Monday, March 1, 2010

Vampire Actor Robert Pattinson, Where In the World Are You??? Oh Yeah Right...

Well hellooooo slightly-scruffy-finger-porn Rob!

So today was the day that Jenny Jerkface and I sulked all day because a month-ish ago when it was announced that the premiere of Remember Me would be held in New York City, we talked about it, realized that it was a Monday night, and made the executive bloggy decision that there was no way in hell we could swing it despite the fact that is was kinda sorta in our back yard (or at least a train ride away and JJ would be on said train for non-RPatts, worky-related reasons anyway).

I knew at the time that we would regret the decision. Aaaaand... Well, sometimes it sucks being right. This is one of those times.

Crap! She was there too [go figure]?! Son of a...
(Pic from Twifans)

However, because I am a master rationalizer, here are some great reasons why we chose not to try to lay eyes on The Precious today:

It's a Monday. Did I mention it's Monday? Like many of you who still have jobs these days, JJ and I are doing more work for less money, and are [almost always] glad to be gainfully employed. Hmmmm... take days off to traipse through the city (and potentially be caught on camera somewhere - I can see us both in our respective HR department's office now, footage being played back for us as the pink slips are being filled out after we lied about being too deathly ill to come to work) ooooor spend four days in Foooorks abusing our livers and horrifying the local townsfolk??? Maybe we chose wisely after all.
We each got to tell our significant others that we WEREN'T going to do this. Given all the stuff we DO do, this is b-i-g. For me, anyway. When I crowed to Mr. Snarky that we had decided to not take one--oh, who are we kiddding--two (after-hours party stalking can run late, after all) days off to go to the premiere, his response was, "Oh because you're a Twilight blogger, right?" Dear, sweet, naive Mr. Snarky who doesn't read the blog and hopefully never will, I love you. Don't ever change, baby.
Jenny Jerkface and I value our hearing - or what's left of it after all these years standing in crowded dive bars listening to Mr. Snarky and ML rock out. For those of you who don't know what a crowd sounds like when they see stars from Twilight appear before them, I refer you to this video that was shot at the New Moon premiere well after the initial din from when Peter Facinelli and Kellan Lutz entered the room had died down. I am tempted to tell you the the audio is low and you should REALLY turn it up so that you get the full effect, but I won't. It's l-o-u-d. You've been warned. Please note that this is not even RPatts-level shrieking, which the man himself has likened to what it must sound like at the gates of hell (I couldn't agree more - it took me nearly ten minutes to wrench my fingers from my ears after hearing this cacophony):




I am not patient enough for shit like this and I know for a fact that ML has forced JJ to stand outside while he pays for something at the supermarket, lest she curse out the poor, elderly woman in front of her counting coupons. I am also certain that there were people lining up yesterday. Waiting in a massive crowd for hours and hours and hours would be...dreadful. Yes, it would be awesome to be there, but I'm not aggressive enough to bully my way to a position that might get me - if I was lucky - a nanosecond of face-time with RPatts and maybe a Sharpie (and my boob). We need my height combined with JJ's get-the-fuck-outta-my-way-ness wrapped in one package and the blogger-schmusher machine was on the fritz.

So long story short, we get to see the pics and video that other people shoot and we're sorry we didn't deliver for you all! We hope you get it.

Speaking of which, I have to say that I have a bone to pick with the Today Show...

Here is how they billed him: you can read the caption for yourself -

TwitPic from Late2thePartee

Really, Today Show??? "VAMPIRE ACTOR STARS IN "REMEMBER ME"???

You suck. Really.

42 comments:

  1. We understand!!! Why go when you know the precious will be making an appearance at your houses later any way? I mean, why bother with the stalkericious when you know that he (KStew & TomStu) will come by later to munch off of you. Have those hot pockets ready ladies.

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  2. Matt Lauer was a douchebag during that interview, and I started to fee bad for Rob. He is looking worn out already (to me anyway), and he's got a long fucking year ahead of him.
    I am behind you guys on your decision to skip the premiere antics.
    FFOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKK....
    wait...I can't go. MOTHERFUCK!
    Well, I so puffy heart you and JJ and for the love of all things vampy bring us hella pics!!!
    muah.
    E

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  5. LMFAO - UPS guy. *fuck-snort*

    hey, whadya expect from NBC? stupid shiny fuckers.

    and good call on avoiding the unwashed masses - ewww. and you can never find a place to pee in crowds like that.

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  6. I didn't know Rob was actually a vampire. Hmmm...I wonder if that helped him get cast as Edward Cullen. I guess after seeing over 1000 mediocre human actors they then realized, "Hey maybe we should hire an actual vampire for this gig." Good call Summit.

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  7. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to the premier. I couldn't even go to my local cineplex to see New Moon on premier night. I'm satisfied with aiming for the middle.

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  9. @hippievag - yes my darling, my avi is our dirty little secret.

    an ode, if you will, to our one night of splediforous romp and un-mentionable fuckwardfest that we shall never herein speak of again.

    oh yeah - did you see my chat post to the right?

    fuck - wot is it about you? you're like my own brand of heroin. witty bitch. *sigh*

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  10. WTF with Kstews pants in that pic? They look like a bedspread I saw at a wog relative of my husbands place, about 25 years ago, yuk. I fully understand avoiding the unwashed masses aswell, yuk.

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  11. hey does anybody want to blog during fallon tonite?

    i've got a thing for trees. hmm.

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  12. Not quite. If he was a UPS guy, he'd be wearing shorts.

    @living with edward - funny

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  13. I hear you on the reasoning...It has never been so good to be employed in this scummova country. That said, after watching the interview and some uploads of the cluster-fuckery that happened, I think the only thing you missed out on *besides the obv* was the temporary hearing loss, monies lost from playing hooky, and possibly a touch of liver damage. All in all, I think it's okay that you sat this bitch out. Hold out for bigger and better.

    Really, Today Show? I didn't know Rob was a vampire...pretty sure he just plays one while I play with myself...

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  14. Quite frankly, Ladies, I'm sure your decision was sound. I didn't have to listen to your video again. I remember it well from when you first posted it.

    I've also experienced it.

    Kellan and Bronson (Embry the Wolfboy) were at MuchMusic for Much on Demand. I was in my car at the light just outside the studio. There was probably every teen and tween in the 905/416 area code there. One of them blinked or breathed or something and it sent the mass outside into a ear shattering tizzy so loud, it literally shook my car.

    Now, I've done my own fair share of screaming for Donny Osmond, Tony DeFranco, The Bay City Rollers...I was a diehard TeenQueen in the 70s, I tell ya...

    But I never hear ANYTHING like this and Rob was on another continent at the time! I'd have hated to see what it would have been like if he'd been there himself!

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  15. @lindsay rae - LMFAO -- "I didn't know Rob was a vampire...pretty sure he just plays one while I play with myself..."

    *snort* hi-fucking-larious.

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  16. for lindsay rae and the rest of us pervs...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax8w_C2Xv8Y

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  17. No apology necessary as I have NO desire to be in crowds like that either. I could have gone to Vancouver, BC to set stalk multiple times but it didn't appeal to me at all. I prefer to keep my fantasy encounters with Rob untainted (ha!).

    Oh and by the way @Mama_Cougar and I were bantering about his "Members Only" coat earlier on Twitter and I found a pic that shows a big old tear in the cuff of his coat...I think he may have actually bought a vintage Members Only coat while thriftin' with KStew. I do like the UPS driver reference as well. It just makes me love him all the more.

    Oh and the TODAY Show people are total fucktards for putting that on the screen. That is worse than supermarket tabloid headlines. I may need to vent to them about that...totally absurd.

    V/W: 'stsuc' I crown the Today Show 'StSuc Show'.

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  18. I noticed that. WTF! Rob isn't a vampire. I loved how he told Matt he wouldn't do interviews if he had to.

    I'm watching Jimmy Fallon and LMAO! Rob in that ridculous tree was pricless. "I'm botered." I can't believe he doesn't think he's funny. I want those lasers for my eyes when my kids act out. LOL!

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  19. @Kerri...but wasn't he freakin' gorgeous???

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  20. ok, seriously. that was fucking fallon awesome.

    i squeed like a little girl.

    how does he dooo that?

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  21. I agree with @SmartEpantz, Matt was a douchebag...and I normally like his interviews.

    We totally understand about not going to the premiere!

    Can't wait for FOOORRRKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

    xoxo J

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  22. Well, I've no desire whatsoever to watch that interview. This screen cap is off putting enough - not just the horrible racy caption, but just look at Rob's face. Poor guy.

    Seriously though, I totally get you. I wouldn't go either. I didn't go when Johnny Depp came here about a month ago. I could've, but really, what is the purpose of standing outside, in cold, pushing and shoving just so you could see someone in person? I'm guessing this could be a really disappointing experience more than anything, because there you'd be, hoping he looked your way, and he'd probably pass by, not even glancing your way, and it would all be over in a matter of minutes.

    So, look at this way, you're on the winning end of the stick, not losing. ;)

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  23. @ STY, I sympathise, I too am crap in crowds. When I used to do the pub thing with mates you could see their disappointment when it was my round because we all knew that it would take twice as long to be served with my shitty elbowing my way to the front technique. In the end they used to take my money off me and go themselves. Oh, I'm always the one still hovering on the kerbside wondering if it's safe to cross while everyone else is already across too lol!

    Oh and I was rather unimpressed with the outfits at the premier. No words even for Kristen. Emilie looked liked she'd made an effort, just a shame her dress looked like it had got tucked up in her knickers when she went to the loo.

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  24. Matt was a douche to Rob, again.

    I'd almost wish RP would bag the show but he's so nice to the fans. Couldn't ML have asked, "How did you like working with Pierce or Emile or in NYC?" What was Matt digging for? "You are making me feel special" Really Matt? Well the interview is all about you and your ego, isn't it?

    As the twitoddler and I watched she said the greatest thing to me:

    "Mommy, please can he come to my house tomorrow?"

    So Rob, playdate?

    Junie :)

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  25. I fucking hate those Today Show douchebags! Matt is the WORST interviewer on earth. I just hope the View women aren't totally retarded today in their interview.

    I loved the coat - for some reason what it did to his eyes made me fucking melt! And I also love his last comment about him doing the naked photo shoot. God, I love him.

    And as much as I love a good stalk, I'm totally with you guys - big crowds, screeching teens and the chance of getting caught playing hooky just ain't my style.

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  26. @TJB yeah it was a looong night but we had breakfast hot-pockets for the guys too so it's all good and i'm sure that "the view" will go well - lol!

    glad you guys weren't all "WTF?!" - i really did feel like we needed to be there but holy crap everyone else in the local twidom (and not so local twidom) showed up so i think there's enough coverage out there to keep us all happy. although i am totally jealous that JJ has actually seen rpatts in the flesh and i have not. {{{harrumph}}}

    and yes, Matt Lauer is an ass. He really is so full of himself - they should find another interviewer who's not such a douche. whatever happened to being nice and showing a little respect?

    @HypoVag - if my ups guy looked like that, i'd be ordering up a storm online, working from home every day, and praying for some sort of porno shenanigans to take place when my "special delivery" showed up - heh-heh!

    : )

    ok thanks all for craking me up after i woke up crabby - you rock!

    RL calls - later peoples!

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  27. I'm with STY. If RPattz was my UPS guy I'd be ordering TONS of stuff on a regular basis.

    My coworker went to the premiere and she said it was pretty crazy and RPattz PR lady was a total bitch to everyone so... I think we made the right decision.

    I can't wait until the 12th though!

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  28. Wow. Those pants are really bad.

    Since this is my first go around watching Rob do his press for a movie, I am watching and feeling a little pity for the dude. Matt Lauer is an ass, that is for sure. My guess is he is a little envious of Rob's very full head of hair.

    But even on Jimmy Fallon, Fallon is really nice,and Rob looks like he would rather be in a Chinese torture camp that sitting on stage with him.

    As for the premier - don't blame you guys at all. Better to be employed, go to Forks, than to be on the unemployment line and deaf.

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  29. Thank you for the Squeeeness that is PFach- what a way to start the Midwest morning.

    Sorry you broads couldn't make it to the premier to experience the madness up close; way to take one for the American workforce for the time being. I'm sure multiple opps will arise in the future.

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  30. It sucks that you missed out. If I lived closer I would have gone. Ticket or not, I would have gone!

    And you are so right about the Today Show's subtitle on their caption... Next time I see Lauer, I am going to smack him right in the back of the head and say, "Not vampire actor... Actor Robert Pattinson!"

    Great post!

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  31. I think you made the right decision - even with KStew there also, there is never any guarantees to even get close- and add in the hours of waiting around, and screaming teenys - no thanks! You definitely made the right choice!

    I watched the Today show online last night, and Matt Lauer really annoyed me - did anyone else notice how he was almost trying to get Rob to say he didn't like Vampires and the movies. Must say I was very proud of our boy when he made a point of saying he had no problem with vampires etc and hoped he could do it again...

    I, for one am so so looking forward to seeing Remember Me, you lucky state-siders get it nearly a month before us, but if I have managed to not read the script this long (its printed and sitting on my bookshelf), I think I will be ok. But bring on April!!!

    Oh, and I was thinking - maybe RobSten are trying a new tactic, been seen in lots of places together, so then it all just becomes old news quicker?!? Would anyone really be shocked at all if the couple were announced? Me not so much.


    veri-word: intaep

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  32. @Living with Edward - "I didn't know Rob was actually a vampire. Hmmm...I wonder if that helped him get cast as Edward Cullen." LOL! No kidding!

    Maybe I could get a job as a dumbass caption writer at NBC. Everyone should have goals and dreams, right?

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  33. I totally understand why you would avoid the premier.

    @VitaminR The Vancouver sets are not that crazy, or I've just been lucky enough to find sets that not too many other people have found.

    @TO Twicat OMG girl, what a flash back Donny Osmond, Tony DeFranco, and The Bay City Rollers. I hang my head in shame as I have seen them all and did my fare share of screaming too.

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  34. Just watched the View. He looks great! They were nice to him...I would say all 4 were smitten even.

    But the best part was the nice VIEW of his shoes! OMG they are huge!

    Hope that helps with the sulking hangover. (I've got one too)

    Junie :)

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  35. Sooooo not a crowds person. I'd be stuck at the back somewhere because my crowd-elbowing skills suck. I did once brave crowds for a Terry Pratchett signing, but that was with a bunch of other fairly well-behaved nerds to see a fifty-something bald dude with a beard, not a bunch of screeching teenagers to see a fuckhawt actor that I want to lick like an ice-cream cone. Juuuust a little bit different.

    @Twi_Chic: When is Remember Me coming out here?

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  36. Not willing to stand and wait all day - just to get pushed out of the way at the last minute. Besides, I'm short, so I wouldn't see anything unless I was up front.

    Barbara Walters was an idiot this morning when she kept referring to his "fangs". WTF Bitch? But I did like it when he said Betty White is the sexiest woman in America!

    Can't wait for FFFFOOOORRRRRKKKKKSSSSSS!!!!!

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  37. Ok - so I've watched the Today Show, Fallon and now the View and am anxiously waiting Jon Stewart and praying the poor guy gets a break.

    Fallon wasn't so bad, but seriously, you could pick out a few questions from each interview that were worth anything and WHY are these people interviewing him so retarded?

    Barbra Walters babbled crap, and did anyone see the young girl they showed in the audience? I thought she was going to throw up. Eeew and Barbara bringing up the Vagina allergy comment. Seriously, that's original.

    I LOVE how everyone brings up the screaming crazy fans - duh - as if he hadn't noticed them already.

    He'll be making the rounds for Eclipse soon enough. How about dropping the Vampire bit and focusing on RM for now.

    @Hypo Vagina - Aren't UPS men always in those really bad pornos? ;)I would definitely try and stage my own if he knocked on my door.

    And I think you ladies were smart to stay home, unless you could have got close enough to slap some sense into Lauer or Walters.

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  38. You're so right about the Today Show, Matt was a real douchebag and he obviously hadn't prepared anything. Rob's so patient! But RM seems to be getting really really good reviews, so who cares about Matt's mediocre interview?
    Hmmm and btw I was wondering if you were going to make some post about some hilarious things Rob said about filming the RM sex scenes - you know what I mean? I'm thinking modesty pouch, handcuffs, ball sack, sex toys made out of hairdriers, sock to use as a ball sack etc... surely that should tickle your imagination? No?

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  39. @Banshee713 - last time I checked it had a release date of April 9th! :-(

    Really looking forward to seeing it so it seems like ages away, at times they do early previews, so I will be on the look out for those... I will let you know if I do.

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  40. Sooooo not a crowds person. I'd be stuck at the back somewhere because my crowd-elbowing skills suck. I did once brave crowds for a Terry Pratchett signing, but that was with a bunch of other fairly well-behaved nerds to see a fifty-something bald dude with a beard, not a bunch of screeching teenagers to see a fuckhawt actor that I want to lick like an ice-cream cone. Juuuust a little bit different.

    @Twi_Chic: When is Remember Me coming out here?

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  41. You're so right about the Today Show, Matt was a real douchebag and he obviously hadn't prepared anything. Rob's so patient! But RM seems to be getting really really good reviews, so who cares about Matt's mediocre interview?
    Hmmm and btw I was wondering if you were going to make some post about some hilarious things Rob said about filming the RM sex scenes - you know what I mean? I'm thinking modesty pouch, handcuffs, ball sack, sex toys made out of hairdriers, sock to use as a ball sack etc... surely that should tickle your imagination? No?

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  42. It sucks that you missed out. If I lived closer I would have gone. Ticket or not, I would have gone!

    And you are so right about the Today Show's subtitle on their caption... Next time I see Lauer, I am going to smack him right in the back of the head and say, "Not vampire actor... Actor Robert Pattinson!"

    Great post!

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