Thursday, January 7, 2010

Twilight's Wreaked Havoc On My Life. Aaaand I'm OK With That. I Think.

I was thinking about Jenny Jerkface's "Seven Deadly Sins of Twilight" post the other day and I realized I needed to go back and revisit one transgression in particular: sloth. Also known as "how Twilight sucked my will to do anything non-Twilight-related for the last year." Same difference.

I didn't mean to ruin you, STY... Forgive me???

I used to be pretty organized person. And neat. I had my shit together. I cleaned stuff around the house - frequently! - and word on the street was that sometime people were disinclined to invite me and Mr. Snarky over to their homes lest we see their less-than-tidy abodes. [JJ's note: This is absolutely true.] People have been known to ask me what it takes to keep the dust bunnies at bay. Or they used to... Because these days, the dust bunnies are winning. In fact, they aren't even tiny bunnies anymore. They're more like a pack of freakishly huge New York City sewer rats. And everything else has gone to hell in a handbasket, too. Thanks Twilight! Thanks blogging!!!

Say it. Out loud! Twilight pwns me.

At first I got upset about this sorry state of my affairs... In the last year, things went downhill faster than Edward chasing a line drive to right field. At the end of last winter, my clothes were never stored away for the season; most of my summer stuff stayed in bins and never saw the light of day. I couldn't be bothered (this made things easier as fall approached, but that's besides the point). Take-out food became de rigueur; diet standards slipped, and I like to cook. I like to eat healthy, well-balanced meals made with carefully selected whole foods. However, I have also come to the realization that I love Twilight and blogging about Twilight and the people I've met blogging about Twilight even more, and I think pizza is the perfect meal. Throw some sausage and peppers on that baby and it's a complete food-pyramid all in one neatly delivered no-fuss, no-muss package.

Nutritious AND delicious! It's ok to eat like a child, right? Right???

Sadly, things have slipped in all facets of my life... Bills sometimes go unpaid. Not because of lack of funds (hardly ever!), but because I can't be bothered to spend twenty minutes twice a month setting up my online payments to go out on time. Or keeping track of my mail so that all the bills land in one place and don't get buried in the closet with all the other junk when we have guests over. Oops. Filing things away in an organized fashion after payment? Fugettaboutit... I was never good with remembering dates and birthdays and things like that, and in the last twelve months or so, I just gave up. Unless it's a Twilight-related birthday, anniversary, or date, in which case I will spend a week preparing a special blog post or have a count-down clock going so that I can watch the seconds elapse until The Big Day (only 4164 hours until Eclipse comes out!!!).

I'm always rushing about and late to work in the morning because before I get out the door I need to check my email (all four accounts), the blog, the blog stats page, other blogs, and Twitter. One day I was so frazzled that I raced out the door and left the kitchen faucet running. I was trying to simultaneously fill a pan from breakfast that I'd thrown in the sink with water to soak ("soaking" is my excuse to put dishes off until later) while also packing my lunch. Apparently I can't multitask before 8 a.m. - um, or ever. Mr. Snarky beat me back home that night and he was...perplexed. And a tad worried. For all of us.

Faucet, schmaucet - did I get my VF pic fix that morning??? Maaaaaybe...

Work productivity? That's pretty much an oxymoron these days. Unless you count writing blog posts, getting my Twilighty/RPatts news & pic fixes, tweeting, and emailing JJ about all of the above. I keep waiting for the day when my boss will call me into his office and then slam down reams and reams of paper on his desk - all printouts of bloggy stuff, tweets, and emails to JJ. And all I think I would do at that time would be to ask "Hey can I get a copy of that?"

I used to care. About all of that stuff. And then... well, I realized something. I realized that I didn't care (much). It didn't matter. It didn't matter if Twilight and blogging was a monster that had taken over my life. I loved it, unequivocally and irrevocably. And really, when you think about it, it's not REALLY sloth. It takes a lot of work to be this obsessed with something. When you view it from that point of view, I'm really a bit of an over-achiever. Go me!

Gots one. Iz niiiiiice.


  1. I used to be the same way! Now I am constently sneaking into an office at work, late for dinner dates and tune ppl out to think about Twilight. Most of my friends/co-workers/family think I'm nuts and I frequently get that its "not normal". Well, normality is highly over-rated, or so I've heard. I love my obsession and my life is definatly better with it!

  2. That's right Snarky--one day we will be dust and our houses will be decomposed piles of wood, but our bloggy endeavors (sp?) will live forever on the internets.

    P.S.---Its 11:30 pm and I still have a sink full of dirty dishes from dinner and a dishwasher full of clean ones, but my blog post is up and running! The day is complete!

  3. The faucet running all day? That is the funniest result of multi-tasking yet!
    I'm there w/ ya on everything else though. I used to vacuum - only when it looks REALLY bad! Dust bunnies - well mine got it on like rabbits and created a whole colony. My cell phone got shut off last month because I never got around to paying the bill. Had the $, just didn't want to log in and take care of it - but I sure had time to read FF, and read Twitarded...But guess what, I got it turned back on..had my cake and ate it too :D

  4. @anon - i'm with you - "normal" is over-rated!

    @MrsP - Ditto! Except the dishes in the dishwasher are...dirty. Ugh. But at least we have our priorities straight!

  5. @Another Jenny - Even I was shocked that I did that!! I have no clue how I walked out the door without noticing that even in my morning Twi-stupor. Bad! Could have been a real disaster - lol...

    : )

  6. It's like when people used to go to the gym all the time. Then then they fall off the wagon, and exercise at home. Next, they buy that treadmill, use it for a few weeks, then it becomes a clothes hanger/storage unit.
    The dishes and dust bunnies will always be there. The blogs/tweets/emails change by the second!
    If you make a veggie pizza for dinner you can really eat healthy. Ah screw it! Pile on the meat & cheese! Turn off the oven when you are done!

  7. Um - I've always been a shitty at keeping the place clean. Twilight and the aftermath has made it that much worse.

    I also used to do my hair (a 40 min endeavour), have pressed clothing, and meals planned and shopped for for the week. Now I look like shit, my hair's alway in a ponytail, and we eat pizza.

    Oh well. I'm happy - and that's all I care about.

  8. I say revel in it, I mean really we have three more movies and who knows what the picture will look like after Twilight..? I'm afraid of that actually. Dust bunnies will merely change your landscape for a while and then, just like any other geological change, your vacuum will win once again (although it may have to wait a couple of years).

    Thank you bloggers for keeping us all up to speed at the cost of your cleanly homes.

  9. I read your blog every day, I just have never commented on how funny you chicks are. But I have to come out of lurking and say that, "And really, when you think about it, it's not REALLY sloth. It takes a lot of work to be this obsessed with something. When you view it from that point of view, I'm really a bit of an over-achiever. Go me!" that is really awesome! I am totally going to have to use that line! You guys are hillarious!

  10. Oh yeah? Well I don't even HAVE a job. I'm on break from school. And not currently spending time looking for a job.....and yet STILL do not have my Christmas decorations put away. I don't even run a TwiBlog. I'm spending all my freetime reading other people's clever TwiBlogs, hunting for news or YouTube clips (you know what kind), emailing my new Internet friends, honing my photoshopping skillz or reading fanfic. You got it right when you said if it ain't related to Twilight it ain't gettin done....or sumthin like that.


  11. Um, let me start out by saying "Ditto" to everything you wrote STY. Scary but true. (Love, Sister R)

    I have found my justification in the fact that I have spent the last 7.5 years of my life being a mom to two small children and and an adult male child (Mr. Vitamin R) and did very, very little for myself during that time. So in my mind Twilight Time = ME TIME. Plain and simple. Plus, I am making up for a lot of lost ME TIME dammit. Plus I think it has help me let go a tad bit of my OCD cleaning. Before Twilight I would have rather walked over hot coals than leave dirty dishes until the morning...well, not so much anymore. Dishes Schmishes. In the end we are happier right? Right. Go us!

  12. I consider my life since Twilight a success since CPS hasn't removed my child from my custody for neglect. YAY me!

  13. Geez did you hit the nail on the head. This is the first year, ever, that I did not get Christmas cards mailed out to friends and family. I did, however, spend hours designing a virtual card to email to my bloggy besties. They asked me at work to be a team leader on a newly formed team. I wanted to answer, "Oh, I'll lead them, but only if they sign up to Follow my blog first."

    Great post, STY. I'm sure I speak for all of the residents of Twitardia when I say that we're glad your dust bunnies are as huge as sewer rats. That means you're spending more time here. Yay us!


    word ver: shtwad - The lead character in JJ's new ff? Wonder what the manip would look like for that one. LOL!

  14. Oh this is so true!! Sometimes I will tell my friends I'm not feeling well so I can slip away to my room and catch up on the daily twi news, read your blog, or read a little fanfic. I never tell any of my friends because I think they will start to worry about this obsession that is slowly starting to take up more and more of my day. But you know what, I LIKE this obsession! I love twi, i love reading about it, and i love the community I have found. Its almost like another family :) So to the notion that it is wreaking havoc on my life... Im totally 100% OK with that!

  15. seriously you creeped me out when you told everyone about all my issues in 7 deadly sins... and now this...really, please....turn off the little spy cams you have hidden in my house... it's not funny anymore....

    once again you hit the nail on the head... I have a pile of laundry (clean) that we all grab and go with now.. I can barely be bothered to get them out of the dryer and semi fold them! And i do that when i need five minutes to fluff my ass from sitting at my desk searching for the newest Rob pic i don't have in my archive of over 2000.....

    I was an anal retentive btch when it came to bills, organizing and planning... and i still am... It's just that it now centers around Twilight and the Pretty...the rest is just ordinary everyday stuff i can't be bothered with...

    yes...proud to be be obsessed about something... glad to see i am not the only one...

    now please... turn of the husband is starting to worry.... grins....

  16. You know, it's easy to get hooked on Twilight, but when you add blogging to it, there's no contest.

    Your life? Over. (Said by someone who's had numerous blogs on numerous obsessions in the past...)

    But "that's okay." All consuming passion is good. Makes life worth living, if you ask me.

    And the word verification I got for this comment was "crotizze" which sort of reminds me of "Yahtzee!" Only somehow with crotches. Just FYI, as an aside.

  17. Wow! I thought I was Twilight obsession led me to create an album full of Twilight inspired songs...but you got it bad!!! LOL! But I was like that too. Checking everything and anything Twilight all the time...I have found a balance...

    I am glad I am not the only one with this obsesion.

  18. @mmMoxie, I'm with you! I'm a full-time Mum and this computer is literally my life-line. My two oldest are in school now so it's just me and my 2yr old. Do I teach him things? Yes, he uses my Rob posters to tell me 'eyes, nose, mouth and hair', jaw is next on the list ;o). It does worry me a little that I'm causing him problems when he insists on being picked up to kiss the posters high up on the wall and holds FSE's hand. God knows what we could expect if he were ever to bump into 'Bob' in real life.
    As for housework, I've always been a bit rubbish, I just do the bare minimum but I've stopped doing ironing unless we're leaving the house to go somewhere important, then I do it as and when. I don't care though, I've made a great bunch of friends through this and laughter is therapeutic, right? Well, the housework doesn't make me laugh. I do curse Twitter btw, that is one evil shitsuck of an invention, it tempts me in and then I'm like that hypnotist in our paper yesterday who practised in the mirror and ended up in a trance for 5hrs. Aah, to hell with it, we all know Rob doesn't do clean & tidy anyway, I doubt he'll care.

  19. Yup, I'm a full time Twi-hoor now. I'm shocked at how quickly I was sucked in. Six months ago, Twilight was only a curiosity to me; a blip on my radar screen. Now, I'm like Alice in Twiland, gleefully falling down the rabbit hole...and I'm loving every fuckin' minute of it!

  20. Gosh same here, I used to like to work but nowadays I just sit there and do something Twilight related. Mr.V, who is really patient and lovely when it comes to my obsession once complained that I spend more time on my computer than with him... Uhm yes he's right.

    I really have to balance a bit more although I have to admit, I feel good that way!

    I love spending my time doing something Twilight related and I hate when I can't but yes I really have to find a way to balance .. Uhmm but how?

    :) Great post STY it's what happened to all of us!

  21. @Stan - PMSL .....stared into the mirror, hypnotized myself, and went into a 5 hour trance..... Ahahaha. And thank you. Didn't realize that my messy house and dirty laundry was merely an homage to our precious.


  22. Amen! gotta do what makes you happy and gives you meaning to your life. if that's twilight then so be it. i can honestly say that i love all the time that twilight related stuff is occupying in my life. it makes me happy and that's what matters most.

  23. The cure?

    A housekeeper and a personal chef.

    Now if only I was rich....

  24. I can relate. I am not working and discovered the world of fanfic 6 months ago and everything has gone to hell! I found Twitarded yesterday after I listened to your interview on the Twigasm podcast, so I've basically been reading your blog for a day.

    I just found out this AM that I'm relocating to a new country in 3 weeks and what did I do when I got home? Start looking for a moving company, or perhaps learn more about my new home? Oh no my friend, I opened Twitarded so I could continue catching up on your 2009 posts! Thanks!

  25. I'm glad we've all fallen down the rabbit hole together. I'm definently in a fanfic/jaw porn zone! It's pretty sad- today I went past a chemist called 'pattinson's' and then went on to imagine all the things the 'helpful' chemist could help me with. Sad but true!

  26. Amen sistah, amen! And I honestly am having a hard time with you saying "Fugettaboutit." This seems to be a word normally uttered by JJ... LOL!

  27. Not only is my home life slacking but I am major big time slacking at work. I used to be this super duper over achieving monster at work.

    Now I just want to sit at the computer and write scripts for blogbits and write my fanfic (or read fanfic). I should write myself up for shizzy.

  28. Attn Rob's bitch...or move to mexico and get a muchacha (maid) who cooks...

    I say dont beat yourselves up over it, there are plenty of other people waiting to do that for you. I actually encourage all my younger friends to be a bit selfish, it is good for them!!

  29. sounds like my life! I've never been happier!

  30. First, let me say (and 17ForeverLisa will be so happy to read this) that the first pic of Rob in this post is pretty freaking amazing. I have never seen that before and I must say it is like he is looking right out at me and into me and I like it. Pretty awesome!

    Second not only am I following even more blogs this year (Twitarded is always my first visit though of course), the fanfiction is out of control. I LOVE football and last night during the BCS Championship game...let's just say Emancipation Proclamation won!

    @ VitaminR - agreed! I have given my time away too so many people and so many things in the past that it is finally nice to have something for me. My hubby spends HOURS on the computer at the expense of I just do the same :P Sad but true

    Third, a good thing, following all the blogs and fan fiction has sparked my long last creativity and I am actually considering trying to write some things again. It has been years and it probably would have never come back if not for Twilight and Twitarded and Twitardia!

    Lastly, I have been thinking how I have lost friends over the years but then Twilight came along and my stumble upon Twitarded and now I have the most amazing group of friends I could ever imagine. You are all worth more than a clean house any day :)

    My wv helped me remember my third item - crativi

  31. In November I single-handlely crashed my work's server because of the amount of twi-related content I downloaded - its only a function of the miserable December rpattz drought that I have managed to keep my job.

    Tonight, I have spent 4 leisurely hours revisiting the exquisite Blood and Lust fanfic - my S/O eventually extracted her head out of her Second Life avatar's bum to check on me - but I had to send her quickly away - Twitarded just posted someting new!!!!

  32. There are just so many great comments being left for this post. Still enjoy reading all of them as they come in.

    @Stan - LOL! Teaching body parts with Rob posters. I've [virtual] toured your home and I can picture him in the Rob corner now :) And if he ever met/saw 'Bob' in RL, I would hope like hell there was video footage. xxxooo

    @Dangrdafne - That's my girl!!! Look at a few more pictures like that one and you will rethink giving up your chance with Rob to JJ and STY in order to be their favorite Follower...FME eyes, scruff, JAWPORN...did I mention JAWPORN?! It just doesn't get any better than that. And are you considering writing ff? Talk to me!

    @Stoney - Sounds like my day at work, too, minus writing ff. Any "personal" recs you want to give us?

  33. Since I'm a bit late to party - just started following Twi-blogs about a month ago, I have been wondering how you people get your daily life shit done with the blogging, checking others blogs, Robgazing, Robfantasizing, and the new time sucker of my life, fanfics. Well apparently nothing's getting done. I am an OCD neat freak and I've had an ironing board stacked high with wrinkled clothes in my living room since before xmas. I told MrM 2 days ago that I would eventually put the boxes of xmas shit away, that were also in the living room, he told me that he did it last week... wow failed to even notice, my bad. On the up side, I have lost 8 pounds cuz I stopped cooking and eating all the time!

    Over-achiever? You bet your ass.

  34. ML and I moved into this house in... October. Want to know how much decorating I've done? None. I basically dumped all the boxes in the basement, screamed, "omg, set up the computer NOW!!!" and parked myself in front of it. I haven't even gotten around to ordering curtains. Oops.

    And forget about the fanfic! I need that watch thingy Hermione had in Harry Potter so I can go back in time and catch up.

    @Stephanie - you crashed the WORK computer?! LOL!! And you didn't get shit-canned? I'm impressed!

    @Erica - I think the obsession happens immediately. It just takes us a little while to realize it. ;)

  35. I am starting to have nightmares about losing my job because I am so distracted by fanfiction. Which is easy, because I hate my job. But was just thinking last night that I am going to have to move my personal computer away from my home work station or I will never spend a dedicated work day again..or even half a dedicated work day. You guys are pulling all this off AT the workplace...can you imagine the shitpile you would be in if you had to try and do this while working out of a home office? It is like I need superpowers or something to stand a chance of staying on task...I am so screwed. (yet so unwilling to give up the working from home perk, of course) And the laundry and housekeeping, ugh, I won't even go there.

    Fortunately I am not writing, blogging or getting real active with my twitter. (gulp) Yet???

  36. So it sounds like, in the near future, a lot of us will get fired from our jobs, become alienated from our families, and get evicted from our homes while wearing dirty, wrinkled clothes and muttering things like "crotchflaps" and "Twihoor". When that happens, maybe we should start a Twilight commune or something? Someplace near Forks perhaps?

  37. Sigh. I remember when I cooked with fresh vegetables every night, cleaned obsessively... and showered daily.

    I wish I could say that that was a better time. :)

  38. @Erica, Excellent idea! Get my bed and laptop power point reserved now please! Assuming we get that Great Lord Suckscocksaloty whatever the damn thing was called, of course.

  39. Re: My last post--I wonder how we'll manage to get/afford Internet service?

  40. @Erica, we'll make Twilighted related stuff like the pubic hair slippers, and sell it on Etsy. Easy ;o)

  41. @Erica and @Stan - Oooooh, Daddy (not a)Jerkface is gonna be soooo mad at your for suggesting the commune. Just sayin'... ;)

  42. Hey JJ - love ya work chicken - I have one of those "Do Not Disturb I am dreaming of Edward Cullen" door knob thingies on my door at work and it is tolerated - so well done to the boss man.

    For Christmas - bless - my long suffering bought me a Sony mp3 (yay) with Twilight already I could watch it on the 15 minute bus ride to work..and my non-twi-inducted friends bought me the New Moon board that's real giving!

  43. @Stan--OUTSTANDING! I can knit baby socks with that shit.

  44. @Erica, Excellent! That leaves us more Twilight time if we don't have to spend it on personal grooming while we grow our 'materials'!

    @JJ, sorry, was Daddy (not a)Jerkface hoping to open one first? ;o)

  45. Right now I should be cleaning my house.....but I'm not.
    I've gotten pretty good at multitasking. Tidying up the computer desk while waiting for things to download. Fold laundry while watching Twilight. But if I'm reading fanfic....the world stops!

  46. @All - THANK YOU for affirming that I'm not the only twihoor to happily give up all aspects of "normal" life. I totally identify with everything you guys said above (with the exception of the pubic hair slippers- hee hee) and am thoroughly enjoying my slothiness. When is commune moving day? I'm too busy reading fanfic to pack my stuff, but I can throw it all in my trunk right before we leave.

  47. @JJ--Daddy (not a) Jerkface has to know that our commune is the logical next step in our progression toward statehood. Resistance is futile. ;0)

    @Stan--InDEED. Well, now that we have a way to support ourselves...what are we gonna name this motherfucker?

  48. OME - I am going to get thrown out of work today if I keep reading these hilarious posts. I can't stop laughing and tears keep running down my face. You all just make me so happy and laugh sooo much. I am racking my brain to come up with a neat name for the commune...I think I am brain dead though. harumph

  49. Re: Commune name--It shouldn't be too ostentatious. It has to reflect our cultural sophistication. Maybe something like "THE HOLYFUCKBALLS! I <3 TWILIGHT RANCH"?...Nah, too long.

  50. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceJanuary 8, 2010 at 12:40 PM

    Your posts sound just like my life ladies! My hubs just called me and asked if I managed to get our daughter to school on time this morning. I told him yes barely and I even took a shower this morning and he was very impressed. He has no right to complain however because when he's home he never gets off XBox live.

    JJ instead of a commune we could create a harem for The Sparkly One? Would ur Dad be with that?

  51. twi-blabblabblabdivorceJanuary 8, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    I should've said would ur dad be 'ok' with that LOL.

    @ Erica LMFAO LOVE that name!

  52. @17ForeverLisa - I guess it might be fan fiction...I don't know... ironically it is a dream I had although it was me and some unknown guy... I probably could make it Edward and Bella... I get stumped with the back story stuff to get to the best part of the dream scene... I mean I actually did dream the back story part but it seems like alot to flush out in words... it percolates in my mind.

    wv: preprod - Lisa pre-prods me to write a little fan fic ;)

  53. I was wondering how you whores kept up with EVERYTHING that I am failing miserably at....

    Clearly those experts that I've seen on the Today show who talk about how it is essential for the modern woman to "find balance" in their lives are NOT Twitards!

    Now that JJ has cracked WHY we like Twilight maybe we should be looking for some way to end the madness...

    [hand raised]
    I willing to let Rob kiss me to see if that breaks the Twilight spell.

  54. @JJ--Sorry I missed your 10:54 AM shout out. I totally agree with you there sista. We were all doomed (or blessed?) from the get go. I went full TWITARD--"Tropic Thunder" reference--the second I cracked open the first book. {{sigh}}

  55. @Twifiltered brain--Get in line behind ME bitch! ;-)

  56. Those of the Twilight realm really have no other choice than to be intensely smitten and creatively inspired.

  57. Tip no 1 for listening to the movie or the audio books--.

    15 minutes before you sit down to quilt. Throw chili con carne into the crock pot, this can be done in 5 minutes.

    Douse the shower stall with bleach and let it sit, spray the sinks with a scum remover product, let it sit.

    Throw a load of laundry from the washer into the dryer and throw another load into the washer.

    Sit down and quilt for the next hour and feel like you have accomplished something.

    Unfortunately I have not figured out how to make this work while trying to read fanfiction. I think someone needs to make audio tapes of our fav stories.

  58. I understand. Honestly the only thing in my life that hasn't suffered is taking care of my son. That's only because A)He's the only other thing that I love more than Twilight *gasp* B) I don't need child welfare on my doorstep!
    I eat a lot of cereal these days...and other things, but I couldn't tell you what they were because I'm too busy CARRYING my laptop around the kitchen while I get stuff out to eat.

  59. @Erica... I vote for that name. I love it! Acronym: TH!ILT Ranch. Sign me up. Can you imagine? FSE's everywhere and Edward sheets on every bed! How long do you think we'd make it before they showed up with strait jackets?

    @Catherine... I recently had to explain to my husband why there was butter in the keys of his laptop. Answer: I tried to make toast (for dinner) while reading. Fail.

    I want to live on TH!ILT Ranch.

  60. @My an XKR--LMFAO! You've got vision my friend. Vision. I'm thinking you should be in charge of branding on TH!ILT Ranch.

    As to your straight jacket concerns: I've given it a lot of thought and, according to my calculations, there just aren't enough SJs in the world to hold us all. I mean SURE, I'd wear one if it was designed to look like RPattz with his arms wrapped around me but, that would be the only exception to my "No Straight Jacket Please" policy.

  61. @Erica Love the SJ design idea! They should make them, I'd buy one ;o).

    @XKR Yes! We could have t-shirts 'I'm going up to TH!ILT' (Does that translate across the Atlantic? Prob not, it sounds a bit northern England-esque LOL)

  62. Thank goodness this work day is almost over... I am crying tears of laughter over here!! My boss is giving me a look ;)

    @My an XKR - OME that is hilarious... explaining butter in the keyboard... I think it is time to get your own laptop or eat dry toast ;) I also love the acronym!! EPIC WINS for the day!

  63. Howdy~ just stumbled in to your blog today for the first time, so glad I did... hi~larious. I LOVE snark.

    I just finished a blog about something I made my Twi-cracked neice (the one who got ME hooked on this series) for Christmas, if you have an extra minute, come on over for a gander. It's pretty cool, I kinda wanted to keep it for myself...

    Have a great weekend! I'm going to go read some of your older posts now... toodles!

  64. Ditto for all of that for me too. Scary.

    I've only been addicted for six weeks! You mean I might still be this freakin' obsessed in a YEAR?!

    And the main thing I'm short on? SLEEP. Last night I went to the gym after the 4 and 1-year-old were in bed (DH was home, obviously), then debated going to see NM again. Talked myself out of it, then came home and watched Twilight until 1 AM instead. 4 year old had a bad dream at 5 AM. YAWN....

  65. I had something really witty to offer to this post but spent too much time laughing my ass off at much wittier previous comments, surfing for Twi, reading update of Bits & Pieces by Lolashoes and praying that Rob still hasn't shaved.

    At work.

    @Erica - you fuckin' rule the comments today.

  66. Seriously, when are we leaving for The Holyfuckballs! I Love Twilight Ranch? I don't want to do any of the laundry, dishes, or housework that's been stacking up if it's going to be soon. I already threw all my crap into my trunk and I'm ready to go when you guys are.

  67. @Twilove1-- Sounds like we're kickin' it old skool and heading to TH!ILT R alla wagon train style. I say we all pack up our essentials--and I mean essentials only bitches! Clothing and hygiene are for pussies. I'm bringing everything I own that can connect to the Internet, my RPattz doll collection and...oh yeah, my knitting supplies to create my pretty-pretty-princess-pube clothing line (@Stan--I got your back baby.)

    Now, where was I? Ahh yes, the wagon train. Like I was saying, we need to: (1.) pack our shit up (b.) all meet up at a designated movie theatre ASAP (3.) watch New Moon TOGETHER--yeah that's my favorite part of the plan too :-) --then (69.) hitch up our wagons and head out yonder to the new homestead/soon-to-be-state.

    Who's with me!

  68. I just do not understand why my family thinks they need clean clothes! A pair of jeans should last six, seven days before laundering, right? And what's this crap about having to eat?! Oh wait, there's no food in the fridge because someone hasn't been to the store in a while. Here, have this bottle of multi-vitamins. That should last you at least a couple more days. I don't have a problem spending too much time with Twilight blogs, etc. Their expectations are just way too high.

    @Vitamin R - This is absolutely ME TIME, and overdue at that. The last 17 years of my life have been spent doting on my hub and kids, whom I love, but now it's my turn dammit!

    Going off to check another blog...

  69. Hello ladies. This is my first comment, but I’ve been following for a while now. The reason I chose now to finally comment is because something funny happened to me today and it seemed to fit with the topic of today's blog.
    After having a mini fight with my husband over who was going to do the dishes that haven't been done, and we are out of bowls for breakfast. I went to work. Somewhere near my 10 am lull in productivity I took a break **couch** reading fanfic **cough**. I looked up at my ONLY twi-related Christmas gift (new moon calendar) and saw the January picture of Robward. I smiled, and needless to say I got nothing done today, quickly switching back to a real work page when someone walked by. And now I am sitting here chugging down sangria, and reading some more (dishes have still not been done, who needs bowls, I can always have a poptart).
    At least I know I have people to hang out with once I get fired!

  70. I hear ya! Although I have kept my obsession to only reading blogs (not writing them), my life has been turned topsy-turvy over all things Twilight. I'll not supply the gory details: same story as most everyone else's. Suffice it to say that I have had an achingly wonderful year, in my own mind at least. :-)

  71. Hellooooo all you new commenters. Welcome to the parrrrr-tay!

    @Suzpetals - I'm with you. I was going to say something but totally forgot what it was after I read all these comments. :)

  72. OMFG- I love this blog. I have never snorted and cried from laughter as often as I do when I read these posts. I may need to invest in some Depends. I nearly peed myself lauging...

  73. This is why I love you guys! Y'all make me feel normal! How fucking scary is THAT?

    I could have written this entry. I used to have a neat home...not immaculate or anything - I have a vacuum that still has the original bag in it...but it was comfy, cozy and smelled nice.

    Since April when I discovered Twilight, my livingroom resembles Bosnia; I've lost track of what bills are paid and which ones are not (but the nice people at Bell, MasterCard and Telus have been kind enough to call me on occasion to say hello and ask where their money is - um...let's seeeee - there was that Sexy Stars of New Moon mag - How To Be came out..oh! and I had to have the New Moon soundtrack....)

    I worked very hard to lose 30 lbs and most of it has come back from sitting in front of my computer instead of going to spin class.

    I've tried to get back on track. I bought a new filing cabinet and everything but to actually get myself organized? Well, that cuts into my FanFic time, doesn't it?

    And while we're on the subject....I don't think I've had more than 4 hours sleep since I discovered THAT little diversion back in May........

  74. Those come hither looks on the Rob pics are fucking KILLING me!!!

    Sorry, got distracted. Today, I illustrated what we are talking about here perfectly. My son's 4th bday party is tomorrow at my house, my in laws were on the way here from out west, my son was taking his nap, I had a list of about 6 things to get done during said nap & what was I doing????? Reading Twitarded, checking Twifans, looking for jawporn. WTF?
    Still have a lot to do....fuck it, I think I'll watch Twilight.

  75. Forgot to say this....LOVE the idea of the commune - I'm SO in. Don't know about the lovely Forks area. I might have to stab someone with a rusty spoon if I am in that much rain all the time. I need sunshine (sorry Edward).
    Recently had a friend go to Washington state for xmas & is somewhat aware of my addiction & when I asked her how close to the Olympic Peninsula she was, she said....(with a big sigh) - I was about 30 minutes away from forks (eyeroll). HA!

  76. Same story with me of course, Xmas tree still up, dirty laundry next to the clean (it all looks the same when it's in a pile right?)... I think this may be a highly contagious disease, a Twi-pidemic, I think we all need to be quarantined immediately, TH!ILT would be perfect!! "I got a fever, and the only prescription... is more Jaw-Porn!"

    And yet, here I am. I just can't quit you!! I can't quit any of my twihooring ways.

    I am supposed to be studying for a test that could make or break my academic/professional career. I only have 3 days left until the big day, but I just keep thinking "just a few more minutes, one last check of the email, ff, and Twitarded..." and then, just when I think I'm in the clear - "holy shit, squee, MOTU updated!!"

    wash. rinse. dry. repeat.

  77. @Gwenward - Gawd you're funny! PMSL!!

    VF: winest - Yep, gonna go have another glass. Cheers!

  78. @Gwenward - I could say this for a lot of comments, but yours especially could have almost been written by me. LMAO. Holy fuck! Did you say MOTU updated AGAIN ?!
    Gotta go.


  79. Can we all live together & pool our money for a staff to take care of all this tedious shit? I frequently wish I had a cathader (I think I mispelled that, but I'm not a fuckin doctor) so that bathroom breaks don't interrupt my Twi time. I frequently pay bills late due to lack of interest. I just had chips, dip, skittles & a nutrigrain bar for dinner. I wish this was unusual. Whatever. Can't bring myself to care & I've never been happier.

  80. @jaima

    "Honey, we're moving to Mexico."


    "It's the only way you're going to eat and have a clean home."

    "Give up Rob instead."

    "No, not an option. Take it or leave it?"

    Honestly, I need a housekeeper and a chef even without my Rob obsession. I'm a lousy wife.

  81. @Gwenward - My Christmas tree was up until the end of February last year. Three guesses when I joined the fuckin' cult. It's coming down this weekend. I swear.

  82. @Suzspetals--Thanks :-) I've found that focusing 100% of my time and energy on thinking-dreaming-writing about Twilight, and ignoring EVERY other aspect of my life has REALLY gotten my creative juices flowin. Unfortunately, this approach may adversely affect my endurance as a commentator. I guess only time will tell. If I suddenly go silent one day, it probably means that I've starved to death.

    Worth it.

  83. @F-Kat that MoTU comment at the end of yours just cracked me up, says it all really!

    And I've had an idea, instead of waiting for society to cast us out to join our commune, why don't we start it under the false cover of an intervention for Twitards? I'm sure our loved ones will gladly pack is off and the 'staff' could do update calls home 'No, I'm sorry Mr Stan, she's as bad as ever, we've still got some more options but it will take longer. Could you send us another payment please?....What's that? Anything as long as we cure her? Well, a lot of our therapy is internet based, what about a few of those extra memory things for laptops. Oh, and do you have Shamwow in the UK? No? Shame, we're running low."

  84. @Erica - Yeah, I'm supposedly a writer but if anyone in RL knew where I spouted all my best stuff, well, let's just say my press card would be revoked, burned and pissed on. Complete with head shakes and eye rolls. And given the crickets on Twitter, FB and fandom, you and I are the only ones up sharpening our literary tongues.

    PS - Please don't starve. Growl and we'll throw you some Skittles or Nutella or some mushroom ravioli. Ooooh, lame reference. Time to go to bed.

  85. I am so on the same page and I am certain I am for the better.
    My hubs can't decide still if it is a good thing that I have have just completely done a 180 from my BT (before Twilight) life..but he is reaping some benefits for sure. It's not like I am locked in a closet somewhere but I do have my NEW routine and it does not include cooking or cleaning. I am more selfish and I like it.
    The side effects of m new found selfishness is I am happier and don't take shit so seriously. For that I can the people, laughs and awesomeness I get to experience everyday. If someone does not think that is normal?? Then they can go %$%#@$ themselves.

  86. Wow, tears ROLLING down my face. You ladies are effing hilarious. Normally I wouldn't do this annoyingly long list of replies, but you all outdid yourselves this time (you usually do, but I'm just too mothereffin' lazy to comment more than once. But today is Saturday, Mr. XKR is out the door, and I'm sitting here in PJs waiting for my horrifically-slow DVD player to load Twilight).

    @Z Any Mouse and Twicat, the vitamins and Bosnia comments... LMFAO. Seriously, tears and all. Amazing.

    @Erica, I accept the branding position (is it just my ff-warped mind or does that sound dirty?). No such thing as too much of a good thing, right? I would probably go overboard and make Alice look tame.

    @Dangrdafne, probably going to choose un-buttered toast by default. I am about to run out of butter, and going to the store would interrupt ff time.

    @Stacy1212... Go ahead and buy a few pallets of canned soup now. Park them in the living room, you won't notice them anyway once they get covered in dirty clothes and old mail. It does get worse(/better)... MUCH worse. Not that any of us are complaining :)

    @Stan... I would wear one of those tshirts now. Creative girls out there, someone design it and put it on Cafepress. And, intervention - brilliant! Aren't retirement homes like a couple grand a month? Surely we can all subsist on Ramen noodles and Skittles with that income, and hopefully there will be money left over for increasingly large sweatpants.

  87. Attn-Rob's Bitch...I am ahead of you already....I have lived in Mexico for 15 years...LOL!!

    How to squeeze in more twilight/NM time, audio phones and an Ipod.!!!

    Hello to all new Twitards!!!

    Have a great weekend.

    wv-speappy, as in "Dont worry, speappy"

  88. You have absolutely described me, except I no longer work outside the home, so I have WAYYY too much time to obsess. To make my situation even more drastic, I discovered Twilight Tracker on the iPhone and have met an incredible group of women who have trickled onto my Facebook page and make my days more enjoyable. Except for when I hide with my iPhone when my husband is home so I can chat. LOL.

    I love this series. I love the new genres of music and movies that it has introduced me too, and I love that I smelled Twilight Woods at Bath & Body Works because of the name and it is my favorite SCENT ever. (I think my husband likes that reason, too.) LOL.

    My obsession is a little more under control, but that might just be because Eclipse is too far out to have an anxiety attack over it just yet. Now, Remember Me -- that's a whole 'nother subject.

    We're all in this together!

  89. tina cullen-pattinson (dream)January 13, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    "MOVIE NIGHT WITH BELLA" insert snarkasm, so i am off this afternoon for nm veiwing #6,and taking with me 2...yes 2 nm virgins,had to have a twilight 1 veiwing last night,because they have not had time to see it yet, beacause they "work too much" whatever bitches....i was in shock...but anyway, they wanted to know why i kept saying i needed a "birthday kiss fix" so i told them....god help me when dvd comes out ( march 21????) then i can get rid of my porn colection,cause all i will need then is B.O.B and "first kiss" and "birthday kiss" and i will be set for life, i did tell the girls they might want to wear a panty liner so they dont mess the seats up in the theater.....they thinks im crazy...true,but i did give them fair warning ..not my fault if they have to walk out with their coats wrapped around their waist...well off to primp,have to look good when i go see the precious.....rock on twisisters!!!!!

  90. tina cullen-pattinson (dream)January 13, 2010 at 11:13 AM

    p.s. i would love to meet new people, so please follow me @powerpuffgirll, thanks guys, YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!

  91. @tina cullen-pattinson (dream) - I'm going this afternoon to #8 with a NM virgin, too, and it's all about the damn birthday kiss. Every time I go, I whisper really loudly, "Rewind it!" It's our duty to educate these newbies.


    P.S.: Heading out to follow. Be careful what you wish for ;)


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