The worst thing about taking a few days off is just how far behind you are when you get back. While I was out chasing down bands, meeting new friends and getting a really awkward sunburn, my life continued to spin without me at home.
And, frankly, it's kind of depressing. There were 287 possibly unfriendly emails waiting for me when I went into work yesterday along with oodles of paperwork to sift through. I was really tempted to just take a big poop on my desk and walk out but I have a mortgage to pay so shitting on stuff probably isn't very "adult-y" (or "I want to remain employed-y", for that matter).
The house isn't in much better shape than my liver - dirty dishes are piled precariously all over the place, clothes and bags seem haphazardly flung about and I'm seriously considering doing the "inside out" with my panties because I really need to do laundry THAT bad. Also, I'm 99% positive I'm growing tools of biological warfare in both the refrigerator and Gizmo's litter box. Fuck it, I'm even eating Ramen noodles for dinner. I haven't done that shit since I was a ridiculously poor college
Needless to say, it's time I get back into growed-up mode and get my priorities straightened out so I can at least tackle the important stuff.
Like Twilight fan fiction, for example.
I admit it - there were more than a few moments while I was reveling at SXSW that I wondered, "did Master of the Universe update?" or "what's going on with Bella and her hockey whore?" Seriously, I have no idea how many panty-combusting sexual exploits were posted while I was gone and I really need to know this, which is why I'm sitting in a filthy house, wearing inside-out-underwear and trying to speed read through about ten fan fiction stories. This is more difficult than it sounds, especially when you're dry humping a computer chair.
It was bad enough that I have my own lengthy list of twi-smut to plow through but the other day I stumbled across a new fic over at The Perv Pack's Smut Shack (fuck me, do I love that name) and, well, they had me at "Snarlward".
Breaking Trinity gets right to the nitty-gritty-down-n-dirty and simply doesn't fuck around, though there certainly seems to be a lot of fucking. Edward is possessive and aggressive - there's always something so hot about these bad-ass Edwards that makes my lady bits go all-a-tingle. And this particular character is like RPattz meets Edward meets Billy Idol - all I can think about is that fuck-hawt sneer he used to do. Yum.
Sue me. I think this guy is pretty fucking hot. Plus he does that lip thing so you know he's good with his mouth...
I know most of you ladies probably have lists far sluttier than mine but I definitely suggest you tack this one on. It's worth it. If you're looking for lots of smexy-times, a Darkward and a good dose of angst, this is the story for you.
Just don't forget to put the tarp down when you read it. Trust me on that one...