Remember when you were a kid - the anticipation you felt as you agonizingly waited for summer vacation? The closer you got to that last day of school, the more your schoolwork started to suffer...your attention span fizzled to virtually nothing... Well, this is how I feel right now. The older I get, the more aware I am of not trying to wish the time away. It means I'll reach 40 faster and, well, I'm really not looking forward to that fucking birthday. At all! Time goes by fast enough when you get older and here I am, wishing it away like an overexcited 10-year-old.
But this has been a year of anticipation. With so much happening, I can't help that my life has become a series of dates that I just can't get out of my Twi-infected brain. I haven't been this excited about shit since Mr. Latchkey and I planned our last vacation almost four years ago. Ya, we don't get out much. And wow, I sound like such a fucking loser right now.
March 12. I'm firmly focused on this date right now since I can almost reach out and touch it. This movie better be fucking awesome or someone's going to get a nut punch. And even though I don't want that skinny, blonde bitch putting her filthy paws on RPattz, it will be nice to see him get all down and dirty with a girl without wanting to drain her blood. Oh yes, I've seen his earlier, non-vampire movies and I didn't even make it through them. Fucking painful. Sorry, don't hate me but I really wish I could un-see them all.
Hands off bitch. I will cut you!
March 20. Halle-fucking-lujah! Just in time. My poor Twilight DVD now begs for mercy when I put it in the player. It's worn out and tired (kind of like Jenny Jerkface's vibrator). Like Twilight, there will be parts of New Moon where I'll have to look away... *cough* dream sequence *cough*. Sort of like the whole spider monkey ridiculousness. Gag! And there will be parts where I pause and stare. For a very long time. And now that Taycob's legal, there'll be no need to purchase soap-on-a-rope.
Hahaha. Jacob gets stuck in the back, even though he's supposed to be the star!
June 30. This is the day I could die. My lady bits could detonate and kill everyone in the theater. Sorry. It's the truth. I fucking loved this book like a fat kid loves cake. And if David Slade doesn't bring that leg hitch to life in a way that makes my vag whimper, heads are going to roll. Please... all I'm asking for is the leg hitch and some serious, open-mouthed making out and I'll be happy. (Not as happy as if you'd just let the poor 109 year old virgin bone her... hey, a girl can dream!) I hear there were some leaked photos from Eclipse that I may or may not have peeked at, that may or may not have given me a glimpse of heaven... just sayin.
Like this but lots more tongue please.
July 27. Huh? How'd that date get in here? This is the one date I'm NOT looking forward to this year. The day I turn 40. The day my life is officially half over. Just please mark your calendars... if you don't hear from me, there's a strong possibility I swallowed a bottle of pills. I don't do well with these types of birthdays. When I turned 30, I broke up with Mr. Latchkey by phone - we were dating at the time - and I started chasing a much younger man... hmmm... sounds familiar... Ok, never mind.
September 29. FOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSS! At least I hope I make it there without JJ and STY getting me booted off the plane. Guess we'll have to be on our best behavior - although I'm not sure JJ even knows what that is. I'm not happy about having to get up at the ass crack of dawn for this flight, but holy FUCK, I'm going to fucking Forks! The holy land. The Twilight mecca. My own personal Twicrack den. The Twi-whore house. I don't think I was this excited for my own wedding! I swear to all that is holy, if anyone tries to fuck this up, they will end up with a bullet lodged in their stupid, Twi-hating brain. Don't test me muthafuckas!
Oh Forks, you have no idea what you're in for!
December 25. Fuck you all. I always look forward to Christmas. I love presents! *hint hint*
Are you all with me? What important dates are you looking forward to in Twiland and beyond?