Tuesday, October 5, 2010

An Open Love Letter to My Twitarded Family

Twitarded gets air at Kalaloch Beach!
Thanks for letting me glom onto your writing-in-the-sand idea, Myg...

In the months and weeks and days leading up to our epic gathering (and it WAS epic) in Forks, I was nervous. For a lot of reasons. Even more than usual - and I tend to be a bit anxious in general. I pretty much shared all of the same fears and anxieties a lot of you had expressed in the comments, in your tweets, and in emails as we planned and schemed: What if people didn't like me in person? Or didn't think I was funny? What if people didn't talk to me? What if I choked and didn't talk to everyone? What if people were clique-y and didn't hang out with people from dissimilar demographics the way I wanted them too? Would anyone try to rain on our Twitarded parade as it marched through Forks like Sherman through Savannah, and what method of torture would be best for dealing with them if they did?

I should probably back up a step and say that I am not good with people. I don't like most people all that much; I can take 'em or leave 'em (and by that, I mean I mostly leave 'em). If it had not been for Mr. Snarky and his social butterfly ways, I may have went through my adult life as I went through my youth: with very few real friends. Sure, I had "work friends" and (literally) a couple of "old friends" spread out across the country who I might connect with infrequently, but I have always tended to be an introvert and a bit of a loner. I honestly didn't really know what I was missing out on until Mr. Snarky and years later--by way of Mr. Snarky--Jenny Jerkface stormed into my life and upended everything I thought I knew about myself.


It's hard to make friends as an adult. You can't just throw something at the closest kid in the sandbox and demand to be BFFs the way children can (believe me). JJ and I met through a friend of Mr. Snarky and we just clicked in a way I never really anticipated being able to click with another person other than my husband. She is, in my household, affectionately referred to as "Second Wife" - the one who doesn't cook and doesn't put out (for Mr. Snarky, anyway). I never expected to have the kind of relationship I have with her in my life. I'm not even sure I knew it existed or what I was missing out on. I feel like JJ is somehow my reward for my lack of friends as a kid and for coming out of the shitty ways I was treated by other kids in one piece (and possibly a better person for it). I didn't know what a blog was when I met JJ. I'd never written anything online aside from email. She forced me to read Twilight against my will. I may have pushed the "Create Blog" button that conceived Twitarded, but it would have never come to be if she had not been there, bossing me around as usual. I love you, JJ, you demanding little twat. Thanks for turning my world on its head. In a good way. Almost always.


Once we started blogging about sparkly vampires and speculating on the size, shape, and girth of RPatts's peen, people slowly started coming out of the woodwork to admit that they wanted to know if he hangs to the left or the right, too. One of the first lurkers to say "HI!" was VitaminR70, who shared a link to the infamous "Pocket Edward Goes to Forks" video in our now-practically-defunct chat-box. She recently admitted that for a while she thought I was making fun of her for going to Forks (this recent trip was not her first) after I posted this bit of fluff about how no sane person would ever go to that place (I stand by that statement, for the record). Now she's our West-Coast bestie/doppelganger/penpal and without her help in ensuring the the welcome mat would be out for us in Forks, it would not have happened. Plus she is Captain of "Team Nice Rack!" and let me stick my face in her cleavage. Love you, VitaminR. And yes, Twitards collectively have the best tits in the fandom, bar none.


Soon we noticed that some of the people leaving regular comments on Twitarded were taking the leap and starting blogs of their own! Latchkey Wife was one of them... She would email us asking how to do stuff (which is totally laughable, now - she passed us tech-wise about a week into her bloggy days) and then wrote with hysterical and somewhat disturbing detail about her plans to kidnap RPatts and what she would do with him once she had him and we were like who IS this person??? Do we know her? No? Do we want to??? Hells yeah! She looks like she just stepped out of an ad for something uber-wholesome and then she opens her mouth or puts her fingers on the keyboard and grown men blush. Or at least RPatts would blush if he knew what she'd like to do to him. Plus she'd gladly give us her sloppy seconds when she was done with him. Love you, Latchkey.


Myg... What else can I say about Myg that I haven't already said here? A lot, actually. Having known her the longest but also the least until recently, I was probably most surprised by her conversion to the Twi-side and the passion and zeal with which she leapt in with nary a look back. The fact that she was a peripheral friend for so many years before I realized that I HAD to be bffs with her still baffles me! I thought she was way too cool, too intellectual, and just way too above it all to hang with me. I always enjoyed it when we had longer conversations but frankly she intimidated me. Come to find out she's a total fangirl with the same insecurities and dorkiness that seem to bond us here in this neck of the verdant, moss-covered woods. Our hitting "Publish" together on the final chapters of Osa Bella after crying and poring over them since dawn on that day still gives me goosebumps. Love you, Myg. I'll be your stand-in for Mr. Myg any time you need a coffee fetcher or someone to spoon you.


The pilgrimage to Forks would have never come to be if Jenny Jerkface had not chipped away at the chinks in my "no-fucking-way-would-I-ever-go-to-Forks-what-kind-of-lunatic-do-you-take-me-for?!" armor. When all 5' 1" of her had finally managed to forcibly push me over the threshold from saying "I'm not going!" to "Mr. Snarky will never let me go!", she pounced. She knew she had me even if I wasn't 100% sure of it myself (you can read all about this slippery slope here - from back in January! - if you want to reminisce a bit). And I learned so much about myself on this trip... I CAN walk up to people and introduce myself. And speak in public (er, maybe not well but still). And I am a hugger! Who knew?! I was all "GAH there is going to be so much touchy-feely shit on this trip! grumble-grumble..." and then I nearly tackled the first person I saw when I entered The Dungeon on Thursday night. Anyone who got within a fifty-foot radius of my motel room was in near-constant danger of being smooched, leg-hitched, or spooned. There was a lot of "I love you, man!"-crying done in our rooms and at one point I had to yell at JJ to stop making me sob because we'd be all puffy and red-eyed at the party and besides I had to go poop.

I have been scribbling notes on this "wtf WAS it about this trip and why did it become such a huge emotional thing for me?!" subject incessantly and I still haven't quite been able to put my finger on it. I think part of it is coming to the eye-opening realization that it's not necessarily that I didn't like people; I just hadn't been casting a wide enough net to find people I really loved. Twitarded and the fandom is that net. And I'm glad you're all stuck in it with me. Mmwahahahaaaa!!!


Life can be hard and full of challenging situations. You all know that this has been a difficult time for me and my family. So to look about anywhere I went in Forks over the weekend and take in sounds and sights of people having fun, doing something that obviously makes them happy, just simply expressing their joy over being with all these other people who clearly felt the same way - THAT was what made this trip for me. All you you. And that I could help make it happen. I am proud of each and every one of you who showed up, who never thought they could or would do something so crazy or uncharacteristic, for everyone who pushed themselves out of their comfort zones and took a blue name tag ["Film me!"] and for everyone who was scared senseless but showed up anyway and took a red one ["Film me and I'll junk-punch you!"]. I'm equally proud of the people who couldn't make it but helped us make it happen and otherwise cheered us on to make this experience the amazing thing that I am still trying to wrap my hands around. Thank you. I'm looking at you, anonymous donor, and staring hard directly at YOU, Texas Katherine: I love you, you crazy whore.


I'd like to wrap this up by taking a moment to say that in the early evolutionary timeline of Twitarded (like going back to the equivalent of when something crawled out of the ocean for the first time), none of this--and I mean NONE of this--would have ever happened if it hadn't been for my mom. Back in the day, she suggesting that I go apply at some big hotel restaurants when I was looking for a new waitressing gig in my college town. That's where I met Mr. Snarky and that's where the little snowball that has ultimately rolled into the giant gleeful, dirty, lurv-packed avalanche of all that is Twitarded was created. Thanks, Mom. I love you.

P.S. When I started writing this, my intention was to be super succinct and to pinpoint with laser precision EXACTLY what this whole experience meant to me. Clearly that ain't what happened (and I don't think it ever will), but this trip became so much more for us than the "Hey let's get together for a few drinks and laughs in the Twilighty Promised Land!" shindig that we signed up for... Maybe with your help I can figure this one out. Lay it on me in the comments, people. In case you haven't figured it out already, I need you. We need each other.

85 comments:

  1. We love you, STY. From the bottom of our cold black hearts. Really. This post made me weepy and smiley and that absolutely A-OK

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  2. Oh god, I'm screwed, I was given a blue name tag and didn't think anything of the red and blue stickers. Now I know.

    STY, loved this post. All of you were lovely in person, even Scooby Doo's friend. What more can I say........

    Yours in Texas x

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  3. STY- To me, this trip was about seeing the place that Stephanie Meyer describes in her books...to immerse myself in it. More importantly, it was about sealing friendships I have created via the blog, twitter and email this past year.

    I feel I have created friendships that will last a life time. I have always had a hard time making friends...maybe it's my lack of confidence...but I know I will see some of you again. I have to believe that, and make it happen.

    STY, you already know what I think of you ;) I can't wait to see you again in San Diego next summer!

    Love you! xoxo

    Jen

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  4. PS thx for making my teary...YET AGAIN!

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  5. Oh for Chrissakes STY, you have me crying again. Poor Mr. Myg, I cannot shut my pie hole about this experience, not even for five minutes. He's about to start the withholding treatment, if you know what I mean.

    One thing I did finally figure out, for me, anyway, is that YOU, STY especially helped me realize how important it is that I have women in my life. I have been shit awful at maintaining friendships ever since I became a therapist (weird, I know) and being in a band for all those years, all my friends before this were mostly guys.

    When I first started reading Twitarded I was like, thank GOD--these are my people. Women who are smart and funny and geeky and who can say "fuck" like they mean it. And people who have the most generous hearts and ass kicking attitudes I've found anywhere.

    It confounds me this all happened to me in the name of Twilight, I have to be honest. But I don't care.

    What I care about is that I met you and I get to keep all of you forever and ever. Especially you, STY. And you, JJ. And you, LKW. And you and your rack, VitaminR. And you, you tiny little Texan, TK. And everyone else, hell, I can't stop myself.

    We can't stop here, girls. We're going to have to keep going, kwim?

    xo
    Myg

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  6. Jeebsus, Snarky. You have me crying and I AM NOT A CRYER!!! What a beautiful post. I was not able to make it but was there in spirit. I think all of us have been through rough patches and have struggled to find where we belong. I know I can come here and smile, laugh, and know I am not alone.

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  7. Perfectly stated Snarky.

    I will post what I put in my email to you:

    I loved that you knew who I was when I went up to meet you and the other ladies too. It really was like a sisterly fan girl moment. It meant so much to me to hug each of you and thank you.

    I hope that what I put on Gus's video comes out well. I almost cried while trying to saying it. But Twitarded and you ladies have really changed my life. My Mom just keeps telling me that she loves who I am becoming. I am more outgoing (I went to Forks!!), I am creative again, I am much more open, and I am even more giving than before. I am grateful for the friendships I have gained. At a time when my relationship with my sister is waning for reasons unknown, I am grateful to have Twitarded sisters to lean on and laugh and cry with. I can't imagine my life without all of you in it at this point and I can't wait for us to get together again to celebrate our friendships.

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  8. aww! i wish i'd been able to go. this should be a yearly pilgrimage, seriously!
    i'm glad you guys had a good time :)

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  9. When the tears go away I'll comment.

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  10. FUCK ME!!!

    Damnit Snarky! I was all prepared to read about the 5 of you, and then you went all epic and made me cry! UGH!

    I could write thousands of words about what this corner of the fandom means to me. It's not even close to being about Twilight anymore! It's about the people.

    6 years ago, I got really sick with major breathing problems and couldn't work anymore or do much of anything. I'm very close to being back to my old self now, and along the way - I needed laughter more than you can imagine. With these women, I laughed when it hurt. I cried tears of joy at underwear and poop! I've been inspired to start my own blog. And I've recovered. Slowly. Painfully slowly at times. But I did it. With LOTS of help. From all of you.

    What these last years have taught me in my personal life was that my priorities need to be straight at all times. And the number one focus of my life - is people. You ladies all reaffirmed that when I found you. And you continue to do that.

    So thank you. All of you. I do love you and the individual roles you play in my daily life.

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  11. *sniff*

    Beautiful post, STY.

    You all have had what ws once called a "Peak Experience". (I hear the snorting from the peanut gallery, TK). A never-to-be-forgotten-possibly-life-changing event.

    So rare. Like the AU Twitarded created, Bless you.

    xx

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  12. I had some of the same fears, mainly the I'm-too-shy-and-noone-will-talk-to-me kind, but I HAD to go on this trip. I saw a beautiful town, met some great ladies, screamed til I was hoarse at/with some crazy twats on Saturday night, and got to meet the new twi-fecta: JJ, STY, and LKW. Thanks to you and ALL the twats that helped make this possible.
    Love you long time,
    Jen

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  13. I can't even beging to describe what this trip meant for me. I didn't even think I was going to be able to go at all until about 2 months ago with a little help from this angel I know.

    I have the same problem making friends and now I have some that I can really relate too. It is amazing! The feeling I get from all this is indescribable. I can't thank you and JJ enough for creating this blog and having it turn into this amazing community. And thank you guys for signing my shirt too.

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  14. Loved you all before this trip. Love you even more now. That is all :)

    (Now to dry my tears from reading this and try to catch up on sleep!)

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  15. Oh girl. Like I haven't been teary enough the past 48 hours, here we go again.

    I started reading this blog for the laughs. I went into this trip expecting to see the sights, have some drinks, and maybe get up the nerve to talk to a few of you. I joined Twitter in August to learn a little more about the people who were going. Each of these have become SO MUCH MORE. I've been trying to figure out why that is for the past two days. I thought this was just a party weekend - I never felt this let down after spring break, so why now? I still don't know. (I do know that I ate a whole box of mac and cheese by myself yesterday, and haven't bothered to put on real clothes or makeup in two days. Sorry, Mr. XKR, for your weepy, emotional slob of a wife!)

    I got all mushy on the 1000th post or whatever that one was, so I won't do it again, but just want to say a few things: 1) I feel like I'm still becoming who I am, and the way you guys are so unashamedly yourselves is helping me to be more confident too. You know that quote "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind?" I'm being myself more and speaking my mind more thanks to people who MATTER - you guys, who are so REAL and nonjudgmental. Truly - thank you. 2) This trip was way more than the sum of it's parts, so to speak. I think that has little to do with Twilight and everything to do with YOU GUYS, and 3) I REALLY, with all my heart, 100% hope that the talk about a future trip isn't just talk.

    I think it's been so hard to get over this trip because once you find *your people* - the ones who get you and love you warts and all, which is a rare thing in this world - it's really hard to step away from them (sniffle). Love yall!

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  16. For me, this trip was about meeting all of you. And even though I could have spent about a WEEK more hanging out and drinking and singing with you, I'm grateful for what I got. And I have to second DD's comment - when I introduced myself to JJ and you, STY, separately, and you both recognized my little name, well, that made the trip for me. I love you guys HARD, and I loved meeting all of you in person, expecially all my Twitter H00rs including that hilarious little minx, LwE. MWAH on all your FACES!!!

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  17. @Musing Bella: You make my heart sing. LOL I wish I had more time with you!

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  18. I still can't believe I flew across the friggin' country...solo...and met up with people from the internet. And now I'm all like "Yeah, I did that. Now what?" I'll tell you "what"...there's nothing I can't do!!
    Basically what I am saying is that this was soooo out of my box to do that I shattered all sorts of glass walls I have spent YEARS putting up and FOR THAT I am extremely grateful and proud.
    I do apologize, though, to anyone who spoke to me before I had my morning coffee. (Coffee being said in my best NY accent which from what I understand was rather entertaining..lol)

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  19. Just when I didn't think I had any tears left to shed from this trip...

    We often joke here that you are our fearless leaders and we'd follow you anywhere. Little did we know you would lead so many of us to FFFOOORRRKKKSSS!!! (It's so sad to stop saying that!)

    The trip was amazing and it is still so surreal to have met you and all of the other Twitards who made the trip. I really was with "my people."

    Mwah!

    Lisa

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  20. I raise a glass to ALL OF YOU AWESOME ROCK STAR PEOPLE! I am so glad I got my shit together and decided to go and meet everyone.
    I DID IT!

    I am still re-cooping from the long drive/weekend--and I didn't even drink. I was high off all the Twitarded love that was out there.

    Gus & Paul hurry up with the dvd!

    Ladies and Gents! mmmmmmwwwwwaaahhhh!
    2011????

    ~Christine

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  21. I have not cried once since coming home from Forks... until now. This trip meant so much to me in so many ways. My family and friends thought I was crazy for going. I made my reservations for Forks on a whim not long after I started following the blog and I worried whether people would like or accept me. Of course it was the EPIC time I knew it would be. I'm a bit of a fangirl when it comes to you bloggers and all the witty peeps who routinely comment and make me PMSL! If someone told me a week ago I'd be out smoking JJ's Marlboro's and just hangin' out I wouldn't have believed them. (Thanks JJ, I'll quit mooching and bring my own cigs next year). Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE brought something special to Forks... themselves. I met the most amazing people who I haven't stopped tweeting and facebooking with since returning. I hope to hell we do it again! I can't imagine not seeing you all again. And I still want to meet TK SFM!!

    Flove you all!!

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  22. Awww, I'm all weepy.... and I didn't even go!
    Much love

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  23. I feel like this comment is long overdue, but I've had such trepidation about writing it. On one hand, STY and many of you here have already tapped into the wondrous muddle of happy emotion (tinged with just a little sappy-sad) that I've felt about the whole experience. But on the other hand, I feel like I owe it to JJ, STY, and LKW to leave a few words here to show how much it meant to me to be a part of the adventure.

    It has been less than a year since I stumbled into Twilight and, thankfully, Twitarded. Mostly, I've been a lurker but I don't feel like calling it that accurately reflects how much the humor and community here has meant to me. I get giddy just thinking of some of the posts and comments I've read here. In my RL, the last couple months been really intense; the crazier it got, the less I could keep up with all the things I care about most--my friends, family, and, yes, my favorite blog.

    It was so frustrating to know that losing my "online time" meant I was also losing out on cultivating the friendships with the regulars here, and that those online friendships were what would help make the trip to Forks something special. I even thought about backing out when, at the last minute, my Forks roomie had to cancel her trip. I feared showing up there by myself and being the outsider, the one with the name no one recognized. I have to admit, at times, I did feel that way. But I'm shy and awkward in big crowds, especially around a bunch of people I admire.

    Despite all that, by the end of the weekend I'd had more amazing conversations than I could count and felt a renewed vigor for life. It was so powerful to realize, as STY described, you CAN make new friends as an adult. It's worth the effort or occasional middle school flashbacks. Definitely.

    I'm looking forward to many more great conversations with y'all. Hugs to everyone who, despite the odds, made the journey or joined us in spirit!

    -Amber

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  24. Like others have said, This was about meeting people who were just like us. My sis Princesspottymouth and I just joked about being able to go and than when tickets were booked, we were just beside ourselves. Nervous that we didn't really know anyone, but welcomed with open arms and a Rob Porn pin. Being in The Land of Twilight was like *sqeek sqeek let me rub my eyes to make sure I'm not dreaming* but being there with all of you was the most epic adventure ever!!!! Being able to say "we ran into friends everywhere we went" was the best feeling ever. I so love all you crazy bithes!!!!!

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  25. I'm new to all Twitarded, but I'm so glad I found you guys!

    I can't wait for Forks 2.0

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  26. I am in awe of the fandom, It took me awhile to get really into it, I'd say I didn't get full-on into it untill after New Moon , and ya'll know how LKW almost combusted when she found out I was on to her. I now know why she is "very protective" I myself have to hide certain things from people. But with you all... Twitarded has made me realize that this thing we have ad Twitards is a very special thing. You STY are a beautiful, intellegent, whitty woman. I wished I had gotten to talk to you more, but I'm sure we will meet again. Thanks for making the trip in this difficult time for you it meant a lot to all of us, and we all love you. FORKS was kick ass. And you made it so....Thanks so much Jude

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  27. Snarky. I really, really didn't want to cry AGAIN reminiscing about this epic trip. Alas, the tears have fallen. Twat rocket. Thanks a lot.

    I have no answers for you. But I do know that this trip changed us for the better. There's a confirmed awareness now that it's okay to be a pervy chick of any age obsessing over a teen-focused phenomenon and anything related to it. And you know what? You didn't have to go to FORKS! for it. We were just lucky enough to have the opportunity, and I'm grateful that I had the $$ to make it happen.

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  28. @STY - you are beyond awesome. We all love you!

    Forks was an incredible experience. A full on gathering of the faithful. And while our fearless leaders were what drew us together, all of you are what made this the awesome adventure that it was. Twitards are an incredible group of women.

    I was still on such a high Monday that when my brand-new boss asked me if I'd gone to Forks because of the Twilight thing, I proudly said "Yes."

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  29. Oh my dearest Snarky… I had only gotten misty eyed until this point. Full blown, fatty tears are running down my cheek. Hearing the way you speak of JJ reminds me of my BFF who lives in NC, while I’m all the way in CA. The way you describe how you feel as if you were rewarded later in life for the friendship you feel you never had earlier in life is just how I feel about her. NOBODY on this earth has ever understood me better than her, other than my husband. I am so happy you two have each other because a friendship like that is truly the rarest of gifts.

    When I was asked why I came to Forks, I immediately said you ladies. I mean, Twilight is what has brought us all together, but it is the camaraderie that we’ve built together that made me desperate to come! Like many of you, I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin, and the internet has been a main venue for friendship because of the innate security it offers. I even met my husband on Myspace back in the day! Even though we all come from such different walks of life, we all have SO much in common and feel a sense of connection that is so unique. For this, for all you h00rs, I am SO grateful! It is because of you wonderful ladies at Twitarded that this is all possible!!

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  30. I love reading about everyone's experience, and oddly, I don't feel jealousy or remorse about my inability to attend. I feel like I was there with you. Maybe because so many women took me in their hearts; because so many of them said they wished I had been there.

    Hopefully next time. <3

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  31. Tears in my eyes when i read that!....i'm a Twitard from the other side of the pond & i didn't make it to Forks but i would have loved to. You guys are a amazing xx

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  32. ...wiping tears away...

    From the very first post about it I knew without a doubt I HAD to go to Forks. I couldn't really explain it, hell I still can't, but from the pits of my soul I couldn't stay away. And it wasn't just going to Forks, it was going on this Twitarded trip to Forks.

    After your post about your mom I decided to confess to my own mom about the trip. She was jealous of course, she is a Twi fan (sorry but I'm not showing her Twitarded, ever). But she also told me something that made me realize why this trip had such a pull for me. The pacific northwest, specifically Seattle, was my dad's favorite place. He spent many summers there as a child and just loved the place. I never knew this. He passed away in November 2008 and while it bothers me that I am still learning new things about him, this trip made me feel extremely close to him. And I never would have experienced that closeness without you ladies. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for planning this trip.

    Can't wait for Twitarded Con 2011! (minus the red eye)

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  33. @STY *sniff* I so wish I could have met with you all in FFoorrkkss!!!!! Now that I've read your post I understand even more why I wanted to go.

    It's not the whole Twilight thing (thought that is, of course, what brought me to Twitarded in the first place). No it's the 'being understood' feeling that I love here. The feeling that I'm not strange or - worse yet - unhinged. No, I'm perfectly ok. And do you know how I know that? It's because what I read here in this blog and from the followers who comment is pretty much EXACTLY the sort of stuff that goes through my mind!

    Thank you STY, JJ and LKW - I think I now understand what the term 'enabler' means.....

    @LindaCullen I'm from the other side of the pond too! :-)

    CC xx

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  34. where do I start?? I heard about this trip just before the twilight cruise to Alaska in August-thanks to Mary AKA Mama Cougar- I was fairly new to twitarded.
    DH and I visited forks for a day just before the cruise and I was all "I cant justify another trip to forks so soon, I saw it, I should be happy"
    So when MC gave me sad eyes on the cruise and said "you have to go to forks with meeeeeee" it took almost no convincing- DH said "Go if you want" and I was online booking my tickets.
    Really I knew a couple of your names but had not been a twitarded girl so when JJ met me and said- oh, from the forums I was totally touched- awwwwww
    All of you were so welcoming and funny as hell- I now feel like I am home here with the twitarded gals. Yes, I saw forks again, this time with my people, and it was epic!!! THANK YOU- sniff.....

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  35. I love this blog... it's like a big juicy jaffle made with crass, sexed up, fuck crazy fluffy white bread on the outside, with a big gorgeous deep and daring heart on the inside.

    I reckon Twilight and RPatz is just an excuse the universe made up to get you chicks all together. I have been haunting you from afar since January. I don't post much but I dig your madness, your bond and your communal 'up yours' to sanity and snobbiness.

    Sending you all love from Australia - wish I was as rich as the Cullens so I could've flown my clone over...

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  36. Hey Adonicass... you just made me realise that I live in AU all the time online - Australian web/email addresses all end in .com.au - ha ha!

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  37. Bwahahahaha, just wanted you all to know that wv for this post is......

    patilog

    How apt :-)

    CC xx

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  38. Thanks for sharing your trip with all of us who couldn't go. I went to Forks with my family in August and we ALL had a blast. We saw the Hillywood people there. We will definitely be going back.

    Veri word - vises - Twilight is one of my vises.

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  39. Brings back my memories with my family! now am far away from family!

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  40. I wonder from time to time...if Stephenie ever gets on this site just to check it out. I wonder what she must think about how her one little dream has changed the lives of so many. The imagination that opened the door to all of us finding each other. Makes you wonder....

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  41. Everyone has been so eloquent, I probably don't have anything original to say except, "me too." I'm still glowing from the weekend in ways I don't fully understand. (The fact I found a mini-size Edward poster [bare-chested Edward from New Moon in sepia tones] that I can "discreetly" display on my desk is only part of the reason, I'm sure.) A lot of it has to do with discovering that this group I've fallen into is the most amazing blend of smart, funny, irreverent, literate, sexy, and -- as someone said up above -- not afraid to say "fuck" when they mean it. And thinking maybe, on some level, that describes me too. And getting to spend four days immersed in "the place where it happened." And making a few friend. (Correction, I made a whole bunch of new friends, but eight hours in a car listening to Twilight soundtracks plus -- yes --the entire playlist from MOTU can really bring girls together. Amberpaperbell, you rock!) Truly, I feel like a changed person. I'm totally in awe of our fearless leaders. I guess the next step is to dip my toe in a blog of my own, when I can find someone to teach me.
    Love you all. xoxo

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  42. really? crying at work.
    XO you guys. it's kinda like the geeks/nerds in school finding out they aren't the only ones....
    I have always said that as an only child I have the best familiy because I got to "choose" my family rather than being 'born' into one. You got to choose your family of friends to surround yourself with. Isn't is wonderful?
    But seriously, is this the moment we realize we have grown up? Cuz I don't wanna grow up!!
    mawahhhh and smooshes from Michigan!

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  43. Everytime I go to write a comment, I seem to tear up. I don't think I can, beyond saying that there are so many common threads that resonate with me. Finding friends, finding confidence, finding the unexpected in oneself, finding acceptance and love and kindness, finding that little smile on one's face. I'm glad we need each other.


    Aaannnnnd now I need to pull myself together again.

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  44. Beautiful post from a beautiful soul... the pictures are amazing and I think I told you this last night, but I don't think I'll ever really be able to articulate how much you actually mean to me... you, JJ, Myg, VitR and TK especially... but you as the collective Twitarded family also. Aaaaaaand now I'm tearing up again.

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  45. Aaaaaand this post makes me wish I had gone :( Ah well. Looks like you all had an amazing time and a really cool experience.

    and btw STY, i LOVE redheads. i am one. sort've. lol

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  46. I was trying to make my little pic come up and I accidentally made a blog! I thought it was just part of the profile making process...duh! And after all that, the pic I uploaded still isn't coming up! Waaaah! I wanna be like all youse cool chicks with ya cute little pics... help!

    And if you happen to think kisses are a better fate than wisdom, or even if you think that's a full-of-shit statement, check out my first and possibly only ever post at my accidental blog http://kissesoverwisdom.blogspot.com/. Unless your name is Marj. Or Bestial. And for you savvies out there, tell me how to make my wee pic appear... that's really all I want... just an identity, any identity - just give me my damn identity! aaarrrgghhhh!

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  47. HALLELUJAH! It worked! I have my identity!!!!!!!!!!!! Aint technology miraculous?

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  48. Glad you enjoyed yourselves. I think this blog has been great for all of us in some way.
    Thanks for the laughter and tears, and feeding my frenzy of Twilight!

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  49. Here's how my "Forks Story" went down:

    Mama: **Pouting** "I can't go to FORKS so soon after the Alaskan Twilight Cruise. It would be so selfish of me, right? Using up so much of our family's resources on MY obsession? Right?"

    Papa: "Honey...if you really wanna go, we'll make it work."

    Mama: "No...it's okay. I'll sit on the bench this time. I just wish out little albatrosses (read children) didn't have to eat or go to college." **Sadface**

    72 year old GrandPapa (Who went on the Twicruise and dressed up like Carlisle...I SWEAR): "Baby...you need to do this. Life's too short. Let me pay for it."

    Mama: "Holy amazeballs Dad, are you SERIOUS?!?"

    Grandpapa: "As a heart attack, baby." ***hands me his credit card***

    Mama: "Motherfucking SKAWEEEEEE!!!" ***Gently hugs Grandpapa - he just go out of the hospital***

    So Dad - I am incredibly grateful for your generosity and that you so "get me" and understand how important it was that I take this pilgrimage. I love you!

    JJ, STY, LKW, MYG & VitR70,

    Fuck, I flove you all so much it hurts. When I met each of you, there was an audible "click" in my heart like a missing piece of a puzzle had been added.

    I had ZERO fears going to Forks. I shit you not. Not even one tiny insecurity. Because I knew...somehow, that this trip would be magical, miraculous and would validate me. It was all that and so much more. Because of the five of you, and the 124 other Twitards I basked in my Twitardedness and wore it proudly across my chest (and other places) for five days. Now, I'm tucking it back away in my heart, (which is now more complete) and saving it for FORKS 2011, where there will be a Squeefest to end all Squeefests.

    I met WAY too many awesome women to name them all here, but 17ForeverLisa, LwE, MrsPTwibite, Double Dippin, CullenaryCurser, DangrDafne&Donna, TwiLoveSue, TattooMickey, CullenClanCrazy, my FFFW Hoors, inotu, MickiMartini, MyAfterCar all of the CupcakeGirls, Renabug and DAMN IT, I know there are more of you - hear this: YOU.ARE.MY.PEOPLE. (((GROUP TACKLEHUG)))

    Sigh.

    Mama Cougar
    The Cougar's Den

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  50. WAIT....I forgot Red_Bella!!!! How could I forget that crazy h00r and her awesome laugh...and the Jaeger Jello shot?!?

    MC

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  51. Much love to all! Twitarded helped get me through an epic breakup last year. I'm so glad you all had an amazing trip (and I love the pic of the Barbies with the 'Bite Me' pin I made!)

    xo
    Lys

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  52. HUGE lurker here, with no where near the confidence to comment on posts most of the time, let alone tag along to FOOOORKS. But, after this post, I am so sorry I missed the trip.

    STY, you had me in tears, and I am so glad the pilgrimage was such an amazing success.

    I still hope to meet you all one day, as like so many others have said, you are my soul sisters in Twilight and I'm glad I found you.

    Take care!
    Mel

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  53. Love you long time STY! Pretty sure my voyage to Forks, though only a few hour drive, was the first of it's kind for me. First time in Forks, first time meeting fellow bloggers, first time stepping out of my bubble to do something fun like that, and, as I told JJ yesterday, I could not have picked a better time to do that. The Twitarded-nation is amazing and I had SO MUCH FUN! It made me so, so happy to meet all of you and there just aren't words (at least not any I can think of) for the experience. *muah*

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  54. Lovely post STY. And thanks to you all for sharing your take on the adventure! Of course reading it and everyone's posts only makes me more disappointed that I missed this trip. So I'm with others who have hinted around to a Forks 2011 meetup. Please?!?!

    That first picture rocks. I'm enjoying getting to see the beautiful faces of these rockstar ladies, get 'em coming!. (Hee hee, 'coming').

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  55. I am in awe of you, STY and how much you don't realize what you and JJ and now LKW mean to this fandom.

    I think that maybe you hit the nail on the head for a lot of us (and I'm definately including myself) that we feel the same way you do about being socially inept, a little awkward with some insecurities about whether or not people are going to like us. Let's face it, women are beotches, especially ones who think they are better than everyone else for some reason. I too, can either just "take or leave" people, have always been better friends with the guys, with a just a few close friends in high school and when they moved away to college, I was left to fend for myself. While I have a couple close friends now, they are women just like me with the same attitudes.

    Which brings me back to you and JJ and LKW and all the other crazy h00rs on here and Twitter - we all have that one connection to RPattz and everything Twilight but along the way, bonds and friendships have been forged, personal lives get exchanged and the next thing you know, we are all there for each other in ways you'd never thought possible.

    I didn't make the Forks trek, I loved hearing about what a great time it was and can't wait to see the pics. But your view on it and the feelings it evoked in you brought me to tears - and that's what 'epic' trips are made for!

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  56. Ohhhh STY...you are so great! I totally loved meeting you! Just so you know I had to pre-funk at our hotel room just so I wasn't so nervous to get social with a crapload of people I didn't know. Once there though EVERYONE was so great! It was like going to a party with friends I'd known for years. I was totally fan girl Sqeeeee-ing all week before we went & then again when we finally met you. Patches & myself probably bugged the crap out of you & JJ getting like 10 photos with you all. Anyhow, you are so sweet and hopefully we'll get to meet again someday. :-)

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  57. My plan was to just take a quick peek at the new post since I only had a few minutes, and now here I am blubbering at work with a wistful smile on my face. I'll have to wait to catch up on the comments until later tonight, but I know I'll agree with everything said up there. Last week was so fabulous and you are all the most beautiful, caring, and generous people ever. You totally get me and I love you all. I wish we could go back to Forks again this weekend cause I miss you already :)

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  58. If I could stop the sniffling I might be able to say something eloquent but…. well, fuck it. I was so ready to step outside my comfort zone and join you on this trip – which is a pretty big thing since I usually chicken out just trying to comment here. I am usually content to hang out with my family and a very few close friends (none of whom understand my obsession with everything Twilight and RPatts and who are, for the most part, fairly prude). When I do make little forays into the world outside my personal padded cell I usually I end up calming my nerves with a drink (or 6) and then spend the next week stressing about whether or not I made a complete ass of myself – when I know that everyone else was just as fucked up as I was and couldn’t give two shits about anything I may have said or done. I’ve been getting better about not getting so stressed and was actually planning on joining you all on the FOOOOORKS trip. I had successfully convinced my husband that it was a good idea (thanks to some great negotiating tactics I picked up here at Twitarded) and was ready to FINALLY meet people who understand what I mean when I talk about sparkle peens, the Red Room of Pain and The Precious and who wouldn’t be offended if I brought up blow jobs, dildos or pooping in casual conversation. But, without going into all the boring details, it wasn’t meant to be.
    Now I am reading these posts about how much fun you all had and how fucking awesome this group of people really is and I know it would have been worth all the nerves and stress leading up to it just to meet you all. Next time, and hopefully there will be a next time (“FOOOOOORKS – Return of the Twitards” anyone?), I will be there. Fuck the comfort zone – STY is right – we need each other.

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  59. @STY - I'm not sure I can find the words to express how much closer to you I feel right now. I have always felt the way you describe feeling in this post, only I am still waiting to find my JJ. (FML, I'm crying at work...damn you and your sappy-hit-way-to-close-to-home post!)

    I feel so blessed that I have found all of you here. I stumbled on Twitarded quite by accident and started reading just for the laughs you give me, then I realized that I hadn't laughed, like really laughed, in a long time and I owe all of you for bringing laughter back into my life. I can tell you from experience life totally sucks without it. You amaze me with your wit, strength and beauty on a daily basis. I heard lots of people over the weekend talk about their "Real life" friends, well to me you all are my Real Life friends and you'll never know how much it meant to me to get to meet you in person and share a few drinks and a lot of laughs. The hugs I got from STY and JJ (you both give great hug, BTW) still make my heart smile. I truly hope I get to see you all again someday.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me be apart of your world. :) *sniffs*

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  60. Nicely said, STY! It was so great to meet you, and everyone else - FINALLY. I spend so much time talking/commenting/tweeting with you all, that it was awesome to meet in real life.

    You know what surprised me more than anything?? That I could have totally spent another week there with all of you. I feel like I didn't get enough time to talk and connect with everyone. I had initially though it might be too long to spend there. After all, there's nothing in Forks. But. I. Was. Wrong.

    Love you all!

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  61. @spottysmom Email me at kitty.elvis80@gmail.com! We forgot to exchange info so we could Twi in real life!

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  62. I loved meeting you and the other girls. This trip was just amazing in so many different ways. I'll never forget the bonds that were forged because of it. Love you girls!

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  63. So I am back at work for the first time in a week and a half and at my actual office for the first time in a month (and all of that is about as fun as it sounds - i feel like the banana that had been sitting on my desk for the past four weeks lol) but i HAD to say thank you all for sharing this with me and OMFG I am glad i am not the only one who had some sort of an emotional epiphany during our time in Forks! Every time I think I am done tearing up and snotting over this trip i read another comment and the waterworks trun right back on! Good think i invested in waterproof mascara pre-forks - lol...

    love you twat-waffles sumpthin' fierce.

    xoxo

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  64. So I am back at work for the first time in a week and a half and at my actual office for the first time in a month (and all of that is about as fun as it sounds - i feel like the banana that had been sitting on my desk for the past four weeks lol) but i HAD to say thank you all for sharing this with me and OMFG I am glad i am not the only one who had some sort of an emotional epiphany during our time in Forks! Every time I think I am done tearing up and snotting over this trip i read another comment and the waterworks trun right back on! Good think i invested in waterproof mascara pre-forks - lol...

    love you twat-waffles sumpthin' fierce.

    xoxo

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  65. Awww. @Cupcake Donna I love you, too. And I wanna see your pics. :P

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  66. OK I'm crying and I didn't even go..... next time I'm so totally doing what ever it is.. I'm there!

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  67. Truly lovely post, STY...you should be so proud of this community y'all have built. I'm amazed how many of you feel socially awkward, when you seem like "cool girls at school" in the posts/pix I've viewed over the past year or so. Makes me wanna join in next year (tho' Im as old as many of your moms;) Congrats on all you've accomplished under the guise of Twilight!

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  68. STY, meeting you in real life was a an absolute pleasure. When I started falling you and JJ on this blog back in the day, you guys had maybe 300 followers. Look how time flies.

    Life moves too fast for any regrets. This trip was something I will treasure for the rest of my life because it got me to something I would normally never ever do. And I heart you bitches hard. xoxoxo

    Suzie (HG)

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  69. STY- what a beautiful post and tribute to these lovely ladies. I was unable to make the trip this time, but I agree that it should be an annual thing! I am so glad everyone had such a wonderful time and have been vicariously living through all of the FB photos.
    Now, Let me tell you a little about my Twilight experience. I read the books in the summer of 2008. Of course I fell totally, stupidly in love with them. I, like you, did not have very many close friends besides the hubby. I have sets of people I socialize with- church friends, co-workers, hubby's friend's, old school friends, etc. But no one that I felt close to. In Nov of 2008, a co worker of mine had a devestating miscarriage. I was not good friends with her, only saw her at staff meetings and such. After the miscarriage, I suggested to her the only thing that made me goofy happy- reading twilight. She did- Thus a friendship was born. We are like you and JJ now. We live an hour apart but distance makes no difference. We attend kids events, birthday parties, vacations, etc together. She is also known as the second wife to my hubby :) I am floored everytime I really think about how blessed I am to have received this type of friendship as an adult. All because of a sparkly vampire teen book series! We cyber set stalk, read all the blogs and FF's. (Yours tho is by far our fav!)

    Your post made me weepy and thankful to be a "lurker" around wonderful people like you all!!!

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  70. STY, what is it about this crazy fandom that changes a person emotionally?

    I hope this doesn't go on too long, but I need to share this. Testimonial time...

    You speak about not casting your net wide enough. That goes for me too. I live in Buttfuck Maine where no one but LKW dares to admit their from. I have a hand full of people I know that enjoyed the series but hadn't come undone by it the way I had. I felt (and probablly looked) like a hooty owl blinking around herself bewildered and confused, stumbling away from the site of an accident called Twilight. I was in head over vagina for Robert Pattinson and all his fine fucking glory, but what made this painful for me was there was no one to share it with... except my mom and a few friends. Unfortunatly they just didn't get into it the way I had. Stupid bitches. Ontop of it all Im a mom of two little boys that have Autism and my life is dedicated to taking care of them. But as a result I was like a doll stuck inside a vaccume sealed bag waiting for someone to reach in and pull me out. I was literally sufficating. The Twilight books helped relieve that for me, creating an escape so deeply needed. For a while I lived through Bella Swan. Once again, not casting my net wide enough, until I stumbled upon a post on Confessions of a Twicrackaddict by this Jenny Jerkface person. It was on the elusive subject of Edward Cullens junk function during the honeymoon. I freaked out cause I thought of that too! But who could I discuss it with? As fast as my lightning reflexes could go I clicked on the Twitarded link...and BAM, I haven't EVER looked back. You have all saved my sanity with your insanity and for that I can never ever repay you guys. I realized after a month of reading back logs that by some accident of birth I was a born HOOr that was planted in the middle of nowhere. My like-minded peeps reside in Jersey and New York. God can be cruel. And when I found out that you were going to Forks I died a little. My husband told me to go on the trip but there was no way I could leave him alone with the kids and their problems. I just couldn't do it, no matter how much it ate at me. So Im living through you guys now, loving the pictures and stories. Thanks for all the dirty details, girls. Sty, your post have become very personal and deep. Im sure that had to do with the loss of your mom, and your still finding ways to sooth the ache. Hopefully the trip provided the escape you needed. Glad you all made it back in one piece.

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  71. I'm so glad the Foooooorks trip was everything I knew it could be. I hope to join in the shenanigans during one of the sure-to-be-annual pilgrimages.

    Fkat

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  72. Amazing post and an amazing time was had!

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  73. Beeeuuuutiful post, @STY. For someone who has considered herself to be rather closed off you are k-nockin' my Twi-socks off with your courageously heartfelt posts.

    I'm so incredibly happy for all who went to Forks and gave themselves over to the experience 100%. How amazing it is when you open yourself up to others only to find them reflecting your best qualities back at you leaving you feeling beautiful and fierce.

    With the kind of energy you guys all seem to be bringing back with you from Forks Twitards will no doubt conquer the world someday.

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  74. I love you Snarky...I love this blog...I love this fuckawesome world of fandom!!! You're right, we need each other! It truly does feel like one big happy albeit slightly dysfunctional family! And I'm so thankful I found you guys! Glad you gals had such a great trip (even though I am totes jealous that I couldn't party it up with you h00rs in the motherland!!!) Maybe this needs to be an annual gathering...Forks 2011??? Who's with me???

    xoxo

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  75. Allright. Real life has been consuming me since my return but it is time to sit down and comment...because that is what I do. ;-)

    Thank you STY for this lovely letter and for adopting me for reasons still unknown to me. For some reason we have always clicked. I can't explain it. I was nervous to meet you all for the first time but it was completely effortless. It was as if we had been friends all our lives. I love that.

    I have lots of fabulous real life friends. To be honest, and this is not to brag, but I sometimes feel overwhelmed trying to keep up with all the people in my life. Those of you that met me know I am not shy. I mean I let Mama_Cougar motorboat me in public! The mystery for me lies in finding you all and honestly feeling like I never had a choice...I had to tweet, e-mail, comment and, now, meet you all...I just had to. We clicked. You had me at twatwaffle.

    This group here has brought such joy to my life when things were a bit dark and far too serious for my liking. Those real life things don't ever really go away but I am so grateful to have this place to come to and laugh and sometimes even cry with you all. Twilight brought us together but our humor, brains, wit, snark, lusty ways, life knowledge and compassion have kept us together.

    At the risk of sounding super cheezy...there is something way special here that STY, JJ, and LKW have tapped into. I am proud to be Twitarded and I am proud to call you my friends. Anyone that thinks this whole thing is weird is just jealous and can go find a stick on the beach and stick it where the sun don't shine.

    PS-@STY I may or may not have smelled your jacket today. Miss you. I miss you all.

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  76. Gah STY! I love you, and I love Twitarded, and I am beyond in love with our time in Forks!

    After returning home from an AMAZING weekend, I've been pretty misty eyed, but also very reflective. I've been thinking about Twilight and all that is has done for me and I've come to realize that there is so much more to it than the vampires, werewolves, and yes, even RPattz! Twilight has helped me to strengthen existing friendships, and also form new ones. Any time I see anyone sporting something Twilight related I have to strike up a conversation. Hell, the wonderful girl who joined me in Forks had a copy of Eclipse with her the first time we met. That's when I knew she was going to be a keeper!

    And then, lucky for me, I was introduced to Twitarded and in result to some of the funniest, sweetest, foul-mouthed women I could ever hope to meet! Twilight has allowed me to let loose and laugh at myself and most importantly be TWITARDED!

    Thank thank thank you to you and JJ and LKW who made the dream of Twitarded in Forks happen...WE DID THAT! And while I was only able to talk to you all for a brief second, being able to hug your neck and meet you all in the flesh was a wonderful experience!

    Let's do it again...Can we?!?

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  77. Seriously. I am in the same boat as @BasketCaseMom. I'm new around here. And like STY, I don't usually like people much -- but god damn... I think I might want to marry some of you ladies I think your that damn funny (Don't tell Mr. Twopeas...).

    So please please please have a Version 2.0. And BasketCaseMom - let's be roomies. lol. =).

    The pics from the trip are awesome!!

    PS: That sound you here is me racing over to twitter to find you all - because I can't get enough of you *snort*...

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  78. Beautiful post STY =) I just think it is amazing that something so simple as a few books and movies can bring so many people together in such a special way. Despite many of my friends know and share my live for twilight, they are unaware of it's extent. For example, NONE. OF. THEM. READ. BLOGS. I would be totally lost without twilight, as well as other ones like the bloggess, blogs. Even though I have known some of my friends my whole life, I feel as though I have a closer, deeper relationship with you great gals here at Twitarded. Thanks for that =)

    p.s.that very first picture is simply amazing. It must be framed! Heck, I want to frame it and I'm not even in it!

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  79. Well, I didn't go to Forks but I totes can understand how emotional this trip was for all of you. For me, had I gone, it would've just been pure GLEE for me to be around like-minded individuals - even if it's nothing other than our Twilight obsesh. (But that's all I really ever talk about anyway!)

    I'm sure I'm so not the only gurl on here that deals with this, but I hate knowing that peeps are secretly rolling their eyes at me every time I bring up something Twilight related! I mean, I'm not like a broken record or anything, but I do have it on the brain. (Espesh now that I'm reading steamy fanfic!) So to be around people that are just as bad - or worse than me in their Twi-lurv, that just sounds like pure heaven!

    And I promise, I would never roll my eyes at you! Unless... JK!

    P.S. Can we go to Forks again next year?

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  80. Great Post - It's hard to pinpoint what the weekend meant. The best part was meeting all of the amazing women! Even though it is hard for me to get out of my comfort zone to say Hi...everyone was so nice and fun!

    Good times....Good times.... :)

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  81. I have never, ever had close friends. I'm kind of a lot to handle (shhhh! don't tell anyone) & few people have the stones to deal with me. Whatever. I can say with certainty I've made the best friends I've ever had here at Twitarded. Hands (and pants) down. The end.

    I've had this comment window open for 30 minutes & every time I try to write more I get choked up. I'll just leave it here and go eat something chocolate.

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  82. @TK - i think we had to get our stones together collectively to be worthy of you but WOW were you worth waiting for...

    xoxo i hope your "something chocolatey" includes booze of some sort. or a chocolate-covered body part. or both!

    mwah! love you. i cannot even express how much we missed you on this trip. next year, i don't care what's going on - you're going if we have to fly to texas to kidnap you, it's gonna happen. plan accordingly. you know lkw has duct tape, firearms and depends and JJ is a ninja so why don't you just come quietly and save us all a lot of grief, m'kay???

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  83. That was amazing! I'm amazed by how much I can relate to everything you said! I feel the exact same way about people, friends and waht Twilight has done to my life!


    U guys r amazing! =)))

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  84. What happened on this trip, you ask?
    You visited the Magic Land of Edward - the rainforest of the Pacific Northwest. Its fog-enshrouded beauty; its heady, earthy fragrance;
    its mystical "god rays;" its musical silence. It changes you. You are never the same. You are one with Earth. You are one with Edward.

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