of the sexiest ever. Holy Christ.

  36. Um... first of all... go read this one shot now and LAUGH YOUR ARSE OFF!!! This is our style of laugh out loud...TRUST!!!! End this year w/ a fan fic BANG! (Like you're gonna do any real work today anyway...and it's a one!)

    Next...holy freakin hell, those pics. Ummm...okay...that pretty much does wrap up the year. Actually, Red Bella, can you print that last pic up on a blanket for me so I can just wrap myself up in it???? That is my kinda new years fireworks!!!

  37. You guys have been the bright spot in the shittiest year of my life...sometimes lit'rally laughing me out of a sobbing state.
    However...about Rob...I am beginning to think he may be Satan. Think about all you have been taught (southern Baptist [lapsed] upbringing here)
    Before Rob:
    I didn't like scruff/beards
    I didn't like unwashed hair
    Never got the ovary twitch over Brits
    I didn't like tattoos on men (CW&IA)
    NO piercings (see above ref)
    Not turned on by Nerds (Daniel Gayle GAAAAAA)

    How the hale can one man NEVER take a bad picture? Change every stereotype you have of the "perfect man"?
    When that spoiler clip of the porn-moan-kiss came out I actually felt my ovaries joke! Never have I looked at anything that made an internal organ MOVE!
    So, in true Bella style, I considered...Is he Satan?...and decided IT DOESN'T MATTER.
    So all you pussies saying you would kick a puppy..meh...I am saying obviously I am willing to fuck Satan.
    Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?

  38. @Sparkle - OMFG...or should that be OMFS?! I have read all of the follow-up comments to this post as they've poured in and yours is hands down the absolute best.

    Thank you for putting into words what I (and I'm thinking others) could not.


    P.S.: If anyone missed it, RAoR has the audio mp3 for the birthday kiss "moan" and just listening to that gives me an ovary twitch.

  39. Fuh...fuh...what? Will have to go back and read post after finished slobbering over photos. Shit! Is there a bad photo of him anywhere? Okay, some of the drunkRob photos aren't the greatest - still lickable, though!! Thanks for a great year!! I didn't find you two until March/Aprilish but it has been great! Nice to know that I'm not as far out in left field as my family thinks I am!!

    Happy New Year, 'tards!


  40. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceDecember 31, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    Happy NYE Twitardes!! Thanks so much JJ and STY for making this blog, hope for much more getting nothing done because we stare at Robporn all day in 2010.

    @HG Egg jumping LMFAO!

    @MMmoxie 16 Candles... Classic!

    @Sparkle my Mom's pastor actually referred to Edward as the devil once during a bible study (for real) not kidding. So I to am willing to fuck Satan..and give my Mom a heartattack in the process. But I've always been a sucker for English accents anyway. I think Rob would be a fuckhawt King Henry the VIII that's my ultimate fantasy role for him.

    My NY resolution in to finish the 1000 piece Edward puzzle but he is fucking hard (that's what she said)! Finishing him is the only way my DH will let me mount Edward in the house err... mount the puzzle I mean.

  41. Finally...I've found a community of Twilight fiends as f*ing goofy for Robert Pattinson and Twilight Universe as I am. It feels so good to be understood *sniff*. Thanks guys...oh, I can totally relate to JJ's kitty...MEOW!!

  42. Sincere thanks for all the Rob/Twilight mania that has been min my life for the last year.

    This time last year, I was listening to all the audio tapes..I even grew to recognize Iliyana's voice!!!

    I do not remember how I found Twitarded and my fellow twitards, but I was given many belly laughs, smiles, and of course, The Precious in all his splendor.
    I also learned some truly epic profanity and slang.

    Be safe and happy this evening, and may 2010 find us all laughing in the same manner.

  43. Happy new year girls! Wishing you a Twi-filled 2010!!!

  44. Happy New Year ladies.
    I joined the Twi-life in July & have laughed & kitty-twitched more since then than in my whole life.
    I cannot fucking WAIT for a new year that will include the New Moon dvd release & one hell of a party to welcome it (you are ALL invited - oh shit, gonna need a bigger house), Eclipse (my favorite book - bring it on - chapter 20, the tent scene & the Jacob kiss), and maybe (just maybe) Breaking-fucking-Dawn (which is all I can call it now).
    Thank you, awesome women (and men) for cracking me up & making me moist! You all rock. And keep bringing us hot, hot, HOT pics of Rob - btw, what I'm willing to do to get a piece of that can't even be mentioned...oh, and I'm pretty sure it's mostly illegal.

  45. Forgot to mention...@Teambiceps - I had my first Taycob dream last night. I've had several Robward dreams, but this is my first with Taycob. Why, oh why must I wake up. GAH!

  46. Once again you gals have absolutely made my day! One can only assume that the upward momentum will only continue into 2010 with more Robalicious/Robatonic/Robtastic/Robwardian/Robgasm (?) goodness and inappropriate, but MUCH NEEDED, commentary to expand our ever increasing lurv for all things RPattz.

    Thanks STY & JJ. Happy New Year!

  47. Thanks JJ and STY for all the fun this year, and for the rest of us, let's hope we all hear Robykins in our dreams speaking ever so softly to us...
    "Hear kitty, kitty, kitty...

  48. @JJ & STY - Thanks for being a bright spot in my 09! You ladies kill me in such delightful ways and my daughter has been sent to the principals office for some of the creative language she has picked up from you through me.

    @tsharee - um, wow. You had me at giving Jon G an effing hand job!! I see a new drinking game in the making.....

    Happy New Year to all, can't wait to see what 2010 brings to the Twitard Nation!

  49. Thanks JJ and STY for allowing us into your lives and joining in the irreverant humor that is Twitardia. *getting puffy-eyed and snot-nosed now* I puffy heart you girls, and wish you a fantastic evening and Happy New Year!

  50. How is even possible for him to deliver such a fucking delicious gaze? He literally could smote me with one look, like in the biblical sense!!!!

    This has been a weird year for me. Some ups and downs. But who doesnt have them, right? No whiney babies here in Twitardia unless it's Twilight related. But amongst all my twists and turns Twitarded has made me smile, laugh and just fucking lose all bodily functions. So thankyou JJ and STY for a fantastic website and your warped minds. Love you guys. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

  51. Has anyone seen YouTube Show: What The Buck? He does a Twilight and New Moon reviews...I'm sure I am so far behind the boat launch on this one but JIC, this dude is a fucking riot!

  52. @Sparkle (LMAO&ditto)and @HonoG: I have been wondering why I've had so much mittelschmerzing on a daily basis it was my ovaries twitching and eggs trying to escape!

    should I bring this up at my annual gyno appt? Maybe bring one of these pics of Rob to show my doc when she askes if I'm having any concerns...

    I can't understand why the guys have yet to chime in today? They seemed so at ease around here yesterday.

    Happy Remember Me&Eclipse Year!

  53. Not hit bottom? Oh, Darlings...we haven't even touched the surface of our lustiness for The Boy! At least, I haven't!

    I tried to think of some New Years resolutions and it occurred to me that maybe I should act a little more dignified when it comes to Rob in 2010. Taking consideration my/his age and all.

    Then I thought "Fuck that shit". Like I'd be able to maintain it for more than 5 seconds!

    Just when I think I can't fall deeper than I am, you guys come along and post pics like these. You "know" I've right-clickied them "for future reference and analysis", right??

    Happy New Year, girls!!! Here's to more Rob-a-tonic episodes in 2010!!

  54. Happy New Year Everyone!
    Here's to more twitarded fun in 2010!
    Now to drool over those pictures of Rob.... Arggggg....

  55. This is not a typo:

    Happy Mew Year!

    Can't wait to spend 2010 with all you fabulous Twitards!

  56. Happiest of New Years, you lusty lot!!

    (lol! Rob Pattinson is my Homer's Donut....Ha!)

  57. @Sabrina-- may you have many more Taycob dreams. they always leave me hot and sweaty.
    off to work i go. happy fucking new years, and for god's sake people- wear a condom. (i work in labor and delivery)

  58. @fanficzombie - Oh my God, I just started "I wanna eff you like a masochistic lion" and I'm already laughing my ass off. Had to stop reading to come back here and thank you for the rec!

  59. Delurking just to say you guys KILL me. So damn funny.


Comments are our life now. Leave one!