Thursday, April 14, 2011

Can Someone Please Tell Me Why This Week Isn't OVER Yet?

This week can kiss my ass. Seriously...why the fuck won't it just end and put me out of my misery? Yes, I know I'm just being overly dramatic and yes, I know things could be worse, but I'm allowed to have a tantrum every once in a while, right?

I can honestly say I need this weekend in NYC like a hobo needs a hot dog.

I would like this hobo's hot dog... even though it looks like he stole a 4 year old's vest.

So Monday I started physical therapy for my tennis elbow. I'm not sure how I even got tennis elbow since I don't play fucking tennis! My physical therapist could possibly be in the same class as Lord Voldemort. He's that mean. I'm almost positive Mr. Evil PT learned his technique from this [WARNING: If you have a weak stomach, do NOT click on this link] website.

My therapist practices a form of PT I've never heard of before and it hurts like a mutherfuckah. Also, my therapist is a sadomasochist. If anyone ever suggests SASTM PT, run like the fucking wind. I guarantee he will make me cry before our time together is over. I am so bruised from my wrist to my shoulder blade, it makes me want to chop this guy into tiny pieces and sprinkle him in my garden.

I love how they try to make these tools less scary by making them purple!

Let's not forget my return trip to the booby squishy folks for a follow-up mammogram... and ultrasound. I was freaking out like crazy but it turned out to be a benign cyst. So PHEW! {{wipes brow}}

And top it off with a raging case of PMS that almost resulted in a double homicide at my office yesterday, and I've got myself a week I'm quite anxious to but behind me.

The chance to see him might be the only reason no lives were lost this week.

What really saves me in desperate times like these - the funny shit on the interwebs. Funny fucking shit that makes me almost forget that I came thisclose to having my hands on a couple of ACTUAL tickets to see Water for Elephants this Sunday at the premiere - only to have them snatched away at the last minute. People are so cruel. In my fragile state this week, I'm surprised that didn't cause me to attempt a backward, 2 1/2 somersault dive in the pike position out my office window this afternoon.

So without further ado... I hope these videos make you laugh as much as I did this week.

Mama Cougar tweeted this one yesterday. I have no words. I really didn't expect this...

Cullenary Curser emailed this one to me - fucking hilarious! And so true... wonder if the Twilight folks might want to rethink their ending?

And my favorite client forwarded this gem to me this past weekend. Pissed. My. Pants! And I thought it was so appropriate for us here at Twitarded since Snarkier Than You loves to talk about hair removal. I imagine hers went a bit differently than Mrs. Brown's.

I am SO happy tomorrow is FRIDAY! And in just a few short days, I will be breathing the same air as RPattz and trying like hell to keep myself from being incarcerated for obsessive stalking. Who's in charge of my bail fund?


  1. Check out my bazillion ab muscles... KILLS ME FUCKING DED EVERY TIME!!! lmao!!!!

    I nearly shit myself watching the Mrs. Brown vid. too funny.

  2. Hedgehog! OMG, I haven't laughed that hard it forever; and I SO needed it tonight. THANK YOU. LOVE the way Twilight should have ended - Let's go eat some people!!

  3. Not A Creative NameApril 14, 2011 at 10:24 PM

    I love the tips to get a guy to notice you while having sex. I once asked a guy, during sex, if he ever thought of painting a crossword puzzle on the ceiling. Oddly enough, he got a confused look on his face, said, "no," and just continued. Suffice to say that relationship did not last long.

  4. I will be happy too when this week is over too.
    Real Life can SUCK IT!!
    I've been trying to get back in the WFE zone but RL says FU.

    Anyways, I hope that ALL of you that are making your way to the NYC WFE premier and are breathing the same air as the Precious, have a fantastic time!

    Please tweet, send pics, and all that 'cause we will be living vicariously through you!

    LKW, Sorry to hear about your tennis elbow and your SM PT. Maybe you should wear a sling and have Rob sign it, if you can tackle him.

    That Today Now show was a crack up, bake him a cookie. FU!

  5. I like the suggestion of "grabbing a hat or scarf" midway to change it up. Bwahahaha.

    The Mrs. Brown video was to die for.

  6. Firstly..SQUEEE for NYC..Lkw had me shaking with the thought of tickey's ..Meh..
    I saw the tennis elbow arm, they bruised her good I'm not sure on this type of therapy...Lets rub her arm with hard plastic objects till it's bruised..then it will make her elbow feel better...yeah..NEXT.
    I think you may have gotten this condition from to much Robjacking.

    JJ..PMSL at the bazillion ab muscles too..

    and.... watched the 1st season of Mrs. Brown's Boy's they were all FECKING hilarious..

  7. omg i needed these videos SO BADLY. thank you! seriously... something must be in retrograde because i think every single person i've spoken to has been having a sucktastick week. this morning, i got a ticket for holding my phone in the car - not talking on it, not texting, not dialing, just having it in my hand. what. the. fuck?! $150 fml.

    @latchkey wife - maybe you can imagine MOTU while you are with the sadistic therapist... you can imagine the bruises are from those hot handcuffs..

  8. I stumbled across the Twilight skit a while ago and it still makes me chuckle. I love Mammy, she is fecken hilarious!

    PMSL at Today Now...

  9. Mrs. Brown is my new idol! I was laughing so hard, there was possible snorting going on. Is this a tv show somewhere and someone please tell me there are dvds!

    Latchkey- I'm so excited for you to be in the same area of Rob. Here's to you elbowing your way into the front so you can share a moment with him. Even if its just that he stares at you and realizes you're ignoring the terms of the restraining order, he still looked at you! It's a moment!

  10. I bake cookies during sex all the time. Doesn't everyone?

  11. You know what's awesome? I used to come to twitarded, see a bazillion comments and not know a single person who wrote them. Know I know all your h00rs!

    LOL those vids made me spit food on my computer. Freaking awesome. I agree it's been a shittastic week. It needs to end. NOW. Wish I was going to NYE w all of you but my bank account hates me. Have fuuuuuuun! Can't wait to hear/read all about it.

  12. When we build the Twitardia Retirement Community....can we have a resident waxer please? Maybe @tby789 would do it? Otherwise, the Mrs. Brown clip might become reality.

  13. I'm not able to watch these right now as it sit here in the company of my parents, but I would like to take this opportunity to say a) it's Friday night here already (squee!) and b) I'm playing w mum's iPad and I SO need one of these bad boys. Will watch vids and drool over Robkowski in the privacy of my bedroom x

  14. I love you bitches! I can always count on you to leave a twinkle in my eye, a smile on my lips, and a wet spot in my panties.

  15. My favorite part of the Mrs. Brown video HAS to be when the dude stomps on the discarded hairy wax strip! I fecking DIED!

    You guys always cheer me up... no matter how shittastic (great word Jaymes) my week is!

    TGIF mutherfuckers.

  16. Live it up LKW! Full moon on the 18th should give you some crazy energy. Have fun!

  17. I think that briefcase looks like something Domward or Fifty would carry around... (er, maybe in a color other than purple.)

  18. Mrs. Brown....KILED me! Thank so much I need a laugh in the worst way this week. Feel better soon Lathkey Wife :)

  19. I love Mrs Brown's Boys!!! OMG I think I broke my jaw laughing so hard!! I DIED when Buster stepped on the damn thing on the way out! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    I woke up with some sort of flu/hangover thing, so I needed this. I can't wait to hear how the premier went...SO jealous. I hope you didn't get arrested. Wait. I take that back. That would be one fuck of a blog post....


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