Sunday, March 28, 2010

Someone's Got a Case of the Sundays. And Mondays...

I'll come right out and say it - Sundays suck. Sunday is simply the last day before Monday, which is the day most of us have to start work. Again.

Now, I was supposed to spend this fine fucking-freezing-cold-what-the-fuck-why-is-it-STILL-cold day schlepping around doing yard work but I felt I really needed to maintain my position as laziest homeowner ever and told ML I had the shits so I could hide in the bathroom and surf the web for a while. Because if I had to choose between picking up sticks in the backyard and looking at pictures of RPattz... um, yeah. No brainer.

Sticks and stones can break my bones... but I still totally want to hump him...

Anyhoo, because Sundays tend to depress me, I decided I really needed a good fucking laugh so I went to an old stand-by that, no matter how many times I see it, still makes me hork shit out of my nose. I kinda assume that I'm not the only one who feels this way so I figured the nice thing to do was share.

I'm talking Rifftrax, baby. I can't thank Moi from Twigasm enough for introducing me to the Twilight Rifftrax because it kills me every time. Oh, and by the way - my neighbors fucking hate you because apparently you can hear me laughing and snorting next door.

Haven't seen the Twilight Rifftrax clip yet? What the fuck is wrong with you? Welp, here it is.




If I was that clever I'd be a millionaire. I'm jealous, I admit it.

Anyway, I figured since there was a Twilight Rifftrax there must be a New Moon one as well and... I'm a fucking genius.

Rifftrax, New Moon style.



Okay, I have to admit it - I totally laughed so hard I farted. I really need to stop eating so much beans...

Happy Sunday lllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadies!!!

70 comments:

  1. JJ, New Moon riftraxx...fucking LOVE IT! OMG, almost spit my wine all over my laptop, would have looked like Bella's impromptu c-section in BD. Sweet.

    Thanks for the laughs. PS, you & I have poop probs in common. Did you see my post about what I'm taking to FORKS? If not, check it out...Think you might appreciate it!

    http://sotwired.blogspot.com/2010/03/what-shall-i-take-to-foorrrkkkkkssss.html

    XOXO J

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  2. I love the Rifftrax clips. I didn't know there was a New Moon one. This makes me most happy. Now I just actually have to download them. Is the only way to get them from the website and pay for them? I just hate using my debit card on the interwebs, I had the number stolen once because of that and some cock sucker overdrew my account by buying acai berry crap and some crappy anti aging cream.

    Anyway, yeah, Sunday night sux!! I just had a vacation week this past week now am trying to think of a way to win the lottery between now and when I have to wake up so I don't have to go back to work. So far, nothing is coming to mind. Crap.

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  3. LMFAO!!!!! I hadn't seen the New Moon one yet. When they pull up in Bella's truck and he starts singing the Sanford and Son theme song? Still laughing. I really needed that, JJ!

    Lisa

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  4. oh yeah, btw, I actually got the rifftrax before I actually got my NM disk in the mail ha! So hubby and I watched it Friday...Of course it was hilarious and of course he had to make the comment "I don't understand WHY you like these movies". OH GOD DON'T MAKE ME RIP OUT YOUR BALLS! I mean...I love you hunny.

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  5. That was brutal, and I can barely see from tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! I totally lost it at, "casper the friendly codependent ghost" :)

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  7. OMFG jj. funniest viddie ever. thanks for introducing me to rifftrax. it's like mystery science 3000 from back in the day!

    "LLLLLLLLLLLLLadies" [i squeed]
    "went up to twin peaks. killed laura palmer"
    "everytime i dance god kills a kitten" [i peed]
    "line. line. line."
    "your blood would rock...like a huge napa cabernet" [so snorted]

    and i am lfmaorolf - cuz i totes spent an hour in the bathroom friday nite til midnite cuz my hubs told me to quit fucking blogging and come to bed. haha i can't believe that not only does some other twitard do that sneaky-blog shit too, but admits it too! only in twitardia!

    vw - idope

    idope know about you, but rifftrax fucking rocks my funny bone.

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  8. Erik from RiffTrax here. Glad you guys like it :) (And to think there are ONLY 3 more Twilight movies remaining!!! :( :()

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  9. @HV - Ha! I wish I was that talented. That manip was done by the very talented @lolypop82 who you can find via twitter. Thanks for checking out my blog. It's no Twitarded, but it's definitely their fault that I have one. LOL!

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  10. oh man I'm coughing because I was laughing so hard. I've seen the Twilight one but not the New Moon one and I watched them both anyway but I seriously almost pissed myself I was laughing so hard. They are too funny.

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  12. @JJ - I live next door from you. Sorry I never mentioned it before. Can you rake your fucking leaves already instead of browsing Twi-pic-fan-crapola? And the army of cardboard Edwards you have in the yard is giving me the creeps.

    Ha - just kidding. Drunk with the Sunday blahs...I'll admit it. FWIW, the beanie experiment went very poorly this weekend. Given my pickup line was "Hey Baby, I'm wearing a beanie, feel like fucking my ugly brown jacket" didnt work once, I have a bit of an issue with the advice I get here.

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  13. @torgosPizza - where can i get the full rifftrax versions? i'll so pay for that shit!

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  14. @hippievag - lmfaorolf. wondering wot i could do w/ the family china...

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  15. @cf4life...don't know how you don't get laid w/that sense of humour! slap & fucking tickle.

    i'm just sayin.

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  16. "If Phil Collins were here do you think he would lend a hand?" (Bella cliff diving scene)...snort....this shit is super funny!

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  17. @ 17foreverlisa & HV - so where's this showerob pic? i'm dying over heyahs...you can't just throw shit like that out there and leave it hanging... ;-)

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  18. can we please discuss what is going on in rob's pants here??

    http://s581.photobucket.com/albums/ss259/RobsessedBLOG/Bel%20Ami/?action=view&current=BelAmiwithfans.jpg

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  20. @sarah. looks to me like there's a fucking partay going on in rob's pants.

    well, maybe not just a partay per se...more like a couple of err ahem balls. heh.

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  22. @neverthink

    i almost feel like this picture is in response to the recent discussion here of what IS going on in rob's pants. is he trying to make a point?

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  23. @hv. i don't have the strength...to stay away from your links...any longer.

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  25. @HypoVag - First you tell me wear a beanie. That didnt work. NOW you suggest I leave my "Slave Leia" cardboard cutout at home....

    Fool me once...shame on you. Fool me twice...Princess Leia wouldn't like it if I was fooled twice...

    Seriously though, your comment cracked me up!

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  26. @sarah. "make a point". heh. u so funny. if i was in france that would be a fucking double entendre. snap!

    i have no doubt mr pattinson is aware of this blog. he is well known for googleing hizzelf.

    sometimes i think he posts anon comments here...

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  27. @HV. "stuffed a turkey neck and maybe some gizzards in there after his lunch break".

    i gotta get some new acronyms cuz LMFAO just doesn't do it justice.

    seriously. i woke up the dog and he fucking yelped.

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  28. @Hypoallergenic

    hahaha. That is a lovely visual. Thank you for that on a Sunday evening.

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  30. hey now. i never told c4 to use the "wanna fuck my ugly brown jacket" line. i said i "wanna fuck robward's ugly brown jacket".

    there is a difference, you know. i wouldn't fuck just any ugly brown leather jacket. sheesh. i might be a h00r, but i'm a TWI-h00r, damnit!

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  33. @HV for cf4life. pick up lines, you say? sometimes you gotta start slowly and work yourself up to actual the pick up. practice makes perfect.

    i submit for you approval...

    as you push open the door for any random gal, wink at her and say "la push baby. la push".

    offer your desired target a cold tastee beverage as you say "so,would you like any cold [pause] wet thing?"

    "my name? my friends call me 50 shades" *wink*

    try these lines in a bar at comic con...if they don't work you can always hit the star wars vip lounge. cut out leia will be a big hit w the girl w the hans solo cut out. SCORE!

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  34. @hv. if there's gonna be any d-i-v-o-r-i-c-i-n-g going on in my hizzy, it'll be my hubs leaving my twitarded ass!

    and i wasn't on the toilet. i was actually sitting in the bath tub.

    i like to relax when i'm gettin my secret hit of robporn. also cuz somtimes i pass out from the O robward gives me and when i'm in the tub i'm closer to the floor.

    omg i am so fucking twitarded. gah. HV quit fucking encouraging me!

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  36. These are perfect! Laughed my fucking ass off!

    1) I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks of a Benny Hill closing montage when Edward runs up the side of the mountain! LOL!

    2) Went to Twin Peaks and killed Laura Palmer! LMAO!!

    And the New Moon one was freakin' hilarious too!

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  37. OMFG! Rifftrax is freakin' hilarious. I will totes buy that shit.

    @CF4LIFE - Try approaching a girl, stare intensely into her eyes and say, slowly, "I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore." THAT's a panty-dropper right there. *wink*

    Bathroom Bloggers Unite!

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  39. @HV. i'm all in for vegas baby. let's go when bel ami opens. can you imagine? we'll just take a bag of nickels and get shit faced on the gambling floor [cuz hey i don't really give a shit about slots but i do drink] in between watching the movie over and over and over. and vegas never sleeps. it'll be like robges time, all the fucking time.

    plus they know how to handle the likes of addicts & obsessed people like us. we'll blend right the fuck in.

    veriword: hyticat

    when i saw robward standing at the poker table, i sooooo wanted to hyticat ass.

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  42. hv. that's funny. totes just saved that pic.

    luvs me some high-hat robges. ladies and motherfucking gentlemen. gah.

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  43. OMG! I nearly busted a vein trying to hold my laughter in so I wouldn't wake up my husband in the other room! My favorite parts of the NM Rifftrax:

    1. When they hum the music to Sanford and Son when they pull up to the front of the house! I will never be able to look at her truck again without humming that to myself!

    2. "Quil Atera? What are you, an energy drink?"

    Funny as shit!!!

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  44. I downloaded this last week, but haven't watched it yet! Glad to hear it sounds like it lives up to the first one (which cracked me and TH up)!!

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  45. Must get the New Moon rifftrax immediately... blink blink blink gape blink blink.

    Hilarious!!

    Mondays suck. Especially rainy dark Mondays.

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  46. Still wiping the tears from my eyes. Eating breakfast and watching those was a bad idea. I almost choked. I might need to take Hypo Vag's q-tip suggestion to heart.
    A most excellent way to start the day

    "Sam and I are taking the ring to Mordor"

    AND THEN....I took a peek at Shower Rob. Holy mary mother of god.... It's going to take more than a q-tip to clean that up.

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  47. How have I not seen that already????? OMFG! Hubward is sleeping and I am really trying not to wake him up with my hysterical laughing! Awesome shit! Thanks JJ! ♥♥♥♥

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  48. OMG- the NM rifftrax was hilarious, even funnier than twilight.. hee-hee-hee. thanks so much for making my monday morning :-)

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  49. My fave:

    It's not easy looking sexy standing next to a Volvo...

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  50. "Quil Ateara? What is that, an energy drink?" FUCKING HILARIOUS. Well, most of it was. I didn't know there was a NM version. That, and I never searched for one. I'm with jayla...def funnier than twilight.

    Thanks for making my Monday!

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  51. dedicated to HV and all the monday haters out there.

    I take my hat off to you!

    http://twitpic.com/1brp3o

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  53. Bella's truck pulling up = Sanford and Son. Ha! I love this. I need to watch the whole thing. I'm thinking at lunch time...definitely can't wait until after work.
    Thanks JJ! Monday just got a little better!

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  54. After a shitty day of work, this was f-hilarious. Thanks Twitarded and rifftraks.

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  55. As if I didn't cringe enough every time I watched the retarded running through the forset scene, now I'll never be able to watch it without thinking of Benny Hill.

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  57. @hippevag. nice legs, bitch.

    is that edward on that laptop? heh.

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  60. @HV...well, slade rocked 30 days of night, one of my fav vamp films in my collection. but it was way darker & violent. i always thought he would have been good for BDawn 2, tho (wot w all the gore & all of the delivery scene etc).

    i remain hopeful & open minded as to the final product. it's all good.

    i think both twi & nm had the right directors for each, respectively.

    i look forward to each film having a diff dir - mixes it up nicely & keeps me guessing.

    in the end, as long as The Pretty is in it & stays semi true to the books [like the fucking leg hitch, tent, & bella-broken-hand-jaw- punch) i'm good w what evs.

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  62. HV - LOL! seen that one last week. it's posted on my fb page.

    i see your slade approved spoof, and raise you w/this hysterical shit. seriously. i peed myself.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHfyad6Jitk&NR=1

    vw: knalt

    i knalt down on my knees to better serve my master 50 shades.

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  63. Happy......nevermind..
    Happy Nevermind, the true holiday for slackers........ha ha ha snort ha ha ha!
    FUNNY AS SHIT!

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  64. Lllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadies.

    I still think the "line... line..." is my favorite. Kills me very time.

    @Raven - I hum the Benny Hill theme every single fucking time I see that scene. It's suitable.

    @Neverthink - The Laura Palmer comment fucking makes me cry.

    Okay, I need to go watch that shizz again. I'm addicted.

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  65. Thank God! This totally made up for my shitty afternoon!

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  66. jj - i did my part today to kill the monday blues for anyone i came into contact with...

    i pulled the rifftrax teasers up at work today for my co-workers - twihard & normies alike. we had to watch it like 3 times cuz we were laughing so hard & crying we kept missing shit.

    oh and then the security guard came in to see what the fuck was going on. he could hear us in the hallway. and then he got hooked too. ha!

    finally, when i got home, i sat my hubs down and told him to just sit back and enjoy. he actually hugged me afterwards, wiping the snot off his face w/his sleeve, becuz he was crying form laughin so ridiculously hard.

    some part of me also thinks he was a bit relieved to find that i don't take all the twi-shit so seriously, and can laugh at it.

    you know,you can't pay for that kind of good, big-ass smilin' feelin.

    oh yeah. i totes bought both twi & nm rifftrax today online. i've got plans for this weekend: rifftrax, martinis & fuckhawt schmexin w/my hubs. SCORE!

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  67. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

    *GASP* ...oh, I thought it said Speed 2...

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  68. Do you know why i am soooo lucky? I know this guy! He is my ex-boyfriends brother! BITCHEESS! Suck on that.

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  69. @CF4Life Aww, bb, don't be blue. Try leaving the Carrie Fisher cutout home next time.

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