Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Top Five Reasons I Want to See Remember Me

1) It has Robert Pattinson in it. The End.


Just kidding! Sort of...

2) It has Robert Pattinson in it and he plays Tyler, who is not supposed to be just 17, which makes it infinitely less creepy that I want to possibly imagine him touching my boobies. A lot. And my vagina wants to play with him, too.

3) Tyler is not only over the age of 17 (see above) but he's also an angry young lad and we all know that there is a part of us that is absurdly turned on by "angry asshole man". This is the quintessential bad boy, the James Dean, the Johnny Cash. This is not fucking Johnny from The Outsiders - he liked poetry or something, which is why he died saving those kids. This is the Matt Dillon to C. Thomas Howell, who probably did nothing else because he was labeled a pansy for the rest of his days after that role. I have no evidence for this but I'm sticking to it.

1960's era Cavemen...

I mean, seriously, I'm pretty sure the I-want-to-hump-the-asshole compulsion is a deeply ingrained instinct from the stone ages when the biggest doucheknuckle of the tribe was also the one who could club a Saber Toothed Tiger to death and feed his mate for the whole winter. Plus, he probably clubbed a few of the lesser douches who may have been interested in his mate's more... womanly goods.

This is known as the Sensitive Bad Ass expression and RPattz pulls it off flawlessly. [Note from STY: remember that time when your vagina whimpered? I think I heard a squeak just now from somewhere south of the border...]

4) Tyler gets to apparently do naughty things with what's-her-face. Now, I don't have anything against what's-her-face. Frankly, I'm just glad he's going to "get some" because, in my demented mind, I feel like this somehow benefits Edward, who really needed to bust a nut after 107 years of celibacy. Does this rationale make sense? Probably not to anyone but myself...

That's actually me but much younger, prettier, thinner and blonder. Oh fuck it, I really need to learn how to use Face-in-hole...

There were times while reading Twilight and watching both films that I kind of thought if Edward just rubbed one out maybe he wouldn't be so uptight all the time. I mean, just feel Bella's tits for crying out loud! Shit, it frustrated me. At least this Tyler character seems like he might be getting a little bearded taco action.

So, that's what THAT really smells like...

5) It also has Pierce Brosnan in it and I kind want to tickle his torpedo too...

Eenie, meenie, miney moe... oh hell, I'll even leave blondie in...

P.S. - In all seriousness, if you want to remain in the dark about this movie DO NOT go to Imbd. Normally they warn you if there are spoilers but I was totally in the dark about this flick and... well, now I'm not. Just sayin'.


  1. JJ- You WIN for the Johnny and Ponyboy reference!

    Stay Gold!

  2. Friday can't come fast enough, can it? I'm still watching it even though I stupidly read the ending to the script, which I have saved on my compter right now.

    BTW, Blondie has a name. It's Claire Littleton (okay, it's Emilie de Ravin, but I'm too obsessed with Lost to refer to her by her real name).

  3. JJ - fahbulous post! most entertaining.

    i too agree - can't believe edward went wankless for over a hundred yrs. stupid shiny emo virgin.

    LMFAO - "bearded taco action".

    dude. blew shiraz-out-the-schnoze on that one. seriously. so funny to me - here it is again.

    "bearded taco action"
    "bearded taco action"
    "bearded taco action"
    "bearded taco action"

    ok. i'm done. i'm gonna go down to my bunker now for a ciggy & dirty martini.

  4. Ok, so I just recommended this site to a new Twi-fan & totally went OH SHIT when I saw....'that's what ThAT really smells like'. Oh well, guess she's indoctrinated now....hard.

  5. I think I'm looking forward to seeing Rob no utter something that Stephanie Meyer (or Melissa what's-her-face) didn't write.

    p.s. I'd hadn't thought of The Outsiders in years. I think I need to rent that one again.

  6. Funny that you should mention The Outsiders because the only time I've ever been obsessed with anything as much as Twilight, it was Ralph Macchio when I was in 5th grade. I used to carry a pic of him in my wallet and stare at it during class. These days I have Twilight on my video MP3 player to watch, well, hell, anywhere, and the juvenile fanstasies of sharing cotton candy at the carnival have been replaced with being touched in naughty places by a vampire and a werewolf.

  7. Home run JJ! Too fuckin funny.
    Tickling Pierce Brosnan's torpedo had me spitting coffee outa my nose! Dude, Remington Steele and Edward Cullen in the same movie rocks (that being said, does anyone remember Remington Steele?, he wasn't always James Bond)

  8. you girls are so funny. so many laughs today.
    can we be besties?

  9. I love movies about troubled guys who are "saved" by a girl and that Rob is the troubled guy is a bonus. I am looking forward to this movie and I hope I get to see it this weekend.

  10. @ Sharon - I used to LOVE Remington Steele. Here we go showing our age again.

  11. Aaaahhhhhhh...Remington Steele... I was so young to be so exhilarated by him... but boy was I... he was my first and there's a little corner of my heart saved just for him.

  12. Loved the post...keeping the bearded taco comment for later use! (promise to give you all the credit.)
    Sharon, I love PB as Remmington Steele!! =)
    I love this site more everyday!!

  13. Wow, JJ, it's like you were sitting in one of my classes last week! I asked all the students to pick a romance novel to read, and in discussion they really latched onto the whole *why do women love assholes* question. One of the sciencey-types offered a rather sophisticated analysis that sounded very much like your "biggest doucheknuckle of the tribe can club the Saber Toothed Tiger" theory (without your linguistic finesse, of course). Yay for enduring romantic fantasies, which made Stephanie Meyer rich and gave us The Precious!

    P.S. Is it weird that I've had a thing for Chris Cooper for a few years now?? Does anyone else find him sexsay?

  14. @ PaperBell - we want to save and fix those a$$holes. I love Chris Cooper - another bonus to seeing Remember Me :)

  15. ok..Remington Steele...total yum..in that 80's sort of way...

    and JJ? seriously i should never try to discreetly read your posts while still at work... the guffaws and cackles really scare the kids... JS.

    bearded tacos...tickling torpedos... and i am so glad i am not the only one who finds that picture of Rob smelling his fingers just a little naughty....

  16. I'm glad you people like the The Outsider reference! And who says we don't read stuff that has nothing to do with Twilight?! Fuck them!!

    No clue who Remington Steele is but now I have to look it up. Please be reminded that, for the most part, I reside under a very dark rock and don't know a whole of anything.

    @Twilight Junkie - Maybe she won't get it? It could have been worse, ya know... ;) To the new Twi-fan - welcome aboard!!

    @PaperBell - I don't, er, have a thing for Chris Cooper but I may or may not find James Gandolfini attractive...

  17. Wear a panty liner to this movie, you will thank me later!

    (funny my verify word is PURRY)

  18. i don't have a thing for chris cooper but i always have liked tommy lee jones.

  19. I'm pretty excited to see this movie. The diretor said that you really get to see Rob's playful side a lot. I don't know about you but I would like to experience Rob's playful side for myself. Since I probably can't set up a one on one for this, I will have to settle for the watching the movie.

  20. @paperbell - ok. i'll play along. so we're takin' it old school, huh?

    chris cooper? i'd fuck him. he looks like he's got skills. i'm just sayin.


    remington steele? yeah, i'd fuck him too. WTF is it w/these fuckers & chairs?


    and while i'm on the subject, who else would fuck THIS guy? ooohh ME! ME!


    now i just feel dirty. ungh. i'll go get the butter...

  21. OMFG! The Outsiders?! I think I love you (of course that is old news)! Do you remember when SodaPop (a very young and hot Rob Lowe) got out of the shower? I think I broke the pause button on our VCR looking at that scene over and over again. Clearly I have come full circle. Oh and I loved Remington Steele too.
    I may have lost a wee bit of bladder control due to the sniffing of the fingers photo and comment-ha!
    I am seeing a screening of Remember Me tomorrow night with @Kitty_Elvis I can hardly wait!

  22. I love this post.

    What can I say, except, you rock my world right now!

  23. JJ, I don't suppose you'll marry me. ***SIGH*** I sooooo heart The Outsiders. All of them, even Dally.

    But you'll have to learn who Remington Steele is first! Mmmmmmmm.

  24. After reading this blog, this is the conversation i had with my bff.

    me: are we going to see remember me?
    bff: i'm luke warm about it.
    me: stupid emmett lover.
    bff: hurt my feelings why doncha?
    me: note to self: if a kellan lutz film ever comes out, be luke warm about it.
    me: hahahahahaha
    me: i am loling soooo hard.

    Hmm, after reading that from the perspective of someone who doesn't know me from Eve, I sound like a total douche. I'm not. A total douche, that is. Just a partial douche.

  25. My Twi-loving hubs refuses to take me to this movie. It's probably best that he not be present to witness my reactions anyway. At the very least there will definitely be sighing, maybe moaning and creaming of the seat.
    Seriously, though, if we think Remember Me is going to be hot, Bel Ami is going to be a panty scorcher. I read an article yesterday about some of the scenes...HOLY HELL! I don't think we're ready for dis jelly!

  26. BTW - A guy just doesn't look like a bad ass while wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt. wtf?

  27. @Jenny...well, thanks for making me feel as old as Edward! I remember crushing on Pierce Brosnan in high school when he was on Remington Steele! Oh, he was "yum" to the "mee"!

    While bad boys have their place, I've been shat on by my fair share of them. I think I want a nice MAN with a bit of an edge now.

    72 HOURS TO GO!!!

  28. Can I make a bit of a PSA here??

    Just wanted to let y'all know that some of the girls on RAoR had their computers infected by some heavy duty viruses that in all probability came from FanFiction.net.

    As some may know, FF has been pulling all the good lemony stories lately (no sex please and no real people stories ie: no more stories that feature Rob) and now this.

    Many of our favourite stories have been transferred over to Twilighted (Dom, Sub, Trainer, CW&IA etc).

    Just thought you should know...

    Back to our regularly schedule Rob lusting...

  29. I can’t wait to see this movie, I’m looking forward to seeing Rob on the big screen. Just pure LUST. Win, win, for all. Er, for me and my friend at least.

    Anyways, the Outsiders... OMG, old school, and now that I saw Step Brothers, doesn’t that line totally remind you of that weird sister in law. Classic.

  30. neverthink - Those pics you linked are confirmation- like WHOA. I'd go there with the first two fo sho! Keitel? Probably not.

    This post and all this comments are too much. Lovin' it, ladies!

  31. OMG, the finger sniffing followed by the torpedo tickling comments just cracked me up! I love you JJ!

    @ TO Twicat, thanks for the warning, what a bugger.

  32. @toomuchcoffee: I didn't notice the Mickey Mouse shirt before. That is really funny. Yeah, he's not looking to tough in that. Infact I feel the need to take his lunch money from him now.

  33. LMAO! Oh god..this post was funny. I just had one of those "konk out on the couch by accident and wake up to a dinosaur show and get oddly sucked in" nights and then I wandered here and i no longer give a fuck what killed the dinosaurs. Don't ask..I'm still barely awake..

  34. I love you guys. And you know, no one who reads this would have blamed you if the entire post read "Top 5 reasons I want to see "Remember Me": It has Robert Pattinson in it. The End." For a minute, on my RSS reader, I actually thought that was the end. And I had absolutely no qualms about that, so I guess that says enough about me right there.

    Anyway, I'm mostly commenting to gloat (because I'm a bitch like that) about the fact that I get to see this movie tomorrow night because I won tickets to an advance screening. I'm taking my gayest, dearest friend who squees louder than any adolescent girl I've ever seen. No lie: I took him to see Hanson one time. And he was THE squealer in the crowd. Besides the gloating, I don't know why I felt the need to share all that. I guess just because I have no RL outlet for my Pattinson love (except my gayest, dearest friend, of course, but he secretly covets Taycob because he has this thing for barely legal men).

    Anyway, love you hard, as always. The caption "So that's what that really smells like..." almost made me pee myself, so thanks for that.

  35. "Tickle his torpedo" LMAO! Brilliant!

    Who knows when I'll see RM; cause it ain't coming out in theaters here.

    I think you nailed the why we're attracted to assholes question, JJ. The best sex I ever had in my life was with the biggest asshole I ever met.

  36. After a day of brain-racking molec pharm homework, I HAD to thank you for this pee-in-your-pants, hilarious post! LMAO @ Tickling Pierce's torpedo and bearded taco! ...I had to think a while what bearded taco was.
    I'm sooooo excited to see Remember Me. From some of the trailers, it looks like there'll be some hott-ass-steamy, wall-slamming, 1/2 nekkid scenes b/w Tyler and Ally (aka blondie).
    Most of all though, I can't wait to see the interaction b/w Robler and his sister... I think those will be the most tender moments that'll make me fall for Rob even harder... hhhmm, is that possible?! And JJ, you are not alone, I learned my lesson the hard way too about IMDB. I know how it ends. :/

  37. You say The Outsiders and immediately the poem pops into my head.... Wow, I'm such a loser!

    Nature's first green is gold
    Her hardest hue to hold.
    Her early leaf's a flower;
    But only so an hour.
    Then leaf subsides to leaf.
    So Eden sank to grief,
    So dawn goes down to day.
    Nothing gold can stay.

    Stay gold, Ponyboy!

    Great post JJ! I can't wait to see this movie. I've been trying so hard to read any spoilers. Only a couple more days. And if the Eclipse trailer shows up too, I may just die! Don't be sad... it will be a happy death!

  38. JJ-fucking hysterical!!!!

    Our local theater just announced a midnight showing..do I dare? I just don't know if I can wait till Friday after work. I am happy Robward is getting some in this movie too. I was also in the dark about the plot, but read the wrong thing and am hoping if I do see it at midnight I will be able to go to work on Friday!! And the Eclipse trailor? Agggg too much for me to take!

  39. 'tickle his torpedo' LMAO! I live in Pierce Brosnan's home town. I've been ignored for three hours with a possibly broken ankle (turned out it was just a really bad sprain) from one of my many Bella moments in the er of the hospital where he was born. And I used to sit next to a guy at school whose dad lived next door to him as a kid. And I still can't forgive his fucking heinous singing in Mama Mia. He's still kinda hot though ;)

    Edward was frustrating me with his whole sexual repression thing too, and I'm Irish I know aaaaaaalll about sexual repression. I found a fic on Twilighted yesterday called From the Cutting Room Floor by Phoenix Rising. It's a bunch of lemons and limes that could fit into the saga if Meyer wasn't a mormon and it wasn't aimed at teens.

    @TOTwicat: thanks for the heads-up.

  40. I can't wait to see Remember Me, and I'm even more excited about the Eclipse trailer!!! 2 more sleeps! And only an hour until the teaser is online.... can you tell I'm bouncing off the walls?!

    @TO Twicat - thanks for the heads up re fanfiction.net. I had some stuff happen to my computer last week and was thinking maybe that was where it came from. Grrr. Guess I'll stick with Twilighted from now on.

  41. JJ you are so right about imdb. I am pissed! Two twats in front of me at the coffee shop today were talking about RM and I totally overheard...well, OK, I was totally listening be/c they were talkin' about the Precious, but then it was too late...the twats spilled the ending and I wanted to dump my steaming hot coffee on them, but I didn't and now I am just in my office sulking...

  42. I just had coffee come out my nose (tickle his torpedo - snort!). Great post JJ!

    Remington Steele - purrrr. Pierce will always hold a special place simply because of that show. I love him.

    And yeah, for me it's true about wanting the asshole. I've had a couple of them and BEST. SEX. EVER. Although I never saw the Sensitive Bad Ass Expression look so fuckable.

    Anyone see the 10 second Eclipse trailer scummit released? If not, here you go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k33DEEI-15c&feature=player_embedded

    Fucking dog.

  43. Just wanted to let all you lovelies know... the Eclipse 10 second trailer is up on youtube! Tried to embed it for you but failed! Eeeeee x

  44. I can not wait for this film either! But I think besides it being an RPattz film ( What else do you need?!) I am just really looking forward to him playing something totally untwilight-esqe, and broodier and more edgey then Art from How to be.... And everything i have heard about the script says its brilliant, it has been really hard not to give in to the temption to read it, as it sits there on my bookshelf! Bring on April 2nd!

    Sad News, if you haven't heard one of the originals from the 80's Corey Haim ( Lost Boys, Dream a little Dream, License to Drive) has died. So sad that another person has been taken in what almost seems a hollywood cliche at this stage......

  45. Oh and about the Eclipse teaser trailer , how bad is Kstew's Bella wig!?!?!

    (Veri-word: spedi)

  46. Mmmmm Remminton Steele... Love the finger sniffing, snorting away in my cube!
    I'm making hubby take me to Remember Me as he wanked out on me for New Moon!

  47. @ Twi_Chic I just watched the teaser trailer and thought exactly the same thing about her wig. I thought it looked bad in the pics I'd seen but hoped maybe they were just bad angles or something - obviously not.

    So sad about Corey Haim, he was one of my poster boys when I was younger :o(

  48. So is it weird that reading the spoiler to Remember Me actually kinda of makes me want to see it now.

    I didn't before!

  49. Hell yeah, THAT'S what that smells like! Now bury your face in it and only come up for air when you ask "Are you sure you want me to keep going? You can't move your legs anymore." ...Doesn't he know anything?! :)

    Awesome post, JJ. The captions killed me. I feel that I may have to alter my blog reading times... I'm a morning reader, gettin' my fill before I start my day. However, I feel that I am missing out on some mostest excellentest dreamy time by not reading before bed.

    PS: FTW on #3. Any reference to The Outsiders makes it a good day.

    PPS: My veriword is "inangst" Because I am fucking IN ANGST waiting for fucking FRIDAY!

  50. LMFAO! The finger sniffing picture! Ha! Anyway, I love The Outsiders too, and definitely have the I-want-to-hump-the-asshole compulsion as well.
    Seeing Remember Me tonight with @VitaminR!!!!!!!!

  51. I used to love Remington Steele too and recently netflixed it, but somehow it wasn't quite as great as I remembered it. I think it must be Rob's fault for ruining other guys for me.

    I'm insanely excited about seeing the midnight showing of RM Thurs night with F-Kat!! @KittyElvis & @Vitamin R - have fun tonight!!

    Great post, JJ!

  52. @Stan - yeah, he was one of mine as well. So Sad.

  53. I bought tickets for me and Purple Cupcake today! My dress is picked out..my hair will get done..and I am taking that slut/bff Purple Cupcake out to a swanky dinner too...Yes ladies it will be a goooooood nite! Watch out Black Hole of the Universe we are going to tear some shit up!

  54. Holy shit there are a lot of comments that I am not going to read. If my comment is a repeat....whatevs

    There is a short snipped in the Remember Me Trailer where Rob (Tyler) beats the shit out of some dude then gets arrested which makes me spontaneously orgasm every time I watch it. That alone is worth seeing the movie. I'll apologize in advance to whoever is sitting next to me in the theater on Friday night.

  55. Bella's wig in the Eclipse trailer is so so so bad. Can they CGI that shit in or something!?!?

  56. Just when I thought this blog post couldn't get any better...
    The Outsiders.
    Holy balls. Epic win.
    "Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold."
    (Sidenote: In all seriousness, who names a kid Ponyboy? Really?)

  57. Glad to know I am not the only one who thinks that wig looks like shit!
    Counting the minutes(2,780) till I see the movie Friday...

  58. OMG... I was just reading your past posts and I came around some info that made me laugh soo hard!

    You said: "For those of you who may be as clueless as I am when it comes to this kind of stuff [have I ever mentioned that I stopped obsessively reading Perez Hilton when I started obsessing about Twilight? Well, I did.]"

    Hahahahaha! Me too! The EXACT same thing happened to me! Perez is in the past now uehaeuhae

  59. This post was fucking hilarious! Maybe it was the two glasses of wine that helped...but I literally "LOLed" at this entire post...and I fucking hate saying LOL...but I really did. You ladies are too much!


  60. Funny that you should mention The Outsiders because the only time I've ever been obsessed with anything as much as Twilight, it was Ralph Macchio when I was in 5th grade. I used to carry a pic of him in my wallet and stare at it during class. These days I have Twilight on my video MP3 player to watch, well, hell, anywhere, and the juvenile fanstasies of sharing cotton candy at the carnival have been replaced with being touched in naughty places by a vampire and a werewolf.

  61. Home run JJ! Too fuckin funny.
    Tickling Pierce Brosnan's torpedo had me spitting coffee outa my nose! Dude, Remington Steele and Edward Cullen in the same movie rocks (that being said, does anyone remember Remington Steele?, he wasn't always James Bond)


Comments are our life now. Leave one!