Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Elusive Peen. Possibly.

For some reason, I feel like the Duchess of Douche for writing this post but, clearly, that's not going to stop me from doing it. I mean, we've talked about the man sword before but apparently I have morals; unfortunately, they don't have that much clout when it comes to stuff like this...

You know which one I'm going to listen to...

Ever since THAT picture hit the interwebs there has been quite a buzz in Twi-land. I mean, I swear to shit this picture is more buzzworthy than the grainy fuzzy shots of Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster or something.

We've caught a glimpse of the Elusive Peen.

Sure, we've all seen cock before in all its purple headed glory (or not so much), but I'm pretty sure NONE of us has seen a cock that just happens to be attached to Robert Pattinson.

Except that it looks kinda... not attached.

But here's the thing -- is that bulge really the outline of his Beefy McManstick or is it something more innocent, like a banana or possibly a very large tube of chapstick? Maybe a billy club? I'm not sure.

If it's not a billy club, RPattz really needs to invest in one. Twenty bucks says the paparazzi won't be so cunty if he did...

Either way, whatever is lurking in RPattz's pants in that picture is... large and if it is what we all hope it is, I'd be frightened if I was KStew because that looks more like a poon pounder than a fucking fiddlestick, if you get my drift.

My first thought upon viewing this photo (besides, huh? I don't see anythin-- ooooooh, yes I do!!!) was "is he sportin' a chubbie, or is that One-Eyed Willie in his "lazy" state? " If it's the former then I can only assume that angry RPattz is "at-least-semi-hard RPattz". If it's the latter, well, then KStew, I feel for your vagina. And your uterus. Because if that's at it's shrinky-dinkiest... that's not a cock. It's a fucking machine. And it's coming to beat the shit out of your vagina.

And let's not even start on how unfair it is that not only is RPattz extremely good looking in the first place, but he's also packing some serious heat? What the fuck? He just totally screwed the bell curve of hotness for all other guys, that's for sure.

But is it really his man-sword? I have to say that (as slightly disturbed as I am even posting this) I don't think it is. I think it's just the way the fabric falls, if you will.

What do you think?

57 comments:

  1. I agree with you, it's the fabric. Because hell, if it wasn't, then we'd a seen his 'billy club' many times before, no??!?

    ReplyDelete
  2. LMAO @ "And it's coming to beat the shit out of you vagina."!!!

    I hope to Heaven it's his billy club.... i wonder what he thinks of that picture? Any thoughts?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. But we have! Many times! Japan? Cannes? I prefer to believe it is the man-sword, because I'm wishing so hard that it is. And that he'll be visiting me tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  5. No offense and my heart is sad that I have to say this but, he's British. He has to have a small one.
    On a brighter note, his tongue looks magnificent and his fingers, I'M SURE, work fine as well...

    So the moral of this story is...don't sweat the small stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I do see a bulge right where it's supposed to be (up and in the middle), and that big thing on the side is in such a weird place that it has to be something in his pocket...whatever item it is. Because if it was hanging so low and to the side, he'd be a real freak and I'd be scared to see it for real...I mean, anyone who has seen a guy naked knows where the thing is attached to the body, and it's nowhere near where the supposed cock is located in the photo.
    My opinion...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have no problem deluding myself; that is a massive peen. It's got to be. Which also means that God is a woman. And I love her.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "poon pounder" <~~~PMSL!!!!!!

    It's his glorious peen. I have faith.

    xo J

    ReplyDelete
  9. i'm a believer! it may be hanging weird but it could be pre adjustment! And if it isn't, and I dream that it IS, i'm going with Kellye..tongue and fingers! oh the fingers!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear Robert Pattinson - If you ever stumble onto this post (or the blog in general) I'm really sorry I'm talking about your wang size. Really.

    And even if you're an inchworm, you're still really hot so it's all good.

    ReplyDelete
  11. LMAO JJ.

    I'm a believer. Then again, it could easily be wishful thinking on my part. This picture has had me completely distracted for 2 days now. And since this type of distracted = horny, I've been rereading everything hunterhunting has ever posted. I love me some Hockeyward.

    ReplyDelete
  12. it's real. It's gotta be. He's going commando and hangin left.
    *ded*

    ReplyDelete
  13. This may cause me to be tarred and feathered (and not Breaking Dawn feathered...lynching-type feathered) but I'm just not a fan of inordinately massive monster cocks. They just LOOK creepy as all fuck when erect and I truly don't want fantasies of being impaled by a fucking fencepost.

    Just give me a normal sized peen and a man who knows what to do with it & I'm happy.

    And Papa keeps me happy girls, trust me. ;-)

    This is obviously photoshopped. Everyone knows that Precious is not circumcised, so when flaccid, the head of his junk wouldn't look like that. Even with a semi, the outline wouldn't be visible, especially since we already know he wears boxer briefs.

    Sorry girls, I'm falling on the side of fake wangdoodle.

    And truthfully, Precious could be tiny and as long as his fingers still work, he's welcome under my covers ANYTIME.

    MC

    ReplyDelete
  14. "If it's the latter, well, then KStew, I feel for your vagina. And your uterus. Because if that's at it's shrinky-dinkiest... that's not a cock. It's a fucking machine. And it's coming to beat the shit out of your vagina.

    And let's not even start on how unfair it is that not only is RPattz extremely good looking in the first place, but he's also packing some serious heat? What the fuck? He just totally screwed the bell curve of hotness for all other guys, that's for sure."


    You just put some TRUTH with a side of OMG right there!

    I think that it was HIS HOLY PEEN! There isn't any amount of shadowing that could cause that outline. And bananas are usually bigger than that! *winks*

    ReplyDelete
  15. What does RPatz thinks? He better thank his freak'n lucky stars for the god who put the lighting just right and the photographer who shot the lucky shot. He has just shot to porn-god status regardless if he is packing heat or not.

    I agree it looks like it's in the wrong spot... if it is REALLY that long, I do feel sorry for any girl he sleeps with. She'll be lucky if her uterus is still in good enough shape to bare children after that action!

    Speaking of which... RPatz, I don't need any more children and am surgically altered so I don't need my uterus any more!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. To the left, to the left, oh how i wish my box was to the left.

    LOL! Dear me. Let's just pretend it is. I seriously feel sorry for all other men, especially actors, for that matter. It's just not fair to other people that RPattz exists.

    WV: nopop
    If that's how Rob's peen looks with nopop then DAMN!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I've been with a guy who was long like that and hung to the left a bit, so I'm inclined to think that one of those asshole paps got the money shot. Not that I'm complaining. If this is the closest I'll come to seeing it, I'll take what I can get.

    And yeah, being with a guy that size is like having your uterus put on a stick, kabobed and grilled over hot coals. Whatever you do, don't take it doggystyle. You know what I'm saying?

    Peace!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Since we're already in the land of TMI...

    ...once upon a time I dated a guy who was excessively blessed. Occasionally he would go commando (checking his mail, running to the store). When he did, he'd adjust Junior in a similar fashion for two reasons. 1) When he goes to unzip, he doesn't want to knick anything, so Pedro needs to be far enough away that he can get zipped down enough to make room for his hand to get in there and protect Junior from harm. 2) If it's not down a pant leg, and he goes to sit, the pant fabric will pinch Junior and poke himself in the hip. And finally, if RP did stand Junior up in those pants, Juniors head would be pokin out of the top of his pants.

    I'm on the proverbial fence in regards to the pic. It could be airbrushed just to create all this hoopla or it could just be the way the fabric is falling in combination with the light and shadow. If it's NOT any of those things, then I get why KS looks uncomfortable making out with him...she probably developed a bruise on her stomach from getting poked.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't care if its a banana, a roll of nestle chocolate chip cookie dough, a roll of polenta or even a porn cock prop that he just carries around with him (ummm..??), I'd still go down on it because its been a rubbing pocket buddy with the real RP. If it is *IT* then I feel real sorry for my gearshift.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I thought Rob hung to the right?

    Of course it would just figure if he had TWO cocks. As if we weren't tormented enough.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Didn't we have a post of shots of the peen area a while ago because we were afraid he was a Ken doll and there was nothing there?

    Boy, do I wish this wasn't photoshopped, or a fabric thing. But Mama Cougar is right, since he's English, he's most likely not circumcised.

    Oh, but how I would love for AngryWard to be Hard or SemiHardRobWard

    Human verification: Pentio - like little Peen???

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'd really REALLY like to believe it is his peen. But MC is right he is not circumcised so it probably wouldnt hang like that.

    Read MoBS hockeyward isnt cut and there is one part where B has some fun while he is sleeping and its totes hilarious. She calls it Snufalufagus.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am a little disturbed that I got so irate when I wasn't able to make the pic BIGGER....damnit!

    WV....I shit you not....weinful

    ReplyDelete
  24. Well NOW I know what to say to break the ice if.. I mean, WHEN I finally meet the Rpatz...

    Me: Heyyyy Rob!!! How's it hangin'?!?!?

    To which he'll reply, all matter of factly: Uh.. you know....long, strong, and a lil' to the left...

    I really don't know WHAT to believe. On one hand it could totally be photoshopped (and I'm a skeptic at heart) but on the other... I'd like to think Tattward and Hockeyward have got nothing on the patz... In the words of Dana Scully: I. Want. To. Believe!

    ReplyDelete
  25. We all know in the very near future, there will be a video of a fan asking him about the picture and then we can scrutinize his reaction to know the real truth . . .

    BUT I am going to pretend it's not real, because in my mind Rob has one of those perfect non-scary non-thick-as-an-arm-with-fist penises.

    It would be downright pretty, it has to be . . . . right . . . . RIGHT?!

    Rob's Penis --> I want to Go to There

    ReplyDelete
  26. PS I forgot to add my character penis . . .

    <==3

    That's the best I got, if someone knows a better way please let me know, thanks in advance.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm not a fan of overendowed guys. The ones I knew, in the Biblical sense, were lazy fuckers. They thought size would do it all. Wrong! I imagine Rob having a perfectly proportioned peen, worthy of Michaelangelo's David - he's got the rest of the body type. And since I'll never know personally, I'm content to fantasize..... Ahhhhh.....

    Elle207

    ReplyDelete
  28. Maybe it's a can of Red Bull!! I LOVE Red Bull!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. @Elle207 - Are you from Maine?

    I had a boyfriend in high school that was seriously hung and that thing was all over the fucking place. I believe in the peen.

    Ok, back to work! The whip's been a cracking this week.

    ReplyDelete
  30. This conversation is so very wrong. And yet it feels so, so good.

    WV: riplize....believe it or not

    ReplyDelete
  31. Ok,I'm new to this blog so forgive me but.........how do we know he's not circumcised??

    ReplyDelete
  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  33. @illyria - because I've done it.

    ReplyDelete
  34. @illyria - I could be wrong, but I think we're guessing he's not circumcised because most of the men born outside of the US are not circumcised... and the tides are even turning in the US. My husband refused to let my son be circumcised.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I'm kinda thinking it's the fabric. But... poor precious. It sure looks like something else.

    ReplyDelete
  36. @LKW - yes, Brunswick.

    Elle207

    ReplyDelete
  37. A little irrelevant but...how come I'm the only one who didn't have a well endowed boyfriend in hs?? U all suck:)

    ReplyDelete
  38. So I'm at work, staring at this picture, trying to enlarge it so I can **ahem** study the evidence. I hope HR doesn't check out our internet activity!!

    And god, do I envy Kristen!! I'd take a beating any day if it entailed Rob's man meat.

    And I totally have to make a peen too... <===3

    (my WV is thwee- is that the whee sound with a lisp??)

    ReplyDelete
  39. The comments on this have been priceless! The minute I saw the bulge aka Precious Peen, Rob's Rod, Cullen Cock, I thought to myself - JJ, STY, and LKW are gonna have a fucking field day with this! I don't think it's his dick, it just doesn't look right to me. Of all the peens I've had the pleasure of meeting, the big daddy of them all was my 16 year old prom date. He would come by the house in these tight sweat pants after practice and I was like, "Dude, my parents are here you can't be dressing like that!" He is forever known as Prom Tom. Anyway he didn't know how to use it so I agree with Mama Cougar- give me an average guy who knows a thing or two.

    Excellent post JJ!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. :: snort :: @ Micki_Martini (again!!) PROM TOM. effing priceless!!

    I believe that The Precious' Peen is long and slender like those fingers. Beyond that, it would disturb me to think that he's just casually meandering around, checking his car for his lost RayBans, with a HalfPhatChub. Y'know? He's got a backpack; wouldn't he try to hide it??

    .... Of course, he's a jokester, too. Then there's that.

    So, I have no freakin' clue!! LOL!! If I have to vote, however, I'm tossing my Trojan in the 'it's a lucky shadow' ring.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Lmao @Mrs. P ~ yes, it's a hot thick salami hot pocket...mmmm...but I digress, I gotta say, I think it's a totally lucky shot of lighting shadow and fabric. Either that or he has one of the WFE midgets hanging out in his pants..I think I see an elbow But, just in case it's not I really really gotta work on eliminating that pesky ol gag reflex! (hey a gal can peen dream right!)

    ReplyDelete
  42. This is classic. Thanks for the laughing tears.
    I'm sure today will be the day that Rob checks in on your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  43. I'm with everyone who said they weren't into the monster cock. I'm sorry but I don't want to get fucked and feel it in my stomach. Literally.

    In high school I went on tour with a couple of bands and one of the guys had a H-U-G-E cock. It was so big he and his girlfriend could barely have sex. He used to wake us up in the morning by bopping us on our heads or sticking his dick in our eyes and stuff. Real cute.

    @Tankergirl -- NOOOOOOOO!!! Robert Pattinson has NO clue this blog exists and he will NEVER ever check it EVER because I'll die of embarrassment or possibly from the ninja he hires to shut me up.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sorry, buy I think it's a total trick of the light! In other photos from the same day you can tell there is all kinds of shit in his pocket...

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  45. I'm with @MamaCouger. We've all seen those fingers & that tongue shot where he is licking Anna Kendric's face (drool) & I also agree with @Gwen C(ullen) that it would resemble the fingers. It's also true what @anon said about guys with monsters thinking that's all they need. In my fantasies his peen is as preety as he is.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I don't give a shit what anyone says....It's a cock. And I don't feel bad for KStew one bit. Fuck that noise. She's riding a holy grail! God....MoBS is going to read so much better now. Not that it didn't rock my Hockey Whore Lovin' socks off already!

    They have painkillers for the day after, damn it! DEAL!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Totally cock. Srsly, if you think that's not little *snort* RPattz then ur crazy! If the "fabric" ever fell like that on a pair of pants every man on earth would have a pair.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Your man could look just as good with clothes on!


    http://www.stockroom.com/Mister-Right-Packing-Dildo-P2660.aspx

    ReplyDelete
  49. i think it's the fabric too. But I would sure like to take a closer look... a much closer look.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I'm on the it's totally real team. There are two types of cocks, the growers and the showers. I think he decided to go commando, unless someone can prove otherwise and he's a shower. Plus, he tends to wear loose fitting pants around the waist so this combined with his normal boxer brief leads me to believe he's packin. I'm with the rest of you hoors though, it aint the size of the vessel, it's the motion of the ocean.

    ReplyDelete
  51. I agree with Gwen--long and slender like his fingers...and i think that's beautiful ;)

    ReplyDelete
  52. "Beefy McManstick"

    *snort* I just totes bleurghed onto my keyboard!

    It's gotta be a manip, but I don't mind ;-)

    wv: phipe
    I shit you not

    ReplyDelete
  53. Jeez, I hate to leap to the defense of the ex, but he was big and he did know how to use it.

    Too bad his other head wasn't as functional.

    ReplyDelete
  54. oh my fucking god - that is sooo not right. I'm sitting here at work and try to hold a professional face but I had to look the other way to stiffle my giggles. Jeez girls you are such pervs :D:D:D. I can't barely look at this picture without blushing ^^. It just doesn't feel right, poor Rob but on the other hand ...
    I'm pretty sure he's "average". But average is actually quite awesome regarding the sweet pack ^^. Just shadows and too much imagination ;).

    ReplyDelete
  55. Where have you girls been all my fucking life?

    ReplyDelete
  56. I think it is a combo of the fabric and the shadows from the tree. For. Sure. :-)

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!