Sunday, July 25, 2010

You Asked For It: The "Twitarded Goes Brazilian" Follow-Up


So I was going to write about something totally non-Twi related tonight - my recent misadventures in gardening (and I am using the word "gardening" loosely since all I seem capable of is killing things), but after reading some emails (sorry if I am so behind in replies btw) and going back and re-reading the original "Twitarded Goes Brazilian" post and the nearly 100 comments following it (!!!! go read - please! so awesome... I love you all!), I decided that maybe the summer fruits (and the torture I inadvertently inflicted on them) could wait until another time. Because a LOT of you wanted to know what happened after the initial rip-and-cringe girly-bits waxing session that I had back in late May. Oh and now would be a good time to note that if you know me in real life and feel as weird about reading about my vahjajay as I expect you to feel, you should stop reading now.

Know me IRL? Stop reading or I will send this kid to your house. With a nickel.

OK then... so where were we? Ah yes... When we last left my cooter, it had been unceremoniously defuzzed at the capable and extremely professional hands of Zuzanna. That was nearly two months ago (I know! I can't believe it either!) and I lived to tell the tale. Not only did I live, I lived well.

Waxing won't give you this bod, but your S/O won't notice. Trust.

As I mentioned in the comments of the original post, Mr. Snarky was pretty head-over-penis in love with the results. Not that he'd ever suggested I go bare before, but I guess from the guy point of view, it's a nice change of scenery. And I agree - it's like getting a brand-new hoo-hoo or something. Seriously, it was the strangest thing to me to see everything RIGHT there out in the open, without any any...shrubbery blocking the view. I have never been more aware of my girly bits in my entire life, which was kind of sexy. And after the initial oh-my effing-crap-on-a-cracker-that-fucking-hurt, it was mostly sunshine and rainbows below the waist. It made me think smutty thoughts. A lot. Good times were had by all.

A lot of you asked about it, and I was worried about regrowth, and the itch factor, but it was all good. Shaving itches like a motherfucker. Shaving regrowth makes me want to hump a fencepost naked to have a good scratch. Hell, I was never a big shaver, but even trimming and neatening things up down there made for a pointy fucking bramble-patch-of-hell in my panties. Waxing regrowth? Piece of cake. I know I will win a few converts for that alone. Jenny Jerkface and I had several long and in-depth conversations about the state of the cooter, and when I said "no itch, " she was sold. Apparently she wrestles around down there with a razor and a Lady Remington (aka "The Clit Mauler") and after coming thisclose to giving herself an accidental clitorectomy, she now just buzzes nearly everything but gives her more sensitive parts a wide girth. According to her, the result is that (and I quote) "it looks like an upside-down troll doll down there." And now you too can have that image in your head forever. You're welcome.

What? No "Upside-Down Troll Doll" example???

There. Now you can have that image stuck in your head, too.

It's true what the aesthetician said about the regrowth being finer, too. I DO recommend investing in the anti-ingrown hair stuff and the exfoliating glove that was recommend in the comments - totally worth it! But a few random bumps and red spots did not take the wind out of anyones sails here at Casa Snarky.

For the sake of full disclosure, there were a few downsides... It was kinda like how people who have babies forget what a harrowing experience it was or else the human race would die out, so I had to go back to the emails I sent to JJ and Latchkey Wife (and Myg and Texas Katherine and VitaminR70) to remind myself that it was not a total walk in the park... I think I said something to the effect that as soon as I stopped feeling like someone took a flamethrower, set it to "Rambo!!!", and let 'er rip on my crotch, it was gonna be quite a thing. And it was.

Also, I need to say that apparently the crotch area is nothing but a ginormous sweat gland and the fuzz apparently serves some sort of wicking function, because it was like a kiddie pool down there until things started to grow back a touch. I almost had a nervous breakdown at the Eclipse premiere because it was SO FUCKING HOT and we were stuck outside and let's just say that things got pretty unpleasant and someone may or may not have ended up going commando and tucking their underwear in their purse at some point. Needless to say, I might go totally bare again, but not in the middle of one of the hottest summers on record in New Jersey. That said, I did do a little lady-scaping maintenance recently, and it was much easier to use the Bliss wax kit that I usually rely on for keeping things groomed.

Wax on, wax off. Easy peasy.

This stuff is THE BEST, hands down - totally worth the money. I have wasted my time and effort on creams and other waxes (note: a product called "Nads" is as harrowing as it sounds) and nothing compares to this Bliss kit for at-home waxing. I'm not ready (or flexible enough) to do the full Brazilian on myself, but for anything else, this is the way to go.

What I REALLY want to know is how many of you have taken the leap since I did??? I can't mention names, but I happen to know that a few of you have went to there with superb results. So lay it on me in the comments! Hell, I was brave (or stupid) enough to share the follow up here, so you have to do the same - we made a deal! Right???

71 comments:

  1. OMG I am the first to comment?! No F**in' way!

    Um, actually, I have nothing to add to the waaaay TMI Brazilian Report, STY.

    Except to say that I will NEVER lie about childbirth. Hurt like vampire venom. Both times. The two teen age boys that live with me? Hmmm, one is starting to be worth the pain, the other is 16..

    'nuff said.

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  2. @Adonica - TMI? here? REALLY??? holy effing shit i need to take this post down - yikes!

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  3. Yup, you inspired me and I took the plunge er - beginning of June-ish.

    It fucking hurt, but as soon as it was over it was fine.

    Um as for appearance, it, er, kinda freaked me out initially. I've always been a "keep it trimmed and tidy" so to be completely bare all I could think was "argh! naked mole rat!" The benefits quickly negated that though once I got used to it.

    Regrowth has been great. One of those little gloves does wonders. It's much finer and seems to be growing back slower.

    Overall, it gets a thumbs up from me. :)

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  4. @Adonia - Well the title is "you asked for it - the "twitarded goes brazilian" follow up. What did you expect? A discussion about Bella's outfits in Eclipse?

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  5. p.s. did you READ the comments from the original post?! when i said i was going to keep the follow-up on email, everyone said i needed to nut up and post it for everyone... just sayin'!

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  6. @CC - THANK YOU! lol... and so glad you took the plunge and went to there... agree with everything you said! def two twitarded thumbs up!

    : )

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  7. @STY - I'm going to add the to "TMI" discussion cause I feel like it.

    Next time, I'm getting a triangle or maybe a heart.

    Oh and if you can find a place that does sugaring instead of waxing apparently that hurts less. (according to my waxing lady)

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  8. @CC - the triangle works for me - that's pretty much what i rewaxed to - lol! just keeping with the tmi theme...

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  9. I'm a bare all the time girl :) once I got my first one, I've never gone back!
    It just ... um ... feels to good (afterwards!). TMI?! Probably. Do I care?! Nope :)

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  10. *giggle*. TMI. Yep, Twitarded is the right place for TMI. Thank God for your openness! You were the ones who helped me buy my first vibrator. Should have bought one YEARS ago.

    Lucky Mr STY - sex is better bare!

    Maybe that's too much TMI?

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  11. STY I just want to say now that when we first meet in September, and I run into your awaiting arms, don't be.offended if my eyes dart down to your nether region because I do know far too much but I am cool with that.

    Haven't done it yet but I am going to. My friend.mentioned you can request the 'frito' or the 'dorito' if you want a little hair. I had a good laugh about that.

    Maybe we can all go in Seattle and get a group rate. Ha!

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  12. God damn I hate Nads. I had "gorilla" legs as a preteen, and instead of dear old Mum investing in razors and shaving cream to combat the problem, she gave me a bottle of Nads and told me to deal with my hair problem on my own. Needless to say, she wasn't too happy that I literally used an entire roll of paper towels to get rid of all the leg fuzz and pink goop that smelled like rotten raspberrie.

    And the regrow after that hurt like a bitch!

    I'm not a fan of waxing either, but the Brazillian bikini wax sounds like a good investment. My big 2-O is coming up in a few weeks. And Mum owes me big time for a couple of things.

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  13. I couldn't agree more STY. My motto: once you go bare, you'll never want hair. Or, once you go waxed, you'll never go back (ok that was lame). .

    15 minutes of pain for 5 weeks of awesomeness. The hubs thinks my Brazilian is yummy (sorry TMI there). I have had no itch either.

    The troll visual I could do without.

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  14. Nads is made by Lucifer himself in the frozen center of Hell. I'm not sure how they managed to create a REVERSE waxing compound. It slides right off hair, but sticks to skin like a mofo.

    @STY--Thanks for sharing your hairless beaver with a couple thousand of your closest friends.

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  15. I went bare a while ago, and I have to say I love it. The first time I left a "landing strip," but the next time and since I've gone bare. I agree about the anti-ingrown gel stuff. I also have to add that between shaving and waxing, waxing makes everything so much softer. The hubs loooves the soft factor. Your description about the itching was priceless and I only laughed so hard because it was insanely true! I have no shame, I don't believe in TMI. I have a high pain tolerance so I don't have an issue with that. The first time I went in, my waxer was like "Was this really your first time?" With an affirmative response she said, "I wish I had a lollipop or something for you! You did great, no flinching at all!" LOL. I would recommend it to everyone.

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  16. Ok... tempting! Thanks for the update STY!....I'm sooo chicken shit though! I need some encouragement. Does it have to be grown out all the way in order for them to do it? It's not like those waxing ladies haven't seen Georgina of the jungle before, but I'm still embarrassed...ugh. The thought of letting my hair grow on my bikini line to wear it really should be his horrifying. Help..

    PS My normal state is shaved on the sides and neatly trimmed...just sayin'

    xo J

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  17. Oh, STY, how I love thee. We've been hurtin' for a cooter update (who ARE we?), and you did not disappoint. Glad to know you and Mr. Snarky are enjoying your Hot Pocket!

    @CC - "Naked Mole Rat!" BWAHAHAHAHA!! Jesus Hopscotch! As if this post wasn't entertaining enough?

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  18. I think we need to have a "fashion" show in FOOOOORRRRKKKKKSSSS.

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  19. @Twired Jen It's actually better if you trim down a little they say like 1/4-1/2 inch is best, because any more makes it hard for the wax to stick and more painful in turn.

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  20. well, you have me considering it, but I just can't get over the process - a regular bikini wax is embarrassing enough...

    pmsl@ There. Now you can have that image stuck in your head, too.

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  21. I used to think I was on higher level since I just shaved while my friends went and got waxed (I was saving $ suckers!)...and then I saw the light and realized I had been the sucker all along (TWSS). Boyfriend loves it and I love it. Its the best feeling ever! I can't believe how wrong I was with the shaving.

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  22. I'm far from an expert, but I've been waxing more onrush off for over 10 years now. Regrowth after a long period of waxing is the breeze and you spend less time on the table with a spotlight and magnifying glass up your cooter. I will jump on STY's testimony and state that Poetic Waxing by bliss spa is awesome. I have used it to remove my underarm hair with some success. I'm not coordinated so the fault of 100% removal lies with me.

    If you are in NYC go to bliss spa and ask for Babbi. She's amazing, fast, and sweet. I stopped waxing for awhile and did a bit of self-care and jumping back into the bare saddle was a breeze with her.

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  23. OK THANK YOU all for making me feel ok about my TMI explosion - lol!!! i had a panic-y moment there for a sec...

    and @Vitaminr70 - "the frito or the dorito"?! HAHAHA!!! i gotta remember that! actually snortled out loud!!

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  24. Can I request a moratorium on the use of the phrase "TMI?" Because I am pretty sure that there is NOTHING that is not too much information for Twitards. Like, ever. And that is why I love you all. :)

    Snarky, thanks for the update! I am glad to hear that all is well in the State of the Cooter and that it not only survived, but flourished.

    And can I just say, hell if I'm ever waxing my own twat. Are you KIDDING!? I tried that once. It ended in blood, sweat and tears, quite literally. NEVER. AGAIN.

    Looks like I'll have to make a trip to Zuzanna!

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  25. I jumped in and did the partial cootchie wax right before STY, and I was delighted with the result. I will next time go the full monty, thanks in large part to all you hoors!

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  26. I have 6 tattoos and the idea of letting someone put hot wax on my lady bits makes me cringe. But I still think I'm gonna give it a shot. Because the troll look is SO not in.

    I used to razor the whole she-bang (ha!) off until that one fateful day when my Lady Remington went psycho and tried to remove my clitoris. What can I say, I'm traumatized.

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  27. @Twired Jen I'm with ya...total chicken shit! I cannot bring myself to do this, not matter how much I want to. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but it hurts like a BITCH to even gets my eyebrows waxed. Yeah, i've got tears rolling when I get it done.

    Also, I cannot bear the thought of all the awkward positions you have to get in to actually do it. That in itself is almost worse than thinking of the pain.

    I just need to man up...maybe one day. lol

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  28. We love you, sweetie-pie! There's no such thing as TMI around here.

    And I sooo wanted to know about that grow-in itch factor. Who else would we ask?

    Cheryl

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  29. LMAO. Thanks for the awesome update! Sounds like it was worth it, and very glad to know about the lack of itching. I bet Mr. Snarky is a happy man :)

    I promised Mr. XKR that I will go for the BIG wax once he gets down to his pre-wedding weight. If I'm going through pain, so is he. I am quite looking forward to that day... me bare and him skinny! Don't come a'knockin at our house for at least a month. (And ladies, in case you're considering a similar deal with your own DH - I highly recommend it. That man is MOTIVATED - 5lbs to go!)

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  30. @fooorkspimp - agreed on getting rid of TMI - given some of the stuff we've covered here, unless you are totally new to twitarded (in which case, welcome and i'm sorry, in that order) you shouldn't really be surprised about ANY topic we decide to take on - lol...

    : )

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  31. okay, i'm fuckin in. but instead of going completely bare i think i'll do a little heart like in the sample picture. scratch that, no heart, just a wolf pack tattoo etched into my shrubbery.

    the idea of flowing red troll hair on someone's hooha is...awesome. thanks for that. (read with sarcasm)

    anyhoo, you guys are the shiz nit, have i told u that in the last 5 minutes.

    so can i get all these products at Target? i know they'll have to do a price check when i get to the counter. vern, we need a price check on bliss poetic waxing, aisle 9...vern.

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  32. For those of you who haven't waxed and are considering waxing, I encourage going to a professional first. Do not attempt to do this on your own until you've had it done a few times. I found my waxer by checking out salons online. A few had reviews and that helped narrow the choices. I also didn't want to go to the most expensive place nor the cheapest. I have found that waxing is really popular with women under 30 so if you have friends that age find out where they go. Take a couple of ibuprofen an hour before you go. Take @amazingeternallove's advice and trim before you go as well. Really, don't be afraid. I can't imagine - since we've done away with the concept of TMI with regard to Twitards - that you hold outs are particularly modest. The only thing that threw me was that she waxed the crack of my ass and I'm pretty sure I don't have hair there though I've never really looked. I didn't have her repeat that on subsequent visits.

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  33. @ Micki_Martini - very sage advice. I could have never attempted on my own! Don't think I ever will actually!!!

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  34. I'm a vagscaper, but I've never gone "shaved monkey". I gotta tell ya STY, you're very convincing. I have absolutely ZERO shame and I absolutely must try this. Sumpin' tells me Papa would lurve a nekkid nasty.

    I'll keep you posted!

    **Googles Waxers in Central Illinois**

    MC

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  35. After my hubby and I got "intimate" I realized he was a manscaper (at that time I was about 26). Up to that point in my life I had never even thought of trimming down there. He converted me. I've had fun lo, these 15 years letting him "scape" me. Thing is... I got tired of the razor burn and I just signed up for laser hair removal. Not the full Brazilian mind you (I do want options later) but it will for SURE help in the side-burn department.

    And as I'm new at this site I'm not sure how often man-scaping has been discussed (I can only assume at least once) but it is HIGHLY recommended. I won't go down without it.

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  36. WAX!WAX! WAX! I recommend this for everyone! Not only do you feel super sexy, the Mr will luuurve you for it. It feel soooo good you will get over the short-lived pain. Benefits outweigh the pain for sure.

    I have always been able to do it myself and like a little triangle. (As you can tell, I don't believe in TMI) lol.

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  37. LMAO Snarky! I love you guys. Truly, I do.

    First off, any male run corporation that invents Nads should send us running, screaming with our hands thrown over our heads.

    But since we have the STY stamp of approval on Bliss I'm sure many of us virgin scapers will give a go. My husband has never mentioned a desire for me to go bare either but I have a feeling that he would be doing fucking cartwheels and air humps if I did. ;)

    Thamks for the recommendation.

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  38. shopperlm@yahoo.comJuly 26, 2010 at 5:02 PM

    OK - I am now going to nominate this site for "Best Website" ever!!! I always liked you gals because you keep me in stitches but with this type of helpful advise in addition to the publicity for the Twichicks with the panties, I will sing your praises to all the cool gals I know (Guys don't need to know this stuff) Love Ya!

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  39. @kintail hilarious! show-and-tell for Twitarded!? Pics,posts and comment by STY, JJ and LKW? Can't wait.

    I started the TMI thread (oops, I think I offended someone, truly sorry, STY et.al)PLEASE forgive me. I vote no more, er, TMI, ever.

    If you hadn't dished about your Twilight obsession, I'd have thought I was alone in the universe. I owe you all a gift certificate for a Brazilian!

    xx

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  40. Being a "body worker" I end up with friends in the industry so I have pretty much tried everything. I had not done the brazillian wax because the bikini wax left me with lots of little ingrown bumps. It was nicer than razorburn but still I looked more like a plucked chicken than a porn star. A couple of months ago I got the all clear from DH to get a full Mission Impossible laser action pussy.

    I could not love it more!!! Hubby could not love it more. My skin is softer than it was when I waxed and it's seven bazillion times softer than when I shaved. I have zero ingrown hairs and OMFG I loooove it.

    I've had 4 treatments so far and I'm having them leave a triangle in front (bigger than a soul patch). However, I paid for "full Brazilian" because I wanted them to zap my ladyflower and my pink star.

    Let me tell you, nothing will wake you up like having someone laser your asshole. They say it feels like you are being snapped with a rubber band. To me it feels more like a small shock. Regardless of how small the shock is, when it's on your clit hood, you are gonna feel that motherfucker all the way to your DNA.

    So does this mean we are going to stand around and compare vagges in FORKS?

    Maybe we can draw the shapes of our bush on our nametags. That will make it really easy to break into groups for tours and things. Landing Strips and Mini Triangles in one group, Naked Mole Rats in another. We can call JJ the pussy mullet.

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  41. As much as I'm in favour of TMI. But I'm not about to start parading my cooter around. I think I draw the line there.

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  42. I am from Brazil, love this blog, and I go bare every month since 2001.
    Totally agree with @Micki_Martini: once you go bare, you'll never want hair!

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  43. @kirday - OK JJ MADE me come here NOW to read your comment - she is in the train and is laughing so hard that she is scaring people away from her (know that this impossible on a rush-hour NJ Transit train!!) - i just cut this from her email (and yes there will be a vag-off in Forks, so everyone be prepared... jk. take a breath, cullenary curser! lol...)

    from the mouth of babes... i mean the blackberry of jenny jerkface:

    So I'm on the train and can't leave a comment on the blog but Kirday just left a comment and I'm absolutely fucking sobbing with laughter and I think the guy next to me is frightened. Can someone please leave a comment from me and let her know I love her because that was seriously some funny shit.

    And what the fuck is a "body mover" or whatever it was she said she was? I really need to know that.


    p.s. i need to know, too. : )

    p.p.s. the laser option sounds...interesting but i would have to be tied down or sedated or both. JMFHF that sounds PAINFUL!!

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  44. & @Adonica - i think most of us are un-offendable around here too, so no need for apologies of any sort - lol! i think the thread brought some lurkers out, actually! so it's all good.

    and i agree that if possible, have a good professional waxing first (and god bless you if you can do your own brazilian because you'd need to be a contortionist, among other things). it's much easier to keep up on a professional waxing than it is to go it alone the first time (says the chick who has had some lopsided pube-lines in her time and now knows better).

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  45. Yay thanks to you STY I now know what brand of home wax kit to pick up because seriously I can't afford all these trips to France...haven't been brave enough to travel south lol

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  46. "body worker" = one who works on bodies... duh!

    In my real life I'm a massage therapist. However I don't put people in cheap sexy nighties or slap them in the face (unless they ask for a happy ending).

    Honestly the laser is not that bad. However, it's still on the 'bad' scale of things.

    It's late on a lazy Sunday afternoon and you have not showered since Saturday morning. You have been sitting at your computer all day reading fan fic and you got a little steamy during that one scene when Edward gasped Bella by the hair and whispered into her ear as he pinched her nipples. You finally tear yourself away from your screen get ready to heat up some Swansons Mac & Cheese for dinner, and you remember that you used the last of the coffee this morning. Clearly you need coffee for tomorrow but you don't feel like actually getting cleaned up before you go to the store because that will take a level of energy you simply don't poses at the moment. So you do the ol' sniff test on your armpits and you think "It's not that bad". So you slip on the crocks your mother bought you for your birthday 3 years ago. The shoes that you swore to yourself you would never wear in public but they are the 1st thing you see in your closet and seriously you are just going to buy some coffee beans so your not a walking zombie tomorrow morning. So you stand there in the store wearing crocks and your stretched out yoga pants and your armpits are sort of sticky and funky but not dreadlock dude at burning man funky.

    So my point is that Lasering your ladybits hurts but it's better than not having coffee on a Monday morning.

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  47. STY. I never saw the first post but I am happy that I can quickly be brought up to speed just in the comments. :)

    Believe it or not, I have been pondering this with some trepidation. I have wanted to get a Brazilian bikini wax for a long time and then just recently I saw a Kardashian episode where the one sister gave the other sister, a Brazilian. (I would never!) But in her comments, she's bragged about giving herself, her own wax job for years. Soooo. I was happy to stumble across your posts and even happier for everyone's feedback.

    I think I'm too shy to go into a salon, so I will definitely purchase the Bliss kit at Sephora. (Thanks for the recommendation) I can't guarantee I can form myself into any spectacular shape but hey... and no bedazzling will occur, but gaddamn it. Razor's just hurt! I need an alternative.

    Loved the post!

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  48. I'm still really torn on this. Once in the past, I shaved myself bald & was a bit horrified that I looked like a 9 year old girl, and that just felt....wrong.
    In the interest of TMI, my lady bits are a lit...um...largish, so it is really kinda out there (damn that sentence was hard to type).
    Ever since I discovered Fanfic & ever since a very conservative friend had hers done, I have been considering waxing my beaver (MoBS), but my husband just kinda said 'Meh' when I brought it up. So, if he isn't necessarily into it, why bother. Also, I'm pretty modest about getting nekkid in front of people (always have been), so I think it would be MORTIFYING to get it done. Makes me cringe just thinking about it. So, all of these reasons are why I haven't done it yet.
    I'll style it up to look like Rob's hair in Twilight...that would be hot....or weird, I'm not sure which.

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  49. @kirday - i am glad you clarified because we were definitely not thinking "massage therapist" - lol! but makes sense now.

    @HG - omg I SAW that episode (i am embarrassed to admit!) - SO cringe-worthy!!! i would never let (or ask for) my sister do that - lol!!

    ladies, PLEASE be careful if you decide to give wax a try at home after reading this - it can go swimmingly well but when it goes wrong, it's a freaking disaster of epic proportions. really.

    BE SAFE.

    ; )

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  50. Adonica - You can give my certificate to STY. I'll stick with trying to keep my clitoris out of Lady Remington's teeth. Plus, I don't show my asshole to someone on a first date so I'm sure as shit not going to show it to someone who plans on pouring hot wax on it.

    Of course, now I want to see if I even have a hairy asshole (TMI? What's that?) but we don't have a lock on our bathroom door and I'm not sure even I could come up with something witty to say when ML barges in on me, lying on my back on the floor like a fucking beetle with my legs in the air while trying to study my brown star with a mirror or something.

    I'll wait until he goes away on tour.

    @Kintail -- I can tell you that "massage therapist" WAS NOT the first thing I thought of. Or the second.

    I really need to stop reading fan fiction...

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  52. @Hypoallergenic Vagina -- Hi!!! Missed you!

    Um, for like one hot second I was embarrassed that I'm so quick to answer but then I farted and felt better so...

    Ass to mouth is when a dude sticks it in her pooper and than turns around and sticks it in her fucking mouth. Or in her vagina, which I suppose is somewhat less disgusting but DUDE nothing in the ass goes in the mouth unless there is serious washing/disinfecting in between. Fucking gross, I'm sorry.

    Nuzzling your nose/tongue/mouth in someone's ass (aka "tossing salad") is perfectly ducky in my book (though I've never done it or received it) but, as a rule, there definitely needs to be, ah, preparations when it comes to the back door in general.

    Just my two cents.

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  53. Great post STY...it's made my day!
    I’d love to have mine waxed but I’m shit scared of having my lady bits and bum on show. Come to think of it, it’s more the getting on all fours bit – do they push your bum cheek out of the way while they wax your crack??? Might google that...
    I’d need a modesty strip for both openings and a bag for my head, and a Tena pad probably wouldn’t go astray!!!
    Too fkn funny @ Jenny Jerkface...lying on my back on the floor like a fucking beetle with my legs in the air while trying to study my brown star with a mirror or something.

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  54. @JJ & Hypovag.....EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. That is all.

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  55. @Twilight Junkie - i will wait in line for a dressing room with a door rather than use the open area at loehmann's, but i'll be damned if i didn't just take a deep breath and show that poor woman my hoo-hoo - lol! but i figure she sees all sorts ALL DAY and probably doesn't think twice about it!

    a couple of people mentioned getting on all fours and i didn't do that, fwiw. i was laying down/reclining on a spa bed the whole time and to get "everything" she had me put my feet together and up (like bottoms of the feet on each other and legs pulled in - lmfao!) - i was DYING by that point but as she said when she told me how to position myself, "don't think, just do it." good advice, zuzanna! : ) oh and the fact that zuzanna is a very middle-aged eastern european woman and there was nothing fancy or pretentious about her made it SO much easier. just sayin'. i would recommend the place to anyone in the central joisey area and i happen to have it on authority that someone who went there recently adored her as much as i did. as much as you can adore someone you are paying to spread hot wax your taint, anyway.

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  56. er, and anyone considering the at-home full wax should read this from muffintopped first... really. for better or for worse, better to be prepared!

    http://tinyurl.com/27qeadc

    and i stand by my bliss hard wax tyvm.

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  57. @kirday- "Let me tell you, nothing will wake you up like having someone laser your asshole." pmsl! guess you wouldn't need your monday morning coffee if you had an asshole lasering.

    ya, what is up with Nads? A totally useless product with a horrible name. i've tried lots of do-it-yourself products, and the only one i've found that works is Surgiwax (also a horrifying name). i'll have to try the one you recommended.

    great post! love all you bitches, whether you be Mr. Clean or Buckwheat!

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  58. Too funny STY! You had me at the troll pic! Well no, it was the kid with the scissors pic. I can't ever see myself getting a Brazilian. I just don't have it in me to do it. I trim everything nice and neat and everyone's happy. Bikini area waxing is as far as I can go. Just like Adonica, giving birth twice was enough. I applaud your bravery in actually getting one and then posting everything we ever wanted to know about it!

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  59. I told Hubs about your Brazilian post and about a week later he pipes up that that would be kinda cool if I did it. I'm considering doing it, but it’s the having some stranger up close and personal with the lady bits that freaks me out. If I could find a zuzanna here, I'd be more inclined to go for it.
    I've done the home Brazilian when I was younger and yesh... I pulled up one time instead of across and gave myself such a blood blister that would rival the one Bella gave herself in MOBS! Embarrassing yes, painful OMFG yes!
    But in order for me to do the Brazilian again he's gotta commit to going to the doc and getting that little blue pill cause I aint gonna go through all that pain for nothing.

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  60. @kirday "J J the pussy mullet" made me shoot Jack Daniels out my nose!

    I thought my skin was soft before, but after waxing, I can't believe how freaking' soft it feels! Baby's. Butt. Heck, I can hardly keep my own hands off!

    Actually it hurts less waxing around the star than the rest.

    And J J - I think it's much safer to go after it with wax than sharp objects like razors or trimmers. I'm not flexible enough to do my own, but my aesthetician always gives me a big hug [and I give her a $20 tip] after we have our special time! So on some level I think it was good for her, too.

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  61. @kirday "J J the pussy mullet" made me shoot Jack Daniels out my nose!

    I thought my skin was soft before, but after waxing, I can't believe how freaking' soft it feels! Baby's. Butt. Heck, I can hardly keep my own hands off!

    Actually it hurts less waxing around the star than the rest.

    And J J - I think it's much safer to go after it with wax than sharp objects like razors or trimmers. I'm not flexible enough to do my own, but my aesthetician always gives me a big hug [and I give her a $20 tip] after we have our special time! So on some level I think it was good for her, too.

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  62. Okay, so now we're all open and happy about the va-jay-jay... how about color? I've been thinking of going pink when the whole laser thing is over.

    http://www.bettybeauty.com/

    And speaking of the laser @kirday... having just had the standard bikini laser, I could completely sympathise with your statement about being able to feel it down to your DNA. It was bad just around the edges and I cringe to think of it going anywhere near the clit.

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  63. I'm really keen to talk about Brazilian waxes these days. Got my first on May 13 (which I promise had nothing to do with Rob's birthday, but made me laugh just the same). And then I read STYs first post a couple weeks after she posted it and only then did I fully appreciate how much fanfic actually inspired the whole endeaver.

    See, I had recently finished CW&IA and happened to be working near Las Vegas,when I happened to drive by a business called "Pretty Kitty" and I did a double take and indeed "15 minute Brazilian wax" was prominently touted in the window.

    I work away from home A LOT and have recently been trying to do something interesting that I associate with the place, and well, waxing the cooter seemed like a Vegas-y thing to do to me.

    Anyway, I love it. Anyone near Vegas (or San Diego where there are other Pretty Kitty locations) should really go there. They claim a proprietary technique and wax that minimizes pain and is very clean (do be sure to make certain that the salon you chose doesn't 'double dip', or you could get an STD). Anyway, now I've had a second done in another salon and know without a doubt that the Pretty Kitty job was superior- both in quality of hair removal and the process of having it done.

    It was a major change for me (had not so much a even considered trimming the hedges before) and the hubs loved it, though he had never shown an interest in me doing it before then either. We've had some pretty heady conversations about the whole it's-weird-to-look-prepubescent concept and we both have decided that people over think it. Like STY said, it's just more out there in a way that is fascinating and sexy and hornifying. It kindles something in me and the hubs that is very un-little girlish and allllll grownup. Also, I suddenly was WAY more interested in wearing pretty little thongs. But was also shocked to learn, like STY, that the hair does play some role in moisture control. Getting wet was suddenly a much gushier experience.

    So do it if you are at all inclined, but for the love of god not at home. Just get over it and go to a professional.

    And I concur, the asshole area really does hurt less than a couple of cooter spots. Don't know how, but it's true.

    Last coupla random bits-
    @ Kerri, it won't be 'air' humping that you're husband's doing

    @jael, there's no such thing as a 'big 2-0' Really. You'll be lucky if it seems Big for the duration of your birthday festivities. But,I don't say that to be a drag, I just say it as a welcome to adulthood where it all just gets better and better...

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  64. and again, I'm late to the party; I had my one and only waxing in 1988, yeah, I'm old, and swore never again; still remember the pain; and yet, and yet, y'all are very convincing; not to mention I thought the hubby didn't give a damn but now come to find out he's in favor; I may just have to suck it up and get brave; what about two ibuprofens AND a couple of shots?
    oh, and I love you guys, but I'm skipping the fashion show in Forks; just sayin'

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  65. Okay, I'm JUST now getting back to this and reading all the posts that came after. There is way too much awesomeness here to call it all out, I'd be here FOREVER, but I have been absofuckinglutely pissing myself laughing over here. So much so that I didn't even abbreviate it as PMSL.

    @Hypo and @JJ - I will never forget the day I found out about ass hair. It was waterslide day at camp, when they took the oldest kids to this fuckawesome waterslide park. Actually, it had like, two slides, but we were 14 and didn't know any better. Anyway, I was standing behind two girls who were slightly older and I looked up to as we waited in line for the waterslide. I don't remember how it came up, but one whispered something to the other about, "I mean.... how weird is it that there's hair... on your ASSHOLE?" and the other responded with "Oh my god, I KNOW!!! I have like, a bunch!"

    I think my face was like this:

    0_o

    I was totally floored. I didn't even know you could GET hair there. Cut to Pimpy in the bathroom with a mirror that night.

    CRAZY.

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  66. I took the leap at the end of June for my husband's birthday and yet I'm the one who seemed to get the gifts IYKWIM! I was the first of my circle of friends to go Brazilian and have talked it up enough (and sent them all links to the first Twitarded post about it) that at least two others are going ahead with it. I am at five weeks out and the regrowth has been finer...like, A LOT finer! I have to wonder if I get it done a few more times if anything will come back at all. I am TOTALLY ON BOARD with Brazilians!

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  67. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  68. I'm really keen to talk about Brazilian waxes these days. Got my first on May 13 (which I promise had nothing to do with Rob's birthday, but made me laugh just the same). And then I read STYs first post a couple weeks after she posted it and only then did I fully appreciate how much fanfic actually inspired the whole endeaver.

    See, I had recently finished CW&IA and happened to be working near Las Vegas,when I happened to drive by a business called "Pretty Kitty" and I did a double take and indeed "15 minute Brazilian wax" was prominently touted in the window.

    I work away from home A LOT and have recently been trying to do something interesting that I associate with the place, and well, waxing the cooter seemed like a Vegas-y thing to do to me.

    Anyway, I love it. Anyone near Vegas (or San Diego where there are other Pretty Kitty locations) should really go there. They claim a proprietary technique and wax that minimizes pain and is very clean (do be sure to make certain that the salon you chose doesn't 'double dip', or you could get an STD). Anyway, now I've had a second done in another salon and know without a doubt that the Pretty Kitty job was superior- both in quality of hair removal and the process of having it done.

    It was a major change for me (had not so much a even considered trimming the hedges before) and the hubs loved it, though he had never shown an interest in me doing it before then either. We've had some pretty heady conversations about the whole it's-weird-to-look-prepubescent concept and we both have decided that people over think it. Like STY said, it's just more out there in a way that is fascinating and sexy and hornifying. It kindles something in me and the hubs that is very un-little girlish and allllll grownup. Also, I suddenly was WAY more interested in wearing pretty little thongs. But was also shocked to learn, like STY, that the hair does play some role in moisture control. Getting wet was suddenly a much gushier experience.

    So do it if you are at all inclined, but for the love of god not at home. Just get over it and go to a professional.

    And I concur, the asshole area really does hurt less than a couple of cooter spots. Don't know how, but it's true.

    Last coupla random bits-
    @ Kerri, it won't be 'air' humping that you're husband's doing

    @jael, there's no such thing as a 'big 2-0' Really. You'll be lucky if it seems Big for the duration of your birthday festivities. But,I don't say that to be a drag, I just say it as a welcome to adulthood where it all just gets better and better...

    ReplyDelete
  69. and again, I'm late to the party; I had my one and only waxing in 1988, yeah, I'm old, and swore never again; still remember the pain; and yet, and yet, y'all are very convincing; not to mention I thought the hubby didn't give a damn but now come to find out he's in favor; I may just have to suck it up and get brave; what about two ibuprofens AND a couple of shots?
    oh, and I love you guys, but I'm skipping the fashion show in Forks; just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  70. "body worker" = one who works on bodies... duh!

    In my real life I'm a massage therapist. However I don't put people in cheap sexy nighties or slap them in the face (unless they ask for a happy ending).

    Honestly the laser is not that bad. However, it's still on the 'bad' scale of things.

    It's late on a lazy Sunday afternoon and you have not showered since Saturday morning. You have been sitting at your computer all day reading fan fic and you got a little steamy during that one scene when Edward gasped Bella by the hair and whispered into her ear as he pinched her nipples. You finally tear yourself away from your screen get ready to heat up some Swansons Mac & Cheese for dinner, and you remember that you used the last of the coffee this morning. Clearly you need coffee for tomorrow but you don't feel like actually getting cleaned up before you go to the store because that will take a level of energy you simply don't poses at the moment. So you do the ol' sniff test on your armpits and you think "It's not that bad". So you slip on the crocks your mother bought you for your birthday 3 years ago. The shoes that you swore to yourself you would never wear in public but they are the 1st thing you see in your closet and seriously you are just going to buy some coffee beans so your not a walking zombie tomorrow morning. So you stand there in the store wearing crocks and your stretched out yoga pants and your armpits are sort of sticky and funky but not dreadlock dude at burning man funky.

    So my point is that Lasering your ladybits hurts but it's better than not having coffee on a Monday morning.

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  71. WAX!WAX! WAX! I recommend this for everyone! Not only do you feel super sexy, the Mr will luuurve you for it. It feel soooo good you will get over the short-lived pain. Benefits outweigh the pain for sure.

    I have always been able to do it myself and like a little triangle. (As you can tell, I don't believe in TMI) lol.

    ReplyDelete

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