Jenny Jerkface asked me to write tonight’s post because she is
still hungover very, very tired. In exchange, she promised me… a picture of herself. I think. I’m unclear on the details.
We’ve talked before about some of the crazy things we’ve done since we’ve found Twilight. I’m sure you all remember when Snarkier Than You went to the Brazil that doesn’t require a passport or customs declarations.
This wouldn’t fit in my carryon anyway.
Those of you who read Going Down? know I wrote an Alice with a trucker fetish. Why, you ask. Why did I find a half-eaten Skittle in my bra last night? Fuck if I know. Sometimes shit just happens and you roll with it. And eat the Skittle. Don’t judge me.
How you likin’ da rainbow now, Arizona?
Last month, someone (I can’t remember who due to the thick coating of vodka resin on my brain) sent me this link to Letters to Rob. Beardy Rob got a profile on a singles website for truckers and people with trucker fetishes. How did I not know about this site?!
It was clear what had to be done. Alice needed a profile. Immediately. I have to commend the fine folks at Trucker Passions. They are thorough. It took me forever to fill out all the questions. Why do they need to know about Alice’s digestive issues? Does she believe in zombies? She’s modeled after a fictional vampire, so I guess that would be hypocritical for her to snub other undead union members. Does she like clowns? What kind of asinine question is that, Trucker Passions? Now I’m going to have nightmares, you sadists.
I’d like you all to meet Alice Brandon of Going Down?
Click to view her full profile. You better come back.
Yes, Alice has received a few "smooches." Two of the suitors appear fairly normal. The other looks like he just walked off the set of Deliverance. I've always thought Alice had a right pretty mouth.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done because of Twilight or in the name of Twilight? Please share your stories or JJ might not give me that picture of herself.