Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Boy and His Beanie

I will admit, when I first fell unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Robert Pattinson, I was not a big fan of the black beanie. I'm not sure if it's because the evil beanie covered up that mop of unruly hair I love so much, or if I just thought it was incredibly stupid looking. I don't know. Things have happened over the past year plus that we've been in love, and well, I've accepted the beanie. I may even love it too.

As I've gone back in time to try and figure out exactly how my hatred for the beanie first began, I came across a couple of photos that will help me explain. While revisiting said photos, I realized that it wasn't the beanie I hated. There were other aspects of these photos that bothered me so much, I was taking it out on the beanie. My apologies to the beanie. I was wrong.

Exhibit #1: The brown puffy leather coat.

I need this fucking thing to meet it's death now. I hate the coat so much, I want to burn it in pile of smelly dog shit. It appears that by pairing the beanie with that monstrosity, the beanie got a bad rap.

Exhibit #2: The pits.

I've never been a fan of this picture. First of all, dude, extra deodorant if you're going to wear a light colored shirt. So that gets me to thinking... if he forgot his deodorant, maybe he forgot to wash his hair too and that dirty beanie is covering up some dirty, greasy hair. Ick.

But as time went by, I forgave RPattz for his shortcomings. I no longer give a rat's ass if he never bathes in his entire life. This does not change the fact that he could possibly be the most attractive human being on earth. And if earth's hottest inhabitant would like to wear a black beanie, I will accept it and love it. And I may even wash it for him if he asks real nice.

Exhibit #3: That fucking heavenly V Man shoot.

Fuck me, I love the beanie. This photo renders me speechless. My tongue stops working. Ok, that's a lie. It will work for things involving the precious and certain of his parts, it just stops working for forming complete sentences.

Exhibit #4: Beanie + Stoli Shirt = Wet Panties

If there's one thing I love in this crazy world, it's old, ratty, worn t-shirts. I have t-shirts that are 20 years old so I can appreciate wanting to hold onto an awesome t-shirt no matter how many holes it has. As much as I'd like to tear this t-shirt off him with my teeth, I will respect the Stoli shirt and fondle handle it with care.

Exhibit #5: Lip bitey in the beanie = win.

Does he do this on purpose? Does he see a camera and think to himself "I'm going to bite my lip in this photo - it drives the ladies mad!" I doubt it. He has no idea that all these sexy little quirky things he does totally deplete the world's panty supply.

Exhibit #6: Jaaaaaaaaaw pooooooooorn.

What? He's wearing a beanie in this picture? Sorry, I didn't notice. Too busy slowly licking that jaw. Aaaaaaand great, my computer screen is all slimed up and hmm, that didn't taste good at all.

Exhibit #7: The piece de resistance!

If you missed this little clip from the Eclipse preview on the New Moon DVD, enjoy it now (if you're anti-spoiler, I honestly don't think this will give anything away.) For some strange reason, the combination of black beanie, funny corset-like harness, shorts and black socks makes me want to lick every inch of his freshly-sweaty-from-running body!

So, there you have it. It seems that my feelings for the beanie have been on an evolutionary roller coaster. I was lost, but now I'm found. I have seen the light, and that light is a sexy black beanie. I would sell a kidney to feel that thing between my thighs. Even with all the proof I've displayed above of the beanie boners bonuses, I still think it would look best on top of a pile of his clothes on the floor next to my bed.

Do you have strong feelings for the beanie? Do you love it or hate it?


  1. I love Rob, I friggin' love the beanie, and I love this blog. All WIN.

  2. "I would sell a kidney to feel that thing between my thighs."

    Truer words have never been spoken. Ever.

  3. Exhibit 6 is the best use of the beanie.

    I only dislike it because I fear it does not get cleaned enough but other than that it is a part of him and he loves it, so I shall love it too :)

  4. Fuck me, Exhibit 3....

    I don't like black socks w/shorts. I'm just saying.. if he wasn't so fucking hot. At least he's not wearing his socks w/Birkenstocks. I guess that's the upside.

  5. Oh, LKW, I think I just might love you! I have always been in the minority with my love of Rob and his beanie. The VMan photoshoot, Hobolicious Rob, Drunk Rob, and now Running Rob . . . so many faces of Rob wearing the beanie . . . all of which are hot.

    My reaction to Rob running with the beanie on while I was watching the DVD extras at Mama Cougar's NM DVD Release Party was ridiculous. Luckily, MC's a fan of the beanie, too. I have the gifs of Running Rob planted on the sidebar of my blog with the caption "Beanie Baby."

    Thank you for this post. Mwah!!


  6. I like the beanie, mainly because it usually mean hobo-licious rob. Mmmmm beardy scruffy Rob.

  7. I love the beanie. I love Rob. I love the black socks. I love Rob. I love the treadmill running corset wearing sweaty Rob. And I love your posts Latchkey Wife. Good stuffs!

  8. RachfromMelbourneMarch 23, 2010 at 9:38 PM

    Very strong feelings for the beanie.

    But the other things competing for my attention are the forearms. Way to introduce myself as a first time commenter and say anything featuring Rob wearing a short sleeve shirt fries my panties off.

    Rach :P <-- that's me w/ my tongue hanging out ;) xx

  9. I fucking worship that ratty-ass beanie, to the point of starting a new religion, and making it the relic.


    For communion, we do Stoli shots and partake in the glory of the Holy Hot Pocket.

    Who's with me?


  10. the beanie.. i had my reservations... and then i found a pic of him that did it for me... if i was tech saavy... i'd post it... but it sold me...

    of course i prefer him sans covers.... well sans everything really...

    but the beanie has grown on me a bit...

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  12. Ack, I hate the puffy brown coat too!! He also has that darker green one with the patch on the front that grosses me out too. It reminds me of this gross green leather recliner my grandpa had when I was a kid. Exhibit 6 is fuckhawt amazingness! Pair that with the sexpender pants and the boots and I'll be soaked thru... The only thing wrong with that pic is the fact that I've recently seen those glasses on the KBitch well that and his clothes...Oh shit I almost forgot about the holey Stoli, how could I have forgotten about that one? I do like the sex hair better than the beanie but he's rockin it in #3 as well...

  13. @Mama Cougar - You know I'm with you! What time does Mass start?!



  14. I'm not a big fan of the beanie. It looks alright with some things but not with others. I prefer the hair big time and wearing the beanie takes away Rob's ability to run his hand through it. It defenitly loses points in that aspect.

    I wonder if the beanie is like Rob's blankie that he can't live without and he throws a giant tantrum if he can't find it.

  15. Freakin LOVE the beanie - I swear, that clip of the training for Eclipse - is my favorite damn part of my New Moon DVD! (ok, the interview w/ in the stoli also on that second DVD is a very close second!

  16. Aww, an entire post about Rob's blankie, I mean er, um beanie.

    I would love to see a family intervention where they try to get Rob to give up the beanie. It would be very traumatic for him!

    I don't like it on him in general, but I know it makes him feel secure, so I tolerate it. And sometimes he even looks hot in it.

    Does everyone think he owns just one? Or does he have like an entire closet just dedicated to his collection of black beanies?

    I can see him now on a future Cribs episode "This is my beanie closet and over here is where I keep my black sneakers." And then there is nothing else in the house...but a freezer full of Hot Pockets.

  17. I'm go out on a limb and say there's just one beanie and I bet he misplaces it a lot and then gets all nervous and sweaty when he can't locate the beanie. I bet he's been known to not leave the house because he can't find the beanie. If I ever see the KStew wearing that beanie, she's gonna get a face punch.

  18. Love your blog. It almost kind of expresses how I feel about Robert. Only that I still don't like the beanie, but I've learned to live with it (I don't hate it anymore).

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  20. Mmmmmmmm - I love the beanie. It makes him look like a workin' man, which is all to the good.

    Thanks for another great post, LKW!

  21. @Hypoallergenic Vagina - Gah!!!!! That's an awesome pic. Thanks!


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  23. Hi-larious ... lol the evolution of beanie Rob!

    You know.. To know Rob, is to love Rob and to love Rob, is to love the beanie ;)

  24. @Luxie-agreed, well said.

    I just like that the beanie defines his gorgeous face when he is running on the treadmill. that IS my favorite part of the dvd. especially because he can't hide from the camera and we get a full body shot of him for a good 5 seconds. And he is looking swell.

    i'm voting for rob minus vampire makeup and freaky contacts for breaking dawn. who's with me? i think stephanie will make an exception.

  25. Ok, I just thought of a way I'd really like the beanie: naked photo shoot with just the beanie - on his other head.

  26. Here is a series of some very fine beanie shots.

    Rob's Bitch Seal of Approval:


  27. H-O-L-Y EFFING S-H-I-T!
    I thought the post was great - very entertaining.

    But your ladies comments...holy shit...lets just say you have convinced me to buy a beanie and see if I can stir up that kind of reaction this weekend. Granted, I understand it makes a difference WHO is wearing the beanie, but if I can catch a severely intoxicated twi-fan that is PRO-beanie...I think I could make her MINE just by wearing one! Muahhahhaha!

    Keep it up! This blog is the best!

  28. @MamaCougar - OMG! You're hilarious!
    "Robeanism. For communion, we do Stoli shots and partake in the glory of the Holy Hot Pocket."

    @RobsBitch - Yours was pretty f*kn funny, too! "I can see him now on a future Cribs episode "This is my beanie closet and over here is where I keep my black sneakers." And then there is nothing else in the house...but a freezer full of Hot Pockets."

    @HypoVag - Nice pics! I'm not a fan of the beanie, but...DAMN!

    I've never really known what stormy grey eyes looked like, until Rob. His are like the ocean under an overcast sky. *whimper*

  29. @Hypoallergenic Vagina - I went through my pics and uploaded the ones I had on Twitpic. Here's the link:


    Obviously, I'm a fan of b&w images :)

    @CF4LIFE - Go for it!! But we want to see a picture of you wearing it ;)


  30. @CF4LIFE - I second 17ForeverLisa and her thoughts: "Go for it!! But we want to see a picture of you wearing it ;)"

  31. LOL thanx RobzSinger.

    Okay, apparently Rob has (or had) beanies in other colors beside black! ..I know right?
    the blue beanie (gif)
    The gray beanie
    ...you're welcome ;)

  32. I though the post was fucking funny, but the comments did me in. Nice work, all.

  33. @CF4LIFE - Yes, by all means. Send us pics of your beanie. And by "beanie" I mean the cap you wear on your head. And by "head" I mean the one... oh fuck this shit. Never mind...

  34. I am not a beanie fan either but the jaw porn totally gets me. I just ignore and replace it with just shagged hair in my mental imagery and it's fine.

  35. I love the beanie almost as much as I love the hair...ALMOST :)

  36. @JennyJerkface - thanks for taking care of the small print - I was thinking the same thing about the pic from CF4LIFE - LOL!!!!!

  37. @Dangrdafne - It is rare that we have witty, snarky dudes on this blog. I feel the need to pick on them as much as humanly possible. CF4LIFE always cracks me up, unlike that random ninja dude who shows up here from time to time...

  38. Once upon a time, I was a semi-dignified grown up who took her daughter to see a vampire movie. Now, I shamelessly lust after a hot, scruffy 23 year old beanie-wearing Brit and wouldn't change a thing about him. No clue how that happened.

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  41. I love the beanie - am just gutted that Mr Stan doesn't look as good when he sets off dog walking in his :o(

  42. I had the same beanie evolution. I would probably think the guy was hot wearing antlers or a jesters hat at this point(with black socks!!)I am so far gone......

  43. He can wear, or not wear, whatever he likes.....mmmmmmmmm.....*drool*

    His beanie makes me feel better about my own green hat I wear when hair days are rough. I doubt I look as friggin' deee-lish as he does but that is OK....He is pretty enough for the both of us.

  44. @JJ - Gotcha on the pic requests - no worries, I won't send anything nasty, unless I have been drinking and it seems really funny at the time. To be safe, delete any messages sent from me between 1am and 3am - as that is prime "poor judgement" time for me.

    @HV - thanks for the suggestion, I'll give it a shot

  45. Ok, first of all @HypoVag - those pictures fucking just killed me. I haven't even been at work for 10 minutes and I already need to go exchange my chair for a dry one.

    Secondly I love all the beanie love I truly do and @CF4LIFE, if you do go for the beanie look, you'll definitely have to let us know how it works out for you.

    I'm also surprised not more of you had an opinion on the fugly brown puffy coat. I have hated that fucking thing since day one and wish is would somehow magically disappear. KStew, I'm talking to you. Get RID of that thing!

    Thanks for the love all! I'm really enjoying my time here at Twitarded!

  46. LKW-->Picture #6 Jaw Porn & beanie..why would anyone NOT drool over that? These comments are hysterical..and a dood on the comments! wahoo!
    (JJ-that was Dude really - i know you are already thinking dood-ie).

    I've always loved the Beanie with the Hoodie. Anything ending in ie seems to work. Beanie, Hoodie, Weenie, Woodie, Peenie.


  47. Latchkey Wife, everytime I read one of your posts, I feel like you are reading my mind, I swear it's insane. I used to think I was the only one. Thank God I found these sites, where women recognize the importance of posting pictures and discussing topics such as the size of the bulge in Rob's pants. It's about knowing what's important!!

  48. @Twilove1-I feel you.

    @HV-love the "i just need to try one thing" suggestion, hilarious! not to mention great advice.

    @MamaC- AMEN!

    @CF4LIFE-you can get a real education from this blog. read some fan fiction and then set off to the bar with your beanie in tow = SCORE!

  49. Not a big fan of the tuque/beanie just makes me think he hasn't showered and that's just a big ewww. But I must admit exhibit #6 is a panty scorcher! Excuse me while I go find another pair.....

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  52. @Honolulu Girl - Snort! I know you're just thinking of those little old men tourists on Waikiki Beach with their black socks and sandals, and you don't want Rob to have anything in common with them. Better watch out if you catch him playing checkers. Then the coincidence will be tooooo much.

    P.S. I used to be a hater, but now I'm a lover. I do however, think he would look better in a beanie I crocheted specially for him. Meh, who am I kidding? He doesn't wear the new Stoli shirt that was sent to him, he's not going to soil his hair with a new beanie. Poo.

  53. omg.

    beanie porn and i'm late to the partay (been sick). nothing like some beanward to lift my head. [insert pun here]

    let me just say, if i had a dick i'd fuck rob's beanie constantly.

    and keep it on my nightstand like a tube sock. with some manly smelling musk lotion.

    i'm just sayin.

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  55. @hippevag -

    rob's beanie smells like my fucking [insert orafice here]. and you can imagine any body part you want...cuz he would have rubbed it all overs me baby. yum.

    vw: aclasing

    i abused rob's beanie, and when i was finished it needed aclasing.

  56. @Hypoallergenic Vagina (yes, we definitely need to come up with an abbreviation for you - lol!) - You are my hero. Keep the beanie porn coming. Love the captions btw. Hilarious! Glad you liked the beanie/sexpenders/fingerporn pic I uploaded for you. It is fingerporn to the max, for sure!


  57. LKW - clever post, as always.

    here's my 2 cents ...

    all fucking hail the beanie.

    running rob: thankfuckly, the gif i have is on a loop. HE NEVER STOPS. run rob, run. that whole clip & the harness totes brings to mind domward. talk about ummm package delivery. and those crotch straps. ungh.

    he's just so...so...fucking. THERE. gah.

    theory on the fugly brown puffy jacket: he wears shit ugs clothes to offset the fuckhawtness that his sex-hair/beanie/neck/jaw/tee emits. he is keenly aware twitards will implode if we get too much of him all at once.

    plus it gives him random dorkward points from time to time.

  58. @Neverthink - just trying to understand - would that meen the fugly brown jacket wouldn't get same treatment as the beanie? Cause that beanie would have some bragging rights from the sound of things...

  59. @cf4life. to be clear - i'd lick & fuck the leather jacket too. and anything else that has been on The Pretty.

    humph. did i say lick? that reminds me of one of my fav fucking beanie pics...


    tri-fucking-fecta: beanie/raybans/crotch shot


    ummm. robward leather. *snif snif snif* *eyes roll back*

    the best thing about that shitty jacket? it comes off. and so does everything else underneath it...heh.

    and is easily replaced with any of these fuckhawt jax...

    "leatherdie combo pack w/bonus err package"


    "i can ummm help with that"

  60. @mamacougar.

    i'll join the church of Robeanism. what are the holy days?

    looks like The Pretty is already at the altar...


    veriword: temphstu

    it's not the devil in the church of robeanism that temphstu, it's The Pretty himself.

  61. @LKW - will this work for a kstew face punch? pleeeeaaase?


  62. I love the way he shows up at premieres without the beanie...and then you see him leaving the after party with the beanie on; which means someone has the job of 'packing the beanie'...LMAO!!!

  63. I love the beanie. And I'm all set to join @Mama Couger's new religion. How do I get baptized?

  64. Baptized in a tub of Heineken maybe?

    I'd like to be in charge of packing the beanie please.

  65. @Mama C- I'm with @Neverthink, what are the holy days of the church of Robeanism?
    And will there be podcast or satilite feeds for those of us stuck here on the west coast? LMAO.

    @LKW- This is the one clothing item I wouldn't mind KStew snatching up. I HATE THE BROWN LEATHER COAT!

    @Rob's Bitch- Don't for get the mass amount of RayBan sunglasses that he has as well.

    AND to everyone else, thanks for the laughs and pics.... now I have to come up with a reason as to why I need to run home, change my soaking panties and take a cold shower.....

  66. ummm. rob gives errrr good head. for like 4.5 minutes. gah.


  67. Wow...given how this conversation is going, I just have to ask what this new church's plan is for communion? Kissing a beanie...Licking a leather jacket...oh look at how lame I am! I can't even take it any further than that. I defer to you to continue to shock the hell out of me.

  68. Abso-freaking-lutely love the beanie! Did anyone remember that he was already wearing the beanie when he was playing Cedric Digory in Harry Potter? You can see him wearing it all the time in the behind-the-scenes footage. So the beanie has a really long history. Maybe he already wore it as a schoolboy. Maybe he was born with a beanie.
    The funniest pic is maybe when you see him wearing it at the Remember Me London premiere. He was just leaving the afterparty, he's still wearing the lovely grey jacket, but he has changed his shoes for his old b&w sneakers and he has the beanie on. I think he might actually sleep with the beanie on!

  69. @cf4 - per priestess mama cougar, for communion, we do Stoli shots and partake in the glory of the Holy Hot Pocket.

    veriword: preatte

    robert pattinson is a very very preatte man.

  70. i HATE the beanie. it looks like my 5yr old ran over it with his bike and then the dog sat upon it. there is nothing likable about it. now with that said... i didn't even notice the beanie in fuckhawt exhibit #7! nom, nom, nom...

  71. Oh My God, this whole thread has inspired a blog entry for me.

    Prepare yourselves ladies...I will be publishing The Holy Bible of Beanism as fast as my little fingers can type after work.

    @neverthink - THAT PHOTOS is puuuuuuuuurfect. So grabbing it.


  72. @MamaCougar - CAN"T WAIT FOR YOUR POST!! It will be epic!

  73. @neverthink - I am adding you to my hero list with the awesome Robporn you are sending my/our way.

    @MamaCougar - Woot woot!

    @LatchkeyWife - Thank you from the bottom of my beanie-loving heart for your post that launched so much Robporn.

    @Dangrdafne - *whispers* Can you tell LKW that I am the keeper of the beanie ;)


  74. @Mama Cougar I can't wait for The Holy Bible of Beanism. I will have to officially change my religion on facebook.

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  76. @mamacougar - here is the opening worship sequence for when we all get down on our collective knees and pray at the altar of rob.

    and...we...bow...our heads @ :25.


    veriword: surist

    robert pattinson surist the most fuckable man on the planet

  77. aaaahhh...i've died all over again.....i had not see pics 3 and 6 and I was eating some Nutella on crackers at the time! Talk about swoon inducing! Excellent post....more please.

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  80. @ Hypo V
    LMAO ... think I may have peed myself!

    I HATE the puffy, brown jacket too... Looks like its lined with bubble wrap or something.

  81. @Hypo V - That pic with the caption regarding Twitarded and CF4LIFE is effing hilarious!!!

  82. @hippevag. i'm a lookin, i'm a lookin...

    vintage rob huh? oh shit here we a-go-go.


    ok that's just all sooo silly.

    back to here & now...

    "pass me THAT gravy"

  83. @neverthink - It had been awhile since I'd seen that video. It's so funny and good call on Rob bowing his head as if in prayer. LOL!

  84. @hippievag - LMAO at your CF4 pic. now now, don't scare off the token twitarded peen!

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  86. @Hypo V - OMFG! That was like being Rick Rolled. Do you have your own blog? *fingers crossed*


  87. @hippevag. you fucking crazy h00r.

    i soooo got wet just thinkin about a harness. and a leash. and all sorts of pervy shit as i cliked on the link...and plerfuckity!

    now i need to do penance - my eyes should be poked out w/hot needles for those thoughts that so DO NOT GO W/THAT FUCKING PICTURE. gah. i am ruined.

    vw - extraitu

    hippevag's fucking pervy u-turn makes me want to go extraitu hell.

  88. Beanie yes! I had no idea it was controversial. Maybe because my hubs wore one constantly while we was courtin' about 20 yers ago and so I so get it. So. get. it.

    And, if my experience can confer any wisdom, a man loves a beanie most assuredly because of its insantaneous ability to tame wild hair. But, as they age, they accept their hair a bit more. So, if you love the beanie, lave yourself shamelessly in it now (as if I have to suggest it). In 10 years, he might be over it.

    @HypoVag- noticing different weaves! Too funny

    @ Mrs. P- beanie packer. There are worse jobs

  89. @HypoVag - LMFAO! Great pic! ...and sound advice!

  90. i need to re-set my ass since hippievag knocked me off my axis...running rob - free & on the loose, but sadly sans harness. for reals - no fuckery like from hippevag.

    "catch me if you can"

    and one great beanie wallpaper to ahem "cap" off the nite. ;-)

  91. I don't like the beanie, but his hair sometimes looks greasy and dirty. He looks hot regardless.

  92. Ah, this post is hilarious! When you were wondering if he bites his lip on purpose, ya know, I have a theory. I remember one person on my facebook said about the Details shoot, "Rob was probably like, these pics are good for at least one orgasm per girl.", like he's aware of what he does to ladybits around the world. But I really don't think he does. I really think if he knew what women were TRULY wanting to do with him, he would die of embarrassment.

    I could be wrong though. He could pick out his outfits based mainly on what bloggers say they like!

  93. Robert is known for his messy hair, we all are addicted to his messy style and this is the reason now we are not able to like this very formal hair.
    fit flop


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