Monday, March 15, 2010

Eff All This Serious Talk! Gratuitous Robert Pattinson Crotch Shots Ahead!


Please for the love of all things holy, someone enlarge this one for me...
[thanks hypovajaja for this collage! or was it neverthink?? fml...]
Updated - thanks, tkayyyy!

The last few days left me feeling exhausted. I'm a comedic blogger, people (or at least I try to be - wacka-wacka!) and that whole movie thing wiped. me. out. Ya' know how I said how I like my escapism light and fluffy?? Well I also like it raunchy, so tonight I am not dealing with anything even remotely serious or deep or introspective. Tonight, I am putting my mind - and this blog - back in the gutter. Where it belongs.

Last week, we asked "Where In The World Is Robert Pattinson's Penis?!" - and awesome Twi-sluts that you are, you answered. Oh boy did you! People dug into the farthest, dirtiest reaches of their twi-porn folders (you know - the ones that are hidden on your computer with unappealing monikers like "honey-do list" and "Aunt Selma's skin condition") and delivered the goods.

I got more than a few pics that were beautiful, but had a clear absence of bulge...

Survey says... he's a grower not a shower. [Thanks, Abigail!]

Or maybe that's why KStew always looks pissed off. Although honestly I think she looks smug and maybe if she looks pissed off it's because she had to drag herself off of RPatts's package to go promote a movie or something. I'd be pissed off too.

Don't worry about ME, twat-waffles... Srsly. Don't.

Anntastic did some personal research and noted that boxer briefs tend to keep everything neatly packaged and secure. Damn it!

But as Stacked Like Sookie noted, " Really who cares, so long as he'll get his tongue out to play & those fingers, yum." [note: see above pic]

Without further adieu and with genuine thanks to all of you and your dirty ways that I encourage and enable whenever possible - click on ALL of these to enlarge the goods (now is the part where I would say something about being embarrassed if I had any shame but thank jeebus I don't!) -

Good morning, Japan Rob! Pleasant dreams???


What's that? "The View" - oh that's a view all right...


Also from The View [aka "squishy Rob junk"] check out this clip tweeted to me from Late2thePartee -
@SnarkierThanYou Exhibit A: the package enters room 5 mins before Rob *note boob check at end that's our boy lol http://twitpic.com/17jk3x



Uhhhh... Thank you Mrs. P!


Japanese Trouser Trout from Z Any Mouse (I think that's sushi, right??)







[thanks anon via here!]


Things I am not posting: that sick pic from VitaminR!

That other photoshopped undie-sporting pic that's not him...

Any of his teen modeling pics (yikes!).

"The tuck."

That said...

If you need more peen - and I know some of you might (it's like ordering dessert at the end of a really fantastic meal: you don't really have room for it but you know you WANT it and somehow find a way to make it work even if things need to be unbuttoned) - check out this "Freeballing Friday" vintage post from House of Jackassery! [thanks uhyesplease!]

What?! You need MORE?! You insatiable vixens!

Lucky for you, Lorabell dug up this video at ROBsessed - woot!



This week is sucking twice as hard as last week so hope you all enjoy this post as much as I did - you guys all rock for delivering the goods!

P.S. If you click on picks you should be able to see who they're from - sorry if I mis-credited anything - I tried! And you all know your Rob-peen-pics - there were some repeats in the mix sent to me...

P.P.S. A late arrival - from all sorts of people! Taken today from the set of Bel Ami -

Period-piece peen for the WIN! Three cheers for flimsy costumes!
[Thanks Melinda!]

P.P.S. Another win from Lorabell - proof that the sparkle peen exists!


76 comments:

  1. Before I even read the rest of the post. What does it mean for Rob's crotch if when I click on the collage to make the picture bigger... it actually made it SMALLER????!!!!

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  2. Stacked Like Sookie! Yeah, I know your looking at those gangling fingers of his.

    BTW, I watched How To Be last night, and my husband noted how alien his hands were, and how abnormally long his fingers seem. It took everything in me, to not giggle. Yes, just dreadful. What can one do with long fingers? Um....

    Anyways, thanks for the peen post STY! You rock my socks!!

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  3. If it makes you feel any better I think I clicked on that pic five times hoping it would magically enlarge but nope...I'm just going blind from squinting...

    I WILL get the enlarged pic - lol!

    HELP people!!

    WE NEEEEEEEED IT!

    : )

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  4. Hysterical - I do feel a bit dirty, but that was brilliant. Thanks for the laughs.

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  5. Lovely, just lovely. Off to dreamland with visions of sparkly peen and extra long fingers dancing in my head!

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  6. Oh god, this was exactly what I needed tonight. Thanks for making me laugh on what was otherwise a dreary fucking day.

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  7. I'm glad you're back. I missed the crotch talk.

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  9. This post actually brought on a new concern for me. Did anyone else notice the shoes on the girl in the Japan photo. It looks like she chose to wear the boxes shoes come in rather than he shoes themselves. I'm all for being creative and all but.....meh...

    Oh, and the sparkle peen pic...too funny!

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  10. Gah! I am trying to be very sneaky, checking Twitardia before the computer gets hijacked by the pesky homework whores (my kids, gotta love 'em) and I KNOW I should not click on the pic from Vitamin R. But it's like telling yourself not to look at the roadkill. Don't look, don't look, aaaaack I looked! Oh mah gawd, I'm doing everything I can to minimize the stupid penis Ken doll before I get caught! If my sons only knew, they would lose all respect for me, lol. Anyway, back on topic. It seems Rob was very 'happy' in Japan. And it's obvious he's packing heat.

    I want some.

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  12. OMG! That twit pic from Vitamin R is freakin' genius!!! I want my own!

    PS that new pic of Rob from the set of Bel Ami...well, although I too did a double take, I realized it's his pack of ciggies...if you look at the other pic, it's clearly a square box. Damn!

    Anyhoo, I like the theory that he's a grower. I'm alright with that. ;)

    Thx for the GREAT post Snarky! Miss ya!

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  13. Now THIS post is more like it! :)
    I clicked it too..that was a major let down!
    I <3 Japan!

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  14. Oh Holy Hell...spit my wine out at Vitamin R's pic...I am going to need a new keyboard soon.

    Haven't seen Remember Me yet (going this week, and not sure I want to see it now), but have read the posts, and so GLAD you ladies have recovered and are baaaacccckkkkkk!

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  16. I would just like to go on the record to let everyone know I did not create the doll in that pic...I merely shared the photo that went around the hoorish part of the fandom some time ago. Shwew! I feel much better now.

    I seriously hope his mother never stumbles across this blog...then again maybe she would be proud....perhaps even a little smug.

    He can act AND he is anatomically correct! Yay!

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  19. More peen! Love it!
    Glad to see there's some positive proof out there. And that we're back in the gutter (I'm much more comfortable here).

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  20. Great post, STY!!! I knew you'd come through for us.

    I just gotta say though, and maybe this is my own point of reference coming through (my hubs has to be wary of certain jeans we've deemed "package pants" for their tendency to show a little too much of his... er... aptitude), but I still am not seeing much in the way of size from RPattz. Sure, it's there in some of the proof photos - but, there's just not that much of it to show. My hubs wears boxer briefs and I've never noticed any tuckage going on, so I really don't think that's an excuse. I just don't think, at least in its flacid form, that it's that big. Sorry ladies.

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  21. okay, I'll try to stop laughing now...
    This post had me clean my computer screen. Like seriously wipe it so that nothing can prevent me from seeing exactly what's going on here.
    Have you noticed the way Rob holds his pen when he writes in RM? ghaaaa, these are difficult times for people like me who have been celibate in a long time... and I own the same pen he uses, so I had no trouble imagining rob actually in my world. come to mama, naughty sparkly boy, i'll help you get rid of the glitter...
    My veriword: fecking
    Can you believe it?

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  22. I can really appreciate the librarianesque focus required to pull together this array. How very academically committed of you STY, for research purposes of course.

    And whoever it was to originally create VitaminR's photo...different poses and everything. Speechless, I am. Teary eyed by the dedication.

    I know that no Twitard has ever claimed such a thing, but I will forever keep this post as a reference when I hear a fellow woman claim that size doesn't matter. bull shee-it.

    And, @StarlitViolets, do you want to point out that your children are geniuses and you've never had to wax your bikini line while you're at it? Rub it in, why don't you?

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  23. AllergicToSparklesMarch 16, 2010 at 2:17 AM

    I've been lurking on this site for a while, and it has taken THIS of all things to get me to comment. Thank you for helping the week start out right. I feel like I should change my name after that last photo.

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  24. Thanks, STY, for the wonderful images. I think maybe I enjoyed this post a little too much, but that will be our little secret, right?

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  25. Oh Rob's Bitch, you said it best:

    BLESS YOU!

    ahhh, i can always count on you ladies to make an UBER SHITTY day tolerable. :) this is exactly what i needed!

    wow... just, wow... oh Robward, how i love thee.

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  26. Oh jesus little baby, I just innocently click on your page to see what is new and I'm welcomed by crotches. I almost fell off my chair. I'm on work dammit, how can you try to seduce me like that? Awww - *deepbreathing* - I have to click away otherwise I won't get over with that holyness of crotches of one fucking male person...
    thanx - you again made my day ^^

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  27. Ummm best post ever. My pic made it. Squeee...... No more time to comment back to gawking.

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  28. Hi @HG you're so right about those fingers! How did you keep a straight face? Hasn't your hubtard heard that theory? Pic's of his hands & tongue do dreadful things to me!
    I think you're right @HypoVag he does seem to keep everything in lockdown except I think he forgot when he was in Japan.
    @Living with Edward, being a shoe whore the shoes were the first thing I noticed in that photo (as it often is in most celebrity photos). I know it's weird but I have a shoe fetish. Rob's b&w nikes turn me on big time. His brown grandpa shoes have the opposite effect.
    The vitamin R pic made me snort my vino as did the sparkle peen one.

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  29. I would just like to say that I love how perverted we all are - it's just fantastic.

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  30. I think I am just going to leave this post open on my desktop (uh, but minimized - heh-heh) because I am going to need something to lift my spirits, and i think a lil' sparkle-peen will do the trick. if i were truly shameless, i would make that collage my wallpaper - lol... but, i'm not (believe it or not).

    : )

    Thanks to everyone for sending in your pics and for riding along with us for this rapid descent back into the gutter!

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  31. I'm still a little skeptical. I think I need to touch it. Hold it. Squeeze it. Maybe taste it a little before I'll be sure of it's true size.... Sorry, that's just me I guess... not happy with the photographic proof alone.

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  32. Lol, I love that my sparkle peen made the cut - awewsomesauce!
    - Lorabell ;)

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  33. This is a post is made of fucking WIN!!! Hilarious!!! Robstigating the crotch will never get old. I particularly like the "freeballin'" picture from the set of Remember Me (second one from bottom before the vid). Oh and VitaminR's contribution....I honestly have no words!

    Yeah and my word verification is "bless." I need it after reading this post....

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  34. Welcome home, ladies! Fine post, STY, thanks! Ahhhhh, I can sit back and relax now that we're all focused on The Precious's package (and hands, tounge and feet).

    And that Bel Ami pic, OMG, droooool! I cannot wait. I wish it were rated "X". ;)

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  35. OMG a collage of peen!! What a wonderful artistic way to start the morning off!! "Stained Glass at the Church of St. Mattress."-- LMAO

    Original Jackson Pollack -- $150.6 million

    Irises by Van Gogh -- 101.2 million

    Collage O' RPattz Peen -- PRICELESS!

    :)

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  36. All of you are filthy, disgusting h00rs that should be ashamed of yourselves. I'm proud to know you.

    @LivingWithEdward--The shoes. Actually, I think that's a rather liberal use of the word "shoes". I may or may not have zoomed in so much while I was scrolling the photos that I literally jumped back when those monstrosities came across my eye line. I didn't know Howard Hughes designed shoes from the grave, but there you go.

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  38. It's not just the shoes either. What about that for lack of a better word dress. Possibly mumu. I don't know who in their right mind would think "Ok, I'm going to meet Rpattz today. How can I get his attenion. I know! I shall mimic a gaint block!" Smart move blockhead.

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  39. Ladies YOU ROCK!!!

    This collage is now my wallpaper. Let's see how long before Hubby figures it out. LOL

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  41. good morning to me!

    i can tell you could have been a straight A student if only you had applied yourself more. if only you could have found some motivation? hmmmmm.

    i have a feeling robert himself won't be able to NOT browse this post. are we prepared for the repercussions? hell to the yes. i'll take a slap on the...well, we can discuss that privately rob.

    thank you, it took some balls to post this.

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  43. Now THIS is a post! =D

    Thank you to STY and also to all you great pervy ladies out there who provided all the evidence back up for this 'investigation'! Lovin' it!

    Haven't read any of the posts about Rememeber Me as it won't be here until 2nd April (a week earlier then I thought at least- phew!!) But trying to remain spoiler free until I see it. I am dying to see the film at this stage..... And then realised I am actually away then so won't get to see it until the 5th! So I will be very, very late to the party! :(

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  44. I'm a bad daughter. I'm sitting here ogling your pics of Rob's crotch while my Mum does my ironing having come to visit for a few days. I did try to hide my smile so she didn't realise how much I was enjoying myself while she slaves away ;o)

    Good dick-tective work Ho's

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  45. I agree with the grower not a shower theroy.

    This is what I needed to knock me out of the post RM shock that I've been in. I still haven't processed how I feel about the movie. Thanks Ladies!

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  46. @Living W/Eddie and HypoVag - Between the shoes, the dress, and the wall, it looks like an eye test I had last week at the optometrist. All I can see is the thing in the middle.

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  47. @HypoVag: that is SO the actual nicely sized peen of the Precious! Nice shot! Yummy. I'll worship at his altar anytime.

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  48. Love it!!! My ass was draggin' when I got to work this morning. But then I saw this and suddenly things are looking up, er...

    The collaborative research and skillful photo (crotch) analysis necessary to make this post are impressive indeed. Did all you ladies take that Twitarded h00rs research methods course last semester? ;)

    But seriously, gawd bless the internet!

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  49. WHOOOO! Back to the peen talk! This is my happy place.

    If the length of his fingers are any indication, he is definitely a grower!

    Very long but unfortunately very thin. Oh well.

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  50. Yes, Latchkey Wife. It's a known fact that you cannot accurately determine the size of something until you taste it. (Ha! Clever...) But based on experience, that pretty much guarantees an increase in size. Win, win.

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  51. Ahhh..Yes. This is more like it. THANK.YOU.

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  53. Oh-to-the-MY!!!! Japan-Rob for the WIN! And I am LOVING his Bel Ami look.

    And thank fucking God you guys lightened things back.

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  55. Thanks! I needed to get back into the gutter, too.

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  56. @Kitty Elvis: I was thinking the saaaame thing.

    I was literally singing when I saw that this post was up. I have been starving for some more Rob peen. Well, no, just a more crotch-centric blog, I suppose. Delivered!

    I was dying over all of the RM shit getting covered...Sorry, still bitter. But I have a double date today with Remember Me and New Moon in the same mall. Thank you Second Run Dollar Theaters!! And thank you even more for getting the show times close enough together!! This makes it worth the wait for me. Comfuckingpletely.

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  57. I DIED FROM THIS POST *applauds you*
    but then again my name tells all...that i am always below the belt. oh.. AND i about spit out my pop on my screen when i ACCIDENTALLY, ok not really, clicked on VitaminR's pic that you linked O.O lol thanks for the unexpected and spontaneous ovulation that just took place while reading this post!! :D

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  58. STY: "...this week sucked twice as hard..." AHAHAHAHA! Nobody else caught that? Why did only I catch that one? Referring to the week - yes that is bad, but pertaining to the post it was perfect!

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  59. Woot! Thanks for mentioning us over at House of Jackassery. We also did a Kellan, Jackson, Peter and even Cam crotch. Each one has their very own post. Check out out archives!

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  60. i just left a shyt meeting. thankfully i left mt blog trolling for this afternoon. THANK YOU for not disappointing me.

    love period peen!!!

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  61. Ahhhh. We're back in amiliar territory. You're right girls, after the last week we've experienced we needed to gain prespective... and gain perspective we did! PEENS AHOY! That Bel Ami picture destroys me. GAH! Rob was meant to do period pieces!

    *lick lick lick lick you like a lollipop..*

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  62. Oh lord, I just laughed and laughed and giggled and laughed some more through that whole post and then....my jaw literally dropped when I saw that pic of him on the Bel Ami set. *jaw drops* SEE? OMG BEAUTIFUL!

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  63. @italhurts - LMAO!!! I'll try to stay in line in the future. I don't want my Twitarded membership card revoked.

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  64. Holy hale! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has thought "Where the hell is his big huge bulge?" Cuz, we all want it to be huge right?!!!

    Grower not a shower- that's some funny shit!

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  65. OMFR! Thank you! I was just listening to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance when I entered this site and what do I see...? *tears of happiness* Oh, I'm so going to hell but I don't mind as long as hell is as hot as he is...

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  66. @Stan- Dicktective-hehehheheh

    1.Would it be wrong to have the collage made poster size and framed? I am single. It could be tastefully hung over my bed, right? Modern art?
    2.Bel Ami Rob-DIED!

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  67. I always thought the same- he's a grower not a shower or at least for his sake I hope so hahaha. I'm not gonna lie I 9 times out of 10 I don't see anything in the pics but there are a slim few- like those shiteous blue cargo pants. That and I'd swear to god he's pitching a tent in the beach scene in Remember Me. And it is true about the boxer briefs and we know he at least wears them sometimes cuz we've seen pictures of the manties.

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  68. @HypoVag: I all for being prepared and tall shoes can have good advantages but there are much better platforms that those. They look like some kind of Alice in Wonderland tissue boxes. lol

    @Z Any Mouse: It does look like some crazy eye test. Thanks for the reminder. I have to schedule my eye doctor appointment.

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  69. Peens are for suckers...

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  70. this is sooooooooo wrong on so many levels!! and sparkle peen was hilarious! xx

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  71. oh chuckles ! this was a blast!

    hey I know you won't see RM again but the first time I saw it - I saw Rob tenting! and then when I asw it the 2nd time..it was confirmed. I tweeted that shit and others confirmed they saw it too.

    Beach scene - Ali runs and fallson top of Tyler. Look Ladies - Crotch shot - tenting! I can't find a screen cap..but...i. do. not. lie.

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  72. @HypoVag: I all for being prepared and tall shoes can have good advantages but there are much better platforms that those. They look like some kind of Alice in Wonderland tissue boxes. lol

    @Z Any Mouse: It does look like some crazy eye test. Thanks for the reminder. I have to schedule my eye doctor appointment.

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  73. @Kitty Elvis: I was thinking the saaaame thing.

    I was literally singing when I saw that this post was up. I have been starving for some more Rob peen. Well, no, just a more crotch-centric blog, I suppose. Delivered!

    I was dying over all of the RM shit getting covered...Sorry, still bitter. But I have a double date today with Remember Me and New Moon in the same mall. Thank you Second Run Dollar Theaters!! And thank you even more for getting the show times close enough together!! This makes it worth the wait for me. Comfuckingpletely.

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  74. WHOOOO! Back to the peen talk! This is my happy place.

    If the length of his fingers are any indication, he is definitely a grower!

    Very long but unfortunately very thin. Oh well.

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  75. Ladies YOU ROCK!!!

    This collage is now my wallpaper. Let's see how long before Hubby figures it out. LOL

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