Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Twitarded Takes A Stand: We're Team Billy Burke!

[Didn't read yesterday's post? Start HERE first!]

He gets an honorary knighting in Twitardia. Or Something like that.
At the very least, I will protect his trailer from the likes of Jenny Jerkface.

Today at Twitarded, we learned some very important lessons:

1. Sometimes, the people you write about actually DO read your blog. Fuuuuuuck - we're in big trouble here, people! I mean, JJ's new mantra since this revelation is "please don't read any other posts, please don't read any other posts, please don't read any other posts..." And she may or may not be wondering if someone is eventually going to stumble across THAT post. You know which one. It starts with "poop" and ends with "in Robert Pattinson's trailer". Or maybe that other post, about The Garments We Shall Not Mention. That one.

What?

2. Billy Burke does indeed have a keen sense of humor, as we all suspected (whew!) and doesn't appear to be particularly litigious (double whew! Because I think even a veiled comparison to David Hasselhoff is libelous, unless you're in Germany, in which case it's a compliment). It may have occurred to Jenny Jerkface at some point yesterday as she was writing her post about Billy Burke's soon-to-be released album that there was a slim, veeeeery tiny, not-much-better-than-an-ice-cube's-chance-in-hell possibility that the man himself might come across it. But c'mon - it's a big Twidom out there and we are relatively small fish in that sea. Besides, the people we write about are celebrities and they have more important things to do like read Variety call their agents and have lunch at The Ivy - they're not trolling the internet all day like we are, looking for entertainment... Or are they??? It would appear that after JJ tweeted about her post last night, more than a few of you [consults Creative Cursing] rectum diddlers re-tweeted it to Billy Burke. Ok, I admit it - when I retweeted it this afternoon, I sent it his way, too, even though I knew JJ was getting a tad nervous. I mean, how could I not?! Aaaaand I guess he was paying attention...


That's right! He tweeted us - Chief Swan Billy Burke tweeted US! - wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

and I tweeted him back...something about being afraid of baywatch sauce and thanks and uh I'm SURE his music is going to be better than anything David Hasselhoff has ever done...

And then...



And then he tweeted us again! At Twitarded!
Can I get a fan-girl "SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"???

And yeah, I totally pimped out his site to all 1300+ of my Twitter followers, and he Tweeted the Twitarded post JJ wrote about him to his ummm... 500,000+ followers. One of us was getting quite a deal, just sayin'...

When I was lurking around at his site later (fine I'll admit it - I hadn't signed up to get the free download he's offering until today!), I was looking through his comments (all 600-ish of them - if this acting and music thing doesn't work out, he could totally have an awesome non-paying job writing on a website for peanuts and praise - it's niiiice, lemme tell you) and i found THIS:
fangbanger April 13, 2010 at 1:38 am

I just read a blog comparing your future musical career to Hasselhoff’s. While I love a drunken, desperate plea for a hamburger as much as the next person, I hope to never see the beloved copstache in such a difficult and embarrassing situation.

PS. I’m kidding. I’m sure your music will be lovely.

Reply

bb April 13, 2010 at 5:44 am

Fanfuckintastic. Please do send a link to that blog. The stache is slathering itself in “Baywatch burger sauce” just contemplating the comparisons. -bb

Reply


Gah! That site she refers to? Yup, yours truly... Or JJ, anyway... Always knew her potty mouth was taking us places - just never quite knew where!

In case you missed that, yes, Billy Burke IS replying to comments over at his website - so go check it out HERE! And make sure you sign up for the free download of the first track off of his upcoming music release - we can't wait to hear it!

If you look at Billy Burke's Twitter feed while you're on his website, you can see all the nuts-o tweeting that followed!

And if you leave him a little love note, don't forget to tell him the Snarkier Than You and Jenny Jerkface from Twitarded send you! Maybe we can convince him to come to Forks to sing for us - I'll be he sings a mean karaoke! We'll have a Tom Waits song queued up just in case...

In the meantime, enjoy this video of a photoshoot I lifted from his website - yummy! Oh like the rest of the Twilight cast, he seems like an awesome, down-to-earth, likable dude. And totally hot. Yup.

behind the scenes with Twilight's Billy Burke & tdink magazine from Destination Luxury on Vimeo.


P.S. Billy, baby, just to show you how much we REALLY care, JJ promises that if you ever let her use the facilities in your on-set trailer, she's only go number one.

P.P.S. Not following us on Twitter?! STILL?! You're missing out! Go here and here to sign up! Because today was FUN!!! And you should have been there with us, dammit!

70 comments:

  1. I'm still all kind of crazy-white-girl excited for ya'll! I think this may call for a BB Crotch Watcher post!

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  2. I love that this stuff happens to y'all. You are both awesome, funny, and y'all bring joy to so many people.

    I adore that Billy Burke has a sense of humor.

    Now if you get Tom Waits into this conversation I'll become y'alls personal bee-yotch for sure.

    And TexasKatherine all those y'alls were just for you.

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  3. This was by far one of the best days in Twitardia!! I still can't stop smiling. I am impatiently waiting for my hubby to get home so I can tell him all about it. Team Billy Burke!!

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  4. Rob Who????

    GOD DAMN!

    That behind the scenes video was all kinds of hottness!
    Smoking! Wearing Chuck D's!
    Close to my age!

    My tummy feels swirly. I am soooo getting his music.

    Team Stache!

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  5. Well if this isn't the coolest thing to happen to happen to the most awesome chicks around I don't know what is. How great is Billy to come by and play? No wonder we all love him so much. And what is this? Will it be PantyGate (oops, LadywearGate for Nina) all over again?

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  6. Fanfuckintastic! What the hell else is there to say? You girls rock so hard!

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  7. Squeee! Congrats! Hopefully we can talk Billy into coming to Fooorrrkkksss!
    Hmmmm maybe this calls for some special BB boxers?!?

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  8. May I put in my vote for official Twitarded Team Billy tshirts?

    Pssshh, Billy's just discovering how fuckawesome you ladies are. The rest of us have known for a long time! :-D

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  9. Holy crap on a cracker!! That is amazing! This makes my birthday that much more exciting, even though it didn't happen to me, I'm still thrilled. Awesome you guys! You tweeted Billy Burke, sounds kinda dirty. lol

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  10. Just signed up for my download on BB site and mentioned the sweet loves here at Twitard sent me in the comments.

    I am so happy for you beautiful bitches! What a fuckawesome day here in Twitardia!

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  11. I am still fangirling!!!! Billy (I am just going to assume that he is reading from now on) you are the creative mastermind behind my online name ( I live in Seattle and grew up with Rainier Beer--next time your visiting let's take a six pack down to Golden Gardens and build a bonfire--don't worry I'm married....oh shit gotta little side-tracked there). Oh and your portrayal of Charlie...my favorite part of the screen version of The Twilight Saga...well besides Rob...but you are far more age appropriate for me. OK I am going to stop now.
    The Twitter freak out was too fun today! JJ and STY you better start vetting your political staff picks for Twitardia because I smell a population growth coming on.

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  12. @Billy if you're reading - JJ would totally still drop a duece in your trailer. An "Upper Decker" if possible.

    Glad you ladies had a great day with your tweets and such. I am still trying to recover from that nasty Hasslehoff pic.

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  13. Billy is the bomb! Seriously... I just adore that he tweeted you!

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  14. FUCK ME.....CANT BREATH...THAT VIDEO IS FUCKHAWT!!!!! i SOOOOOO want to climb him in that chair!!!!!!......gotta go change the panties now....thanks!!!
    I FUCKING PUFFY HART U GIRLS HARD!!!!!!!!

    PMSL!!!!! my word veri is trator...no lie!!!!!!
    sorry rob...I STILL LOVE U BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  15. @ Living With Edward - today is your birthday???? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

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  16. LMFAOROLF. ok, so, has anyone other than me googled "billy burke cock" today? i mean, it was hypoallergenic vagina who called it...all i can say is mother-to-the-fucker!

    ALL of the other blog spots are picking it up and posting!

    ahh. *sniff sniff* *wipes a tear form eye* i'm sooo proud to be a part of the hawtness that is twitarded.

    vw: whamati

    and just like that...WHAMATI! billy burke is now our bb!

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  17. Squeee! That was awesome! I have always had a thing for Billy Burke, but after his jumping into Twitardia head first today, I completely adore him! @JJ and @STY you girls are fucking fabulous.And BB should definitely join us in FFOOORRRKKKSSS!!!

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  18. @Christina - "LadywearGate" - lmfao!! Ah Nina...

    : )

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  19. Ladies!! Do I need to buckle down and get a fucking twitter acct in order to keep up w the awesome?! *high Billyfucking five*

    @LwE: Happy Berfday, bb!!

    @neverthink: *raises hand* I forgot to tell you.

    And yes, Motherfucking *thud* on that vid. Unf. Billy, I swear, whatever you decide; 'stache ride or stubble burn....I will be a perfectly naughty girl. Oh, the things you should do to me.


    vw: aceign.

    "Billy, I dream about my aceign your lap."

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  20. Today was a special & lucky day here in Twitrdia indeed and I am soooooo glad I got to share it with you whore-flaps - lol!!

    Thanks to my evil-minded bloggy partner in crime for casting this diabolical net to catch Billy Burke - hah! Ok we couldn't have planned this if we'd wanted to but it sure was fucking fun!

    All I can say is that I hope for pleasant dreams tonight...

    : )

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  21. @TJB--Fuck you very much. Now my eye is twitching.

    @JJ & STY--I've started the countdown clock til the restraining orders start rolling out. T minus...

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  22. @TexasKatherine I know you love me very much!

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  23. @cf4life - i heard tell that the HOFF used to date CF. but it wasn't serious - just a sex thang.

    @linds - "aceign your lap" - sei fottuto brillante, la mia bella ragazza

    @txkatherine - lmao...restraining order. heh.

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  24. @Dangredafne and Lindsay Rae: Thank you!!! xoxo

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  25. Such a fabulous day for you (hell, for ALL of us in Twitardia!)!

    Couldn't have happened to a more fuck-awesome pair of Twi-Mavens!

    Muuuuaaaah!

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  26. One of you needs to go down on Catherine Hardwicke to thank her for bringing us Rob AND Billy. C'mon, take one for the team...

    I'll take care of Billy myself. Rob lends me out.

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  27. Can I say that I broke out in a MAJOR nervous sweat for you guys when I saw that tweet? MAJOR! I don't know why, but I did. Thank fuck he has a sense of humour. This of course now makes him hawt. RPattz who??

    Dear Billy,
    I'm going to assume you're reading this. I think you should seriously consider coming to Forks. I have no doubt that it's going to be nothing but good times. By good times, I of course mean a fuck load of general debauchery.
    love CC

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  28. SO excited for you guys! Congrats! And a little teeny nervous that he is on to us, and therefore may pass along the funnies, which may cause some curiosity among the OTHERS... meaning holy shit, are we busted?! Rob, I swear to GOD, I am not a deranged, pervert. Well, maybe a bit of a perv, but honestly, can you blame me? Have you SEEN yourself? And Billy, you are hilarious, and you owned it in New Moon. Looking good, Chief!!! Good luck with the album.

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  29. So fucking awesome, you guys! I was a little late to the tweeting party, but I was there, and it was awesomesauce!

    Couldn't have happened to two twattier sluts. Now, how do we get you on Oprah??

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  30. OMFG this is awesome! I have to figure out Twitter. It confuses the hell outta me but I feel like I'm missing out.

    Holy crap, what if they all start reading this stuff? I'm not a desperate whiny fuckwit guys I swear...

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  31. Hopefully this post will explain what happened today on Twitter to SoTwired. She was a lil confused.

    My word verification is "herstink". I kid you not. Sounds like something left behind in a certain somebody's trailer after a visit from JJ.

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  32. You girls are lucky fuckin' bitches, I tell ya. USA Today interviews, convos on Twitter with copstache. I mean, what's next? Literally pooping in Robert Pattinson's trailer? GAWD. I have the major jealousies.

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  33. I almost pooped my pants when I saw this on FB, but instead, I gave you a standing ovation, all three of you.

    Billy is da bomb! I wonder if he's going to become a regular. I would've loved it if he commented on the blog. I also wonder whether he's going to be one day: "Hey Rob, I read fucking hilarious blog one day, you should check it out. It's not your typical fan girl shit. One of these bitches is highly intent on taking a crap in your trailer. Just sayin'"

    LMAO!

    Congrats again.

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  34. I effing need the 'stache-panties like PRONTO!!


    Billy Burke is a Badass MF'er.
    the end.

    ps...love you girlies!! hugs and sparkle kisses!

    ReplyDelete
  35. God Damn!

    This IS 'Fanfuckintastic'! Love your work Ladies... Looks like you hooked a twi-cast member who will fit RIGHT in with the Twitarded madness!!

    @BillyBurke (If you do end up reading this...) WELCOME to Twitarded, think you will enjoy your stay, there is NEVER a dull moment!!!

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  36. Gah! I never wanted a Twitter account more than today!
    Its def a good damn day when your assessment of a certain hot daddy dilf actor was spot on --cool cat he is! --Forget Team Charlie... Team Billy!
    .. I think I'm in love!

    And TWITARDED? --My fucking hero!

    P.S. Will def have to read the poop/trailer post (I'm kinda new 'round these parts)

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  37. Ah ma gawd what a day in Twitardia! (STY - sorry I bailed on you last night dude, I was beat...) But awesome fucking post and does anyone else just love the fact that Billy actually typed 'fanfuckintastic'? What a good sport with obviously a great sense of humor! I hope he visits again often (just preferably when my filthy mind is not on display...) You get that Billy? Only read posts by JJ and STY... maybe you should stay away from anything with my tag on it. Just sayin... I may scare you a little bit!! God I love being part of this craziness!

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  38. I definitely let out a HUGE fangirl SQUEE! last night when I was reading the tweets while in the car with my S/O! (He was clueless and couldn't understand why I was smiling like a geek while squeaking uncontrollably!) Fucking epic ladies, fucking epic!! ... going to sign up for the Billy Burke song now!

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  39. Mr. Snarky's response when I finally got him to understand (sort of) why I was SO FRICKIN' EXCITED: "Bella's Dad? He's not even a vampire." Thanks, sweetie...

    : /

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  40. @princesspottymouth - I wish I had thought to title the post that - lol! Perfect. : )

    ReplyDelete
  41. Chain of Events:

    Tuesday Night 8:47 pm

    From: Billy Burke
    To: RPattz
    Subject: Dude...

    So, I ran across this website and you need to check it out. It's...Well, it's...Just go here and look: www.twitarded.blogspot.com

    45 minutes later...

    RPattz: Kristen! Kristen get in here and look at this shit!

    Kristen: (Hearing the panic in Rob's voice she rushes into the room)

    A few minutes later...

    K: (Stops chewing on her nails and looks at Robert) I could protect you...If you changed me.

    R: (Stares at Kristen like she's lost her mind) Kristen, even if I changed you into the Terminator, nothing is going to stop these psychotic women.

    Robert gets up from the computer and nervously starts punching numbers into his cell phone.

    R: I'm calling every security company and bodyguard I've ever used. I mean, did you read the vile things those women are thinking?

    He stops pacing the room and starts sniffing the air.

    R: No...No...There's no way she found me here, is there? Kristen do you smell that? It smells like someone took a huge dump in the bathroom. Please-God no!!!

    And fade to black.

    You know this happened-Right? Oh, Robert is scared. So so scared!

    ReplyDelete
  42. @STY - Sorry about the hubby but are we really suprised? As long as we all get it (you know what I mean LOL) here in Twitardia, that is all that matters ;) I hope you and JJ got my email from last night.

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  43. I'm soooo busy but I just HAD to respond.

    1) We've been officially SO busted

    @mMoxie - your word verification slayed me.

    @MK - LMAO!!! I read that and tried sooo hard not to start dying laughing. I failed.

    I'm already trying to figure out which posts are going to get us in the most trouble and arrange them in the order of "most likely get a restraining order" to "Nah, they'll just think we're nuts"

    Suffice to say, I'm thinking the trailer post is gonna be "most likely to get a restraining order".

    @Luxie - Here's the trailer post everyone is referencing. http://twitarded.blogspot.com/2009/06/of-twilight-and-er-well-caca.html

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  44. @JJ & SNY--I just feel like MAJOR CONGRATs are in order! happy gig! happy gig!

    Billy-Where have you been all my life, like before 24 and Twilight? I know you were around but so glad Twilight brought you to the forefront of ALL of OUR lives!

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  45. I'm the anonymous - with the formerly broken oven - this damn thing will NOT let me log on - I have no hope of twittering anything- I am fucking technology screwed - congrats - SNY and JJ - what a coup - BB - and Hoff?? Maybe. Anyway, I have a job interview this afternoon, for a really great opportunity, and it will take me hours to wipe the smile off my face and try to be professional and not think about trailer poop and Rob's body parts...Thanks so much. If I don't get a FT job soon, you'll be feeding my kids!

    Love to the TWITARDED community. You rock.

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  46. This is simply awesome! I LOVE Billy!

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  47. I hate to interupt the Billy love fest (so hot, love love love Charlie so much more than book Charlie!)

    But read this?

    http://www.philly.com/philly/wires/ap/entertainment/other/20100414_ap_twilightseriesonlistofchallengedbooks.html

    criticized for sexual content?!?!? Off to read fanfiction.

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  48. @ Rob's Bitch....I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit over your 'go down on Catherine Hardwick' comment. That's just vile! Combined with the Hoff pic, I may need to call in sick today.

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  49. Hmmm... Do you think BB ever dropped a deuce in RPattz' trailer? What do you think it would take to get him to do that?

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  50. You know, if I were you guys. I would be jumping up and down screaming like a little girl at this point. I don't know if you are, but I'd like to see a video of it if it's happening.

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  51. I am not currently formulating dastardly plans to come to FOOOOOOOOOOOORKKKKKKKS, because I'm going on the www.twilightfanscruise.com, so I'd imagine I'll be pretty tapped.

    BUT,

    And this is a big BUT,

    if Billy Pornstache were to show up & sing karaoke, I would fucking sell my kidney, my breasts...my corneas, just about any dispensible body part to get there.

    I'm just sayin'.

    PS
    My bladder repair from yesterday cost $17,724.50. The bill is in the mail to you both. And in case you're wondering, I AM litigious, so just pony up and pay it.

    MC

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  52. I freakin' love this blog and you twat-waffles! You have made my day with this!!

    Team Billy Burke!!!

    I LOVE that this happened!! SO FUN! =}

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  53. @MamaCougar - I have an idea! If you get on Oprah just tell her you have a dream that you want her to make come true - ok one of many - but tell her you want to go to FFOORRKKSS with us but you don't have the money. Maybe she will fund your way to help with your obsession and everything :) Ooo maybe she could film the episode from FFOORRKKSS and she would fly you there to be on the show!!! ooo ooo ooo that would be soooo cool. Ok crazy thoughts on a Wednesday morning.

    Billy Burke, if you are reading, I hope you would consider visiting us in FFOORRKKSS. Just ask Snarky or Jenny for details :)

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  54. @MK Seriously, I cannot stop laughing. It's hard to type with tears pouring down one's face.

    I as so proud to be a loyal subject of Twitardia right now!!
    JJ & STY are DA BOMB and all you lovely ladies (and gent if you're out there) are FUCKING FANTASTIC!!

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  55. @CF4Life - Thanks for erasing SpeedoHoff from my mind. Now all I can think about is upper-decker. Gah!

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  56. This is like the coolest thing ever! I can not believe he replied. He seems to be an amazing guy and it was awsome he took it with such a humour. Billy, you rock!

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  57. this was one of the first things i saw on my FB this morning - it made me laugh, outloud. great job ladies.

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  58. I was so mad I had to ditch twitter to get ready to go out last night. I was able to catch up on what was going on prior to leaving, so that was good. C

    Can I just say that BB is hawt...Hawt in a "I want him to grab me by the hips, rip my clothes off and slam me down on the hood of car?"

    He's like dirrrrrty hawt.

    Mmmm...

    xo J

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  59. Woo Hoo! Awesome! AND Don't forget to tell Billy that you know PFach and that Kellan loves JJ!

    We'll have to buy some of those fake 'staches and do a tribute to Billy. Got any felt and double sticky tape?

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  60. *suqee* Thats awesome. Billy Burke is one cool dude.

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  61. Congrats whores!!! I'm convinced most of the Twi-actors are cool. They just all seem so down to earth.

    YAY!!! You're gonna get all famous now! Not that you weren't already.

    Billy Burke FUCKING RULES!!!

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  62. I watched this shiz go down and it's pretty friggin' awesome.
    I'm also excited because I know Fangbanger! She is awesome.
    And BB replied to her too! XD

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  63. SQUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

    I am so excited for you ladies!

    I loathe and despise Twitter, but I might just hop on for you two whore flaps. And Billy Burke, of course.

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  64. Oh hell.

    I feel all sorts of famous. I don't read your bloggy everyday (mostly cause I suck) but y'all are hilarious!

    <3

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  65. Just read this post for the first time and I'm thinkin maybe if we all tweet Billy, he'll come to FOOOOORKS with us! We will probably be needing some police supervision after all. ;)

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  66. SQUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

    I am so excited for you ladies!

    I loathe and despise Twitter, but I might just hop on for you two whore flaps. And Billy Burke, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Congrats whores!!! I'm convinced most of the Twi-actors are cool. They just all seem so down to earth.

    YAY!!! You're gonna get all famous now! Not that you weren't already.

    Billy Burke FUCKING RULES!!!

    ReplyDelete
  68. @MamaCougar - I have an idea! If you get on Oprah just tell her you have a dream that you want her to make come true - ok one of many - but tell her you want to go to FFOORRKKSS with us but you don't have the money. Maybe she will fund your way to help with your obsession and everything :) Ooo maybe she could film the episode from FFOORRKKSS and she would fly you there to be on the show!!! ooo ooo ooo that would be soooo cool. Ok crazy thoughts on a Wednesday morning.

    Billy Burke, if you are reading, I hope you would consider visiting us in FFOORRKKSS. Just ask Snarky or Jenny for details :)

    ReplyDelete
  69. @MK Seriously, I cannot stop laughing. It's hard to type with tears pouring down one's face.

    I as so proud to be a loyal subject of Twitardia right now!!
    JJ & STY are DA BOMB and all you lovely ladies (and gent if you're out there) are FUCKING FANTASTIC!!

    ReplyDelete

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