Sunday, June 13, 2010

Hey RPattz, In Case You're Wondering About Your Schedule...

I have to admit after seeing all the hubbub on Twitter, I kinda wish I was in LA for that Eclipse convention thingy. It sounded like loads of fun. But seeing as I live about as far away from California as possible without leaving the country (and the fact that I really can't be trusted to behave myself if within 100 feet of RPattz), I was left to enjoy it second hand. And believe me, I stalked Twitter like a serial killer all evening for any updates on what the Precious said, or what he was wearing, or for pictures. Ohhhh, the pictures. Fuck me that new hair cut just does inexplicable things to my privates.

New haircut = dead Latchkey Wife. The way he holds that microphone = dead Twitards everywhere!

And the white v-neck... ungh! I can just picture myself ripping it off him. I hope he has a stockpile! The other shirt, however, didn't do it for me. You know the shirt? The one that was the color of regurgitated baby food. I want it to be burned, like now. Thankfully he changed for the second round of craziness. Not sure I could handle much more of that shirt. But even a stupid shirt can't ruin the hotness.

I don't care if it does make your biceps look awesome, the shirt sucks... but not the white v-neck, that one doesn't suck - it makes me want to suck...

But I digress... the preh-tay play-by-play was very entertaining. I almost felt like I was there. Except, of course, I wasn't and that made me sad. We learned a lot about RPattz - like that he's driven by a fear of failure and inadequacy complex, or that he evidently had threesomes on the brain during his interview. I wonder... was it a three way with me and Jenny Jerkface, or me and Snarkier Than You that he was thinking about? Meh, it was probably Jenny Jerkface with her new vibrator and Snarkier Than You's bare beaver that made him all blushy... but fuck that shit, looks like we're going all golf-style and making this party a foursome! I will not be left out of this little soiree... that's for sure.

This will be definitely necessary for our foursome... just sayin.

Where was I? Geez, my mind can't seem to stay out of the gutter for two seconds today... Oh right, things we learned about RPattz... the thing that struck me as the funniest, was his response to the question about him checking fan sites. He mentioned that a lot of these websites know his schedule before he does. And he joked that he would go there for the information if he couldn't get a hold of his people. Robsessed does have his schedule and I wonder... could this be where he goes?


I love a dirty boy with a dirty mind...

That got me to thinking... what if he were to log on to Twitarded someday hoping for a list of scheduled events? What the fuck would happen then? [JJ's note - oh please, oh please, oh FUCKING PLEASE do not ever come to this site. Thank you.]

I figure, just in case he does stumble upon us some day in his quest for an itinerary, shouldn't we have some sort of agenda ready for him? I mean shit, we don't want to leave the poor guy high and dry, right? And if we can put forth some really fun activities (and by fun, I mean sexy, nakedy-type,) he may keep a coming back for more. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure if RPattz had a choice between an interview on the Today Show and oh, say, getting his pole waxed by a few crazy Twitards, I'm putting my money on the waxing. And that's not all this site offers...

What? No one else has offered to do that!! I could use a good pole waxing.

Hey Rob, if you do swing by Twitarded, call me. I'll give the laundry list of all the special services offered. Some not appropriate to list here for public viewing. I'll give you a little hint though - come rested, come relaxed, but come ready to cum. I promise, you'll never need to read another fan site again.

*All photos and videos from Robsessed. Because they rock!

26 comments:

  1. Rob saying "glitter lube" made my day!

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  2. I just love that he goes to the fan sites for his schedule.

    Although really, he could just call me. I could give him his...er...schedule. I'd be like his personal secretary. heheheheh

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  3. I was hoping to find an actual Twitarded Rob schedule on your post. Maybe people could comment on what they would like to see on his schedule :) Although I admit I am a little scared of what people might post LOL!

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  4. Uh did anyone other than me get the tingles when he looks at the camera at the 3:30ish mark on the dirty boy with a dirty mind video? Like he was actually looking at you?

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  5. I've been watching The Glitter Lube video all afternoon. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing him say glitter lube in that cute British Accent. Too damned funny.

    The fact that he's trolling the fan sites is simultaneously fantastic and horrifying. His virtue is pretty safe on sites like Robsessed, but I fear for the day that he mistakenly finds his way here. We all know he has an understanding of the multitude of women ranging from 8-80yrs of age who are obsessed with him. But this...this is a whole different level of lemony goodness. I would LOVE to sit next to him and watch him read some of this shit though. To watch his reactions would be priceless.

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  6. I was SO hoping that he'd bring up Pattinson Panties when he was asked the strangest thing "product" his face has ever been on. omfg that would have been such a win. Of course, these weren't mass produced. But still. I could listen to Rob talk about lube for. ever.

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  7. stilllookingformyvampJune 14, 2010 at 12:22 AM

    I have been trolling all day long, my lady parts tingling, my mind in the gutter. So much so I had to take hubbs in for a nooner. TMI? Sorry.

    I could listen to him say lube for hours. And if we were ever to post a schedule for The Precious, I am sure his pole would never be the same. And he wouldn't be seen for weeks.

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  8. Always a pleasure, LKW, always. I (like many of my other Twitarded bb's) have been staring at the Glitter Lube video all day. *And forever and ever, on to eternity, the video will be known as such* I'm almost, almost alright with the Dwight Schrute mustard yellow shirt. But not quite. If he had the puffy brown leather jacket on over it, I might have vomited a little. ....Who am I kidding. I would have listened to the video instead! Damn that man's voice...my panties just run away.

    As for the schedule (pronounce [shed: djuhl]), well, Rob you'll be busier than you've these past few weeks, what with filming, press tours, premiers, and awards shows. And my dear, it would not let up. Pop a few Adderall, sweetie. You'll need 'em.

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  9. I <3 this post fo effin much. Ladies if you liked hearing him say glitter lube...well there's a vid where he discusses creating a line of Robert Pattinson sex toys! If you haven't watched it I'll comment with the link..Also, reading the english translation of his french premiere magazine interview talking about Breaking Dawn he talks about possibly making it more adult- "like with nudity and really hardcore" I think someone's been reading a lil fan fiction!

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  10. For once in my life I'm [almost] lost for words... except for these words GLITTER LUBE DISPENSER.

    Sigh....

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  11. I think I would like to be on his to-do list/itinerary. BUT, since that will never happen I am happy to just watch him talk....is it so wrong that just hearing him speak and laugh fills me with joy and other duuuuurty thoughts?

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  12. I was expecting him to mention the infamous Pattinson panites too, Myg!
    But the lube comment --pricelesss! I'm thinking I need me a 'glitter lube' soundbite on my iPod or something...
    LMAO --'color of regurgitated baby food' ..Yuup that shirt is fug. But Rob could rock a nasty pea green shirt as far as I'm concerned. Next post needs to be a Twitarded Rob schedule, footnoted with the 'laundry list' lol

    P.S.
    You didn't mention Rob's fly check?! Its here if you're interested... and I know you are!!! LOL!

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  13. I think we would all have shit our pants if he mentioned "the panties". Holy CRAP!

    And I would like a video of RPattz saying only dirty things... can someone hook me up with that? A dirty collection of sorts!

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  14. @Luxie - OMFG, it totally looked like he was jacking that fly up! I love it!!

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  15. Aside from the obvious hilarity, what stuck out to me on this post was the "when I can't get ahold of my people" comment. What? Hire me, Rob! Hire me! You can get ahold of me anytime, anywhere. I am ready, willing & able to service, uh, serve you. Call me.

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  16. I'm glad he didn't mention the panties, Kellan's reaction was bad enough! I wouldn't want to see Robs.

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  18. @Betty pink buttercream- I know right. Glitter lube in a despenser. LMAO!!!!

    You know, he has mentioned before that he visits these sites. Frankly it freaks me out. There are just some things that should only be shared between us twitards. Seriously, if someone had a fansite dedicated to you that said the shit that we say, would you think? Id be running, screaming as I went. LOL!

    On another note, sweet baby Jebus, his fingers around that micraphone!!!!!! Can you just imagine what those fingers are capable of? GAH! Talk about pole waxing.

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  19. rock_my_gypsy_soulJune 14, 2010 at 5:25 PM

    I am brand new to being Twitarded and Robessed so I am OD'ing over here. How can you all stand it? So many new vids and pics- it's like I died and went to Rob crack heaven. Like a true junkie, I even went into work late this morning and pushed back a meeting. " The Precious is on my computer! And he is TALKING!"

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  20. rock_my_gypsy_soulJune 14, 2010 at 5:48 PM

    Oh yeah. Forgot to tell you guys. It's me- the opinionated Anon. Finally got off my ass and made a name. It's my favorite lyric from one of my favorite Van Morrision songs "Into the Mystic".

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  21. LMAO at this post. LKW, you are indeed a dirrrrty girl. So yes the convention was awesome...the Rob part that is. The rest...eh. Granted we were only there for Sat...I'm sure all of the parties and stuff we missed out were a blast.

    I love some of his press junket interviews. He's too adorkable. As for the panel at twi-con, you could tell he was exhausted..poor guy.

    xo J

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  22. oh, to be that coffee cup...

    lots of good fingerporn in that video too.

    made my day LKW! thank you!!

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  23. rock_my_gypsy_soulJune 14, 2010 at 7:06 PM

    He does look exhausted. He needs a beer, a back rub, a hot shower, a bj, a good meal, and then tucked into a bed with clean sheets. In that order.

    If my Mr. Mister was reading this over my shoulder he would say " WTF! Is it his birthday or something!?" LMAO

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  24. For once in my life I'm [almost] lost for words... except for these words GLITTER LUBE DISPENSER.

    Sigh....

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  25. I've been watching The Glitter Lube video all afternoon. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing him say glitter lube in that cute British Accent. Too damned funny.

    The fact that he's trolling the fan sites is simultaneously fantastic and horrifying. His virtue is pretty safe on sites like Robsessed, but I fear for the day that he mistakenly finds his way here. We all know he has an understanding of the multitude of women ranging from 8-80yrs of age who are obsessed with him. But this...this is a whole different level of lemony goodness. I would LOVE to sit next to him and watch him read some of this shit though. To watch his reactions would be priceless.

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