Saturday, March 13, 2010

Not Our Remember Me Review

Is Jenny Jerkface fucking serious? Sadly, yes. What a cunt.

Okay, here's the thing: this isn't exactly my critique of Remember Me. I can't do that post tonight because Snarkier Than You and I decided that we needed to see it again before we could really judge. Except that apparently the Four Horsemen called and they are on their way and the weather is really shitty. Like, really shitty. As in, we drove to the movie theater, almost got blown out of the parking lot, got our tickets and popcorn and soda [in the leaky lobby], made our way to our seats and sat down and... it didn't happen. The wind was so bad it fucked something important up and all of the dialogue in the trailers was distorted and unintelligible - everyone in the trailers and bit of movie we caught before stomping out was talking like they were robots with a mouth full of marbles. So we left and asked for our money back and I got into a fight with a sixteen-year-old pimply boy employee who made the mistake of pissing me off after I was already feelin' kinda bitchy to begin with. You been served, bitch.

But I wanted to say something, ya' know? I mean, we felt bad that we left you hangin' last night but, as STY said, we were thinking. Hard. We just weren't sure what to say.

Because we didn't like it.

Shhhh, Emilie, it's okay. JJ & STY didn't really mean it. Because I'll kill those bitches...

I'll be honest - prior to Twilight I would never, ever, EVER consider watching a movie like Remember Me. I don't do romance. I normally don't do love stories. I'm too cynical for it, too...jaded I guess. But Twilight changed that for me, right? So I kind of figured I would walk in and be blown away. After all, Twilight took me by surprise, so why not Remember Me? I suppose in some ways I think I was sort of shocked that I didn't like it. I expected to be bowled over given the gushing that's been going on over the last days and weeks.

So here's the thing: I don't really want to go in depth about the movie until we give it another chance. Another viewing. Not to make is sound too serious, but we didn't write our critiques about New Moon until we had seen three times - we took notes and everything. So we've decided that we don't want to dismiss Remember Me, write it off as "sucks ass" and call it a day. We both decided that it wouldn't be a "proper" review if we didn't give the skinny on everything from RPattz's performance to the script to... well, everything. Like we said, we want to be honest with you all and that means more than one trip to theater. Third time's the charm, right?

Don't get me wrong, there were definitely things we did like about the movie - I will go on the record and say that I think Robert Pattinson did a pretty damn good job. But we want to give you more and that requires another viewing or two.

Oh yeah. That's what I'm saying.

With that being said, we are going to attempt another viewing of this flick tomorrow and will poop out our two cents (whether you want us to or not) as soon as we can.

I do have to say that we've read each and every single comment you all have left us here and I am blown away by how passionate all of you really are. It's not surprising, naturally, but it's really awesome to see such thought out comments on this blog, even if we don't necessarily agree with all of them. Anyone who says that Twilight fans are vapid and stupid need to stop by here and have their asses handed to them because you guys are really fucking awesome.


  1. All of our awesome has been corralled here by you two awesome ladies. I appreciate that you two take this blog so seriously (when appropriate, because serious isn't always appropriate) given that you both have jobs, lives, significant others, etc. This is a damn good place you've built here.

    And the sweetness overflows... :)

  2. Because I've never been lucky enough to have a movie eff up on me at the theater, do they refund your money for sodas and popcorn, too? Probably not, but that shit's expensive!

  3. I'm thinking about seeing it again. I actually really did like the movie. I found it entertaining and I really loved all the humor in it. And I thought Rob did great. I never once saw him as Edward. The only reason I wouldn't want to see it again is because of the ending. I didn't like the way it made me feel with it being all sad and sans Rpattz. I knew from what other people were saying that something sad was going to happedn, but knocking off RPattz? (LwE dies inside) But life isn't always unicorns and rainbows and smiles so I guess I shouldn't expect it to always be portrayed that way. So for that reason, I'm not going to say the ending was horrible, it could happen, and unfortunatly in this country it did.

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  6. you aren't the only ones, seems like most critics agree with you :(

  7. @Pam Rodgers - actually i was kinda pissed that i spend $20 on a small popcorn, a small soda, a bottle of shitty dasani water, and some pretzel nuggets, but what are ya' gonna do? such a rip-off, the concession stand. if i go tomorrow i am bringing all my own snacks and beverages! i paid my dues already, right???

    : )

  8. I'll be back to read your thoughts after seeing it the second time. I saw it this evening with my bestie in Twi-crime. Here's my off the cuff thought: It's a quiet,unpretentious little film that seemingly had no illusions of grandeur. All character driven w/ enough variety in the players to provide something for everyone. Until the ending. It takes balls to pull off that kind of ending and the rest of this movie wasn't packing that kind of luggage. I thought that Rob did a good job w/ the script he was given. I'm looking forward to seeing his future projects.

  9. Im a bad person because Im not rushing out to see this?
    I know, I know the precious is in it..but it really doesnt entice me the way Twilight or some other of Rob's films do.

    Im not a romance-type. I dont do "You had me at hello!" movies.. so I will most likely wait for this to go to DVD..and Il probably only rent it on xbox live, one night when Im bored and only interested to see how his acting is in it.

    PLUS! The lovely fandom of Twilight have already told me the I really dont need to see it now.
    Thanks everyone for that btw :D

  10. sheesh! enough w the drama already! fuckin review the movie, already!

    veriword: vates

    i'm not gonna vates much longer for sty & JJ to review this fucking movie!

  11. Meant to say:

    Am I a bad person...

    LMFAO...Its 04:45am here, Im so tired.

    Looking forward to what you guys have to say, and Im glad you guys were honest enough to say it wasnt one of your fave movies now.

  12. @poptart - yes,you are a very bad person for not wanting to rush out and see this movie.

  13. Yeah - not sure I'm going to bother. We'll see.

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  15. I just saw it again and loved it even more. I even cried the second time - not the first. But I think it was tears for the beauty that is Rob. Seriously!

    I rarely see movies in the theater, period, but I couldn't sleep tonight without seeing him in this again. My husband looked at me like I had 10 heads when I got up and announced I was going to the theater..again.

    I'm sorry you both didn't enjoy it. It really resonated with me in many ways. I cannot WAIT for the DVD.

  16. Is it wrong that I don't want to read your next post? Gotta agree with whoever said they wouldn't want you to write a glowing review just because you thought that was what Twitardia wanted to hear. Nor would I care for you to gush on and on about how awesome it is everytime Rob poops. I wouldn't still be here with you in Twitardland if you made a habit of doing such things. But. You didn't like it? I think I love this movie. And I know I love RPattz harder because of it. It hurts my heart to read the bad reviews, but at least I can console myself that they're written by a bunch of asshat critics. Not my beloved JJ & STY. So without further adieu, with fingers planted firmly in my ears, I will lalalalalala my way into next week where you will no doubt regale me with your cleverness about dust bunnies or some other random item and then lay out the bread crumb map to show us exactly how that relates back to Rob or Twilight. Commencing to hold my breath now whilst I stick my head in the sand.


  17. @hippievag - so here's wot i got.

    ok. so there's no fucking gonna-make-you-love-me panda scene. get the fuck over it.

    tyward's feet look small 'cuz his toes are curled from just getting choked to within an inch of his life.

    and i'm pretty sure his dick shrank on that one too. gah. i hear tell all your extremities get smaller trying to recoil from the grim reaper.

    the final scene w/ally. you are ambivalent cuz you insist on her "conquering her subway aversion yada yada".

    it doesn't feel right cuz it's not.

    she's waiting on the edge of the end - to tumble down into eternity via the bite of a bullet to join tyler in whatever lies after. just accept that so we can move on, goddamnit.

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  20. @hv. LMAO. you can send supplies to

    #69 i-fucked-tyler-n-he-spoiled-me-for-any-other blvd, my-eternity-ville, twitardia.

    ps. i'm down here w/domward & icy. and there's a red room too...

    veriword: dhanati

    i dhanati think there is enough molecular space in one lifetime for true love. it transcends to the next.

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  22. @hv - let me put it this way: ally is the romeo to tyler's juliet.

    tragic star crossed lovers. jeez i am such a shakespeare nerd. must be why i lurves twilight so much. classic shakes.

  23. @hv. every feel like it's just you and me, baby? mmmm. *snuggle*

    H&Dwink. again w the star crossed thingy-ma-bopper. and why does all that dripping blood turn me on so? angstyward is primo schwing.

    and have you read ch 74 master of the univ? ohh the anticipation. talks about a cliff hanger. icy you bitch.

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  25. @hv - yes, H&D is one of my favs am following. also luvs following edward wallbanger. bella's just been cock clocked by edward in the hot tub.

    also just started "edward cullen, dick for hire". it's really differnt and puts me in a fucking mood. check it out

    veriwoed: sesser

    sesser guy over there? it's spunk ransome and i want to fuck him.

  26. hahahha. cock clocked. i'm drunk me thinks. ransome. e. oooh lala.

    i will eheck out H&H. twilighted, right? esp since ff sucks right now.

    veriword: disess

    disess the best movie i've seen robward in where he bangs up against the wall.

  27. not gonna lie, i might be vapid and stupid. at least ignorant sometimes.
    but i like it, damnit! i'm embracing my flaws.
    i want to see this movie, but i can't decide if i want to go to the theater or just wait. the ending hasn't been spoiled for me yet, i've just heard it was crazy/unexpected/something. so. hm.

  28. @christy. while you are prolly not vapid, stupid or ignorant, you most def are a procrastinator.

    go see the fucking movie already.

  29. I understand. I actually took me a full 24 hours to decide whether i liked it or not. I was unspoilt by the ending, so was in total shock...

  30. last post for t'night, promise.

    why do i always need the perfect song for the moment?

    RM - this song seems to capture the scene where tyler's beautiful face is lit by sunshine streaming into the window - just before the camera pulls out to reveal the outside of the bldg/twin tower.!v=hjldv54ln6g&playnext_from=TL&videos=iSpWU1PLEXI&playnext=1

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  32. @neverthink, you're totally right. i'm definitely procrastinating. and i'm indecisive.
    i'm gonna go see it. i think.

  33. Don't worry JJ. Though I did like some parts of it, I was mostly dissappointed (damnit, it should've been R-rated). I'm still trying to decide my thoughts on the ending. Should I be glad that it wasn't the typical cliched, holding hands and walking off into the sunset or should I be offended because Tyler's fate at the end of Remember Me is the same as that of one of my mum's friends.

  34. Hello, my name is italhurts, and I’m a Twitard (and in AA fashion, this is where you all say, “Hi italhurts”, pronounced “it all hurts”). I’ve been lurking for a month+ since the follower count was just below 1,200. I told myself I wasn’t going to comment until I read all of the archives, and in my thorough little head this means every single comment as well. I am a LATE latecomer, not reading Twilight until September 2009. My 16-year old niece introduced us and now, to paraphrase someecard, I now like the friend of friend better than the original friend. And sorry, I won’t always be so wordy in the future, it’s just there’s a lot involved in popping my cherry.
    Alas, I’ve been keeping up on the current Twitarded posts, but have only caught up on the archives to July 2009. Problem is, I saw RM tonight alone, and well, needed a little company and knew Twitardia was the place to come. Not that I have a friend at home that I’d have gone with nonetheless, but here I am working in Hawaii for a month (I know, you’ll want to send sympathy cards)and though I considered trying to contact Honolulu girl and other chicas who’ve mentioned being on Hawaii time, I have not and thus went to RM all alone this afternoon.
    *creased brow and deep sigh* I’m conflicted.
    I heart sad endings. Heart. them. Always feel relieved that RL isn’t glossed over and I’m made to earn my recreation time. Also, I ANTI-hearted (?) the flag-waving patriotism that followed 9/11, as I felt it circled the wagons around the wrong camp. Even so, as someone completely unspoiled about the ending (and I mean so completely unspoiled that up until the very last minute I thought, OK, now its going to be about how they deal with the aftermath of 9/11, COMPLETELY not prepared for him to die. Thanks (sarcasm) SMeyer for making my brain think that the guy who portrays Edward must exist only in HEA movies). At the end of the movie I found myself thinking, “you can’t spring this on us!” Not ‘cheap’ necessarily, but really, little movie, you want to proclaim that you have big cast iron balls like that and launch yourself into that fight? Not sure I’d advise that. Not sure you can rise from those ashes.
    I can, however, really appreciate this movie as being very 2010 (or ’oh-ten’, as I like to think of it). It can only be made right now. It’s long enough (debatable, I realize) after 9/11 to include it in pop-art, and yet close enough that all you have to show is the date, the twin towers, and ash falling from the sky and EVERYONE knows what the fuck is being referenced. What burns me up (regrettable, unintentional pun) is thinking about 30 years from now and having to explain to some kid seeing this ‘old movie’ what the hell happened. It’ll happen. Just like, sure, everyone knows about Kennedy being shot, but if you had a movie with people getting dressed up for a Dallas parade and showed a convertible and a grassy noll, lots of people would have no fucking idea what the hell everyone seemed so upset about. Some movies are just deeply Of Their Time (e.g. “Heathers” wouldn’t be made now, post-Columbine). Strike while the iron’s hot. But not too hot. (like Vanessa, I'm too wordy, to be continued...)

  35. ...sorry, here's the rest

    I’m one to mull, so since it’s been just 3 hours since I left the theater, I’m not sure yet what I think about it overall. I did think RPattz was likable and lickable, and Fuck You All Very Much for that, as I didn’t give a shit about him until I got sucked into Twitardia (the only blog I read). And I don’t QUITE meet the “½ your age plus 7” rule. Never had a star crush and I’m not really pleased about it. But even without an overall opinion, here are my collected random thoughts on the movie and your posts so far, in alarming disarray:
    1 .@Lenzi, I wish someone in my theatre would have yelled “this is bullshit” I would’ve appreciated the reprieve from my drowsy little theatre where no one even giggled at any of the roommates antics, except me, and I thought he was a real bright spot.
    2. I’m frankly surprised no one has mentioned RPattz’s mole-ridden back yet. Sure, we’ve all got em, but Edward doesn’t have them. Apparently RPattz does. Oh the humanity.
    3. Was I the only distracted by Emilie’s Aussie accent break-through? (cite: first time she speaks in class about morals/ethics)
    4. I <3 Martha Plimpton. Forget the Goonies, to me she will always be the missionary’s daughter trying to seduce River Phoenix in the Mosquito Coast.
    5. Being 22 is a bitch, don’t trust anyone who says otherwise. 30’s rule. And once I’m in my 40’s I anticipate finding them even better. Did anyone think of Catch 22, by the way? Once he appreciated the importance in the ‘little things’ he no longer got to experience them.
    6. @ HypoVag and Neverthink: I enjoyed reading your exchange and agree about those intense personal tragedies only coming out at odd non sequitur moments. I wielded my sister’s murder like a weapon over unsuspecting store clerks, mailmen, and whoever else crossed my path for a surreal couple of weeks and still pull it out at odd times. And thanks, HypoVag, for making me laugh audibly at the thought of a lone remaining hormone coming out for a swim. I think I still have one too in an algae-ridden fish tank that I haven’t cleaned in ages.
    7. @ Neverthink: Nope. I didn’t think she was looking for sweet release of a bullet at the end. Totally think one’s read on that would be informed by belief in afterlife. But, I did think she figured there was no point whatsoever in caution anymore, or trying to hide your fears, as they’ll find you where you sleep if they want to.
    8. Really, a Jane Pauley hairdo for the 11 year old Caroline post slumber-party antics? She’s a kid for fuck’s sake. What about an Alice Cullen pixie-do? And, I’m sorry, no adult brother, no matter how fuckhawt and volatile he is, escorting you into class (late) is going to ease the pressure of being harassed by your peers.
    9. Eclipse trailer: I found myself strangely unmoved. Though, I’m in no matter what. How would I be moved?
    Seriously, sorry for the rant. Now I’m going to shut up my long winded and parenthetic al musings and go finish up The Dominant and start on The Training, because that’s just how late to the party I am.

  36. Hey girls,
    Great post, love the honesty. Check out my short post @

    We missed 8 min of the movie because the f*cking screen went blank. We too got free tix out of it...because they couldn't rewind it. And, it was a pivotal point in the movie. I'm the wimpy one, so Elusive S (Sista') marched right up to guest services after the movie. Why are all those boy all pimply?

  37. I don't know who's hotter: Lena Olin in The Unbearable Lightness of Being or RPatz in my ass.

    Shit.. who am I trying to kid...

    RPatz FTW!

  38. I will just say this...I feel your pain.

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  41. JJ and STY, I can't wait to read your review. I know that I might not completely agree...Ok, honestly I know I won't because I loved every bit of the movie, but I just have to know exactly how you feel about the ending, and what scenes you actually did like. LAY IT ON ME ALREADY! That goes for you and Rob as well. ;)

  42. @hippyvag! I am so looking forward to owning RM for the sole purpose of counting and mapping each mole and imperfection on RPatts' lucious body! My high school math gridding lessons will surely be finally be coming in handy. ;)

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  46. @HV... You are cracking my shit up! Just sayin'

    The Ungh Grr track should also have some french thrown in there. *ungh*

    Word verification (too easy!) - righte: HV's college fund will go righte out the window for an unrated version of RM.

  47. @HypoVag: I was just going to post that Newsweek article, but you got there first... It's so worth reading!

    I feel a bit off having an opinion about this since I'm obviously not american, but we have our own national traumas worth remembering so I can relate quite well. What we don't have, on the other hand, is movie companies loaded with money and really hot actors like RPattz, so we won't get any good movies about ours. Sadly...

  48. I agree with you bitches - Not the best movie. Can't believe I am saying this but got a little tired of the angsty Tyler. Should have ended it when they panned away from the towers. That would have really left us thinking. But RP was fucking hot in it! I think Emilie has been reading my mind as to all the things I have thought of doing to Robert - the hair, the skin, the water. That part was GOOOD!!!!

  49. I don't have to have someone else critic or otherwise like a movie in order for me to like fact sometimes I like it just because someone else doesn't ..I know I am retarded like that. Case in point...Twilight I didn't even really know what it was until it was on pay-per-view...I mentioned it to my nieces dork-wad-retard-in-real-life husband. He went on and on about how stupid it was blah blah, so I went home and watched it..10 times..and now I am bat-shit crazy about all things Twilight. I read all the books the first time that same week and then like shampoo I rinsed, lathered and repeated...until I found fan-fic. I don't think that if you don't like RM it means that Rob will think any less of you, or it means that you are not a true twitard. It just means that movie was not for you. Move on the the next one. Whoopee.

    Veri Word i NoCanta...isn't that something Aero said in New Moon?
    Btw...has anyone ever done the hadicap veriword....That shit is funny.(Not meant to offend and handi's ) Just sayin'

  50. @HypoVag- Yes, R-rated. It's not a movie that 13-year olds need to see alone anyway, I wish the movie was R rated already. And not just for the sex, but come on it's fucking angsty and requires processing and should launch many parent-child talks like the one you had with your daughter.

    I liked the Newsweek review, only I totally disagree that all was college-love kissy kissy before the ending. It so was not a happy movie even up to that point. To me, that's what keeps the end from being cheap- it wasn't a sudden mood changer, it was consistent with the tone throughout the movie. The brief bit o happiness was more of a break in tone than the ending.

    @ vermonstermom4Edward- can you make your freckle/mole map like a star gazing chart? Only instead of "in the southern sky in June you'll see..." it'll refer to the view you have of him. You know, if you're looking at him lying in bed to your right it'll look like this, when you're resting your head on his ass looking up the length of his back it'll appear as this, when he's fucking you up against the wall and you can see his back reflected in the mirror across from you it'll look like that...

    Gotta shut up now or I risk breaking my promise of comment brevity. Shit, already blew it this time. I'll learn.

  51. @vermonstermom4edward - you can get started on your 'mapping' project now if you buy 'The Haunted Airman.' Robalicious spends some time in a bathtub and a lot of time sans more clothing than an undershirt, and you can see all his lovely blips and bumps and moles. I was surprised how many he had. Acute powers of observation, and all that. Not that I was drooling at the time, or anything. Have fun...

  52. Look, I know you gals are very dedicated to The Precious, Twidom and Twitarded. But there is no reason you have to make yourselves what that movie again. It was horrible. Sure, Robert was gorgeous. And he can act, sorta (conference room confrontation? wtf was that?) But that movie was melodrama upon melodrama. Not even the 9/11 thing was that bad, it was the build up to it, the slow-mo reactions. That fuck-annoying best friend, thank god he disappeared half-way through.

    It was awful. Awful.

  53. HV-I will contribute to the RM unedited sex scenes DVD production as well, just give me the word and i'll pray harder for my little one to get a scholarship instead.

    I just want to make sure that I didn't miss the follow up post on seeing Rob's...well, um...what he's packing. I didn't miss a secret file somewhere did I?? do tell.

    I'm standing behind RM. It is the type of movie that gets better the more you think about it. Perhaps because I am the type of person who questions the purpose in everything.

  54. I saw RM for the second time today. It was better the second time. The first time was too "choppy" for me -- I had too many things to look at (Rob + everything going on in the movie).

    I think it's a good movie overall. Tyler has lots of angst in his life -- he's 22, his older brother committed suicide at 22, his relationship with his uninvolved father sucks; he has a lot on his mind. Thank goodness he has Caroline (his sister). His interactions with her are totally charming!

    Even though the ending isn't the happily ever after we hope for in most movies, it does give us pause to think to "live in the moments" instead of letting life pass us by.

    And that is the end of my long-winded blathering. :-)

  55. @Hippievag: "But soft! What light thru younder breaks. It is the east, and Juliet is the sun".

    @italhurts: welcome comadre. HV and i send hugs. wow. you'll remember the day you busted your twitarded cherry for RM! teehee. and so will hv and i! i kinda feel like we were the foreplay...

    ok so you BBs both hate my ally bullet idea. hmmm...yes, i am a lover of sad no-you-don't-get-a-fucking-happy-ending-story-cuz-life's-like that kinda girl. and i am a huge believer in the afterlife, good call on that part. i suppose i might concede the italhurts version...not so polly-fucking-anna as HV's. i shall continue to ponder. after i see RM again i will re eval.

    oh who was it posted something above about lena olen & the unbearable lightness of being? OMG - one of the best movies evs and that movie came to mind after I saw RM. same shocker feelings of loss & nuh no no.

    Re the imperfect RPattz - FUCKING PERFECT [all shouty caps, bitches!].

    i do not wish to use words like *whispers* moles or freckles *normal voice* because frankly those are ugly words that just don't seem to belong on the tongue when one speaks of The Pretty. *whispers* let's just call them, err imperfections, shall we and call it a day, 'kay?

    @Anonymous who said "I don't have to have someone else critic or otherwise like a movie in order for me to like it". fucking testify girl friend!

    i guess that's why i'm cool w/all the "i luvs it / i hates it" comments. hey, it's YOUR fucking opinion & you are entitled. who am i to say diff?

    i have decided to compartmentalize RM into 2 distinct areas: 1) tyward fuckhawt porno gazing (to include frenchward & angryward) and 2) uber emo movie i'm-gonna-cry-like-a-fucking-little-girl and love my life and live in the moment.

    veriword: balize

    Oh balize! don't take it all so seriously! it's just a fucking movie!

  56. I liked all the charecters, Tyler, Aiden, Caroline (the mom annoyed me a bit) even Charles by the end was growing on me. Ally was okay, but, her dad was an asshole. I know he was having trouble, but, you still have choices on what to do with that. Plus, I have mega problems with people who have no boundries (walking into someone elses apartment and thinking it's okay to read their private writings? wtf?)

    I for one did like it, and while I don't mind those who didn't, I feel a bit bad that you didn't. Because I liked it so much, I kinda want everyone else to like it too ... I'm kinduva dork like that ...

    I really loved the Tyler/Caroline relationship. I liked that he tried to stand up for what was right and just in several different scenes. I liked what a dork Tyler was.

    I want to see it again and will buy it when it comes out on DVD ... I have a little collection of odd and tragic movies that I pull out every once in a while when I'm in that kind of mood.

  57. Note RPatt's sexual panting ...

    Panty check, anyone?

  58. Panty check, yes. Though it kinda snuck up on me. I mean I KNEW that I was tearful when I left the theatre, but then I went to the loo and WTF? What good is girl goo if you didn't even really notice it happening?

    @neverthink and HV- yes, thanks for the foreplay. But don't feel too special, I had pretty much been all over oral, manual, and hell probably even anal. The cherry popping was just a technicality at that point.

  59. THe sexual panting was niiiiicee. He changed his shirt in one scene and I was pleasantly surprised about how many moles/freckles are along his back and that All I wanted to do was lick my way down his back connecting each one.

    Completely normal, correct?

  60. I wanted to with hold judgement after the first time also. But when I saw it the second time, I really loved it. I cried a lot the second time, too.

    I'll pay triple if they put the sex back in the DVD!

    challenge word: amanu

    Rob is amanu just wanna' lick. All over.


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